Okay all my lovelies. Truth time- I am flipping miserable. I imagine some of you are too, so I'm posting this in hopes that it gives you momentary distraction. Harry Potter has gotten me through many a things, let this be one more.
Having said that I need to let you know that this is going out slightly more raw than I would like. I'm doing National Novel Writing Month challenge thing (NaNoWriMo) and have been neglecting , but on a day like this I wanted to give you all something. So please excuse the raging typos and grammar errors. My spell check also likes to change some magical words and names to ridiculous english equivalents, so apparate, floo and other might be a weird word. Again I haven't edited this. I plan to do a better edit once I have more time and have stopped sobbing.
Thank you all I hope you're safe, well, and taking care of yourself and your loved ones.
"Come on Harry. We're going to find Lupin ourselves and then we're going to turn him in and get your stupid git of a guardian back where he belongs." And where he belongs, Severus snapped inwardly, is here. He knew that as soon as he stepped out of the floo and onto the soft carpet of Tyler's living room. It still smelled like Tyler, it felt like him.
Severus wasn't often at the house, but it was full of if not good, at least tolerable memories. Not the memories of Tyler being sick and ill, those were awful, but the memories of holding Harry and he supposed playing long games of chess with Tyler.
Severus realized that it hurt to imagine Tyler left there alone, in an empty house without his nephew. Tyler had survived a lot in life, Severus wasn't sure he could survive losing Harry.
Severus wasn't sure he could survive it.
He shook the dust off himself and Harry, then scanned the room out of habit. Nothing was more out of place then it had been last time so he made a bee-line for the stairs. He took them up two at ta time until the was on the blue carpeted landing. Severus knew where Tyler slept only because he had found him dead asleep there after the few full moons when he had had enough energy to make it up the stairs. He had still been a sore bloody mess, but at least Severus hadn't needed to enter the basement.
The room Tyler shared with Harry was the smaller of two and crowded now with everything Harry needed to survive. There was a crib squeezed against the far wall, a second dresser full of the boy's clothes, toys and a bookshelf along with Tyler's dresser and closet that seemed to expel clothing across the limited floor space.
Severus didn't ask why the second room was never opened up, he had an aching feeling it was still packed with Lily's things. Neither of them wanted to deal with that.
Severus slipped up the stairs and opened the door to the room, hopeful he would find a pair of pants and a shirt that would fit him. He set Harry down amidst the disarray and picked his way over to the dresser. He managed to find a pair of dark jeans and one button up shirt. Tyler however was at least a size smaller than him and thin framed, much more like Petunia than Lily. He had one foot in the pair of pants before he knew they wouldn't fit. He groaned. He had thrown all of his own muggle clothes out years ago, and he wasn't about to wander around London in search of Lupin in black robes.
From amidst a pile of toys and pants Harry stared at him, a hand in his mouth. "No good" He mumbled at the toddler. He looked around the floor and knew there would be nothing that would fit him here except the odd pair of sweatpants. Perhaps he could buy something? Besides being the middle of the night he wasn't sure any muggle shop would sell to a man who appeared to be wearing a dress. He growled to himself at a loss for options until he remembered the closed off room on the other side of the landing.
Lily's things, but a piece of him wondered… Sirius and James were much closer to his size…
Severus walked across the room and scooped Harry back up into his arms. The tired child would go along with anything at this point. Severus crept across the second floor landing and hesitated at the door to the second bedroom. It took him several seconds to gather the nerve to turn the handle. He was glad no one was around to witness the momentary hesitation. He could barely admit it to himself that he was afraid to himself. Instead he readjusted Harry, pretending that was the cause of his momentary pause and reached out to open the door.
The door squeaked as if it were crying out for him not to enter. Severus braced himself and Harry straightened out in his arms, perhaps sensing his unease. "'S okay." He told the child under his breath. "'S okay" he repeated in an attempt to convince himself. "Lumos" He commanded and a small beam of light shot out from his wand. With another flick of his wrist a small orb of light floated up from his wand to bobble along the ceiling much like Carrow's had earlier that day.
