Thank you one and all for reading!
Fenris curled up on the thin mattress in his cabin. His threadbare blanket was wrapped tightly around his shivering form. The sway of the ship added to his dizziness and his shut his eyes against it. The corruption had spread up his neck and shoulders, the black sludge just under his skin caressed his jawline. The single lamp in the room had been extinguished days ago, and the only light was from the small porthole set in one wall. He no longer was able to tolerate anything but the dimmest of light-even that taxed him.
He was losing the fight with the taint.
The whispers of the darkspawn grew stronger with each passing hour. Howe had explained to him that he would hear them as a warden when they were close, and dream of them when they were not. What Fenris heard now was a calling. They clawed at his mind until he was unable to distinguish his own thoughts. They promised him oblivion if only he would come to them. At first, Fenris had been able to ignore the whispers, but as the days went on and his body began to weaken, he found that their offer was becoming tempting.
If he had felt a fraction like this when Danarius had given him his marks, then Fenris was glad for once that his mind had wiped it from memory. His skin no longer felt like his own and his arms had scratches on them where he had dug furrows with his fingernails. He could feel his heart pumping sluggishly as it pushed the taint through veins that were never meant to hold it. If he could have, Fenris would have snatched his own heart from his body to stop it from aiding the corruption.
He felt like he was going mad.
His drifting was interspersed with visits from Howe. He'd asked the warden to let no one else come to see him. He couldn't stand the thought of Isabela or Anders seeing him like this-so weak and pathetic.
He touched his lips and rubbed against the skin with his index finger. He could still taste Anders there and he closed his eyes, remembering. That memory had become the one thing that kept him grounded. He couldn't allow this to beat him, not when there were still so many things he had yet to do and say. Whatever it was in him that had made him strong enough to survive raw lyrium being inlaid into his skin, he would draw on that to fight this new intruder. When his resolve faltered, Fenris would close his eyes and call upon the feel of Anders' touch on his skin. That had been real. Not what the darkspawn were offering. Not the feeling that his skin belonged to another, and all he had to do was tear it off to feel whole again.
The latch on his door clicked and Fenris sat up in his bed. His blanket slid down his bare chest, revealing exactly how far gone he was. His olive skin was bleached grey and even his markings hadn't been immune to the taint's infiltration. Dark lines slashed through the white brands and distorted what had once been a beautiful, scrolling mimicry of the Dalish tattoos.
He shut his eyes against the light that would be let in once the door was open. Howe only visited him at night once they discovered Fenris' sensitivity. He wouldn't be coming unless it was something important. But it wasn't Howe's voice he heard when the door shut once more.
"Maker's sainted whores!" Anders had known that Fenris had to be in a bad way to go into seclusion like he had, but he hadn't prepared himself for how bad it actually was. What little light was in the room had given him enough of the view of the elf.
Fenris' eyes flew open. "Get out." Even his voice had changed. It had lost its rich cadence and become guttural and harsh. Anders forced himself to let go of the door handle and walked to the bed. It was just dark enough to see, but barely. As his eyes adjusted, he could make out more of the elf. What he had thought were shadows was only the taint, snaking up Fenris' chest and neck as if it meant to choke the life from him.
In a very real way it was.
Fenris turned his face away from Anders and his hands clenched at his blanket. he made no move to cover himself, giving the mage a good look. "I told you to leave."
"I..." Anders shook his head and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. "Maker, Fenris. why didn't you tell me?"
"And what should I have told you?" Fenris looked at Anders from the corner of his eyes. "That I might not make it to the keep? I've always known it was a possibility. I don't need your pity, mage." He had received pity from the others when they had found out Fenris was going with the wardens and why. Hawke had actually cried.
"Pity? Do you think I feel pity for you right now?" Anders choked. "That's... that's not what I'm feeling at all." He noticed the scratches on Fenris' arms. "Let me heal those." He lifted his hand when Fenris caught his wrist, arresting the action.
