Six Weeks Later
2000 EST
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
After their night together, Mac went on with her life, as if nothing happened. Harm wondered how she did it, just forgot about their incredible night together and concentrated on her wedding to Brumby. Yet, Harm decided to through a wrench in those plans. He had informed Mac of his carrier quals and that he might miss the wedding. She was a bit angry with him that she didn't even wish him luck.
The night before her wedding, Harm crashed his F-14 in the Atlantic Ocean. He was trying to make it back in time for Mac's wedding. He had promised her. And he never made a promise that he couldn't keep.
However, because of his crash, Mac never went through with the wedding. She didn't want to go through the biggest day of her life when her best friend was lying in a hospital bed. Harm felt bad that he was the reason for the wedding not happening. There was a part of him that was elated that Mac wasn't married to Brumby, but another part felt horrible because he would be blamed for everything that happened after the fact.
The loud knock roused him from the light sleep. He managed to get his large frame off the rather small couch and over to the door. Harm opened the door to find Mac standing on the other side, still in her uniform. She was twisting her cover in her hands. Obviously, she thought a lot about coming to him about whatever was bothering her.
"Wow, you look miserable." He mentioned as he stepped aside to let her enter the apartment.
At his statement, she looked into his eyes and realized her mistake. Her coming and telling him about Mic's departure would only make things easier for them. Would only make resisting Harm much harder for her. "This is a mistake. I shouldn't have come."
Harm's hand shot out, stopping her from leaving, although he never physically touched her. "Mac, come in. Please."
"He left me. I came home and he was packing his things."
Harm pushed aside the thought of Brumby living with Mac, instead asked, "What was his reason?"
"That I didn't love him enough." She chuckled at the memories of all the times that Mic voiced his love, but she could not. It was always, 'Me too' or 'I know'. She could never tell him 'I love you'.
"Do you? Love him, I mean." Harm perched himself on one of the barstools, awaiting her answer.
"Yes." Again, she lied to Harm. Why couldn't she just tell the truth? Save the both of them the time and trouble, but it wasn't that easy anymore. There was so much distance and heartache between the two of them. Did they already burn the bridge that would lead them to each other?
Harm opened his mouth to reply, but the ringing of the phone interrupted him. He shuffled over to it, answered it, "Rabb." His face took on a neutral expression as he handed the phone to Mac.
"Lt. Colonel MacKenzie."
"I wondered who you would run to first. I now have my answer." A defeated voice sounded on the other end.
"Mic, tell me where you are and I'll come there."
"No, I'm on my way back to Australia." He sighed and then continued, "Goodbye, beautiful." With that, he hung up.
Mac returned the cordless to the charger, then turned towards Harm. "He's leaving. I have to go stop him."
"Why is he leaving, Mac?"
"Because he can't get past what's between us." She headed for the door, but stopped when Harm gently replied.
"Maybe because we can't get past it." He watched her move through the doorway again. He had to think of a way to make her stay. "You're mine, Mac. Always will be mine. You'll always belong to me."
Those haunting words once more. Since the first time he said them to her, Mac had never been able to get them out of her head. They were always there, especially when Mic and her were having sex. She never saw Mic looming above her, saying words of endearment or crying out her name in pleasure. She always saw Harm. The way his face changed when he reached his peak. Hear the sound of her name on his lips. And of course, those words.
Mac stopped in the open doorway, turned on her heel to face Harm. "Do you like having this kind of hold over me? Do you enjoy this? I cannot have a relationship without you having some part in it. Do you get a thrill seeing me in this much pain and most of it is your fault?"
"Brumby doesn't deserve you, Mac. You're too good for him."
"And you say the same thing about every man I want to have a relationship with. Who is good enough for me, Harm? I've given you numerous chances to say that it's you, but you've always choked. So, I have given up hope of ever being with you in the long run."
She went through the door and Harm shot off the barstool. "Mac, wait!"
Out of respect, she stopped once more for him. "You know something, Harm, at least when Mic says he loves me, he means it. He doesn't say it just to make me stay." With that last statement, she went to the elevator, leaving Harm standing in the open doorway.
