It was a first on the stage; no one was behind the podium at all. Instead, Twilight Sparkle, who had usually tended to the intro from behind her podium, had instead sat herself down on the red couch with a less then unnerved smile. "Welcome everypony to the show… Normally I'd be your host and would be behind my podium, but, as it turns out, I'm up for an interview today…" she explained in a half anxious laugh.
In the midst of her nervous words, she failed to notice a young dragon moving out from the darkness of the backstage and settling himself behind the podium; with a little help from a step ladder that he had dragged in behind him. Grabbing the cards in one of his claws, he clacked them against the face of the podium to gain Twilight's attention. "Hey Twilight," Spike greeted.
"Spike? You're interviewing me?"
"Yeah, I know, right? It's been forever since I've been on stage… looks a lot different from behind this podium," Spike mused to no one in particular.
"Well, it's a lot more uncomfortable to be sitting in this couch…"
"Don't worry about it, we'll just breeze through these questions and get you back behind your podium," Spike reassured her.
"Thanks Spike. I can always count on you."
"Then let's get started… First interview questions are from ponymanxx7: 'What's the most embarrassing stunt you pulled by accident while performing a spell?' I think I know that one…"
"Oh yeah. I remember. Without a doubt it would have to be the time I messed up on a Window Materialization spell. It was supposed to make a window appear on a wall –much like the name implies. However, I gave it a little too much power…"
"She turned the entire Canterlot School building into transparent walls. You could see ponies going to the bathroom, skipping classes, and the gym ponies in the stables."
"Yeah…" Twilight chuckled with a light blush at the recollection, "I got in some trouble for that… But Princess Celestia was more impressed that I was able to even do that; so I guess it paid off… in some way that is."
"' Would you mind telling me what the heck made you take part in the fanfic "Molestia"?'"
"Let me be perfectly clear; the works of fans about us are not factual. The are merely borrowing our appearance and names for their own use. Now, yes, we are given royalties to these—"
"Twilight, Twilight! We can't really talk about business on the show; remember?"
"Oh, right. Thank you, I nearly forgot."
"' added that nightmare moon didn't happen, what do you think your life would be like if you never moved from canterlot to ponyville?'"
"Honestly? I would've probably continued my training in Canterlot under Princess Celestia and remained much more cloistered in my own work."
"I like you better this way either way. You're a lot more open to ponies. 'Purple's a color!'"
"It certainly is a color; it certainly is…"
"So far so good."
"That's how these usually start, Spike. Who's next?"
"Aceman88; and they ask: 'To get the most obvious out of the way, why is it that you haven't mention once that you had a brother or any sibling at all? Are you ashamed of him or any of your family since you don't talk about them much?'"
"Because I don't start my greetings as 'hello, I'm Twilight Sparkle. I have an elder brother that has work that keeps him away from me months at a time. Want some pie?'"
"Twilight, you don't keep pie—"
"It was a dramatization."
"I don't think that's how dramatization works."
"It's a figure of dramatization. Either way, Pinkie never talks about her sisters and I never talk about my brother; no real problem I see with that."
"' Where are you most ticklish? If she refuses to answer, tickle her to find out, and if she does, tickle there to confirm it.'"
"That's fairly private… but I've heard far more personal questions on this show. I'm very ticklish on the back of my hind-legs. Spike could vouch for that."
"If I ever want something, I just tickle her there."
"Yeah, we need to talk about that after the show…"
"Sure, sure. 'Did you raise Spike yourself, including changing diapers, or did someome else?'"
"Princess Celestia actually took care of Spike shortly after he hatched until I was old enough to care for him myself… That was roughly five years ago."
"' Do you have thoughts of violently attacking Pinkie Pie?'"
"I've had my share of thoughts of Pinkie after her repetitive chaos. But I'd never act on hurting her intentionally… she's one of my best friends."
"' Why do you think Celestia was only mad at you for having a late report and not the fact that you had the entire town fighting to the death over a stupid doll? I would be peeved with the latter more than the former or is Celestia okay with ponies killing each other?'"
"Partly it was due to me not seeing or thinking everything straight for some time during that whole insanity. And Smarty Pants isn't a stupid doll. How would you feel if I called your favorite stuffed animal stupid? Seems pretty inconsiderate of you to say on that whole question…"
"Twilight, you're the one who's always saying that we can't fight with the interviewers on this show."
