A/N: First, we would like to give a huge apology to all of you! We've both bogged down with all of our IB work, college auditions, work, and everything else that this has taken forever to get up! But, it's worth the wait...

Chapter 12:
A Multitude of Casualties

James sighed and leaned his forehead against the cool windowpane of the bay window in his bedroom. He tried to focus his attention on the Quidditch book in his lap, which he had been attempting unsuccessfully for over an hour now. He found it incredibly difficult to focus and his eyes kept scanning the sky for any sign of his tiny bard owl carrying a small folded up letter bearing the neat script of the person he cared most about in the world.

"Prongs?" Sirius called as he entered the room. "How can you even see in here? It's pitch black," he commented, lighting the lamp near the door.

Was it that dark? He hadn't noticed.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention," he said listlessly as he adjusted his glasses for a better view out the window.

"James," Sirius said coming over to stand next to the window seat James was currently sprawled on. "She's fine. We only got back a little over five hours ago. Lily's probably too busy catching up with her parents to answer Bob's letter right now."

"You're probably right," James said as he tilted his head back on the wall, his eyes trailing to the ceiling.

"Of course I am," Sirius said clapping his friend on the shoulder. "You should have learned to listen to me after seven years together. More to the point, Lily's a big girl and Bob's a dependable messenger. Just give them time to do their appointed duties before you totally lose it."

"I just can't help it, I worry about her," James said shaking his head. "Especially after that threat at the Ministry."

"Of course it's natural to worry about the girl you're broomstick over hands in love with," Sirius assured him, snatching the book out of James' hands and tossing it unceremoniously onto his overlarge bed. "Come on; fancy a game of chess while we wait for Bob?"

"Why do you insist on calling him Bob?" James said as he slowly shoved himself off of the window seat. "His name is Aloysius."

"For one thing," Sirius said as they made their way out of James's bedroom, and down the magnificent front stairway, "I can't pronounce Aloyi— whatever his name is. And two, I feel for the poor little bloke because he got stuck with a ridiculous name as well. So, to help us both out I call him Bob. Nice, simple, plain, and totally pronounceable. A dignified name."

James ran a hand through his hair. "Why cant' you just call him Al like the rest of us?"

"That's obvious," Sirius said, shoving James playfully in front of him. "It'd be too easy."

"There are days I wonder why I'm friends with you," James said, slapping his face in an exaggerated manner. And even though he knew exactly why he was friends with Sirius as his best mate tried his best to distract him from going insane with worry, he couldn't help his eyes from straying to the window where there was still no sign of a tiny silhouette on the starry horizon.

- - -

Lily groaned as consciousness slowly and agonizingly returned to her. She blinked her emerald green eyes in the darkness, her stomach protesting the slight movement as the room around her spun sickeningly. She swung her head over the bed and wretched up the last remnants of her lunch.

The lumpy bed she was laying on was uncomfortable in the extreme and every muscle in her body was protesting her awakening. Her head pounded in time to the lurching room, feeling as if someone had slammed her head onto asphalt. Then, Lily remembered with a jolt that someone had done exactly that. The terrifying reality of her predicament crashed onto her in waves that were accompanied by nausea.

She needed to find out where she was. She needed to find some way to get out of there. She needed to…sleep. She could not even stop her eyes from fluttering shut once more when she heard what sounded like a latch catching on the outside of the door. By the time the door scraped softly on the floor, Lily was lost to the realms of shadowed dreams once more.

A silhouetted form slipped into the bedroom and the door closed with a soft click. The dim light of a wand tip flared throughout the cold darkness of the room. Soundlessly, the shadowed form moved toward Lily's limp form on the bed. The pool of sick was removed with a sneer, and the cold eyes that looked down on the sleeping form warmed, like dying embers in a neglected fireplace.

A large, slightly stained hand caressed the bump at the back of her skull. "Only you would be so stupid to go wandering off on your own," the voice rasped. "But at least I found you before…"

- - -

"Go and get the girl," the gravelly voice demanded, startling Lily out of her slumber. She remained still for a moment as the world spun slightly, but she was surprised at the fact that it was not nearly as bad as before. Hesitantly, she raised her hand and probed the lump on her head, comforted by the fact that is had shrunk to almost half of the size it had been previously.

"I'm not your house-elf," a younger voice responded. Lily assumed that they were talking about her.

