thanks to oncer4life11 and Emilee Amethyst for the reviews!
"This is the most bloody difficult thing I've ever try to build in my entire life. And I'm two hundred." Killian mumbled, looking absolutely appalled and staring at the wooden stick he was holding in his hand.
"I can't believe it." My mom added, biting the inside of her cheek. "We had to do the same thing for Neal. I can't see why we seem unable to do it again."
She looked down at the plan laying on the floor for the hundredth time, which was supposed to show them how to build the crib we had bought for the baby the day prior. She looked focused as if she was going to find the solution to all of her problems, and I sighted slightly, seeing how lost they all looked.
Killian and my parents were sitting on the floor of the living room and were trying to assemble the crib for more than an hour. They didn't seem to know what they were doing, and I had tried to join them, but they had categorically refused my help. I was therefore sitting on the sofa, my legs underneath me, and I was trying to stay awake.
I was feeling really bad since the morning. I had awakened with a horrible headache, and I had felt nauseous all day. The truth was I was exhausted. I hadn't had a restful night since the New Year's Eve, and two weeks had passed since then. I had felt my health getting worse and worse, and I had tried to keep the situation secret in order not to worry my family, but I had had to talk to Killian today. I was feeling so weak that my legs were starting to shake every time I was trying to get up, and I hadn't been able to eat all day because I was feeling like throwing up. I had barely been capable to go down the stairs. I hadn't described my state that way to Killian, of course. He would have wanted me to go and see Whale, and my condition was probably going to get better with time. But deep down, I knew it wasn't like that, and it wasn't reasonable to keep that for me.
I sighted once again and closed my eyes, gently rubbing my stomach. I didn't know why I was feeling so sick. Everything had gone fine when I was pregnant with Henry, and the conditions were so much better now. I was however trying to stay positive : my pregnancy was slowly coming to an end. I was seven months pregnant, and the baby was going to be there pretty soon. I had to hold on, I was going to, but I was really hoping it was going to get better. I was not sure how I could stay like this for eight more weeks.
I took off the sweater I was wearing over a t-shirt for the umpteenth time. I was suffering from hot flushes and I was cold then hot in a matter of minutes. My throat was so dry it was hurting me. I decided to use the bit of strength I still had to get up and get something to drink. I didn't want to ask my family for their help. I was very sick, but my pride was stronger, and I didn't want to bother them. I couldn't pass out because of the few meters I had to walk to go into the kitchen. Well, I was hoping so anyway.
I headed for the kitchen with somewhat shaking steps. I walked past my family, but got stopped by Killian, who grabbed my arms. I looked down to him, wondering what he wanted to tell me, and he stared at me with a worried frown. Even if I hadn't told me the entire thing, I could tell he had guessed I was feeling really bad.
"Where are you going?" He asked, gently stroking my hand.
"In the kitchen, I'd like to drink something." I answered in a slurred voice.
"I can go for you, darling. You have to rest, maybe it's not good for you to make efforts right now..."
I offered him a little smile to comfort him a bit. He was already so worried, he would have been completely panicked if I had told him how I was really feeling. I sighted, feeling already a bit dizzy. But I wanted to do it myself. I wanted to prove to myself I wasn't as sick as I was feeling. I didn't want to be unwell, I just wanted to live my life normally. I was so tired of all these heath problems.
"You're so pale." He added, looking at me carefully.
"I'm okay." I affirmed in a low voice. "I can still walk a few feet."
I gently freed myself from his embrace and walked away the quicker as possible to prevent him from trying to hold me back. When I was sure my family couldn't see me anymore, I leaned against the kitchen's counter for a few seconds to try and regain some strength. I just wanted a glass of water, it couldn't be that hard. I finally sighted and shook my head, thinking that if I pretended that everything was all right, it would fall in place. I went to get a glass in the cupboard and trying to ignore my weakness I walked back toward my family as if everything was fine.