"You're right again Spike, sorry. Please, continue."
"' Your ultimate solution for saving everypony from a future disature was stopping time, a fate many would consider to be worse than death. I'm just asking is there anything wrong with your mental health to consider such a horrible solution and have you ever gone to a psychiatrist?'"
"Perhaps it was that I wasn't clear on the type of time spell I was planning on using. You see, I had no intention of permanently stopping time, only putting Ponyville into a stasis state. While placing the village into a temporary stasis during what I thought was going to be a dangerous time the danger would just pass over us. After which I'd remove the spell so time would continue normally. Admittedly not the most optimal plan, but from my point of view we were running out of possible options. Now what about you? Perhaps it's you that needs to go to a mental hospital for thinking that my thoughts were not planned out and in fact dangerous to—"
"Again, Twilight we can't argue with the people."
"Sorry… again. Please Spike, continue."
"Well, okay; but geeze, you're having more trouble then Trixie was… whatisname is next: 'How many books have you read?'"
"Well over ten hundred books; and that's not counting all of the pamphlets, scrolls, letters, documents, and culinary texts I've read through. In my life, I've lived in two different libraries, so it would be forgone that I would have read through countless regales of history, fiction, theory, and so on."
"' I've noticed that you and the others aren't sending friendship reports much anymore, why?'"
"It doesn't pay for us to rehash the same lessons to the princess every time they come up. We should only send a report when we come across a new lesson entirely. The fact that we aren't sending many reports anymore could be interpreted as that we're finally understand the wholeness of friendship itself… Oh! Spike, send a princess a letter on what I just said after the show!" Twilight ordered with a new found pleasure.
"I'll get right on that when we get home. 'If you were stranded on a desert island and the only thing you had with you was a book, what would it be?'"
"'The Daring Do Unofficially-Official Survival Handbook: Volume Five- Deserted Islands' without a doubt."
"' What is your take on muffins vs. cupcakes?' Hmm… Cupcakes in my opinion."
"I'd have to agree with you on that. Muffins are better in the morning while cupcakes are a great compliment to any meal."
"' If I asked you out on a date, would you accept?'"
"Is asking somepony out on dates through an interview a new tactic these days?"
"I don't know… Kinda looks like it," Spike shrugged.
"Never the less, I would have to say no. Nothing against you, but for the time being, dates cut into my studies."
"You could always take a—"
"Next interview set, Spike," Twilight instructed.
"Whatever you say. DeadLight63 asks: 'would you say Spike is like a son, or a little brother?'"
"He'll always be like my son… no matter how childish he acts sometimes," Twilight jabbed with a giggle.
"Thanks Twilight… You kinda-sorta feel like a mom to me too." Spike returned, forcing a short 'aw' from the audience. "But l-let's move on. 'What is it like being the protege of the Princess?'"
"Very rewarding. It is the greatest honor I could ever imagine. I am treated to private tomes of magic, unlimited access to the royal library; It can't possibly be any better!"
"' What would you do if you were banished from Ponyville?'"
"…Go home? In the long run, it wouldn't be all too bad. And when I think about it, my old library was much larger then my current one. And as long as I can still stay in contact with my friends, it isn't too hard loss. However, if I can no longer be in contact with my friends, that would be a far greater loss."
"' Do you ever feel overwhelmed in your studies?' She probably doesn't, but I sure get overwhelmed with her studying…"
"At times I get a little overwhelmed, but that only happens when I get weighed down with obligations. But, normally I keep everything orderly so I can keep to a clean work schedule."
"' When your friends are upset, they turn to you for advice. Who do you turn to when you're upset?'"
"Spike of course. He's always willing to offer me some of his time. Or if it's a monumental problem, I send a letter to the princess for her reassurance or support. She usually acts promptly in those cases."
"Let's do Maiko2853 now. 'What was your relationship like with Spike before moving to Ponyville?'"
"I regret to say not that good. I was very demanding and pressuring with him… But that's in the past, really."
"' There have been some rumors going around that say Princess Celestia is a sexual deviant and she has earned the nickname, Princess Molestia. What are your thoughts on the situation?'"
