Being Human
…L…
Chisuzu had done something. I noticed her gradual lax behavior in the midst of the other's worrying and frequently caught her humming to herself.
It had started when she returned from her interview with Yotsuba, her uneasiness from the interview itself quickly transforming into that all too familiar smirk from the first time I saw her real face.
To this day, after all those months, I remembered how her mouth turned up ever so slightly at the corners and how her mismatched eyes twinkled. It stayed longest that first time but became more fleeting every other time I had caught it dominate her features; holding within it an evil of its own.
This very expression had been there the night Higuchi and Light were arrested. Light and I had both witnessed it, turning to her when she was more silent than usual. Her eyes were on Light, seemingly knowing his fate before he did and sitting in wait.
She cared not for Higuchi as he was not the original Kira; the Kira who had killed her intended target however long ago. She had wanted revenge on Light, after all; his suffering.
I don't think I could imagine any amount of suffering more fitting for Light than his lucidity as he lost control of his actions, only catching on to his thoughts being expressed out loud when it was too late. His eyes shooting lightning in Chisuzu's direction as she observed his arrest from her new spot next to me, seeming pleased at his coherency, and knew she was responsible for this unplanned future.
Only a minute had passed after he touched the Death Note, and I scrutinized the change in his emotions. First was the overwhelming degree of victory in his eyes, eyes that changed from wide and innocence back to the narrowed way they were prior to when he'd given up ownership of his Death Note.
At some point, I knew she had found a way to change the course of events while in the Yotsuba building. I had thought to ask her while we were on our way back to headquarters, but she was beginning to look rather green as her determination lessened in her victory, now easily overpowered by her vision showing the passing ground below.
"We aren't far, right?" She asked, her voice giving away her growing queasiness.
"Almost there. We'll be there before you know it and don't close your eyes, trust me it just makes it worse."
I spotted her nod a little as she kept her eyes forward.
"Your hair is getting longer." I idly brought up, hoping to distract her for as long as I could.
"Yeah, I noticed in the mirror this morning and I think I'll grow it out."
Silence followed as I wasn't used to comforting others.
"What will you do now?" She asked, continuing conversation where I left off.
"I haven't decided yet. Honestly, I wasn't expecting the case to end this soon." She giggled in response to my reply.
"I'd apologize but this is the best ending I could think of; better even."
"Indeed."
When we returned, Watari reached her first as she staggered out, attempting to catch her breath. Her recovery was so fast it was as though she had switched places with someone else when we entered the elevator.
We stopped at her floor and she glided out to be greeted by her feline maw, who parted for her as she disappeared into a room.
I gave her some time to relax before entering her room, hearing water lightly splashing as I moved towards the noise. The situation was almost too perfect as I wanted answers and could now get them as we were on ground once more.
The subdued scent of her soap tickled at my nose as I watched her lounging, modesty protected by the bubbles threatening to spill over the sides. The hair she usually hid under wigs was slicked back from the water, the toes usually clad in socks up to her thighs wiggling either to rid them of suds or for no true reason whatsoever.
"You know, it's interesting. I could swear, he was going to have the Shinigami kill me. How do you suppose it wound up in my favor?" I had to divert my attention from her as I was still a man and realized my potential weakness in her presence. Even now, after all the times I had seen her set up a computer naked or in the middle of shedding her clothes, I felt the need to turn away out of respect.
A question struck me before she answered and it was the one she asked me before we arrived.
'What would she do now that the Kira case was over?'
My mind went back to the one time I had touched her casually, surprising myself when I felt the soft tendrils under my hand, slipping through my fingers.
It had been a long time since we were alone in a room together, reminding me of another reason I had cuffed myself to Light; to protect myself from the magnetism between us. Her behavior towards me had me surmising it was mutual.
-Chisuzu-
I frowned a little at his ease with the words 'kill me', but brushed it off.
"We won, L, so it doesn't really matter now, does it?"
"You had no shock at seeing Rem." He stated and I half-nodded.
"I play a lot of video games so she wasn't all that scary."
"You recognized her." Was he not using his voice distorter? I opened my eyes to see him standing in the doorway to my bathroom, in a staring contest with one of my cats.
His deadpan tone made me smile a little as I sank more under the bubbles in an attempt to feel more comfortable in this unique situation.
"Why are you in my bathroom? I'm a little busy bathing."
"You're covered. Besides, now I can interrogate you and you won't be able to run away." He explained, pulling a nearby chair into the doorway and sitting on it in his usual way.
"You can't trap me in my own bathroom."
"You can get out if you wish, but I have a feeling you are of a more conservative nature." The towels next to him were my only chance, so I would have to answer his questions.
"Looks like I'm at your mercy, then, L. What do you wish to know?"
"When did you meet Rem?"
"In the ladies room the day I had the interview with Yotsuba. Higuchi stopped it, saying it sounded more like an interrogation and I decided I needed a little break too. She touched me with a scrap of the death note after I saw her as a shadowy figure behind me and called her name out by chance. When I convinced her to change her feelings on the matter and she agreed to go along with it, I left the bathroom and Higuchi was there, asking for my number."
"Go on."