But half-way to the living room, black spots started to invade my vision. I was forced to stop to blink several times and try not to lose my balance. My legs were getting weaker and weaker and I was feeling like the glass was really heavy in my hand. Blinded, I dabbled around me to try and find a fulcrum, but I didn't touch anything. My head felt heavy and was hurting really bad, but I didn't even have the strength to put my hand on my forehead. My brain was idling, I couldn't think anymore. Unable to call for help because my body seemed like paralyzed, I dropped the glass and it exploded on the ground in a huge clash that unpleasantly rang in my head. Everything was blurry, but I saw my parents and Killian turning to see where the noise was coming from. They stared at me, and I tried to tell them what was going on, but couldn't make a sound.
"Emma, are you okay?"
As I had expected, everything went black, and my legs eventually failed to support my weight. I couldn't even try to slow down my fall, and I painfully hit the ground.
"Emma!" A familiar voice yelled, but it sounded distorted.
Then I lost consciousness.
I was awakened by the feeling of something cold being applied on my forehead, and startled a little bit. I could remember everything, and my back was killing me – the fall had had to be pretty violent. I was laying on my back on the couch, my legs lifted up by several pillows. I could feel a hand holding mine. I finally opened my eyes, a bit confused, and the person who was holding my hand immediately squeezed it :
"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Killian's familiar voice rang next to my head.
It sounded so broken I felt my heart skip a beat. I pressed his finger between mine and tried to turn my head to see him and smiled at him. I was still feeling pretty down, but I would have given anything to reassure him. But I was stopped by my mom's voice, above me, who held my head to prevent me from moving :
"Shh, honey, stay still."
I decided to listen to her and didn't try to move again. She repositioned the wet cloth on my forehead and gently pressed her hand against my cheek.
"I think you're fever is gone, it's a good sign."
I wasn't really understanding what was happening. Sure, I could recall me collapsing, but I didn't know how long I had stayed unconscious, and I was surprised to learn I had run a fever. I looked up to meet my mom's eyes. She was looking like she had cried, and seemed deeply worried, but she gently smiled at me to comfort me. I tried to grin back, and asked in a husky voice.
"Can I move, now?"
She nodded, and I immediately turned my head to look at Killian, who was kneeling on the floor next to me. He was looking so worried I felt a little pinch in my chest, and I smiled at him to show him I was okay. I could guess he was feeling guilty, but he didn't have to : it was my fault, I wanted to play strong but I was sick and I should have stayed still. He had nothing to do with that. I opened my mouth to tell him my thoughts, but he preempted me.
"How are you feeling?"
"Okay, I guess." I said with a little smile, even if I was still feeling really weird, but I didn't want to worry him more that he already was.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, darling." He said in a shaking voice.
"Sorry?" I repeated, confused. "For what?"
"I should have brought you the drink. I shouldn't have let you go by yourself. It's all m fault..."
"Stop it!" I cried out, shaking my head. "It's my fault. I was sick, and I wanted to play hero. I'm just too stubborn. Don't blame yourself, understand?"
He nodded. His words had pained me. I didn't want him to feel bad about what had happened : I was the one who had insisted to go by myself, it was all my fault. He seemed to understand my point, and offered me a sad smiled, pressing a kiss on my hand. I could see he had been really scared, and I was feeling so guilty, because I should have known I was too sick to move.
"Very well, Emma." A voice started, and I startled because I didn't know who was talking to me.
It was a man speaking, but it wasn't Killian or my father. I turned my head once again to see that Whale was there, next to my dad, and I frowned. He was looking very concerned, and I felt scared that the situation was worse than I thought.
"How long did I stay unconscious?" I asked in a scared voice, putting my free hand on my belly to know if the baby was okay.
It kicked, and I sighted in relief. Once again, I was the one who was in danger. The baby was fine, and even if I was feeling a little concerned about myself, the baby's health was the most important for me.
"For about half an hour." My dad said in a serious way. "We called Whale directly, but you were still unconscious. We almost called an ambulance but you finally woke up."
I sighted once again. I was happy to have awakened when I was still in our house. I didn't want to go to the hospital, not again. I was just feeling tired of all of these problems. Nothing seemed to work out these past few weeks, and I didn't know how much longer I could take it.