~*~*~*~*~*
Three Weeks Later
1700 Local Time
USS Guadalcanal
Indian Ocean
Mac sat at the desk in her quarters, contemplating over what happened in the mess. She never imagined that Harm would follow her halfway around the world. One of the reasons why she asked for this assignment was to get way from everything in Washington. She needed some time to think, to reevaluate her life and figure out what was important to her. Sure, people at JAG probably thought she was running away from her problems. She always did have a knack for doing just that. This time was different. She wasn't running away from problems---she was running away from a man.
A man who certainly made it clear that she came second when it concerned his girlfriend. Mac normally did come second to Harm's girlfriends. She had gotten used to it over the years. This time, however, she thought he had changed. The words that he said in his husky voice still rang in her ears.
Come to me. I'm waiting.
When she heard those words, she imagined what would happen once she arrived at the apartment. Mac dreamed of Harm waiting for her at the door, escort her into the apartment. He would draw her into his strong embrace, chasing away all the pain and heartache. His kisses would rain in her hair, down the side of her face, over her tear-streaked eyes, to her rosy lips. In a matter of minutes, they were in his bedroom, their clothes discarded, and Harm's body looming over her. The sheer pleasure of having his body thrusting into hers would be enough to ease the pain of another man leaving her.
However, Mac's dream was shattered when Harm explained that Renee came over upon learning of her father's death. He obviously couldn't send her away, so he told Mac that they would talk when he returned from escorting Renee to the funeral. Mac was cast aside for someone else. What made it worse was seeing Harm embrace Renee through the window. It should have been her in his arms. Not Renee. It should've been her in his arms all the years.
A loud knock sounded on her open stateroom door. Mac looked up from her laptop to meet those captivating eyes. "Hey, Harm."
"Hey. Can I come in?" He gestured with his hand.
"Sure." She gave him a small smile, but remained seated. "How are you doing?"
Harm noticed the uneasiness between them. He hated that they've come to that point in their friendship. "I'm fine. Do you know why I accepted this assignment?"
"No."
"Because I knew that you wouldn't call me back." He saw something flash in Mac's eyes, but he couldn't describe it since it quickly faded away. "Tell me what you're thinking."
"Pressured. Why are you doing this?" She wrung her hands in her lap, waiting for the inevitable.
"I needed to talk to you and you left. Mac, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you."
Mac stood up from the desk; "You came all this way to apologize for not being able to talk with me. I don't buy it, Harm."
He sucked in a deep breath, "I also wanted to talk about 'us'."
"Harm, this is no 'us'. There's you and Renee. I don't factor into that equation. I never did with any of your relationships." She shot back at him.
He had no response to her statement. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for her next onslaught.
"Mic gave up his naval career and his country for me. What are you willing to give up to have me? Would you give up your girlfriend?" Mac knew that he would steer his way around the questions. That was Harm's method of avoiding anything dealing with personal feelings.
"You're testing me?" A look of confusion crossed his face.
"Would you?"
"What if I did?" He shot back, wondering what would be Mac's next move.
She scoffed loudly, "I'm so sick and tired of this dance." With that, she exited the stateroom quickly.
Harm not even realizing that she left so quickly, stated, "Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would give her up." He looked around and noticed that Mac was absent. "Hey, Mac!"
He ran out of the stateroom to look for her. He found her standing with Gunny and knew that she was basically hiding behind him, ending her conversation with Harm. "Hey, Gunny. How's it going?"
"It's going good, Sir. I heard you were onboard." He looked between Harm and Mac, noticing the slight pain expressions on both of their faces. Obviously they were discussing something pretty heavy and it certainly did not end well.
When Mac asked him what he found out about Major Laskey, Victor explained his findings to both of the attorneys, since Harm would find out eventually. Once Victor was finished, he and Mac headed down the corridor, away from Harm.
"Mac, we weren't finished talking." He shouted to her.
Mac turned around, "What makes you think we ever will be." She then walked away with Gunny down the corridor.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Three Days Later
0900 Local Time
Mac's Quarters
A loud knock startled Mac in the middle of getting dressed. She quickly pulled on her cammie pants and the Marine issue t-shirt. Once she was presentable, she opened the door to her stateroom. Not that she showed it, but she was a bit startled to find Harm on the other side. Mac knew that he was leaving today, but had no idea when the COD was departing. She was still debating whether she would see Harm off or just watch him depart from a distance.