"I'm your superior, boy," the gravelly voice responded. "Not to mention the fact that you're living in my house while you're away from that wretched school. You'll do as I say."

"Be that as it may," the snide voice returned evenly, "the only person I answer to is the Dark Lord who is supposed to be arriving any moment. I am not so foolish as to not be waiting when he arrives because I was busy fetching your…toy."

There was a tense silence that followed.

"I don't know who you think you are, boy," the first voice croaked menacingly, "but you're nothing more than a fly in the master's web. He doesn't trust you as far as he can curse you. Your time is limited."

"So I wouldn't want to shorten it by doing something as foolish as being late for a meeting," the second voice returned coolly. "And I don't know what gives you the right to lecture me on whether I do or do not possess the Dark Lord's trust, Mr. Lestrange," the young man returned in a delicate manner, "seeing as I was positioned two seats away from his right at the last meeting and you were halfway across the room."

"How dare you!" the gravelly voice boomed in outrage.

"Daring and intelligence are what have won me the Dark Lord's favor, Mr. Lestrange," the young man said indifferently, "not the inability to control my basic instincts. I hope you know what wrath you and your friends might incur for going into Muggle London and drawing attention to our cause without having his express orders. Now, if you'll excuse me," the young man drawled as the soft sound of retreating footsteps was heard down the hallway.

There was a pause and then a loud thump on the wall opposite Lily as if the first man had rammed his fist into the wall in anger. A moment later the door was wrenched open and the beam of a lit wand seemed to sear Lily's unaccustomed eyes.

"Come with me," the dark-haired man growled in his strange sort of croak. This must be the Rodolphus Lestrange that James always mentioned. He was supposedly one of the most notorious Death Eaters, known for his torturing of innocent muggle victims. Apparently, he was surprisingly low in the Dark Lord's favor.

"Where am I?" Lily asked as she sat up, only to be sent reeling back onto the bed as the back of the man's hand connected with her cheek.

"Did I tell you that you could speak, bitch?" Lestrange demanded. He pointed his wand at her heart. "Keep quiet and maybe your death might be less painful, though I doubt it," he leered.

He pointed his wand at Lily's wrists and ropes shot of the tip to wrap themselves with bruising force around her wrists. He hauled her to her feet and shoved her roughly in front of him, the point of his wand digging into the small of her back. She tried to memorize where they were going, in case she could find a way out of the small room she was kept in, but it was hard to see; her watering eyes making her vision blur.

She was shoved down a set of stairs covered in carpet the color of dried blood and across a hallway covered in glittering black marble. A large hand came up to grip her neck painfully, partially cutting off her air supply as they stopped in front of a pair of elaborately carved wooden double doors. He rapped sharply on the door and then cracked it open without waiting for a reply.

"You better have a good reason for arriving to the meeting late and then interrupting me, Rudolphus," a high-pitched voice hissed, making Lily feel as if someone had doused her in icy water.

"Yes my Lord," Lestrange replied in a low mummer, as he dragged Lily into the brightly lit room by her hair. "I was bringing our guest down to meet you."

"Ah, yes," Voldemort returned, the last word snake-like. Lily slowly raised her eyes to look at the greatest fear of the wizarding world. She recoiled at his repulsive appearance, the red eyes gleaming in the light of the room. He was seated in a high backed chair, surrounded by what seemed to Lily like hundreds of his followers covered from head to toe in black robes, all positioned around a luxurious mahogany dining table. Voldemort sat at the head of the table; obviously in the middle of what would be an inspirational speech, had he not been interrupted.

"I will deal with your impudence later, Rudolphus," Voldemort said, his eyes never leaving Lily's tense form, as Lestrange brought Lily to the center of the room, clutching her arms so tightly, his nails began to dig into her arm. "As beautiful as our guest is…you should know that there are no circumstances in which you are allowed to act without my instruction."

Lestrange's grip tightened painfully on Lily's forearm. "Yes, My Lord," Lestrange muttered.

"However I was hoping…" he began but Voldemort cut him off, his face contorted into a mockery of a smile.

"Hoping that you could have fun with the girl? I don't think so," he shook his head. "We couldn't have your fiancée becoming jealous, could we?" Voldemort gestured to a young woman with long dark hair sitting two seats away from him on the left. "I have already decided to give the girl to Severus as a reward for completing a difficult mission for me today."