"I suppose this is not the first time you're feeling that sick?" Whale added with a disapproving look. "Since when do you have these kind of symptoms?"
"I don't… I don't know exactly." I stuttered, still a bit confused. "I'd say it started after the car crash, but it got worse the last two weeks..."
"What?!" Killian cut me off, looking absolutely horrified. "Are you kidding me? But… why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't want to worry you." I confessed, biting my lower lip to prevent myself from crying because of his reaction.
"Well, good job, Swan." He said a bit coldly, but I knew he was as mad at me for not telling him as himself because he hadn't noticed how bad I was. "You're laying there now. Maybe it wouldn't have been like that if you had told me right away."
"I'm so sorry." I said, looking straight into his eyes and feeling deeply guilty because I knew he was right, I should have told him everything. "Killian, I didn't want to upset you. I don't know what's gotten into me. I..."
My voice broke from the pain, and he lost his look to shake his head because of my reaction. He leaned forward to press a kiss on my forehead and whispered :
"It's okay, baby. I'm sorry I got mad. I'm just really worried, that's all. I should have seen that something was wrong too. I'm sorry..."
"It's not your fault." I assured him. "I thought it was normal to feel that way because of the pregnancy." I added, squeezing Killian's hand a little bit more to quietly show him how sorry I was.
"Were you feeling that way when you were expecting Henry?" My mom asked gently.
"I don't really remember..." I admitted. "It was so long ago. But I don't think so..."
"Well, that's not normal." Whale said with a little wince, kneeling down next to Killian to examine me once more and make sure the baby and I were all right. "Look, Emma. "He resumed after a few more minutes. "The baby is okay, and everything seems fine. I won't take you to the hospital, I know you don't want to. But, and I know you're not going to like it, you have to take some precautions for the baby's well-being, and your own. You have to stop making physical efforts for the rest of the pregnancy..."
"But I don't make any physical efforts!" I protested in a high-pitched voice.
"It's not what I mean, Emma. The thing is you have to stay off your feet as much as you can to avoid any possibility of complications. We don't want the baby to be born to soon, it's really important."
I briefly closed my eyes to avoid crying and hide how distraught I was feeling. I hated this, even if I knew I had to do what the doctor was saying. But it meant I had to stop going to the station and stay at home. It meant I couldn't really do anything anymore. It wasn't like me. I needed to move to feel good, I didn't know how I would be able to stay in bed for the next eight weeks. I opened my eyes and looked at Killian. He seemed to understand what I was thinking, and gently rubbed my palm with his finger to comfort me. I had to do it, it was for the baby's sake and I wanted it to be fine more than anything in the world. I felt the baby give a kick as if it was trying to show me it was the best thing to do, and I finally talked again
"Fine, I'll do it."
"The situation is really serious, Emma" Whale added as if he wanted to make sure I wasn't lying to him. "I'm not asking you to stop living. You can still move, but I need you to rest and try not to make any effort when you don't have to."
"I know, I get it!" I said, a bit annoyed by his lack of trust. "I want the baby to be in good health. Can I try to sit down, now?"
He nodded, and with Killian and my mom's help, I leaned against the sofa. I sighted a bit, my hand still on my stomach. My mom squatted in front of me and gave me a chocolate bar with a little smile, as if I was a litle girl she was trying to comfort.
"Eat. It will make you feel better."
I wasn't feeling as nauseous as before, and I took the sweet form her hand with a little smile. She gently run her hand through my hair and got up while Killian stayed on the floor facing me.
"You have to be careful and stop skipping meal as well." The doctor added. "Seriously, Emma. It's important."
"I know." I said a bit coldly because I was tired of seeing him treating me like a child. Even if I had made a mistake, I was a big girl and I could take care of myself. "But I was feeling nauseous. I couldn't have kept anything if I had tried."
He nodded and seemed to understand I was getting it and he would only make me mad if he continued. My mom smiled to break the tension and offered him to escort him to the front door. He accepted, and Killian and I were left alone in the living room.