"When is your COD departing?" She asked while she moved aside to let him into the stateroom. Mac closed the door behind Harm, turned around and leaned against it, awaiting his answer.
"Not until 1100."
"Oh, so you came to see me before you leave?"
He flashed her a small smile. "Yeah, I felt bad at how things ended between us the a few days ago. I wanted to apologize for my behavior."
Harmon Rabb apologizing two times within three days. There has to be something wrong with him, Mac thought. "You have nothing to apologize for. It was both of our faults for things getting out of hand."
"Mac, why do you keep pushing me away?"
"Me pushing you away? What do you call what you did to me three weeks ago? I needed you, Harm. I needed a friend and you cast me aside for Renee." Why did he have to start this conversation now?
He hesitated for a brief moment, "I...she...I don't know why I did what I did."
Mac pushed herself away from the door and headed over to the desk. She sat down on the chair and thought of what she would say next. "It hurt me, Harm. You always seem to cast me aside for your girlfriends and I thought we had a special kind of friendship. What you did with me three weeks ago was the last straw."
"What do you want me to do, Mac?" He held up his hands in defeat.
"Harm, you don't understand and I don't think you ever will." She hoped that he wouldn't question her statement. She did not want to discuss her problems with someone who didn't care about her enough.
He went to stand in front of her, "What don't I understand, Mac. Please, help me understand why you're the way you are."
God damn him! Mac sucked in a deep breath hoping that the Lord above could help her get through this. "Men leave me, Harm. Every man that I've had a relationship with, has left me. I mean, look at Mic, he left me because he couldn't get past what he thought was between us and I didn't love him enough. I could not even tell him that I love him. I couldn't, Harm."
"I've never left you, Mac."
"Yes, you have. You left me for a 30 million-dollar plane, Harm. The weekend that we spent together was beyond my wildest dreams, but what hurt the most is when you left without saying goodbye. Did you even make a backward glance at me before you slipped out the door?" She stood up, their bodies brushing against one another. "I can only be cast aside a certain number of times before I give up on ever getting the persons attention."
Harm reached up a tentative hand and cupped her cheek. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you three weeks ago."
She batted his hand away, "Please leave, Harm. I don't want to discuss this anymore."
"Mac-"
She turned her back to him, signaling that she was finished with the conversation.
Harm would not let her have the last word anymore. She would not run away this time---not when they were so close to resolving everything between them. He roughly grabbed her arm, made her turn around and stared long and hard into her chocolate depths. Before he could even utter a word, a knock sounded on her door.
Mac wrenched her arm from his grasp and headed for the door. A hand on her arm stopped her short. She turned to Harm with an angry glare in her eyes.
"Mac, you answer that door and you might as well kiss our relationship goodbye."
"Now you know how I feel when you cast me aside for more important business," she snarled. Mac willed herself to calm down and act like an adult in this situation. "Harm, let me answer the door and deal with that, then we can finish talking."
"All right." He gave up arguing with her.
Mac opened the door to find Gunny on the other side. He glanced past her and saw Harm standing in the middle of the room, with his hands on his hips. Just from looking at both of them, he knew that they were engaged in a heated argument.
"Ma'am, I was just looking for the Commander, in case he didn't know about his departure time."
"He knows, but thanks for reminding him, Gunny," she said with a smile on her face.
"No problem, ma'am." Gunny looked past Mac and relayed the next statement to Harm, "Sir, it was good seeing you again. Hope to see you in a few weeks when we get back to Headquarters."
Harm flashed Gunny a smile, "It's was good seeing you, too, Gunny. Can't wait to have you and Mac back at JAG. It's just not the same."
After Gunny informed Mac of where he would be after Harm left, Mac closed the door. She turned around to face Harm once more. She leaned back against the door, knowing that if she was any closer to him, she would not be held accountable for her actions.
"Now, what did you want to talk about? I think we've covered everything in our screwed-up relationship. What else is there?" Mac stood with her arms crossed beneath her breasts.
"Now that you've had your say, it's my turn. I think that's fair."