He gingerly set Harry on his feet and looked around the room. Somehow it was worse than he had imagined, because five minutes ago he had had trouble imagining the room would be full of stacks of Lily's old clothes and boxes of shoes scattered across the floor. He should have known. These were the few possession she had carried out of their burnt house when their mother died. These were the last relics of her childhood. Things she hadn't carried on to her married life. Open cardboard boxes held patterned dresses and drawings that had once hung on her mother's refrigerator. Severus couldn't breath. The room smelled of childhood dinners as the Potters and of nights spent staring up at stars and chasing fireflies. Crunching leaves and crayons. Severus backed out of the room. He wasn't ready for that.
The light in the hall was dim, but he could still see Harry's dark head standing amidst the pieces of his mother's youth. The boy toddled in a circle looking for the adult in charge of him with wide curious eyes. Curious green eyes. He met Severus's and pointed up with a drawn frown, "Sad?" He asked, point at Severus's face. Severus was startled at the accusation. Sad? He reached a hand up to his face and realized with horror that involuntary tears were welling up in his eyes. He wasn't crying, of course he wasn't crying, he was merely taken a back by the unexpected. Harry made a "pick me up motion." With a whine, but made no move to come into the hall. He wanted picked up from where he stood inside the room. Severus faltered, waited to see if Harry would come to him. Instead the child's pleas became more frantic. He swayed back and forth, his frown deepening and his whine growing louder. Severus looked behind him to the safety of Tyler's room. Then back to Harry and with a jolt he was reminded of the mission at hand. He needed pants, and then he needed to find Lupin. In one swift movement he stepped back into the room, picked Harry up and turned toward the closet where he suspected any leftover adult clothing would be left. He steadied himself, after all he had a task that needed completed, he couldn't be bogged down by feeling or memories. He pushed open the closet door and was glad to see a few stacks of old clothes. They were expensive, or would have been when James first bought them. He pulled out the first pair of pants he could find and checked their sized against himself. It would do.
Severus wasn't interested in wearing an old concert t-shirt though and grudgingly changed into James's button down. He stuffed the tail of his shirt into the pants and turned to face Harry.
"How does that look?" He asked the boy.
Harry blinked back at him, his green eyes, dark hair and tell-tale scar shining back. Severus supposed he looked fine, but the real problem he knew was Harry. The kid was famous. If they ran into another wizard Severus suspected they would be shocked, perhaps they would even draw a horrible kidnapping conclusion. Harry in the arms of suspected Death Eater, that would be the headline of the week. Severus grinned a wry grin, but decided he needed to do something to disguise Harry. Severus crawled back over the room's mess to the toddler. "Come here." He grumbled s he set the boy atop the mess that was atop a dresser. "This won't hurt a bit." With a quick wave of his wand and a tap on the boy's temple his eyes watered a bit them turned to a dusty grey. "At least it won't hurt you." He frowned realizing the grey made the boy look much more like his father than Severus had intended. "Let's try again." Severus tapped Harry's forehead again and this time his eyes watered then shifted to a caramel brown. The change was more difficult as Brown and green were a stretch transfiguration-wise, but at least the boy looked less like a spitting image of James potter.
"That damn scar" Severus muttered. Severus realized that even if he could do something about harry's hair there was nothing he could do about the scar emblazoned on his forehead so instead of trying anything he dug through the a few drawers until he discovered a cloth hat. He pulled it over Harry's head and shrugged with satisfaction. It was better than nothing and both hair and scar were now covered. "Time to go find your Father's pet werewolf." Severus grumbled swinging the boy off the dresser.
The problem with looking for Lupin was that no matter what he would recognize Harry, and worse he would recognize Severus. On the other hand it could work to his advantage. Lupin would be less likely to attack Severus if he saw Harry was with him or he would further incriminate himself by attacking Severus and land himself a one way ticket to Azkaban. Meanwhile Severus could easily say Dumbledore had asked him to watch the child for the day as his guardian was otherwise indisposed. All of these logistics swam through Severus's head, but he didn't dare return Harry to Dumbledore. Instead he carried down the stairs and into the living room. "Where to first you suppose." He asked Harry. The boy didn't respond, "Very well, perhaps we will start by checking out the homeless shelters?"
They left the house through the back door and into the garden. Severus had decided to apparatus into the city and begin his search at some of the homeless shelters. Any shelter he could find. He knew the magical department of law enforcement scarcely wandered into the magical world to check muggle facilities, perhaps he would get lucky. He held Harry tight against him and left for the city.
