Moving on

I am so glad I have Rye she is the only thing I have to stay alive for any more and every time I look at her it's like looking at Peeta all over again this gives me such comfort during those long nights I must spend alone.

Today is the day of my husband's funeral I asked for him to be cremated since I know I could not stand to see his poor charred body. I have decided that since there is nothing left of district 12 I will go along with the request of our new president: President Undersee. He requested that I place Peeta's ashes in the arena right on the spot where he died. At first the idea repulsed me, why would I want the ashes of my husband who had been killed in the games to rest forever on the spot of my greatest nightmares?

But as I thought about it a plan began to form in my mind. Peeta's death would not be in vain. I told President Undersee about how I wanted to turn 12 of the arena's into memorials to the tributes. Not only that but as the games served to remind us the pain that was caused by rebellion hopefully the memorials would serve to remind people what happens when we don't hold sacred the value of human life. Each arena would be dedicated to a district and their lost tributes. A marker would be placed on each spot where they died. First there would be a tribute to their lives talking about who they had loved, what they enjoyed doing, what people loved most about them, etc… Then the video of their death would be played for everyone to see. There would also be no jackets, food, or water allowed in the arena so for the entire day you were in the arena you would feel some of what the tributes went through.

There would be thirteen days each year set aside to remember what the games cost us and how we worked for our freedom. Each district would spend a day in each arena ending with their own then on the thirteenth day everyone would come to what used to be the capitol and see how much trouble civil war brings.

Undersee asked me to be in charge of the project and since I had no home and no husband I decided this is what Peeta would have wanted me and little Rye to do. Besides I want her to grow up understanding how much her father and others went through to gain her freedom from the fear of being reaped into the hunger games.

"My name is Katniss Mellark, I was reaped into the hunger games with Peeta but we both made it, then I married Peeta and became pregnant with his child, Then we were reaped again, My baby was born in the arena, I was rescued, My sister died for me, I killed snow, I… am… a… widow."

The doctor told me to try this exercise whenever I feel stressed and like I am about to break down. This is one of those moments as I once again enter the arena. Gale is close by and he takes little Rye for me, I just can't be a mom at this moment I need to be a wife burying her husband.

Haymitch is ushering a strange girl toward me I hope he knows I am not in the mood to meet anyone just now, but if he does he does not care because he brings her over anyway "Katniss this is Miss Rayla Sparks the only survivor of the games thanks to Peeta" Tears fill my eyes this girl could not possibly be 14 she was so small. No doubt she only made it to the end thanks to the alliance forming there is no way she could have fought other tributes. "Well how does it feel to be the winner of the last hunger games ever?" I ask she looks shocked

"I would never take the title of winner we all won these games together everyone in every district and every tribute in the arena won these games"

I take the girl in my arms she may be small but she embodies the spirit of what I want Panem to become. "Rayla I have been asked to take over transforming the arenas into memorials. How would you like to be my second in command?" She appears shocked but smiles and wraps her arms around me telling me should would be so honored to be a part of this project.

Somehow this meeting reminds me again of what Peeta died for and it takes some of the sting out as I stand there chocking back the tears and with a last "I love you baby" I scatter his ashes over the spot still stained with my husband's blood.

Rye and I are staying in the capitol until the rubble was cleared from victors' village and a new home can be built for us. I was very busy during this time preparing the various arenas. The districts all have requests as to which arena they want dedicated to their tributes of course I insisted that last year's arena be given to district 11 in honor of Rue and this years be district 12s in honor of Peeta and Prim.

It's not easy going through all the different arenas and reliving the horror that was lived out in them but I know it's necessary for the future of our country. Rayla has proven to be a huge help to me; she does all the travel outside the capitol to collect stories from different districts about their tributes. I don't want to take Rye traveling with me much yet since she is still so tiny. She is not 3 months old but she only weighs 7 pounds 8 ounces. I wish I could have nursed her longer but by the time she got back to me my milk had dried up so I had to give her a bottle.

