AN: I know, I know. I haven't updated. I can't exactly say I'm sorry because I'm not, but if you do like the story then please read forward and forget that you had to wait several months for this to appear. That, or you can dwell on it instead of actually appreciating the fact that I decided to update at all. Your choice.

Oh, and I'd like to thanks to Fantasia and wackywang. Both of you gave such insightful reviews that made me want to at least attempt to continue. But whether or not I actually finish in the time that anyone wants is a whole other story.

Warnings: Some angst.

Disclaimer: All rights reserved.

Chapter Eleven: Turn Back Time

Hiding out on the balcony all day wasn't going to dissuade Prince Syaoran from finding his servant. She knew that, and he knew she knew that. They'd have to find her because, really, getting the entire household and his family worked up over a private matter was completely outrageous. Of course, he didn't expect her to keep the secret a secret, but he also didn't think she'd say it to the first person who asked. And yet, just like the many other things in his life, Syaoran was wrong and easily thrown for a loop when things didn't quite go his way.

What would he say to her? What could he say to her? He was the one who told her those things, told her that love wasn't an option for him anymore. She had accepted it with a mindless nod and had silently told him that nothing could change that. She couldn't change him, so she wouldn't try to. She had far too much pride to just let herself keep thinking that, even if it hurt. To Syaoran, without his first love, there was no point in loving anyone else anymore. He'd given up on trying to find it, and he knew that love had given up on trying to give it to him.

Except in her.

Except Sakura.

Of course, Syaoran didn't know that, when he first decided to keep her as his own, he'd start to care. It was undeniable that she was beautiful and strong-willed, if not very naive. But she always held her ground when it came to him. With her, the moments were never dull, never tiresome, always full of life. He hadn't believed that he could smile as widely, or laugh so loud, without the first person who made his hear flutter. And, unfortunately, that woman was the only one who would ever make him feel that way.

So he pushed everything away, locked himself into his own ivory tower, and looked onto the world with little sympathy or worth. To him, everything was another obstacle. There was nothing good about life because the one thing that had any benevolence was gone. How was he supposed to know that there was more than one source of light in someone's life? How was he supposed to know he'd love another woman?

Easy. He didn't.

Sakura was everything he wasn't. She never had the dark cloud above her head or the shadows beneath those green eyes. There were no secrets to her. Whatever she had was all you saw and it was refreshing, intoxicating even. She scared him sometimes because not even his old lover had been so natural. For a while, he wondered if she was really as innocent as she seemed. And, when he found out, he surprised himself by wanting to protect this girl. He wanted to secure her away so she may never lose those haunting eyes that saw everything and reflected all.

Maybe that was why he had taken her first kiss. It had to have been her first, he knew, because her eyes showed only fear, with little understanding. He had expected her to fight, to cry even, but she didn't and that was what made him realize that she was different. She wasn't just a noblewoman, nor was she just his servant. She was a girl with her own agenda and had, without knowing it, ensnared him with a fiery spirit and kind eyes.

There were many times Syaoran had thought about her, and wondered about whether or not she was worth chasing after. He had lost so much after one try. Losing again wasn't an option he was going to stand for, but he knew there was no way to control it. Either he was going to have to accept Sakura as everything, or ask her for nothing. Because, in the end, he knew it wasn't fair to have her presence and her joy without offering his heart in return. This torn heart was one he knew he didn't completely own.

There were still lingering pieces locked in a past far he could never undo.

"This isn't working..." the woman murmured to herself, watching carefully from the shadows of the moonlit sky. A girl could only stay on a balcony for so long. Someone was bound to find her before curfew. Why prolong the agony she new was bound to happen?

Because he's going to say something you never wanted to hear.

Her eyes clenched close, as her hands balled into fists. She was shaking, out of anger or frustration, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that there was something wrong, and nothing could be done about it. Her brother had always said she'd fall for the impossible ones, the ones who would see past her pretty face and into her heart. But, those were the ones who either had a lover of their own, or had experienced trauma themselves. Only those with strong character and ability were able to see through her because, contrary to popular belief, she held a lot of herself in. Feelings that don't belong, thoughts that weren't supposed to see the light of day, were all locked into her heart because, she doubted, that anyone would want to dig that deeply into her head.

But she couldn't hold everything, could she? She couldn't just keep pretending that the emotions that arose weren't there. Pain was something new to her. Before all of this, before falling in love, she only needed her family and her friends. What else could anyone offer her? Loneliness was always at her shoulder, though, when she noticed smiling couples amongst the crowd of people, or even among her closest confidantes. All of them had someone to lean on, to cry on, to yell at, and to be cared for by.

