Thanks so much I ended up reaching the 5 reviews per chapter average. I got 8 reviews last chapter making up for the 3 i didn't get in ch10. A huge thanks to all who reviewed. Anyways here is ch12. I really hope you enjoy this chapter as I really enjoyed writing it. This is one of my favourite chapters if not my favourite! My new plan for updates is every time I reach 5+ reviews I'll update the story. Anyways enjoy...

C'mon think Marty. Think

Then it dawned on me.

A puppy.

I was going to get her a puppy. I went to the local pet store to look for one. I got Eric to take me there. After looking at all the puppies they had I finally settled on a cute little black lab mix. It was all black except the white tip on its tail and patch on its belly. I got a pink collar and a tag that I took to get engraved.

"And what's the dog's name?" the man at the counter asks.

I thought for a moment then grinned. I must have looked like an idiot grinning to myself but I didn't care.

"Fern, Her name is Fern."

"Alright the name tag should be finished in about 15-20 minutes sir. You can pick it up when it's finished."

"Sounds good."

Me and Eric then went and had coffee while the tag was being made.

"So have you and Nell decided on a wedding date?" I ask him as we grab our coffees and find a table.

He sighs.

"No not yet, we're thinking of having it in the spring. It's the only time her whole family can make it out."

"I'd imagine it's harder to plan a wedding with Nell having that much family," I say looking sympathetic.

"Yeah it is, I really just want to get married now rather than waiting another 3-4 months. It really wouldn't be fair to Nell's parents and family though so there's really no choice. Speaking of long waits how are you holding up?"

"Well it's good to finally be out of the hospital. It still sucks having such limited mobility though. I really want to get out and surf, it's killin me."

"As soon as you're cleared me and you are gonna hit some waves. Anyways you and Kensi should come over tonight we're having a James Bond movie marathon."

"Sure," I say deciding to text Kens and let her know.

Just having coffee with Eric. Movie marathon at their place. –M

Okay see you later –K

I returned to get the tag. It was a metal holly with the name Fern in calligraphy inscribed into it.

Our next stop was at the kennel to keep her there until Christmas.

Right now you're probably wondering how an NCIS agent is able to afford $3000 shoes and a puppy as well. The answer is when my mom died some years ago she left me a fair amount of money and the family home. You're now thinking 'Home?'. Yes I have just been waiting for the right time to surprise Kensi with it. It's nothing fancy, a one level medium sized home in Santa Monica. It has 3 bedrooms and of course what I like most is it's on the water. It has a little boardwalk leading from the backyard onto the beach. It provides a prime surfing spot just footsteps away from the house. I really am hoping Kensi likes it when I show her on Christmas.

It was Christmas Eve well actually Christmas now since it was after midnight. Kensi and I had gone to bed early. I carefully sneak out of bed not wanting to wake her and ruin my plans. I quietly take all our belongings except food, furniture and stuff for cooking to the family room and begin packing what I am able to lift. Sam and Callen soon show up to help as I'm unable to lift heavier items, especially the tree.

"Hey guys. Thanks for the help," I whisper and they nod.

They soon have all the stuff at my house and it's now after 4 and the guys decide to leave so they aren't completely exhausted come morning.

"Thanks again see you tomorrow."

"No worries Shaggy, Goodnight," Sam says.

I start to decorate the house with our Christmas decorations and get all the presents placed under the tree. It's almost 5 when I finish. I had picked up Fern from the kennel earlier in the day and brought her here. I take some red ribbon and tie a bow gently around its mid-section as a surprise when Kensi gets here in the morning. I leave her enough food and water in her pen that I set up to hold her for the next few hours until I return.

I lock the front door and head back to the apartment to get some sleep before bringing her over.

I go to bed with the presents placed under the tree. I'm excited for Christmas morning and our first Christmas together as a married couple. I drift off to sleep with his arms wrapped around me.