I looked down and tried to hide how desperate I was feeling because of the news. I had a lump in my throat and swallowed it back to avoid crying. I couldn't believe I had to depend from other. I had taken care of myself for most of my life, I hadn't needed the help from anyone to survive. And now I had to count on people to do almost everything. I knew it was for the baby and I already loved it so much I would have done anything for the little one to be healthy, but I was feeling so bad about my new situation. I had told everyone I was pregnant and not sick since the beginning of the pregnancy, and now I had to stay in bed for almost two months. I was the Savior, for God's sake! People usually needed me, not the opposite way!
"Are you all right?" Killian asked, driving me away from my thoughts and moving the pillows to place them behind my back. "Are you feeling better?"
I didn't answer anything and stared at the chocolate bar in my hand. I had only taken a few bites from it, but my thoughts had made me nauseous again, and I wasn't hungry at all. I moved to drop the sweet on the coffee table to eat it later, but Killian looked at me in a disapproving way :
"No, Swan! You have to eat, you understand? I won't let you skip meal anymore, it's for the baby, okay? We need the little one to be healthy, love. You scared me to death, you know? You could have been injured, or the baby could have been hurt. Are your back okay? I can try to ease the pain if you want to..."
I still didn't say anything. Hundreds of conflicting feelings were crashing in my brain. I didn't know what to do to feel better. I didn't know anything anymore, it was too much to take. That's why I couldn't resist much longer, and I started sobbing violently.
Fucking hormones
I pressed one of my hand against my mouth to try and stop crying, but it didn't help me. I looked up to see that Killian was staring at me in the most confused way. He didn't know what was going on, but he seemed really hurt by my tears. He put a hand on my knee and asked gently :
"What's wrong, love? Are you in pain?"
I shook my head, unable to answer or to stop crying. Understanding that I couldn't tell him what was going on right now, he sat down on the couch next to me and took me in his arms. I buried my face in the crook of his neck while his hand was moving up and down my spine to comfort me. He kissed me several times on the cheek and on the top of my head, and I finally managed to calm down. When he was sure that I was able to talk again, he pulled away a little bit, but kept his arms wrapped around my waist. He looked straight into my eyes, looking upset by how sad I was, and asked gently :
"Why are you crying, sweetheart?"
"It's just, it's… It's too much!" I stuttered, still crying. "I don't want to be a burden for all of you. I just want to live my life normally..."
"Oh, Swan." He said, wiping off the tears from my face with his fingers. "You're not a burden for us, I can assure you. I would do anything for you, you know that. And it's only for a couple of months..."
"I know, but I hate to have to be dependent from others. You're already way too worried for me. I've always managed by myself..."
"We're worried because we love you." He stated gently. "I promise you it will pass quickly. It's only for a few weeks. We'll do anything to distract you, I promise, I just don't want you to be sad. You'll be okay. We just want you and the baby to be in good health."
He illustrated his words by putting his hand on my stomach, and the baby kicked, making him smile. He moved after a few seconds and cupped my face to look at me with pure love in his eyes. I wasn't crying anymore. Feeling him near me was making me feel so much better.
"It's gonna be okay, now. I promise you. Are you feeling a bit better?"
I nodded and he pressed a quick kiss on my lips to comfort me, making me smile a little bit. He was so adorable with me. I loved him so much.
"I'm sorry." I finally said in a muffled voice. "I don't know why I broke down like that, I know it's for the baby and it's not that bad..."
"Don't apologize, darling. God, I love you more than anything Emma. I just want you and the baby to be okay. Never hide anything like that from me again, okay?"
I smiled shyly and he took me into his arms once again. I put my head on his shoulder as he was running his hand through my hair. I was feeling so safe against him.
"Promise?" He resumed gently.
"Promise." I whispered. "thanks for understanding..."
"Always, love. I'm all yours."
I stayed snuggled into his arms for a very long time. I wasn't feeling sad anymore. Everything seemed a lot easier when I was close to him. It would be okay at the end, I knew it.