When had she become so isolated?

Opening the door to the balcony, she slipped in and noticed there was no one around. Of course, she was going to have to see Syaoran, regardless of her own wants, so anyone telling her to do would have been wasting their time and hers. She wanted to hear the echoes of her own footsteps, the swish of her skirt, even the noise of her shallow breathing, but she couldn't. The pulsing of the blood in her veins and drum of her heart made everything less than what it was. Her body just walked, as if in a trance, before stopping at the door of an unfamiliar room.

Without thinking, or even noticing she had moved at all, Sakura knocked on the door, cringing when she knew he had heard her. His deep voice carried through the wood and wrapped itself around her. She wanted to laugh at herself because believing anything that voice said was a cruel joke. His power was untamed and it reigned over her as if she were a dog to her owner.

What a fitting comparison.

She opened the door slowly, only wide enough for her slender frame to move through, before slamming the door shut, as if something was going to escape from the study. All that was in the room remained unmoved. The books on the shelves and the cushioned furniture were impassive to her presence. The only thing that had even seemingly acknowledged her was the ringing of the clock, which showed that night was evidently present.

She approached the man who sat in the arm chair, his dark brown hair brushing against amber eyes. His mouth rested along his fist, as his elbow supported his head. He looked past her, as if she weren't even standing before him. She could feel animosity roll of his shoulders and onto her own. What could he be upset about? She was here, wasn't she?

"You asked for me, Your Highness?" The defensive tone of her voice was there. It was her only shield against anything Syaoran might say or do. The protection he once offered wasn't hers to have anymore.

"You're late." Piercing dark eyes met hers, and Sakura almost wilted beneath his stare. But she persevered, and didn't let him see too much of her. She was still raw from his earlier confession, and too scared to confront him about it. There was nothing she cold do but wade out her fears, as he gazed with no compassion.

"I know. Please forgive me tardiness. I hadn't known you sent for me." An obvious lie and Syaoran knew it. He made no move to correct her, though she had a feeling he already had all the answers sorted out.

"Sakura-san," he addressed, his formalcy foreign to her. She could feel the sting on her skin, but Sakura withstood it. After all, they were nothing more than a master and servant.

"I know about your feelings for me."

Well, that was blunt.

Straightening up, Sakura's gaze hardened as she looked away from the prince. She replied, "And what of them? They haven't gotten in anyone's way, so I see no need in bringing them up. As long as I do my job, and as long as you don't return them, then nothing can go wrong, right?"

"You shouldn't be so hasty, Sakura-san," Syaoran said, glaring a little more darkly. "You have no idea how much ruckus there has been in the castle because of these unquelled feelings. I won't have disorder in my home."

"I can't change what what I feel." I don't know how to stop caring.

"I'm not asking you to." We could never work, and you know it.

"Then what do you expect me to do?" What do you want from me?

"Whatever you need to do to stop this madness." Everything I can't give you in return.

The silence stretched between them, but questions and answers were still in the air. They kept their silent dialogue going, back and forth between them. There was no winner, only two losers.

Please tell me what I need to do.

I can't.

Then how am I supposed to forget these feelings, and you?

I don't know.

Then what am I doing here right now? Why are we debating over something that we both know?

You're here because you needed closure, and I needed to give it to you. There is no more to discuss.

Syaoran stood up, brushing against Sakura's shoulder with irrational sorrow. She never noticed the pain in his eyes, never saw how tight his jaw was clenched in anger. All she saw was the blurring of the moonlit window of the study. But, she still had one more question he needed to answer, to completely wipe him from her thoughts.

"Did you ever really love me?'

His footsteps stopped at the door, as he held the knob beneath his hand. He waited, as if in thought, as she turned to his shadowed form. His back was to her, so she saw none of the impassive look in his eyes or the way he seemed to argue with himself. All she wanted was a simple answer to a not-so-simple question. There was no way around his answer.

"Yes..." he began. "And no. I did love you, Sakura, and, even now, I know there's something inside of me that says I could be happy with you, forever.

"But that part also says that we could have been perfect for each other, I mean, really perfect, if I had only met you first. There are too many 'maybe's in the world, Sakura. Ours, this relationship, is one of them; one that was never meant to be."

AN: Yeah, yeah, hate me. I really don't care. The ending is still up in the air, though. As you can see, I'm definitely leaning toward the sad one, but it probably won't be. I just like to torture you guys. Reviews make me happy. Scratch that. GOOD REVIEWS make me happy. Just so you know.

Well, till next time.