In the morning I wake feeling cold and notice I'm alone in bed. I figure he's already up so I get up to look for him only to find the place is empty. He's gone. I try calling but there is no answer. I wait for hours but he never shows. I begin to cry realizing he's left me. I blame myself and question what I did wrong. I cry for I don't know how long. For the next several months I search tirelessly for him and when I'm not I hope and pray that he will come back to me. It never happens though. I eventually give up and I promise myself never to let myself get hurt again, never to let anyone in again. From then on I swore off Christmas, hating what it represented.

Every year since I've had the same damn nightmare at Christmas where I wake up cold and alone.

I know that Marty is different though. He showed me how to love again and taught me to enjoy Christmas like I did as a child. Still for some stupid reason I can't shake this damn nightmare. Again tonight it repeats. I wake from it with a start. It's just a stupid nightmare I tell myself.

Marty loves you he would never leav-.

It's then I realize that he's not in bed with me and the room feels strangely empty. Now I begin to panic. I check the apartment as I did all those years ago, but he isn't there.

He's gone.

He's gone. It finally dawns on me and I drop to my knees and begin to cry. 'What's wrong with me? Why does everyone leave me?' I ask myself.

"You said you wouldn't let anyone else in but you did and look where it got you. He left just like Jack. They all do, they all will. You can't let people in because they only hurt you," my conscience tells me.

"No…" I whisper.

"NO!"

I sob and begin to hyperventilate oblivious to everything around me. Sobs wrack my body and I feel like I will never stop crying. Losing Jack hurt and so did losing my dad but losing Marty was worse than that. God it hurts. I feel like my heart is being stabbed again and again and having the air knocked from me. It hurts worse than the combined loss of everyone and everything I had.

It's almost 6 when I get back to the apartment. I open the door to find Kensi collapsed on the floor sobbing uncontrollably.

Shit.

"Kensi… Kensi!" I call.

She doesn't acknowledge me and I realize she's having a panic attack.

I run to her, gathering her in my arms and I hold her to my chest. I'm crying myself now. I sit on the floor with my back to the wall holding her.

"Shh Kensi baby it's okay I'm here," I soothe.

"I'm here, I love you," I repeat over and over.

Finally after half an hour she's calm enough to talk.

"I was having the same nightmare that I have every Christmas and when I woke up you were gone just… just lik-like Jack," she chokes out.

"I know sweetie I'm sorry, I didn't think that you would be awake before I got back. I'm sorry and I promise that as long as I can help it I will be with you every time you wake up."

She kisses me.

"I love you Marty, what did I do to deserve you?"

"I dunno. I ask myself the same question every day and I love you too in case you didn't know."

She grins.

"Where did you go anyways?"

"Umm… I."

She looks nervous that I'm not answering.

"Trust me?" I say trying a different approach.

"Always," she says softly.

"Okay well I can't tell you now. I'll tell you later. I promise. Now let's go sleep for 5 more hours, then we can get up and enjoy Christmas."

We head to the bedroom and get into bed.

"And I promise to be here when you wake up," I assure.

"Here 1 sec," I say getting an idea.

Marty begins to rummage through his nightstand and he pulls out a pair of fuzzy hand cuffs. He climbs into bed and before I can ask what he's doing he cuffs me to himself and throws the key to the corner of the room.

"This is ridiculous," I say.

"I know it is but trust me it will help you sleep knowing I'm stuck to you," he says laughing.

And as crazy and insane as the idea is, it works as he says and I sleep like a baby.

When I wake up it's almost noon. I go to wipe the sleep from my eyes but something stops me. I then remember that I'm cuffed to Marty. My movement wakes him and I roll to face him.

"I love you," I say pecking him on the lips.

We spend a moment searching each other's eyes for nothing in particular.

"I love you too," he says finally, kissing me back.

I hoped you enjoyed it please let me know what you thought. Remember 5+ reviews and I update so you decide how soon I update. Thanks again to all my faithful readers and reviewers, Much love. Cheers! :D