"No." They stared at each other in a silent battle of wills. Fenris' lips curled and he tightened his grip before flinging Anders' hand away. "Do as you like." He held out his arms and Anders couldn't help but notice the way Fenris' hands shook.
The healing spell, normally so soft and cooling, slammed into Fenris like a punch. He bit down on his tongue to keep the moan from his lips as his brands flashed in response. Suddenly, he felt all too much like he was in his own skin. The magic licked a line up his markings and settled in his groin. He jerked his arms away and wrapped them around his chest. He dropped his head down and let his hair shield his face, and the hunger that he knew Anders would see in his eyes.
It sings...
Anders abruptly cut off the flow of his spell and reared back. it was the brands. there was something about the lyrium brands that Justice liked. No... craved. Lyrium was said to be to be formed from the waters of the Fade. Was this what Justice meant when he said he could hear it singing?
Why now? Anders asked. I've healed Fenris so many times over the years, what has changed?
Part of him was always locked away, shutting in the greatest of the song with him. Something has changed in him, I can hear it clearer now than I could before. Anders had never heard Justice speak this way before. The spirit sounded both exalted and saddened.
You miss the Fade, he ventured.
Always. More so when he is near.
Anders had always known that Justice had changed when the two of them had merged. Just as he'd always known that Justice missed his home. He had just never given it much thought. The spirit had seemed so determined that nothing would get in the way of their mission. Now, he was seeing something different in Justice. The spirit sounded more sure of himself than he had in a long time. All too often, Justice harangued at Anders about their goals for mage freedom. He berated the mage on his lack of dedication. This was more like the Justice that Anders remembered. This was more like the friend who had helped him when he had needed him most.
The song has dulled, Justice informed him. The taint is muffling the sound.
Whether it was Justice's reaction, or Anders own lust for the elf, he didn't know, but his cock was rapidly hardening. It reminded him of when he had awakened on the Wounded Coast. This has happened before, hasn't it?
The elf knows of our desire. Anders shuddered at the spirit's words. As if he were watching someone else-someone with no sense of self preservation-Anders touched Fenris' shoulder. His skin was cool under his fingertips, much colder than was normal. Fenris jerked back as if he was scalded, and maybe he had been.
"I don't know what game you are playing, but don't touch me, mage," Fenris hissed.
Anders' hand hovered over Fenris. "No game. I don-"
"No game?" Fenris lifted his eyes just enough so that Anders could see the hunger blazing in them. "I have little control over myself right now, mage. Yet you and your demon taunt me. Do you think me a fool?"
"No! Fenris, I meant to heal you, nothing more. Is it the taint? I've never heard of it reacting badly to magic. It usually doesn't react at all. Maybe if-"
He was cut off as Fenris lunged for him. Even sickened, the elf was quick, too fast for Anders to evade. He bore Anders down to the bed and pinned his hands to the mattress. He gasped as he felt as Fenris grind himself into Anders. He could feel the elf's erection through his small clothes, the only thing he was wearing.
Their faces were inches apart and Anders could see the dilation of the elf's pupils. "Your magic pulls at my brands. It feels like your hands are all over me, and in me." He slid one of his hands down Anders' arm and cupped his neck, his thumb and fingers on the mage's fluttering pulse points. He squeezed lightly in warning when Anders opened his mouth, and touched their foreheads together.
"I can only think that your demon is to blame. He wants something from me." Anders felt Justice stir as Fenris called him a demon for a second time.
"I didn't know," Anders whispered. His free hand twitched against the bed with the urge to touch the elf. He didn't dare. He knew that Fenris had lost control and Anders didn't know what he was capable of.
"Didn't you?" Fenris asked. His voice wasn't the velvet that Anders had always loved, but it still sent delicious shivers down his body. "You touch me and kiss me as if you care. We both know that is a lie. I can only assume that Justice has put you up to this. Do you often whore yourself out for him?"