Mac opened her mouth to respond to him, but Harm held up his hand in silence before a word was uttered.
"For once in our friendship, shut up and listen." He steered her over to the bunk and made her sit down, while he remained standing. "I lied to you that night in Sydney Harbor. I so much wanted to pour my heart out to you as you did to me. But I was scared, Mac. Scared of what it might bring in the future. Scared that it would not last between us. I couldn't bear that if it had happened.
"Then came the night after your engagement party. I put my heart and soul in my lovemaking, but you didn't see it that way. You probably thought it was just me being scared of losing you to someone other than myself. The next morning when I told you that I loved you, I wasn't saying it just to make you stay."
Mac sat on the bunk, mouth wide open. She was just granted her wish. Harm admitted his feelings for her, but this was not how she envisioned it happening. Not to mention, that she couldn't ravish him the way she wanted to in her dreams. Definitely not on the ship and in her quarters. She would be insane. Though, a kiss wouldn't hurt. However, whenever she and Harm kiss, things get out of hand in a matter of seconds. It's almost like they spontaneously combust whenever any part of their bodies touch each other.
"Mac, you can say something now." Her silence was slowly scaring Harm. Scaring him to the point that what he just did might've been a mistake. Maybe she was right-maybe it was too late.
"Kiss me, Commander." A sultry smile formed on her lips and Harm swallowed the lump in his throat.
As he pulled her to her feet, bringing her body against his, his breath fanned over her mouth, "Yes, ma'am." Then he claimed her mouth in a searing kiss.
A kiss that certainly made her toes curl. Harm's tongue probed open her lips and easily slipped inside. Was it really three months ago that they last done this? Mac strained against him, standing on her tiptoes to press her mouth harder against his. His threaded his fingers through her tousled tresses and held her pliant mouth still under his while he ravished her mouth with fierce urgency. He could not get enough. He could not get enough of the taste that was Sarah MacKenzie.
Mac was right years ago when she said he was addicted to her. She hit it right on the nail that night. He became addicted to Mac the moment he tasted her lips that first night together. It had only taken him forever to admit his feelings for her. If only he had done it sooner, things would a bit simpler between them.
He hated doing it. Lord, he hated pulling away from her luscious mouth, but he had a COD to catch in one hour. It did not matter that he wanted to stay in Mac's quarters, kissing her endlessly. He was needed back at JAG. Harm framed her face in his large hands, "I've got a transport to catch."
"Yes, you do." She replied while fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. "Harm, I'm not turning you away. Please, don't think that at all. I just need time to let it sink in. When I return to D.C., I'll need some time alone. Can you understand that?"
His voice was a husky tone in her ear and it sent her body on fire in the places that only Harm could enflame completely. "Yes, I can. This is a big step for both of us."
"Yes, it is."
"What's bothering you about this?"
She focused her attention on one lone button, rubbing her thumb over it and thinking about unfastening it. Her voice had a bit of a quiver to it, "I took this assignment to get away. To get away from everything; you, the thought of Mic, and most all JAG. I know when I return, and everyone sees us together, they'll think that we were together during my engagement to Mic."
"Mac---"
Mac cut him off once more, "Yes, we were together, but they don't know that. I don't want them to think of me as a slut. They think of me as the straight-laced Marine, and in their minds, I would never do such a thing as that. I want to wait a few weeks before we even let them see a romantic relationship between us."
"That sounds good to me, Sarah." His thumbs brushed over the smoothness of her cheeks.
"You have a COD to catch," she said, bringing them back to reality.
Harm flashed her a small smile before capturing her mouth in another heated kiss. He wanted to remember the feel of her lips for the plane ride home. He pulled back; "Will you see me off?"
"Sure," her voice a bit breathy from the heated moment they just shared.
"All right. See you in an hour, Marine." With one last kiss, he exited her quarters.
Mac never showed. Harm didn't understand. She told him she would be there. Yet, when he came on deck, Mac was nowhere in sight. Was it easier for her to say goodbye at a distance? Even when he boarded the COD, he took one last look around before it was closed up and he saw nothing. He never saw her standing on the Comm Tower, watching the transport take him back to Washington.