The doctors tell me that the reason I was out for so long during the search of the arena was not from sedation. They only gave me a very mild one at first but then I had slipped into a depression so deep it had become a type of coma which they were very worried I would not wake up from.

Gale has been a huge help to me as well. I know he is busy helping to oversee the rebuilding of the districts but he makes sure to have someone else do all the traveling so he can be near us. He is staying with us so he can help me with Rye at first I had him stay in the guest room but I was so exhausted from getting up with Rye and I won't let her sleep anywhere but by my side so he made a bed on the floor of my room. So now he can get up with Ryely sometimes during the night and also whenever nightmares wake me I can feel his calming hand smoothing my hair and telling me it's ok.

I don't know how he feels about me romantically since we never mention it. When he first moved in I warned him I was not ready to move on yet and this was strictly him being a friend. He probably would like more but I'm just not ready to give my heart to anyone again.

The months flew by as time will do when you are busy. Rye has started crawling and she is getting into everything she can reach. Every night as I rock her to sleep I make sure to sing the meadow lullaby to her and show her a picture of her daddy and remind her that he loved her so much he gave everything so that she could live in a better world. I know she does not understand now but I know someday she will.

When Ryely was 8 months old our home in district 12 was finally finished. I was so happy to be back home even if nothing looked the same as it had. Gale was not able to leave his duties in the capitol yet; Rye and I miss him so much. At first I think I just miss having to actually wake up at night with my own baby but then it dawns on me I really miss being with Gale, I miss his company could it be I'm in love with him?

Last week we celebrated Rye's first birthday. I can't believe how fast my little girl is growing up! She is the pride and joy of her grandfather and even Peeta's mother has warmed up to being a grammie.

Today I decided I needed some time alone so I left Ryely with her grandparents while I went out to do some hunting. The fence no longer hums with electricity and I am free to come and go as I choose however most of the other people here won't go into the woods since the capitols various mutts have not yet all been killed.

As I approach the spot I would always meet Gale at in the good old days a pang of longing sweeps over me and I sigh. Just then I hear a rustling in the bushes and Ioad an arrow and prepare to shoot whatever is in those bushes. Just then Gale emerges from shrubs laughing "I gocha good this time Catnip didn't I?" I can't say anything so I throw myself into his arms weeping with joy!

We sit by the lake and talk for hours and I admit to him I am ready to be loved again and I in fact am in love with him. A boyish smile spreads across his face and he pulls me into his arms and kisses me.

It is my wedding day and I am feeling so happy. Rye who is 18 months old and just now toddling comes in looking as pretty as a picture in her blue flower girls dress. She looks more like Peeta every day sometimes its almost hard to see. I still miss Peeta and I will always love him and Gale understands this but I know that Peeta would be happy to know I had gone on with my life and that I was allowing myself another chance at happiness. In an attempt to minimize Rye's confusion over who daddy is we decided to allow her to call Gale "Daddy" and we always refer to Peeta as Father. Someday I will explain to her that her Father conceived her and he loved her so much he gave everything for her and even though Daddy Gale is not her biological Father he loves her as if she were his own but will never take the place in her heart and mine of her Father.

Before posing for pictures after the wedding Gale give me a present. It is my mockingjay ring that Peeta gave me with a diamond in the middle. "I want you to wear this as your wedding back catnip that way you will always remember that even though he is gone and you are married to me now you him and little Rye will be Forever a Family."

Last chapter )= I will give you guys the epilogue as soon as I can! Review review review! I have decided I AM doing to follow Rye later in her life but what she does? Well I'm going to let that be a surprise muhahaha. Anyway fav author me and you will be able to see when I do the next story. It could be a couple months since I'm working on another story so don't give up on me.

Alright see you in a few days for the epilogue and may the owds be eva in yowa fava! (Capital accent lol)