"I don't care for it, I do not indorse it, and I am furthermore displeased by these accusations! Princess Celestia is a kind, gentle, and dignified mare. It's the individuals who support these outrageous claims that're the real—"
"Calm down, Twilight!" Spike cut in.
"Huh? Oh, right. Wow, I'm really on edge today… I think there's something up with this couch."
"Should we replace it?"
"I'll put in an order for a new one after my interview…"
"Alright, then let's move on. 'Have you come up with any concrete theories as to how the "Pinkie Sense" actually works?'"
"I'll figure it out sooner or later… It's only a matter of time. But I've come to the conclusion that it may have to do with a chemical reaction mixed with latent static charges drawn to Pinkie's body… but that's not very sound in of itself, obviously."
"' Are you as pudgy as Rainbow Dash?'"
"Dash would have a cow if she heard you say she was pudgy," Twilight snickered, "And I don't think I'm that heavy… Although I could always get out a little more. But who has time?"
"' Do you know the history behind the Alfalfa Monster incident that keeps being mentioned?'"
"I wish I did! It sounds like a really funny story. But I haven't had the chance to ask the princesses about it."
"Okay, because of how big this next one is, we're just doing this one and one more."
"Sounds good to me. Fire away."
"Kiue Jinhas this… very wordy… thing to say. 'Dear Lady Twilight,
I have heard about your studies into friendship and I will admit that I approve of your efforts. However due to the peaceful nature of the world around us, there is a vital field of research into the very nature of friendship that you cannot begin to work on.
The bonds of friendship forged and tested by fire and blood.
It is often said that the strongest bonds of friendship are those that survive being tested by true tragic disaster. I'm not speaking of something like a ruined party either.
I mean more along the lines one group of ponies attacking and burning ponyville to the ground along with anypony unfortunate enough to be caught in the flames for whatever reason they had for doing it.'"
"Well put and well phrased. Is there a question to all this?"
"' So my question for you is: How does it feel, knowing that unless something truly drastic occurs to change the very nature of the world, your life's work will be nothing more then an shadow of what it could be?
That no matter how hard you try deep inside the very core of your being you will know that your work will be the one thing worse then tardy; It will be incomplete and not handed in?'"
"Well, I wouldn't say it's incomplete or even a shadow of hat it could be. It's just a compendium of what I am able to find out without bringing physical conflict into the equation. I am perfectly fine with what I am able to learn over what I am unable to learn. To even focus on the matter of missing out on 'fire and blood' would be silly of me. Honestly. That's something a crazy person would worry about. Friendship isn't something that can be made better through blood, that only reshapes what sort of friendship you're listed under. And in my opinion, the sort of friendship I am able to study is a perfectly pure sort."
"Way to go!" Spike cheered with a clap of his claws. "That was amazingly put!"
"Not really, but thank you all the same."
"' But I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure failing to hand in a vital piece of homework wouldn't haunt you for the rest of your days. Princess Celestia is really understanding like that.
Also, is there any truth to the rumors that you have a crush on Princess Luna? '"
"That's a ridiculous thought!" Twilight said with a growing blush, "I mean, she's—And Celestia—so… J-Just no!"
"Last one, last one. It's a single one from DeusExfreak: 'How do you feel about being interviewed by Trixie?'"
"I guess it wouldn't be too bad," Twilight shrugged, slowly losing her previous discomfort, "I interviewed her and it didn't go too bad, so it would probably work in reverse."
"That wraps up yours. And you know what? I like being behind the podium," Spike admitted.
"Don't get too used to it, because I peeked ahead and saw you're the next interviewee," Twilight taunted playfully.
At this, Spike immediately darkened and slumped behind the podium, "Jinxed it…"
I think I'm losing my touch… I don't know. Should I give this up? Stop while I'm ahead? Maybe… But I probably won't! I'm having too much fun.
Anywho, it's time for the special guests: you know how this works? Anything goes. You can ask anything from our first special guest: Spike.
Interviewee: Spike
Interviewer: Twilight, Celestia, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Sweetie Belle.
Who will be the next special guest? Who knows! Well, I do… but still.
Have fun, read up, PM YOUR QUESTIONS, leave a REVIEW, and just enjoy yourselves…