~*~*~*~*~*
2000 EST
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
After their night together, Mac went on with her life, as if nothing happened. Harm wondered how she did it, just forgot about their incredible night together and concentrated on her wedding to Brumby. Yet, Harm decided to through a wrench in those plans. He had informed Mac of his carrier quals and that he might miss the wedding. She was a bit angry with him that she didn't even wish him luck.
The night before her wedding, Harm crashed his F-14 in the Atlantic Ocean. He was trying to make it back in time for Mac's wedding. He had promised her. And he never made a promise that he couldn't keep.
However, because of his crash, Mac never went through with the wedding. She didn't want to go through the biggest day of her life when her best friend was lying in a hospital bed. Harm felt bad that he was the reason for the wedding not happening. There was a part of him that was elated that Mac wasn't married to Brumby, but another part felt horrible because he would be blamed for everything that happened after the fact.
The loud knock roused him from the light sleep. He managed to get his large frame off the rather small couch and over to the door. Harm opened the door to find Mac standing on the other side, still in her uniform. She was twisting her cover in her hands. Obviously, she thought a lot about coming to him about whatever was bothering her.
"Wow, you look miserable." He mentioned as he stepped aside to let her enter the apartment.
At his statement, she looked into his eyes and realized her mistake. Her coming and telling him about Mic's departure would only make things easier for them. Would only make resisting Harm much harder for her. "This is a mistake. I shouldn't have come."
Harm's hand shot out, stopping her from leaving, although he never physically touched her. "Mac, come in. Please."
"He left me. I came home and he was packing his things."
Harm pushed aside the thought of Brumby living with Mac, instead asked, "What was his reason?"
"That I didn't love him enough." She chuckled at the memories of all the times that Mic voiced his love, but she could not. It was always, 'Me too' or 'I know'. She could never tell him 'I love you'.
"Do you? Love him, I mean." Harm perched himself on one of the barstools, awaiting her answer.
"Yes." Again, she lied to Harm. Why couldn't she just tell the truth? Save the both of them the time and trouble, but it wasn't that easy anymore. There was so much distance and heartache between the two of them. Did they already burn the bridge that would lead them to each other?
Harm opened his mouth to reply, but the ringing of the phone interrupted him. He shuffled over to it, answered it, "Rabb." His face took on a neutral expression as he handed the phone to Mac.
"Lt. Colonel MacKenzie."
"I wondered who you would run to first. I now have my answer." A defeated voice sounded on the other end.
"Mic, tell me where you are and I'll come there."
"No, I'm on my way back to Australia." He sighed and then continued, "Goodbye, beautiful." With that, he hung up.
Mac returned the cordless to the charger, then turned towards Harm. "He's leaving. I have to go stop him."
"Why is he leaving, Mac?"
"Because he can't get past what's between us." She headed for the door, but stopped when Harm gently replied.
"Maybe because we can't get past it." He watched her move through the doorway again. He had to think of a way to make her stay. "You're mine, Mac. Always will be mine. You'll always belong to me."
Those haunting words once more. Since the first time he said them to her, Mac had never been able to get them out of her head. They were always there, especially when Mic and her were having sex. She never saw Mic looming above her, saying words of endearment or crying out her name in pleasure. She always saw Harm. The way his face changed when he reached his peak. Hear the sound of her name on his lips. And of course, those words.
Mac stopped in the open doorway, turned on her heel to face Harm. "Do you like having this kind of hold over me? Do you enjoy this? I cannot have a relationship without you having some part in it. Do you get a thrill seeing me in this much pain and most of it is your fault?"
"Brumby doesn't deserve you, Mac. You're too good for him."
"And you say the same thing about every man I want to have a relationship with. Who is good enough for me, Harm? I've given you numerous chances to say that it's you, but you've always choked. So, I have given up hope of ever being with you in the long run."
She went through the door and Harm shot off the barstool. "Mac, wait!"
Out of respect, she stopped once more for him. "You know something, Harm, at least when Mic says he loves me, he means it. He doesn't say it just to make me stay." With that last statement, she went to the elevator, leaving Harm standing in the open doorway.