They checked at four shelters before he had any type of lead. A grubby man with a greasy black beard said he had seen someone with Lupin's description the day before. "He ate and moved on", the man shrugged. It was still very early in the morning Severus was shocked they had found anyone to talk to them, let alone someone who had recognized Lupin. "He was young, probably staying with the kids near the Kingston Bridge."
Severus thanked the man, and would have given him money if he had anything but a few knuts in his pockets and left.
Time was running short. Severus feared for what was going on with Tyler back at the ministry, but he had no time to find out, he needed to get to lupin.
Harry too was getting restless. He was squirming and getting himself into trouble (typical of a potter Severus grumbled to himself as he pulled harry out of patch of brambles) but seemed to be delighted by all the sights and sounds of the city. Light was creeping over the top of a building by the time they reached the river. It was a thirty minute walk from the spot where they had met the man with the tip.
There was no one by Lupin's description anywhere among the dirty and angry looking teenagers. By the time they had searched the entire place Harry was falling asleep in his arms and the sun was beginning to glint off the pavement. Horror was bubbling in Severus's stomach. What if he didn't find Lupin in time? What if something did happen to Tyler? What if he was indicted for consorting with a criminal and then locked away? Who would take care of Harry then? Severus looked down at Harry's hat-covered head. A picture of Petunia glaring at him and Lily passed his mind. He couldn't let that happen. Severus groaned up at the sky, somewhere in the distance a train whistled and chugged by.
Platform 9 3/4 was still packed with people. People bustle and stumbled into one another. Everyone was too busy saying their goodbyes to friends and hellos to parents to care about the person next to them. Carts bounced into trunks, owls squaked, and a few unfortunate students chased cats and frogs down the long stretch of pavement.
Severus had no such troubles. His one small trunk, packed to the hilt mostly with books and schoolwork was easy to maneuver and he had no wild-pet to keep an eye on. He also had the time to look around himself. He had no one to say goodbye to, not since his and Lily's parting of ways a year ago, and no one to say hello to. The rest of the day would be a series of buses and long walks until he was once again at the dirty front stoop of his new apartment. Seventeen in a few months and then he could just apparate back in the fall, but until then it was walking. After third year he had gotten lucky and was able to take the trip home with Lily in the back of her mother's car, but now he had no such companionship. Not even the other Slytherins seemed interested in wishing him a good holiday or offering him a ride home. Just as well. He didn't have much in common with most of them and had less to say to them.
Severus was just about to heave his trunk onto his shoulder and start his journey when a body barreled into him. He cursed at the impact, suspecting an impatient and reckless first year, but before he could whip out his wand to actually hex the being he realized whoever it was, was holding on to him. Severus looked down and saw a mop of black hair before Tyler popped his head up and smiled.
"Was up Sev!"
"Get off."
"What am I getting muggle germs on you?"
"No, What? Just let go." Severus pried Tyler's arms off him and and held him back, "Muggle what?" He repeated.
"Muggle germs" Tyler explained, "It's what Sirius says when I stand too close to him."
Severus dropped Tyler's arms as a bitter anger well up in him,"Sirius says you have muggle germs?" He demanded as he looked the fourteen-year-old up and down. He had grown… he had groan a lot in the past year, and not only his hair that he obviously had forgotten to cut. His childhood chubbiness had worn off into gangly length and his oversized feet finally seemed to fit his body. Acne spots had popped up on his white face, but his smile remained as juvenile as ever.
"It's just a joke" Tyler waved off, "I think, he thinks the word 'germ' is funny." Tyler smirked at the word himself. Severus knew what it meant, but he could see why Sirius would find the muggle science word silly.
Severus tried to wrap his head around his own venomous reaction as he tried to explain to the boy,"Tyler it's not- he can't say that to you." Tyler frowned and Severus hated himself for having to explain, "Muggles don't have any special germs. You're just as good as any of them." He pointed down the platform to where a break in the crowed had finally shown the marauders, Lily and a few Gryffindor girls standing in a circle enjoying themselves."What are you doing down here anyway, aren't you here to pick up Lily?"
"Wha? Yah…Nah. She's not coming home tonight, she's going out with them. They're talking about where to get celebratory drinks tonight. I'm obviously not going to be allowed to join them, so I thought I would come say 'hi' why they argued." Tyler looked almost sad, but then perked up with a new thought. "Hey could I hang out with you?!"
Severus restrained himself from rolling his eyes. "No."