"And then I made a deal with her, but she's dead now for some reason so now I don't have to hold up with my end."
"Oh? What was this deal?"
"Misa's life for yours. I'd keep Misa out of a situation resembling Light's current one and she won't have you killed."
"What about Light's Shinigami?"
"Yes, I know. There had to be one around for a time, but I guess he or she wasn't given any further instructions or they simply got bored. I would have to say Shinigami aren't too different from people in many aspects. For instance, their personalities and levels of intelligence likely vary similar to those of humans. Perhaps, they saw how badly Light's plan failed and let things run their natural course."
"You failed to mention your contact with Rem to me."
"You were with Light and eventually I ended up forgetting to tell you."
"Did you have him killed? Wait, no that's not what you wanted. You wanted his suffering for killing the man that nearly killed you via your now deceased ex-boyfriend." I smiled wryly at his casual mention of Naoya being dead. It was too easy for him to say things like that, and I guessed he had seen too much death and suffering up to this point. All the cases I had read up on and hacked into, all of them were enough to mess a person up, but to see what it had done to him.
I realized I wanted to cry.
"I did die and it was only partly to get revenge on him. Mostly, I wanted to save you."
'Don't make me say it, L.'
"Is that why you were ready to go on live television without a second thought?" This information made no sense to him, I could tell.
"Yes." I peered over at him as I sat up, pulling my legs to my chest, the water beginning to cool.
"I know you didn't have the conversation with Rem yourself and don't see it as a full win, but listen for a moment." I lifted a hand and raised my index, facing him and resting my other arm in front of me on the bathtub's edge.
"Higuchi confessed, now broken and powerless, but alive and under no influence of the Death Note. If it had been Misa, you would have been killed. I hadn't been planning to get caught up in it and chosen for their ad campaign, but it ended in our victory. I think we should celebrate and you should get some sleep."
"Why does my life matter so much to you? You still could have stepped up after I died and solved the case in my stead." He questioned, standing now.
"I didn't want that ending." I camouflaged my pout with feigned passivity, but felt had answered much too quickly. L was quiet again and I could just barely believe he had snuck up on me with his bare feet on my carpeted floors.
"Thank you, Chisuzu, for saving my life." His words made my insides twist. My chest hurt yet I also had the distinct feeling of happiness as I blushed, head hidden in my arm. This was the first time he had referred to me using my name.
"You're welcome, L." During the entirety of this conversation, I was too aware of him and his movements. Surely, he noticed when I stared at him for just a little longer than necessary as I enjoyed the low tones of his voice. There was a risk of me falling asleep in the bath with him nearby and I already had that problem.
"Well, I've taken up enough of your time for today." After his rather abrupt words, he stepped off the chair and grasped the towels, bringing them closer to the tub, and setting them on the small table of spare bathing products. My eyes strayed to his long, slender fingers again, suddenly finding the cold water easier to deal with.
"Oh, before I go, Chisuzu?" L was in the doorway again now, his head inclined in my general direction.
"Yes?"
"You forgot to lock your door." I stared dumbly at him.
"I see. Would you please lock it on your way out?"
"Certainly. Good night."
"Good night, L." My face had to be red. I quickly wrapped a towel around me and padded into the other room.
What was I doing?
"Actually, L?" What was I even thinking? I didn't do things like this. The floor was getting wet and the cats who felt the water droplets from my hair, jumped and scurried away from me. He paused with his hand on the door knob, peering over his shoulder at me again. This time I was clad rather loosely in a towel and beginning to fall out.
"Yes?"
"W-would you mind staying for a bit? I'll get you coffee or tea…or something with lots of sugar and we can sit and chat some more. When I get back from changing into something more appropriate for friendly conversation, I mean." My face was hot, tinted at least pink from embarrassment in whatever colored towel I had on. It was probably striped pastels or something; it was impossible for me to tell with pastels so I just assumed it was all one color without a dark line dividing anything.
"That sounds nice. Mind if I wait on the couch here?" He was already getting comfortable on it in his usual sitting posture.
"Not at all. That sounds great. I'll…I'll be right back." Gripping the towel to my breast, I rushed back to my room for a simple yukata, pulling plain white cotton socks up my legs.
When I returned, it seemed Watari had beaten me to the refreshments and I smiled at him as he passed in leaving.
"You both did well today." He smiled and I echoed it.
"You too, Watari. I didn't know you were such a good shot." He chuckled a little.
"Good night, Suzu."
"Good night, Watari." I bowed before making my way into the room.
"You're back."
"Yes, I see Watari brought in your sweets. Would you still like some coffee or tea?"
"Tea would be nice. It has been a while since I had some." Somehow, he seemed quieter now.
"I'll be sure to bring you plenty of sugar." I smiled, thinking ahead and placing the entire sugar cube container before him; I had no use for the thing.
"What would you like to talk about?" He kept his eyes on me here, me being his target of conversation now. He had this thing he did, only really looking at people when he was reading them or trying to extract information from them.
Or both.
"You didn't have to trap me in my bathtub to get me to answer most of those questions, but I understand you're used to having to do things like that." I began as I placed the full kettle on the stove a towel still around my neck as I detested hair dryers.