~*~*~*~*~*
Three Weeks Later
1700 Local Time
USS Guadalcanal
Indian Ocean
Mac sat at the desk in her quarters, contemplating over what happened in the mess. She never imagined that Harm would follow her halfway around the world. One of the reasons why she asked for this assignment was to get way from everything in Washington. She needed some time to think, to reevaluate her life and figure out what was important to her. Sure, people at JAG probably thought she was running away from her problems. She always did have a knack for doing just that. This time was different. She wasn't running away from problems---she was running away from a man.
A man who certainly made it clear that she came second when it concerned his girlfriend. Mac normally did come second to Harm's girlfriends. She had gotten used to it over the years. This time, however, she thought he had changed. The words that he said in his husky voice still rang in her ears.
Come to me. I'm waiting.
When she heard those words, she imagined what would happen once she arrived at the apartment. Mac dreamed of Harm waiting for her at the door, escort her into the apartment. He would draw her into his strong embrace, chasing away all the pain and heartache. His kisses would rain in her hair, down the side of her face, over her tear-streaked eyes, to her rosy lips. In a matter of minutes, they were in his bedroom, their clothes discarded, and Harm's body looming over her. The sheer pleasure of having his body thrusting into hers would be enough to ease the pain of another man leaving her.
However, Mac's dream was shattered when Harm explained that Renee came over upon learning of her father's death. He obviously couldn't send her away, so he told Mac that they would talk when he returned from escorting Renee to the funeral. Mac was cast aside for someone else. What made it worse was seeing Harm embrace Renee through the window. It should have been her in his arms. Not Renee. It should've been her in his arms all the years.
A loud knock sounded on her open stateroom door. Mac looked up from her laptop to meet those captivating eyes. "Hey, Harm."
"Hey. Can I come in?" He gestured with his hand.
"Sure." She gave him a small smile, but remained seated. "How are you doing?"
Harm noticed the uneasiness between them. He hated that they've come to that point in their friendship. "I'm fine. Do you know why I accepted this assignment?"
"No."
"Because I knew that you wouldn't call me back." He saw something flash in Mac's eyes, but he couldn't describe it since it quickly faded away. "Tell me what you're thinking."
"Pressured. Why are you doing this?" She wrung her hands in her lap, waiting for the inevitable.
"I needed to talk to you and you left. Mac, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you."
Mac stood up from the desk; "You came all this way to apologize for not being able to talk with me. I don't buy it, Harm."
He sucked in a deep breath, "I also wanted to talk about 'us'."
"Harm, this is no 'us'. There's you and Renee. I don't factor into that equation. I never did with any of your relationships." She shot back at him.
He had no response to her statement. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for her next onslaught.
"Mic gave up his naval career and his country for me. What are you willing to give up to have me? Would you give up your girlfriend?" Mac knew that he would steer his way around the questions. That was Harm's method of avoiding anything dealing with personal feelings.
"You're testing me?" A look of confusion crossed his face.
"Would you?"
"What if I did?" He shot back, wondering what would be Mac's next move.
She scoffed loudly, "I'm so sick and tired of this dance." With that, she exited the stateroom quickly.
Harm not even realizing that she left so quickly, stated, "Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would give her up." He looked around and noticed that Mac was absent. "Hey, Mac!"
He ran out of the stateroom to look for her. He found her standing with Gunny and knew that she was basically hiding behind him, ending her conversation with Harm. "Hey, Gunny. How's it going?"
"It's going good, Sir. I heard you were onboard." He looked between Harm and Mac, noticing the slight pain expressions on both of their faces. Obviously they were discussing something pretty heavy and it certainly did not end well.
When Mac asked him what he found out about Major Laskey, Victor explained his findings to both of the attorneys, since Harm would find out eventually. Once Victor was finished, he and Mac headed down the corridor, away from Harm.
"Mac, we weren't finished talking." He shouted to her.
Mac turned around, "What makes you think we ever will be." She then walked away with Gunny down the corridor.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Three Days Later
0900 Local Time
Mac's Quarters
A loud knock startled Mac in the middle of getting dressed. She quickly pulled on her cammie pants and the Marine issue t-shirt. Once she was presentable, she opened the door to her stateroom. Not that she showed it, but she was a bit startled to find Harm on the other side. Mac knew that he was leaving today, but had no idea when the COD was departing. She was still debating whether she would see Harm off or just watch him depart from a distance.