His thumb hooked on the chain around Anders' neck and he drew out the amulet that marian had given him so long ago. "You wear this like you know what it means. Do you think to own me like Danarius did?"
"What are you talking about?" Anders didn't know what was happening. Fenris seemed like a wild animal, one that looked for any excuse to attack.
"Danarius use to use his magic in much the same way you are now. He would get me primed and ready for whatever bitch I was to service for his pleasure." He pressed down on Anders throat and the mage choked. "I won't be toyed with!"
"I'm not... I don't..." Anders had to make Fenris listen to him. The elf was dying, a second at a time and Anders couldn't stand to see him like this. He wanted to believe that Fenris would make it to Vigil's Keep. He needed to believe that he would survive the Joining. But if he didn't...
Dear, Maker. If he didn't...
Anders said the words that he had promised himself he never would. He revealed the secret he'd kept inside him for years. "I love you." He let Fenris see it then, his eyes and face naked and free from any artifice.
Fenris hissed between his teeth. "You lie." He tightened his grip around Anders' throat and the mage saw black spots dancing in his eyes. Inside, he could feel Justice's rage and he fought the spirit down in the same way he fought to breath.
"No... lie..." he gasped. "Fenris," he pleaded.
Fenris abruptly pushed away from Anders and turned his back on him. The set of his shoulders was stiff and unyielding. "Get out."
Anders rubbed at his throat and sent healing magic into himself on reflex. Fenris turned his head, his eyes angry slits. "GET OUT!"
He had pushed his luck and Anders knew it. He couldn't seem to scramble off the bed and flee the cabin fast enough. It was only when he literally ran into Isabela that he stopped and found himself across the ship.
"Shit, what in the void happened to you?" she asked as she steered him to a coiled rope and helped him to sit down.
Anders pulled the length of string he used to tie his hair back free. His golden hair swung down to his chin and he raked it back to tie it again. "Fenris," was all he said. It was all he needed to say.
"Getting worse." It wasn't a question. She knew as well as Anders did that there had to be only one reason for him to hide away in his cabin the way he was.
His fingers fumbled and tangled in the string. "Maker, what is the matter with me?" He felt Isabela put a hand on his and stopped the mess he was making with his hair. She gently took the tie from him and pulled his hair back herself.
"Other than you wanting him to core your apple bottom, I'd say there were a lot to chose from. You're going to have to be specific sweet cheeks." Her hands felt good in his hair and Anders realized just how much he had missed another person touching him so freely.
"That obvious?" Anders groaned.
"I know lust when I see it. I consider myself somewhat of an expert. It even sends shivers up my spine when he gets all growly with you. With that strength of his, I bet he could easily throw you around a room and show you a good time." Anders knew what she was doing. She was trying to distract him from what was happening.
It only worked for so long.
The smile at her antics slipped off his lips and he buried his face in his hands, yanking his hair from her fingers. "We might have to kill him. You haven't seen him. The taint... he can barely control himself. Even if we make it, he might die from the Joining." He knew he wasn't suppose to tell her that, but he no longer cared about keeping warden secrets. Secrets are what had started this mess, and Anders was sick of them. "I can't... I just can't..."
Isabela knelt in front of him and wrapped her arms around him. "Listen to me," she said softly. "If we don't make it in time, then we'll do what needs to be done for him. He expects nothing less from us. Until that time, we still have hope." She laughed. "Listen to me! I'm beginning to sound like man-hands."
Anders snorted in a much needed laugh, then he sobered. "Tell me how much longer we have before we get to the keep."
"Three days if I push the men. They won't like it, but I'm sure all the warden gold we'll be getting will help." Anders lifted his head and blinked.
"In thanks for saving a promising new recruit for the Joining. What?" she said at his incredulous look. "Gold talks with sailors. I don't make up the rules, I only live by them."
"Now that, was a load of shit. You make up rules all the time." Calmer now, Anders took the string from her fingers and finished his hair.
"Only the fun ones."