"Please, I'll behave. I just want to show you this new trick I learned-" Tyler fumbled in the pocket of his jeans on the search for something Severus couldn't being to fathom. After a thorough search and the extraction of a deck of cards, a sock puppet and the worlds longest series of multi-colored scarfs from his back pocket Tyler finally found the handful of coins he was looking for.
He barely had a chance to hold up a coin to begin his demonstration when he was cut off by a voice calling,"Hey Tyler!" Both Tyler and Severus looked up from the boy's coin and down the platform to where the call had come from. To neither of their surprises Remus Lupin was moving slowly toward them. "You coming, we need to leave soon." The dusty-haired boy continued.
Severus tried to hide a sneer, and pushed a desire to step protectively between Tyler and Lupin to the back of his head.
Tyler called out, "Just a second, I wanna show-"
"No. No time, we need to leave, come on." There was no doubt the pitch to Lupin's voice meant he felt uncomfortable with Lily's precious brother being so close to a Slytherin. Tyler wouldn't have detected it with a flashing neon sign as explanation but Severus knew it was there.
Because of that Tyler ignored Lupin and held up a coin into Severus's line of sight, "Regular coin right?" He asked with a wide smile.
"Moss!" The hackles rose on Severus neck. Who was Lupin to use that name?
"Moss, you should go." Severus agreed quietly. He jerked his head toward Lupin in emphasis but Tyler only frowned at him. Severus couldn't admit, even deep down that he kind of wanted to invite the boy with him on his journey home. Well, he didn't want to invite him, he just didn't want Tyler to have to leave with James and his cronies. He knew he couldn't invite him through. There was too much to explain, too many long hurt feelings. Instead he wracked his brain for the easiest way to get rid of Tyler. Severus reached into a pocket of his robes and pulled out a full box of Bertie Botts beans. "Here. I got these for you. Enjoy, and go." He had meant to snack on them on the walk home, had spent the last of his pocket change on a box from the trolly lady, but the kid clearly needed encouragement to leave. Once again Severus nodded toward Lupin, but it was not necessary, Lupin had crossed the space in a few strides and plucked the small container from Tyler's grasp.
"It's fine, you can keep them." Lupin told Severus, trusting the box back into his hands and grabbing Tyler's arm, prepared to pull him away.
"Nah it's cool Remus. I love Bertie Botts! I know they have terrifying wizard flavors. I'm not scared" Severus and Lupin's eyes met, both knowing that Lupin's fear had nothing to do with the beans' odd flavors, but rather what Severus might have put in them to poison him. To prove himself though Tyler plucked the container back from Severus, opened it and popped a handful into his mouth. Lupin and Severus both turned their attention to him, waiting for anything out of the ordinary to happen.
"Oh god!" Tyler swore. Lupin jerked in fear, shot Severus a dirty look, but Tyler continued, "You. Should. Not eat. All of these at once." He said through a sticky mouthful of candy. "They all got funny flavors… AUGH…Mud… and I mixed them all… Blech. Dish soap? Oh lord, bad plan." He shook his head violently.
Severus turned to Lupin who looked almost disappointed not to have proven Severus a murderer.
"We'll remember that for next time." Lupin mumbled, "Now, Let's go." He reached out his hand again to pull tyler away but Tyler stopped him with a question.
"Remus, can I got over to Severus's…?"
"What?"
"Severus'll say 'no' but I know you're all going out drinking. He'll babysit." Tyler volunteered Severus with a wave of his hand.
"Mary said she would hang out with you." Lupin explained flatly.
"Ugh. Mary's a girl. Listen if you need me or anything happens, just come over to Severus's new place he lives in an apartment in London. It's easy to find- 336 Park wa-" Severus shot forward and covered Tyler's mouth with his rough hand before the boy could give away the rest of the address. Lupin's eyebrows scrunched together with a mix of confusion and frustration.
"Tyler we need to go." He repeated trying to tug Tyler out of Severus's grasp.
Severus felt successful in shutting the boy up until a slimy sticky feeling started oozing around his fingers."Gahhh! Gross, Moss!" Severus jerked away from the boy rubbing his sodden hand on his robe. "Did you just lick me!?"
"Park way, London" Tyler finished, popping a bean into his mouth. "You can find me there if there's an emergency. It'll be our emergency spot!"
"Are you made of spit!" Severus continued to rub sticky slobber off his hand, "Go with Lupin!" He insisted now, a little more furiously.
