The Letter – Chapter 12
Ok, so I apologise for the delay, real life and all that. We are back in season 6 with this chapter and Jack reading the letter to Sam in her lab. Hope you all enjoy.
Jack squeezed Sam's hand and took a deep breath. He, too, believed that this letter would change the rest of his life. He began to read again.
"Perhaps I should explain what has brought me to this momentous decision of sending this letter. Life was continuing very well, even without Jack in my life, but that changed one day when I was told of his death. He'd died peacefully, but alone at the cabin. That event was enough to shock me. Sam, I'm sure you can appreciate my feelings, especially if you've already met the delectable Mr O'Neill."
Despite the gravity of the announcement of Jack's demise, the compliment about her CO made Sam giggle.
Jack looked at Sam and raised his eyebrows. "Hmmm…. delectable… huh!" he commented, then sat up straighter and preened a little under her gaze.
Sam shrugged her shoulders almost noncommittally. "Well, I guess... sometimes…" She smirked at him.
"Only sometimes?!" Jack huffed.
"Well, you have to admit, Sir, when you were covered in PX3 gloop it wasn't all that pretty!"
Jack smiled and looked past her dreamily. "Ah, yes, the mission that ended up with us all in the local pool!" He sighed. "I might not have looked great but you… wow!"
Sam took the opportunity to slap his arm. "You all promised not to look!" she said indignantly.
Jack did have the decency to look sheepish. "Yes… well... someone needed to protect your six… You do have a lovely one, after all!" He managed to duck away from her next slap, then turned to face her, his expression wearing the seriousness of what he said. "We're crossing the line here, Sam. You okay with that?"
The fact that he'd used the same words as he had after the za'tarc incident didn't escape Sam's notice. She looked at him, stared into his eyes, desperately trying to read them. Was she okay with this? Was she ready to give up SG-1 or the Air Force for him? She got off her stool and walked to the back of the lab. She needed to focus. She needed to answer his question.
After a few, excruciating minutes, watching her pace in the gloom at the back of her lab, Jack could take it no longer. "Talk to me, Carter. I don't care if you're not okay with crossing the line right now, but don't shut yourself off from me."
Sam turned to face Jack. They both needed to see each other. They could read each other so well. "I hate the line, Colonel… But I also love it." She shrugged, her eyes bright with unshed tears. Jack nodded; he completely understood her and, in all honesty, felt the same. Sam continued, "I want nothing more than to let this letter complete its job to be more to you than a 2IC but I can't be something else and your subordinate. The line exists for a reason." Sam's shoulders fell and she was unable to smile. She was redrawing the line.
Jack sighed. He was tired, bone tired, of fighting against something that neither of them had the strength to fight indefinitely. "Carter… Sam," he began again, "The letter doesn't say to jump into bed together tonight… Well, not yet, anyway." Sam blushed but smiled at his comment. "I know it's over the line but how about we read the rest of the letter, agree to do nothing for now, but at least talk about this… And you know how I love talking about feelings!"
Although Jack finished in his usual sarcastic manner, Sam could tell that his statement was one of the most important he'd made in a long time, but she couldn't help but smile at his attempt at humour. She'd be lying, though, if she said that she didn't want to talk, even if it meant temporarily crossing the line for a discussion, so Sam nodded at him as she approached the desk again. "Yeah, I want to know what else I've written, as well, so let's deal with that first. Then we can talk about it when we're finished." She sat on her stool and took Jack's hand loosely in hers, more for comfort than anything else.
Jack started to read again.
"However, the shock announcement of Jack's death caused some strange things to happen. I'm not sure I'd describe it as an hallucination or my subconscious taking more control than I normally allow it. Either way, over the next several days I experienced vivid dreams and visits from two people. One was Jack, perhaps a logical person to dream of, given the circumstances, but it was the other one that forced me to send this to you.
"I'm struggling to decide whether I should tell you or not. You know I have strong feelings about influencing the future but, given the step I've taken in writing, it feels right to share this with you. I was visited by my daughter – our daughter, Sam, ours and Jack's. I've seen her before in another situation that you may or may not have experienced yet."
Jack looked at Sam and arched his brows in question but she shook her head. She had no knowledge of seeing her daughter – the thought alone was almost causing Sam to fall off her stool.
Jack quickly compartmentalised the idea of a daughter – he couldn't deal with that right now and continued to read.
"Seeing her, talking to her, believing she could exist, is the reason I'm sending this to you. Grace deserves the chance to live, the chance I took from her when I turned Jack down. I missed the chance to marry Jack but, more importantly, I threw away the chance to be a mother. I always wanted to be a mother, ever since I was young, but I didn't take the opportunity. I should have grabbed it with both hands.I beg you not to do the same."
Jack stopped reading. "My Mom's name was Grace," he said quietly.
"Really?" Sam responded, still in shock at what she'd heard.
"Yeah." Jack looked at Sam appraisingly. "Bet she has golden hair and blue eyes," he said wistfully.
Sam smiled a watery smile, loving the thought but couldn't help but correct him. "You know that's highly unlikely scientifically. The blue-eye gene is recessive to brown."
Jack shrugged and rolled his eyes at her science. "Blue, brown, it doesn't really matter to me. What's the difference?"
Sam continued to smile at him. The letter was taking her to places she'd only dreamed about in her wildest dreams.
Jack looked at the clock. It was now 0500, time for the new day to start. He had a meeting with SG-6 in an hour. Trust Hammond to plan briefings that early when he was in DC and Jack was in charge. He was loath to leave the letter unfinished but he needed to get his head in gear for the job.
Sam's eyes followed his to the clock but she was making a different decision to the one Jack had made, unbeknownst to her. "We need to finish this now, Jack, together, or maybe we never will."
Jack nodded, conceding her point. He looked back down at the letter in his hands for a moment before continuing.
"Sam, I'm not writing to you so you go out and find Jack O'Neill. He'll come to you soon enough. Actually, if you haven't already met it's unlikely that this letter will have reached you. So, I'll rephrase that. I'm not writing to force you to quit your job or change your life immediately. You're both needed in your job. You're both vital to the survival of this country and of Earth.
"But know that this fight does end. And, when it does, I ask you not to ignore the options in front of you. However, it has been made clear to me by both Jack and Grace that perhaps you don't have to fully wait until the war is over.
"I can't tell you what to do. I've no guarantee that changing your lives in this way doesn't bring other danger or sadness into your lives. All I know is that my own life wasn't complete without Jack in it.
"I also know the fears you have, Sam, of having a child. I know you fear it will be impossible, fear that you will be unable to conceive, fear that you won't be a good mother. These fears stopped me from talking to Jack, stopped me from taking a chance with him. I can't promise you a life full of children.
"I believe I met our daughter but you and I both know that in an infinite set of realities something could happen to stop her existing with you. However, I will say that even if this was only a chance to have Jack in my life, I'd take it. He loves you, Sam, so much more than you know, so much more than you ever expected. Don't throw that away for anything. Change my life, Sam – for both of us."
Jack put the letter down. It had been powerful to read and he expected it had been even more powerful to hear. Now all they had to do was decide what the heck they were going to do with the information.
AN: Well that is the end of the letter, but there is still more to come. Thanks for continuing to read and give support.