Alright so I do not blame you all if you have forgotten my story. It has been too long since I have updated, I know, and I have no excuse. Please enjoy this!

Chapter Twelve Celebrations and Tears

Katherine's release came somewhat quickly and once her and Sirius returned to their apartment the resumed a quiet normalcy. Work and Order business kept them busy. Other tragedies kept their minds off of their own. This way of life continued for quite some time. There was no joy as there was no time to celebrate anything.

The end of July came again and the Potters made time to celebrate their son's first birthday with their closest friends. Katherine had wrapped a few presents that she had bought for Harry and set them with a tray of pumpkin cupcakes.

With a POP! Sirius appeared in the kitchen with a long, thin, package wrapped in brown paper with a bow on it.

"What is that?" Katherine asked raising an eyebrow.

"A training broom," Sirius said nonchalantly, taking a cupcake from the tray.

"Lily is going to kill you." Katherine chuckled. "Are you ready?" She asked picking up the parcels and treats.

The next thing she knew they were in Godric's Hollow walking toward the Potter's hiding house. Sirius knocked on the door when they got there and after a few moments they were let into the house and embraced tightly by Lily and James.

"Kate! Kate!"

Katherine looked down to see Harry toddling toward her, arms outstretched. She handed the packages and cupcakes to Sirius.

"Hiya Harry!" She scooped him up and placed him on her hip. He pointed at the cupcakes and Katherine plucked one from the tray for him, placing it in his little, greedy hands.

After birthday cake and pumpkin cupcakes the group migrated to the living room and watched Harry open his presents. Finally, with a flourish, after all of the others were opened, Sirius presented his gift and helped Harry with the paper.

"Sirius," Lily looked at him over Harry's head. "I'm going to murder you."

"I told you," Katherine said emerging from the kitchen with two cupcakes, sitting on Sirius's lap.

"Kate!" Harry pointed to the cupcake and she handed it over and pulled him onto her lap so she was sitting with her and Sirius.

"Can you say Sirius?" Katherine asked when Harry finished the cupcake.

Harry gave Katherine a look of befuddlement and shook his head. "Kate," he said instead.

"Kate is fine," Katherine laughed. "We'll work on Sirius."

Sirius and Katherine exchanged more tight embraces before they departed that evening. Katherine gave one last look to the sleeping Harry on the living room floor, pumpkin smudged around his mouth.

They changed into their pajamas as soon as they got home and Sirius crawled under the covers while Katherine washed her face. She got in on her side of the bed and rolled so she was facing the wall, her back to Sirius.

Sirius reached out a cautious hand. "Kate, can we talk?" He asked quietly.

"I suppose."

"Can you look at me?"

After a few seconds pause Katherine rolled to face Sirius. They didn't touch and they couldn't see each other in the dark.

"Tonight was the first time I've seen you smile in a long time," Sirius said quietly. "I miss your smile, Kate."

"There isn't much to smile about these days," Katherine returned without emotion.

"I know that. But when you smile it makes everything better somehow. I don't know why and I can't explain it, but when I see you smile it's like there's still hope. It's like all of this might end one day and I'll see that smile every day."

Katherine didn't say anything. She didn't know what she could say to that. Misery and depression had set in on her since they lost the baby and she didn't know how to get away from it. On top of everything else that had been going on it was just too much for her to get over.

"Tonight was also the first time you've voluntarily touched me in a long time. When you sat on my lap." Sirius reached out to touch her hand, but she tucked it under her pillow.

"In how long Sirius?" Katherine asked a bit bitterly.

"Just a long time," Sirius responded quietly.

"No, how long? Say since when it's been."

Sirius paused.

"Say it. That's what you wanted to talk about." There was a drop of acid in Katherine's voice and it shocked her. She didn't know why she was taking her issues out on Sirius.

"Since we lost the baby," Sirius exclaimed, exasperation evident in his voice. "Is that what you want me to come out and say? You want me to say we lost the baby since you can't seem to?"

"Yes. That's what I want."

"Then there you go. We have addressed the elephant in the room," Sirius said bitterly.

Katherine felt the first betraying sting of tears and she blinked furiously in the dark. She didn't trust herself to speak, so she didn't. Silence took over and it was uncomfortable. They had never been the couple to have uncomfortable silences as they were always talking or were just comfortable enough in each other's presence.

After a few minutes of the silence Sirius caved. "Kate?" She didn't respond. "Katherine?" He stuck his hand under her pillow, drawing her own hand out.

She let him take it and he pressed a kiss to her palm. "Come here," he whispered, pulling her into his chest. "Sssh." He ran his fingers through her silky hair as she had started to sob on his chest. He could feel her hot tears running down his bare skin.

Katherine clung to him as she never had before. They had never addressed their loss and that had barely touched on it then, but it felt better to share the burden out loud with him than to keep it inside her. If she had tried any longer she knew she might have lost her mind. It was too much for her to do alone anymore.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm sorry I didn't talk about it sooner."

"No Kate, I could have talked about it as well." Sirius wiped the tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb.

"But really what is there to talk about? There is nothing that can be done." Katherine pulled her head back to look at Sirius in the dark.

"You're right, but we never addressed it at all. This is what we needed." Sirius stroked her upper arm.

"You know I wasn't excited at first, but now I wish it would have happened. I wish there was a little bundle lying in between us right now."

"I know. I wish that too. But we'll have another chance. And it will be safer then. It would be hard now to bring a child into the world when there is all of this conflict and pain taking place," Sirius soothed.

Katherine nodded in agreement. "I want this all to be over. I want it to go back to what it used to be."

"It will. Everyone is working so hard, there is no way the Order can lose and then everything will be normal again and we will be normal again and we won't get out of bed until there is another baby!"

Katherine's could sense Sirius's smile even if she could see it. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and she craned her neck so her lips could meet his.

"Okay," she said quietly. They both went still and drifted off to sleep.

"Sirius?" Katherine asked just before sleep stole over her.

"Hmm?" Sirius mumbled.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Kate."

There it is! I know I suck for not updating, but if you could find it in you heart to review anyways that would much appreciated. No hate comments or flames please!

Happy reading (and more apologies),

Avonmora