"Actually humans are 52% water.. So yes" Tyler explained.
"GO!" Severus pointed down the platform in mild rage.
"Moss, you're coming with us." Lupin agreed and with that he grabbed Tyler by the crook of his arm and with a long dejected look the boy was walked down the platform toward the gathered group of Gryfindoors. Severus was left to lift his trunk over his shoulder and walk into the blazing heat of the London afternoon, only a little worried about who he had left Tyler alone with.
Severus suddenly realized he knew exactly where Lupin would be.
Nervousness made Tyler's entire body shake. He had been sitting and talking for hours. Somewhere along the lines he had begun listing off everything he remembered from his A level biology course, his favorite class, but something the Aurors found less than interesting. The only thing he could say for himself at this point was that he hadn't given away any of his magician's secrets. "A magician never tells how he does his tricks", he had helpfully explain two the two aurors before jumping back to a run-through of his life, "I dropped out, you know. First year on my way to a medical degree. I was a promising student and everything, but I had to drop out to take care of Harry. He means everything to me. Is there any chance I could just see him. Like show me a picture of him with whoever he's with. Who is he with? Do you know? Petunia's my sister, she would watch him. Is it daytime yet? She would answer the door and everything if it's not the middle of the night. Number four privet drive. Lovely neighborhoo-?"
"Hush up!" The door to the small room they were holding him in slammed open. Tyler jumped at the sound then found himself looking up into the eyes of the most terrifying being he had ever seen. Gnarled hair sat atop a face with such a lecherous gleaming smile that Tyler tried to scoot back in his chair in fear. But the monster had't been the one who had spoken. When he stepped aside Moody was there, staring him down. "Tyler have you stopped talking in the last six hours." He asked.
Tyler didn't the the chance to respond, the two jurors who had spent most of the night with him both declared "no" at the same moment. Moody growled and stomped the rest of the way into the room. He slammed the door shut behind him with a flick of his wand and nodded at the monster who had taken up residence in the corner, "Mr. Evan's this is Carrow from the Werewolf capture unit." Tyler flicked his attention over to Carrow for a brief second. He didn't like what he saw or the title attached to the man. Would that be the person dragging him out of the room in a few hours to be flogged? What did wizards do to people as punishment. Sirius was in prison. Would he end up in prison with Sirius? Moody moved on, "Carrow checked your home last night and believes- as I do- that a werewolf has been staying with you, at least during full moons." Tyler's stomach bubbled with worry. He felt like he had missed the last step on a flight of stairs. Did they have him pinned down?
"We suspect that being is Remus Lupin, and with that information and the knowledge that Remus Lupin might very well have been in league with Death eaters-"
"He wasn't" Tyler insisted for the hundredth time that night
Moody ignored the interruption and continued, "-We were able to talk the magical law enforcement department to grant us permission to use veritaserum. Do you know what that is?" Moody had to ask, Tyler could tell he didn't want to bother getting into the law stuff, he just wanted to use whatever veritaserum was and get on with it.
Tyler swallowed and answered, "No."
Moody fumbled with something in one of his many cloak pockets. After a moment of searching he pulled out a small crystal bottle containing an equally clear liquid.
"Water?" Tyler asked stupidly.
"Veritaserum." The new arrival hissed from where he had taken up station in the corner. Moody flicked the old auror out of her chair with a nod of the head and took her place across from Tyler at the table.
"This, Tyler, is a truth potion."
"Veritas, meaning truth, from the latin." Tyler rattled off. Between reading his sister's spell books while growing up and taking as many science classes as he could Tyler's latin wasn't lacking.
Moody wasn't impressed however. "You drink even a few drops of this and you will be spilling out the truth to us, whether you like it or not."
For the first time Tyler was silent. He tried to look Moody in the eye, but one of them just kept moving in a distracted circle and the other was too blue. Moody was looking at him though. Sizing him up. "Still don't want to tell us the truth son?" He asked.
Tyler's mouth was dry. They wouldn't find Lupin. He had already told them everything he knew about the werewolf. What they would find was his truth. His life scarring, child endangering, truth. Tyler shook his head in lieu of speaking.
"Still won't talk." Moody sighed to the room at large. He didn't take his eyes off Tyler as he swiped the bottle from the table and handed it over his shoulder to the young man at the door. "Dekker, will you add two drops to some water? It's time to get the truth out."