"I am." He agreed, popping a small tart of some kind into his mouth.
"Do you have any more questions about Rem?"
"Do you know why she showed herself to you and not Misa, the object of her emotions?"
"Either because I baited her or because she couldn't see my name and wanted to know why."
"How do you know she couldn't see your name?"
"Because she never said it once and mentioned there was something odd about the information above my head. It is still very strange to think about, having your name and the time you have left above your head. She died after destroying Light's future, did she not?"
"I believe that is what is in the rules. What happened after that?"
"You got her remaining years as the sole benefactor of her sacrifice; I wonder what she wrote."
"So do I."
"She showed us how Kira kills." I casually mentioned.
"She did." He nodded, sipping from his sugary tea as I added honey to my own. "How do you feel now that your revenge is completed?"
I smirked.
"Avenged. You saw it didn't you? That was the face of a man who has spent about half a year plotting your demise so he could continue to 'become the new world's God'. His relief changing to dreadful realization when he noticed what he'd said for all to hear. The best part by far was his coherency. Rem despised him more than I, and gave a most delightful result. Apparently, he'll only really spend twenty-three days in there before he dies, but it's enough for me."
"Do you really not believe in justice?"
"Justice is just a pretty way to say revenge; sugarcoated." I smiled, lounging back with my tea. "I don't even think you believe in it, to be honest."
"Why would you say that?"
"You only solve cases that interest you and give you a challenge. Rather selfish, really." Perhaps, it was more that he was losing faith in the idea of justice after all he had seen.
"I can't solve them all. Most can be solved by the NPA and other authorities." He shrugged and I nodded, his rationalization of his methods amused me.
"You asked Light once if he had ever been truthful of anything. I assume you are talking about him as Kira. I wonder how often you are honest with yourself." There was this little voice in my head suddenly, berating me on saying such a thing when I danced around the truth every chance I got.
"You mean will I hold up my end of the bargain I had with people like Aiber and the remaining six Yotsuba members?"
"Yes."
"Would you?" He asked and I found myself taken aback by his inquiry.
"Yes. Speaking of Aiber, where did he run off to anyway?"
"He likely ran while he had the opportunity."
"That's a shame, he was a kindred spirit in his own way." There was another pause in our conversation.
"You wish to stop talking about the case." L stated, eyeing one of the treats before taking a huge bite from it, causing me to shake my head a little.
"I said no such thing, but I doubt I could tell you more than you already know."
"Then how about you tell me about your childhood since you already know about most of mine?"
"Sounds fair. I grew up in Okayama, having always been somewhere in Japan. My family was strict and owned a tea house, they wanted me to run it when I got old enough and raised me into formal language, perfect posture, and traditional clothing." I shrugged, gesturing to my yukata.
"Let's see. My uncle wasn't into it and noticed I had a natural talent for puzzles and the sort, so he would bring books on all kinds of things, yet I didn't see a computer in real life until I was twelve, two years after realizing I had an affinity for cats. It scared the life out of me, but computers were an instant click. I poured hours into books and games to figure out their workings. I would spend every extra minute and even pull all-nighters configuring computers by hand."
"When did the hacking come in?" There was this feeling he wanted to add the word 'illegal', but stopped himself because all hacking was illegal.
"About two or so years after that and I kept it from everyone, even my uncle. I knew it was illegal, but I could access so much more. Eventually, I had enough to move out on my own and so here I am. I've been living here for approximately five years? Maybe." Had I really been away for this long already?
"Tell me more about this friendship with Light." I diverted, since I was curious and had never asked before.
"Was there something confusing about it? What did you think it was?"
"A game played by two equally childish characters…one just so happened to be quieter than the other." And more interesting, but I left that unsaid.
"Hm, yes, I can see how you might've translated it like that. We weren't typical friends, were we?" He mused, dropping more sugar cubes into his tea, and loudly slurped from it.
"You had potential to be good friends if Light hadn't turned out to be such a user. It was likely he had premeditated his confinement and given up ownership of the death note so the personality he had before he was Kira could grow on you and lower your defenses. I'm pretty sure he planned to use this to his advantage after he regained his memories."
"That would make sense."
I blushed, only now seeing what time it was. My conditioned thoughts were a different voice now.
My mothers.
'Being alone in a room with a man is dangerous.' She was such a nag.
"You're tired." He noted, so lightly, I just barely caught it as he examined me.
"I am exhausted and I'm sure you are too." We both stood and steadily made it to the door.
"Get some sleep, L. Retire or at least take a few years off from this life of isolation you've bubbled yourself into." Before I knew it, I was touching L's face with my hand, finally unable to resist now that he was within arm's reach.
"Will you still be here tomorrow?" It was more proof of his childish nature and I faltered for a few seconds; shocked.
"Yes, I'll still be here tomorrow, L."
"Would you like to talk more then?"
"About anything you want." I smiled, leaning forward and kissing him lightly on the cheek. We both appeared shocked by my action, but said nothing.
When he left, I closed the door, my face flushed from the entirety of this time spent with L. It was as though our relationship had been changing while the case commenced and now that we were alone, our attraction to one another had been more obvious.
This was new territory.