Lily jumped with shock at the mention of her childhood friend. She began to search the shrouded faces of the minions of Voldemort seated around the table. Her eyes met Snape's with a mixture of relief and horror, when she found him sitting directly to the right of the Dark Lord. The last time they had spoken they had parted on bad terms, and then there had been the whole cauldron incident. Maybe if she could disarm him somehow…

"Some reward," came a snarl from down the table, "who would want such a filthy prize?"

"Are you questioning The Dark Lord's generosity, Lucius?" Voldemort asked silkily, his lips curling.

"No, My Lord," Lucius Malfoy's glossed over, "I was just saying, as a matter of personal taste I would not take pleasure in a prize already dirtied by blood traitors."

"Do you know this girl, Lucius?" Voldemort asked, his eyes darting back and forth between a shaking Lily, and a now standing Lucius Malfoy.

"I know of her, My Lord," Lucius continued, "I saw her at the ministers party last evening. She is the current plaything of the youngest of the Potters."

"Ah, I see," The Dark Lord sneered, a shadow of a smile crossing his face, "So this is the girl that fills your thoughts, Severus?"

Snape cringed as the Dark Lord's gaze fell upon him.

"You should know that you can not hide your feelings from the Dark Lord, Severus," Voldemort reprimanded the young Death Eater, "But, no matter, my generous nature remains intact. You will still have the girl to do with as you please."

"The Dark Lord is most generous to bestow such a gift upon me," Snape said with a humble little bow in Voldemort's direction. It made Lily want to wretch again seeing her friend so…submissive to such a terrible man.

"You see my Death Eaters, that good work is always rewarded?" Voldemort asked turning his horrifying features on the company at large. There was a murmur of assent throughout the group. "Come, girl, and stand behind your new keeper like a good obedient prize should," Voldemort commanded coldly.

Suddenly, almost inexplicably hot ire flared in the place of fear. Her body was her own, only she would decide who she stood behind and who got to…touch her. Lily remained rooted to the spot she stood, as every eye in the room bore into her as though willing her to move behind Snape's chair. An image of James' face erupted in her mind strengthening her resolve. No one would touch her…

She cried out in pain as a thousand knives seared her every nerve ending as she fell to the floor. Her body was burning, the pain was unbearable…she bit her lip so hard that it bled, the blood dripping, dribbling down her cheek. And as quickly as it began…it ended.

"Remember that you are alive only because I will it, girl," Voldemort said with a lazy flick of his wand. "Be grateful that I didn't just end your life for your defiance. Now," he said, pointing his wand at Lily. "Go stand behind Severus," his voice commanded with sudden warmth as a light, floating sensation overcame her. Suddenly the pain dissolved as the pleasant sensation filled her veins. "Go and stand behind Severus," Voldemort's voice repeated. And Lily pushed herself obediently to her feet as the voice repeated the command.

She had almost taken a step when a part of her wondered why on earth she was listening to this corrupted ruin of a human being tell her what to do. "No," she whispered, as the fog threatened to overcome her once more. The voice repeated the command once more. "NO!" She shouted, pitching forward painfully when the fog lifted abruptly. The cruel laughter of the Death Eaters who had been enjoying her struggle ceased instantly.

"What did you say, girl?" Voldemort hissed, rising to his feet.

"I said…no," Lily grit out, amidst the haze of searing pain. Her hand tangled in the thick rug at her feet to prevent her from tilting sideways.

"Crucio," he whispered. This time the pain lasted for what seemed like an eternity. Lily refused to give in to the pain, but it was becoming over whelming as she fell onto all fours. Then, as suddenly as it had started the pain was gone. Lily's stomach heaved dryly as she collapsed onto the rug, absentmindedly noting that the soft fur reminded her of the velvet of the cloak that James had fastened for her the night of the Ministry party and her body gave way under the strain.

A silence rang in the room, as Lily once again fell into a dazed unconsciousness.

"Would you like me to dispose of the little whore," Bellatrix Black, the woman two seats from Voldemort's right, snarled as she rose to her feet, drawing her wand out of her robes, her face contorted with rage. "Death should be the penalty for her defiance…"

"Now, now, Belatrix," Voldemort said almost with amusement. "She is Severus' to punish as he chooses. But we have business to attend to. Lucius," he commanded coldly, "send our youngest members to take her to Severus' chamber and make sure that she doesn't do anything else so…foolish."