"When is your COD departing?" She asked while she moved aside to let him into the stateroom. Mac closed the door behind Harm, turned around and leaned against it, awaiting his answer.
"Not until 1100."
"Oh, so you came to see me before you leave?"
He flashed her a small smile. "Yeah, I felt bad at how things ended between us the a few days ago. I wanted to apologize for my behavior."
Harmon Rabb apologizing two times within three days. There has to be something wrong with him, Mac thought. "You have nothing to apologize for. It was both of our faults for things getting out of hand."
"Mac, why do you keep pushing me away?"
"Me pushing you away? What do you call what you did to me three weeks ago? I needed you, Harm. I needed a friend and you cast me aside for Renee." Why did he have to start this conversation now?
He hesitated for a brief moment, "I...she...I don't know why I did what I did."
Mac pushed herself away from the door and headed over to the desk. She sat down on the chair and thought of what she would say next. "It hurt me, Harm. You always seem to cast me aside for your girlfriends and I thought we had a special kind of friendship. What you did with me three weeks ago was the last straw."
"What do you want me to do, Mac?" He held up his hands in defeat.
"Harm, you don't understand and I don't think you ever will." She hoped that he wouldn't question her statement. She did not want to discuss her problems with someone who didn't care about her enough.
He went to stand in front of her, "What don't I understand, Mac. Please, help me understand why you're the way you are."
God damn him! Mac sucked in a deep breath hoping that the Lord above could help her get through this. "Men leave me, Harm. Every man that I've had a relationship with, has left me. I mean, look at Mic, he left me because he couldn't get past what he thought was between us and I didn't love him enough. I could not even tell him that I love him. I couldn't, Harm."
"I've never left you, Mac."
"Yes, you have. You left me for a 30 million-dollar plane, Harm. The weekend that we spent together was beyond my wildest dreams, but what hurt the most is when you left without saying goodbye. Did you even make a backward glance at me before you slipped out the door?" She stood up, their bodies brushing against one another. "I can only be cast aside a certain number of times before I give up on ever getting the persons attention."
Harm reached up a tentative hand and cupped her cheek. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you three weeks ago."
She batted his hand away, "Please leave, Harm. I don't want to discuss this anymore."
"Mac-"
She turned her back to him, signaling that she was finished with the conversation.
Harm would not let her have the last word anymore. She would not run away this time---not when they were so close to resolving everything between them. He roughly grabbed her arm, made her turn around and stared long and hard into her chocolate depths. Before he could even utter a word, a knock sounded on her door.
Mac wrenched her arm from his grasp and headed for the door. A hand on her arm stopped her short. She turned to Harm with an angry glare in her eyes.
"Mac, you answer that door and you might as well kiss our relationship goodbye."
"Now you know how I feel when you cast me aside for more important business," she snarled. Mac willed herself to calm down and act like an adult in this situation. "Harm, let me answer the door and deal with that, then we can finish talking."
"All right." He gave up arguing with her.
Mac opened the door to find Gunny on the other side. He glanced past her and saw Harm standing in the middle of the room, with his hands on his hips. Just from looking at both of them, he knew that they were engaged in a heated argument.
"Ma'am, I was just looking for the Commander, in case he didn't know about his departure time."
"He knows, but thanks for reminding him, Gunny," she said with a smile on her face.
"No problem, ma'am." Gunny looked past Mac and relayed the next statement to Harm, "Sir, it was good seeing you again. Hope to see you in a few weeks when we get back to Headquarters."
Harm flashed Gunny a smile, "It's was good seeing you, too, Gunny. Can't wait to have you and Mac back at JAG. It's just not the same."
After Gunny informed Mac of where he would be after Harm left, Mac closed the door. She turned around to face Harm once more. She leaned back against the door, knowing that if she was any closer to him, she would not be held accountable for her actions.
"Now, what did you want to talk about? I think we've covered everything in our screwed-up relationship. What else is there?" Mac stood with her arms crossed beneath her breasts.
"Now that you've had your say, it's my turn. I think that's fair."
