Cal tapped on the door lightly. There was a long pause before it was answered and he was preparing himself to leave again, even with his spare key burning a hole in his pocket. But Gillian answered and she gave him a warm smile in greeting, even though she looked tired. "Come in," she offered.
"Am I disturbin' you?" Cal asked as he stepped up beside her.
"No."
"Cos I can come back late-a." But the whole purpose of being there was just to see her. And the baby. He had held the little boy after he was born, got to cut the cord. Gillian insisted he have the honour, despite the silent protest of her mother. Gillian had told her Cal was the father and he had almost instantly picked up on a hostile vibe. She had objected to Cal's presence during the birth (she clearly knew about their deal), but again, Gillian insisted. She wanted him there.
"No," Gillian countered. "Come in."
Cal held his son for the first time just minutes after he had been born and felt the familiar stirring of love and protectiveness. As much as he wanted to be able to, he couldn't bring himself to not care.
"You'll have to excuse the mess," Gillian told him.
"Don't worry about it," Cal dismissed. There were piles of clean laundry on the couch. Gillian took him to the kitchen and offered tea. "I have an ulteri-a motive," Cal announced as she filled the kettle with water from the tap.
"Oh?" Gillian glanced at him over her shoulder.
Cal held up a folder. "Need a fave-a."
"What is it?"
"I need anotha opinion."
Gillian set the kettle on the gas.
"I need your opinion," Cal admitted.
Gillian held out her hand for the file. Cal explained briefly what the case was about.
"I wouldn't come ova if it wasn't important."
"It doesn't have to be important for you to come over," Gillian told him gently. "I was about to feed Arran."
Arran; after the island off the coast of England where Cal's mother's family had originally come from, before moving to London. How she had found that out he had no idea, but it was kind of sweet. At least his family hadn't come from Sheppey or Wight.
"Well you do that. I'll make tea," Cal took the folder out of her hands again and left it on the edge of the kitchen counter.
Gillian sat in the living room in the arm chair. She had finally got the hang of feeding. At three weeks old, so had Arran. Cal's timing was impeccable. Her mother had left yesterday morning. Cal brought their tea and set it on the coffee table in the middle of the room. Then he started folding washing.
"You don't have to do that," she told him.
"Don't mind," he responded. She was hardly in a position to stop him. It was all baby clothes, cloths and towels.
Gillian asked him about work. She came in fairly regularly, mostly to keep tabs on Cal and to keep up with the accounts. But she hadn't worked a case in weeks. Cal gave her a brief run down. Once he had finished with the washing he sat and drank his tea.
"How are you doin'?" Cal asked her.
"Good," Gillian responded with a smile.
"You fine with everythin'?" He meant taking care of the baby and anything else that fell in to that category.
Gillian nodded. "Everything's fine. Arran's fine. I'm fine."
"That's good," Cal responded absently while wondering if he should have asked. There were regulations in place but he was still not clear on the rules. Was he allowed to ask after her, post pregnancy? Was he allowed to ask about the health of his son? Was he allowed to refer to Arran as his son? Even just in his head?
Gillian finished feeding and shifted Arran to an upright position to burp him. She ran her fingers firmly up the warm back of her son. He grizzled slightly. An air bubble passed through his lips. Gillian checked to see if any milk had come back up.
"That's my boy," Cal noted amused.
Gillian gave him a smile. He had no idea how much Arran was like him. They had the same coloured eyes, the same chin, a similar perceptive attitude. She often found Arran just watching her. She knew Cal was observing her intently from his position on the couch, slouched back against the pillows, empty mug in his hands. "Want to hold him?" She figured Arran was about done passing wind.
"All right," Cal agreed readily. He got up and scooped Arran out of her arms expertly. Gillian went to get the file from the kitchen and when she came back Cal was rocking the baby gently while on his feet. He was peering down at the baby's face intently. "He really is precious Gill," he told her without looking up.
"Must take after me then," Gillian quipped.
"So long as you don't get your mutha's sense of huma," Cal told the baby. Gillian sat on the couch, opened the file and started to read through it. Cal wandered over to the windows and looked out at the street. Nice and quiet during the day. It must be easy to nap here. Cal looked down at his son again. Gillian told him Arran's eyes were blue. Considering both his parents had blue eyes his were going to stay that way. But Cal hadn't got a good look at them yet. Arran was staring up at him. Cal gave the baby a smile and he returned it. Cal felt his heart flutter. His baby boy. He couldn't just stand by. In fact, he couldn't remember why he had decided that he could. He turned to tell Gillian the real reason why he had come over. She was asleep, the file open in her lap. Cal was stunned. She really must have been very tired.
Cal put Arran down in his cot and pulled the bedroom door so it was almost closed. He went back to the living room. Gillian had fallen asleep sitting up, her head over the back of the couch. Cal started shifting her so she was lying down. She stirred and started to mumble something in her sleep. Then she woke a bit more as Cal moved her down on her back. She tried to protest but Cal shushed her. He found a blanket to drape over her but by the time he had done that she was all ready out of it. Cal looked down at her sleeping form. He went to check on Arran. Both asleep. Perfect.