- - -

"You're dismissed," Snape snapped at the two teens guarding the door to his chamber four hours later.

"It's about time," the slimmer one said, shaking his slightly overgrown hair out of his eyes.

Snape did not bother to reply to the comment. "You are to return tomorrow to guard her again while I am away," he informed them.

"I don't have to take orders from you," the slim one remarked as he leaned on the door with a nasty smirk.

"They are not my orders," Snape responded with a twisted smile. "They are the Dark Lord's."

He ignored the frightened squeak of the chubby second teen and tapped the handle of the door in order to unlock it.

"Tomorrow. Dawn," Snape reiterated coolly before stepping into his room and closing the door with a sharp snap.

With an irritated sigh, he tossed his robe onto a nearby chair and crossed over the cauldron on the small table in the corner of the room. Automatically he began to gather the ingredients for the potion that would heal internal injuries. It was quite possible that Lily would have internal bleeding due to the prolonged exposure to the curse.

While he lit the small fire underneath the cauldron with his wand and waited for the liquid to begin to boil, he made his way to the side of the bed where Lily was sprawled in an uncomfortable position. He lifted her slight form with a frown, and drew the covers back. Her jacket was in tatters on her frame, and the large holes in her sweater displayed a myriad of cuts and bruises, and her wrist looked as though it was definitely broken from trying to support her weight while the Dark Lord punished her. He cleaned the cuts, all the while wishing he was more proficient in healing spells.

He brushed her tangled red hair away from her face with his hand and almost smiled as her face relaxed under his touch.

"James," she croaked hoarsely, as she turned onto her side in her sleep.

Snape removed his hand from her as if burned but could not tear his eyes away from her troubled face, not even when he heard the liquid begin to froth and bubble in the cauldron behind him.

A sharp rapping noise made him whip around sharply, his wand drawn. It was only then that he noticed the small owl hovering outside of his window, holding a letter that was much too large for him to carry.

- - -

"Good, you're awake," a smooth voice commented as Lily's eyes opened, a difficult task as her left eye was almost completely swollen shut. She realized that she was lying under the heavy black comforter of a large antique bed. She rolled over quickly, half expecting Voldemort to be sitting next to her. However, she found herself looking up into the dark gaze of Severus Snape.

"Sev?" she asked hoarsely, attempting to lift herself into a sitting position.

"Drink this," he said, handing her a glass of water. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got into a wrestling match with a mountain troll," she groaned, before remembering that she shouldn't be behaving so friendly with him. "What are you going to do with me?" she asked hesitantly, looking him directly in the eye.

"Let you go," he responded simply, tearing his gaze from hers and swinging his legs off of the bed.

"What?" Lily replied dazedly. She hauled herself to her feet, clutching the bedpost for support. It was only then that she realized that she was no longer wearing her torn sweater, but a slightly worn black button down shirt that must have been his. She blushed scarlet as the knowledge of how she had come to wear it was processed by her slowly functioning brain.

"Move to the other side of the wardrobe," Snape commanded. Lily obliged merely because she knew full well that her body could not take another dose of the cruciatus curse. He strode to the door and yanked it open. "Get in here," he commanded.

"What is it?" a voice snapped irritated as Snape closed the door behind them with a click. But Snape didn't answer the question. Lily couldn't see the door from her position hidden behind the large side of the wardrobe. There was a thud followed by a sharp squeak and then another, heavier thud.

Snape came around to her hiding place. "Here," he said, removing from the wardrobe a long, dark robe. "Put this on. Make sure to cover up your hair."

"What are you doing?" Lily asked as she pulled the robe on and made sure that the hood was drawn up to cover her face.

"There's only one fireplace in the house connected to the floo network," he said, ignoring her question. "It's at the end of the hall on the second floor, placed their strategically so if we are infiltrated we have ample time to dispose of the intruder as there are no other exits other than the front door. It's guarded at all times, except now, when we rotate our shifts." Snape stepped over the bodies of her guards which were lying facedown in the entrance way and opened the door. Lily stepped over the two bodies behind him, her brain reeling with confusion. She felt exceptionally weak as if she could barely stand on her own.

"Be quiet," Snape whispered in warning as he shut his door behind him and locked it once more. Lily followed behind Snape as they made their way quickly and silently through the corridor. They climbed a winding set of stone steps to the second floor of the mansion discretely. They saw only one other person on their way, another cloaked and masked Death Eater who paid little attention to the pair as they passed. Snape nodded coolly in acknowledgement of the other mans presence but no niceties were exchanged.