Mac opened her mouth to respond to him, but Harm held up his hand in silence before a word was uttered.
"For once in our friendship, shut up and listen." He steered her over to the bunk and made her sit down, while he remained standing. "I lied to you that night in Sydney Harbor. I so much wanted to pour my heart out to you as you did to me. But I was scared, Mac. Scared of what it might bring in the future. Scared that it would not last between us. I couldn't bear that if it had happened.
"Then came the night after your engagement party. I put my heart and soul in my lovemaking, but you didn't see it that way. You probably thought it was just me being scared of losing you to someone other than myself. The next morning when I told you that I loved you, I wasn't saying it just to make you stay."
Mac sat on the bunk, mouth wide open. She was just granted her wish. Harm admitted his feelings for her, but this was not how she envisioned it happening. Not to mention, that she couldn't ravish him the way she wanted to in her dreams. Definitely not on the ship and in her quarters. She would be insane. Though, a kiss wouldn't hurt. However, whenever she and Harm kiss, things get out of hand in a matter of seconds. It's almost like they spontaneously combust whenever any part of their bodies touch each other.
"Mac, you can say something now." Her silence was slowly scaring Harm. Scaring him to the point that what he just did might've been a mistake. Maybe she was right-maybe it was too late.
"Kiss me, Commander." A sultry smile formed on her lips and Harm swallowed the lump in his throat.
As he pulled her to her feet, bringing her body against his, his breath fanned over her mouth, "Yes, ma'am." Then he claimed her mouth in a searing kiss.
A kiss that certainly made her toes curl. Harm's tongue probed open her lips and easily slipped inside. Was it really three months ago that they last done this? Mac strained against him, standing on her tiptoes to press her mouth harder against his. His threaded his fingers through her tousled tresses and held her pliant mouth still under his while he ravished her mouth with fierce urgency. He could not get enough. He could not get enough of the taste that was Sarah MacKenzie.
Mac was right years ago when she said he was addicted to her. She hit it right on the nail that night. He became addicted to Mac the moment he tasted her lips that first night together. It had only taken him forever to admit his feelings for her. If only he had done it sooner, things would a bit simpler between them.
He hated doing it. Lord, he hated pulling away from her luscious mouth, but he had a COD to catch in one hour. It did not matter that he wanted to stay in Mac's quarters, kissing her endlessly. He was needed back at JAG. Harm framed her face in his large hands, "I've got a transport to catch."
"Yes, you do." She replied while fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. "Harm, I'm not turning you away. Please, don't think that at all. I just need time to let it sink in. When I return to D.C., I'll need some time alone. Can you understand that?"
His voice was a husky tone in her ear and it sent her body on fire in the places that only Harm could enflame completely. "Yes, I can. This is a big step for both of us."
"Yes, it is."
"What's bothering you about this?"
She focused her attention on one lone button, rubbing her thumb over it and thinking about unfastening it. Her voice had a bit of a quiver to it, "I took this assignment to get away. To get away from everything; you, the thought of Mic, and most all JAG. I know when I return, and everyone sees us together, they'll think that we were together during my engagement to Mic."
"Mac---"
Mac cut him off once more, "Yes, we were together, but they don't know that. I don't want them to think of me as a slut. They think of me as the straight-laced Marine, and in their minds, I would never do such a thing as that. I want to wait a few weeks before we even let them see a romantic relationship between us."
"That sounds good to me, Sarah." His thumbs brushed over the smoothness of her cheeks.
"You have a COD to catch," she said, bringing them back to reality.
Harm flashed her a small smile before capturing her mouth in another heated kiss. He wanted to remember the feel of her lips for the plane ride home. He pulled back; "Will you see me off?"
"Sure," her voice a bit breathy from the heated moment they just shared.
"All right. See you in an hour, Marine." With one last kiss, he exited her quarters.
Mac never showed. Harm didn't understand. She told him she would be there. Yet, when he came on deck, Mac was nowhere in sight. Was it easier for her to say goodbye at a distance? Even when he boarded the COD, he took one last look around before it was closed up and he saw nothing. He never saw her standing on the Comm Tower, watching the transport take him back to Washington.
~*~*~*~*~*