Cal moved around the house, putting the folded washing away quietly. Then he did dishes and more washing and even managed to hang it up outside before Gillian woke up from her midday nap. She caught him coming in from the back of the house.
"Tell me you didn't tidy up," she admonished sleepily.
"Arran's asleep," Cal tried changing the subject.
"You don't have to run around after me," Gillian told him.
"I want to. I hate that you're doin' this alone."
"Cal," Gillian had a warning tone in her voice.
Cal ploughed on. "I thought I could stand by and let you do it by yourself but it's not right luv."
"Cal," Gillian tried again, this time sounding more shocked.
"I want to be there for you and Arran."
"You agreed," Gillian cut in. "You signed a contract."
Cal knew that thing would come back to bite him. Luckily for him there was a loop hole. "Consida it null and void."
"You can't do that!"
"I can. The contract was for IVF. You didn't get pregnant by IVF."
"You can't change your mind Cal. That's not fair."
"What wasn't fair was askin' me to stay out of it in the first place."
"I might have requested it initially but when I actually got pregnant I came to you! You turned me down!"
"I know. Cos I thought it was what you wanted! I thought I was doin' the right thing by you. But I wasn't thinkin' about myself."
"That's unlike you," Gillian responded snidely.
Cal ignored the comment. "I'm not tryin' to take Arran away from you. I still maintain that you're a great mutha."
Gillian looked cautiously suspicious. "Then what are you saying?"
Cal crossed to where she was standing against the bench in the kitchen. "I'm sayin' I care about you and I care about Arran."
Gillian gave a little frown.
"We made a beautiful baby boy togetha Gill," Cal told her softly. "It was amazin'. You're amazin'."
"Cal I'm confused. What are you really telling me here? That you want to move in? That you want Arran on the weekends?"
"No."
"Then what?" Gillian demanded.
"I'm tellin' you that I love you and I want to be with you and our son and that I want to play happy families and everythin' that comes with that," Cal responded agitatedly. Why wasn't she getting it?
Gillian stood staring at him, a little flabbergasted, definitely surprised, her heart beating a little erratically. She didn't think he would ever tell her how he really felt. "I didn't mean for this to happen," she said quietly.
"What did you think would happen? You knew when you asked me to be a sperm dona that this had the potential to be beyond complicated."
"Then why did you say yes?"
"Because I couldn't say no to that. You know that!" Cal's emotions rocketed again.
"All right fine!" Gillian retorted. "I did know."
"But you expected me to stay out of it anyway?" Cal asked incredulously.
"No! Yes!" Gillian sighed, looked away. "I." She stopped, hesitated.
"Out with it," Cal directed in a low voice.
"I thought you might, but I didn't want you to."
"Stay out of it?"
She nodded.
"Was this before or after we had sex and you got pregnant?"
The floor was suddenly intensely interesting. Cal hated that she kept looking away but at least she was still talking to him. "Use your words," Cal coaxed, teasing her in a way she had teased him once.
Gillian's eyes met his, and they smiled a little. She remembered too then. "When I asked you about IVF in the first place, that part was true, about wanting my best friend to be a sperm donor for me. And then I saw something in your eyes that made me... I don't know. See you differently. I caught a glimpse of how you see me. And then when the IVF didn't work I was looking for comfort, so I knocked on your door. I wanted to feel that affection again. I wanted you to make me feel good again. I used you. As for trying to get pregnant, that was not my intention. It wasn't why I knocked on your door. But I don't regret it."
"I don't regret it."
"You don't?"
"Not in the slightest. I'm glad you're happy."
"I am Cal."
"I know Arran makes you happy. I'm just wonderin' if you could find it in your heart to maybe let me make you happy too? Or at least let me try?"
Gillian stepped towards him, placed a hand on his chest. "You already made me happy Cal; you gave me Arran."
"Cos I can't keep on like this luv," Cal continued. He wanted to make sure she knew the full extent of it and then hoped she would make the decision he desperately hoped for. "I want you. I want to be with you. And I want us to raise our son togetha, like we're supposed to, contract be damned."
"Do you really love me?"
Of all the things to ask him...
"Of course I bloody love you," Cal answered gruffly. He took hold of her face gently and pressed his lips against hers.
Gillian kissed him back deeply. They held each other for a long time, foreheads pressed together, warm in the glow of recently discovered devotion. "I love you too Cal."
Well, that's it. Maybe for now?
Thanks for sharing this one with me too. I wrote the entire thing in four days. Just love these two. Their relationship is so fraught with complications and frustrations. I think all of our fanfics only really ever scratch the surface.
Thanks for any and all reviews. Always appreciated and well received, even the rails against their stubborn stupidity. When I had a crap day at work I took five minutes to step out of the kitchen to check my mail and I tell you, by the end of it, I had the biggest grin on my face. Love that you love my work.
Till next time...