Snape stopped at the end of the hallway, and pushed open a door. They entered the small, rather darkly decorated parlor which was dominated by a huge fireplace and two black, leather chairs. Snape pointed his wand at the empty grate and a fire sprang to life.

He took a handful of powder from the small pouch hanging at his belt that Lily hadn't noticed before and threw it into the flames, turning them a vivid shade of acid green. "Go to the Leaky Cauldron," he commanded his hand gripping her arm tightly. "Someone will be waiting for you there."

"Sev, I don't understand," Lily said. She knew full well that she should be moving, seizing this free chance without any hesitation but she couldn't bring her muscles to move. Not until she understood why. "You could be tortured for this…killed."

"They won't find out," Snape said coldly. "Unlike your friends," he sneered coldly, "I am not a bumbling imbecile. Now get out." He pushed her toward the grate, the gesture causing the hood to fall back revealing her bruised face which still could not mar the beauty of her captivating eyes. Everything that was good in the world was seen through those eyes, that was what Severus Snape had decided the moment he saw her on the playground all those years ago. But now was not the time to wax poetic.

"Hurry," he urged, the barest hint of panic lacing his previously dry words, as he glanced at the heavy wooden door that hid them from the many footsteps of the passing by Death Eaters.

"But I still don't understand…why, Sev? Why would you do all of this for me," Lily stammered.

"You still don't understand after all this years?" he scoffed angrily. "You're an intelligent girl, Lily, I thought even you would be able to figure it out." He waited a moment as if expecting a response, staring down his hooked nose at her with a strange expression. "No? Well then let me enlighten you!" he growled. And then his hands were gripping her upper arms so tightly that it made Lily wince just before his lips crashed into hers with a furious force. She gasped in surprise and nearly fainted in shock when he took the opportunity to explore her mouth with his tongue.

Her heart was racing…but not out of passion. Out of sudden fear of what this meant, of what she had somehow always known and denied and a sinking feeling of guilt. That maybe if she could have returned his feelings somehow…he wouldn't be pouring all of his frustration at her into one caustic kiss in the far room of a Death Eater's mansion.

She fought down the disgust that rose in her throat as her heart protested against the act…against the person committing the act. Lily forced herself to return the kiss as gently as she could, trying to communicate what she knew they would never have the time to sit down and discuss ever again. The affection that would always remain in her heart for her childhood friend, the remorse she felt that things had not been different, and…pity that Snape might not even live to meet someone who could show him the warmth that she had inexplicably found with James Potter.

Snape wrenched his lips away from hers. "That should be explanation enough," he snarled through his ragged breath. "Now run back to Potter." Lily stepped into the fire, and turned to face him. "Thank you, Sev," she whispered, a silent tear trailing down her cheek.

"Go."

Lily called out her destination with a chocking voice into the flames. She swore to herself as she clutched the thick woolen cloak that he had given her closer to herself as the ash irritated the scrapes through her ripped jeans, that she would always wear the garment as a symbol of mourning for Severus Snape, the first casualty of the war that she had known.

- - -

Snape watched Lily go back to the awaiting arms of James Potter, struggling to keep a primal scream of rage down his throat. It would not due to lose control now after all this time. He had to get back to his room in time to frame the two dunderheads that had been assigned to guard Lily, making it look as if she had overcome them, stolen a wand and forced the information out of one of them as to where the floo connection in the mansion was. It would be only too easy to frame one of them, the other would be more difficult, but Snape was no fool.

Then, he had to master Occlumency once and for all, as both his own hide and Lily's depended on it. There could be no more thoughts of kind green eyes and sweeping red hair popping up unaccounted for during meetings. The Dark Lord could never be able to exploit his feelings for the redhead again. He had gotten lucky this time that Lily had been relatively unharmed, but next time, she might not be so lucky.

Still, as he staged Lily's 'escape,' he could not help but remember the last moments of her real one. The emotions that had flashed through her eyes once he had broken the kiss that he would hide in the deepest corners of his mind, where not even Voldemort himself could defile the memory. There had been shock, pain, sadness, and pity. Yet there had not been the one emotion that Severus Snape had wanted to see above all others, forgiveness.

A/N: We know, we know...

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