Chapter Eleven

Alex knew she'd made a huge mistake as she stood in the dock, waiting to be questioned. She couldn't even focus on the task ahead; all she could think about was Kim. Her cold face, her lack of life, the way she had spoken. She felt guilty for the kiss too but could only deal with one negative emotion at a time for now.

She'd arrived home with lines from her tears down her face and even though she had fled straight to the bathroom Gene had seen them.

"Where have you been?" he'd demanded, "you've been to see her, haven't you?"

"I'm not going to talk about this now!" was all she could bring herself to say as she cried bitterly and tried to battle her emotions under control.

Now here she was in the stand, facing all of the worst memories she had. She could see Gene and Robin in the public gallery there to support her. Not surprisingly they were sitting about fifteen seats apart from each other and Gene was making occasional cut-throat motions at a rather pale-looking Robin.

"DCI Drake, I understand this is difficult for you," The voice of the lawyer for the prosecution brought Alex's thoughts back to the real world, "but could you please tell the court in your own words what happened in the early hours of Friday the second of May this year?"

Alex swallowed as she tried to fight her nerves. She could feel Keats's evil eyes boring into her but she refused to look at him. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her expression.

"We'd spent the day trying to make sure everything ran smoothly at the local polling stations. There'd been some trouble and it had been a hard day. We'd been asked to stay at the station to make sure there was no further trouble and we started watching the coverage of the election results. Things became more relaxed and it was good to watch it together after what we'd been through that day." She paused as she gave a tiny sigh. It stung her heart to think about those last moments, the final moments before everything changed. "One minute everything was normal, the next…" she flinched. "The floors shook. The walls were crumbling. The noise of the explosion made my ears ring. We didn't know what was happening, only that we needed to get out. The building was damaged in several places, and some of our good friends had died in the explosions." She froze up for a moment. It felt too hard to go on, even though she knew that she had to. Eventually the lawyer said,

"I know this is difficult. Please, take your time."

Alex nodded, her eyes closed. She took a deep breath before she continued.

"Robin was missing. Chief Inspector Thomas, that is. He…" she drew in her breath again, "He and Simon used to go out and even though they had separated by now they still care a great deal about one another. So when no one had seen Robin Simon started to worry. He ran into the canine unit and Gene and I followed him. There was no sign of Robin and part of the ceiling collapsed on Simon and myself. Gene…" she swallowed, "he managed to get me out before I suffered far worse injuries. Simon wasn't so lucky and it's a miracle that he survived. The paramedics…"

That was it, That was as far as she got before she wanted to stop completely. She wasn't sure how she could go on. How could she force herself to continue? She clutched the stand and closed her eyes tightly but it didn't seal them hard enough to stop a tear from escaping.

"DCI Drake, are you alright to continue?"

Alex nodded but her eyes and lips were pressed tightly shut. It took a good few seconds before she could carry on.

"The paramedics," she whispered, "put me in an ambulance. I was hurt, I couldn't do anything. I thought they would take me to hospital a-and everything would be fine, but then..." she swallowed as her breath hitched, "but then, I saw his face. He was dressed like one of them but I knew who he was. I'd recognise him anywhere."

"Please tell the court the name of the man you saw," The lawyer prompted.

"It was DCI Jim Keats," Alex whispered and as she spoke his name something very odd happened. A deathly shudder travelled through her body, making her feel like hell, but in the same instant she felt as though she knew she could carry on. Knew she could do it. She had stated his name and the world hadn't ended. Neither had her life. Maybe she could do this. Didn't want to. Terrified like nothing on earth. But she could do it.

"He slammed the doors," she whispered, her eyes fixed on her own hands, "and suddenly we were moving. I was screaming but nobody heard. Or they didn't even notice. A person in pain in an ambulance would be screaming, wouldn't they?" She tried to swallow hard enough to push away the lump in her throat but it did nothing. "I don't know how long he was driving for. We stopped eventually and there was some commotion. Banging of doors. The back of the ambulance opened and I started screaming again. I tried to fight him but I was strapped down… they thought I might have damage to my spine so they were trying to keep me still. He tied something around my mouth so I couldn't scream any more and wheeled me out of the ambulance. I knew what was coming."

"Where did DCI Keats take you?"

"He wheeled me into Fenchurch West. The place was deserted. I was in so much pain… he took me off the stretcher but I couldn't fight back. He carried me down t-to the basement," her voice waivered. That was the place that held pain for so many of them. She caught a glimpse of Robin flinching at the mention. "I felt so woozy, I think I'd been given pain relief before they put me in the ambulance… and then I knew I was only going to feel woozier. I know what he has down there."

"Could you be more specific?"

"Nitrous oxide," Alex whispered, "he's used it before." She shook her head a little. "It's… it's blurry," she said apologetically, "I remember feeling rope around my hands and then I blacked out. When I woke up again I realised I'd been tied up tightly. He was walking back into the basement with a glass of water… I think it was water. I refused to drink it, even after her ripped off my gag and pressed it to my lips. I knew there would be something in it. I remember him getting pissed off but then relenting because he had a back-up plan. He turned up the gas and air and then left while it did its work on me."

"Can you please describe the effects of the nitrous oxide for members of the jury who have never experienced it?"

Alex took a deep breath.

"Usually it's used as pain relief," she explained, "especially for women in labour. It… it affects all people a little differently but for me…" she closed her eyes momentarily, "it makes your head swim and your body so numb. Tingly. You feel spaced out and floaty. Sometimes you feel good. A little… high, I suppose. Your mind isn't your own." She flinched as she realised exactly what she'd said Refocusing herself she looked directly at the lawyer, "Your mind is not your own," she repeated. "You can be… more open to suggestion, or completely unable to control yourself, depending on how much you've been breathing in. And sometimes," a tear rolled down her cheek, "you don't even care. But I did." Her eyes closed as the tear fell onto the stand. "I cared when he came back with one thing on his mind."

She tried to keep calm.

"I tried not to breathe too much in. But it wasn't as potent as usual either. I was more awake than I'd usually feel by then. I guess he didn't have enough, or didn't let enough out to really do the job. When he came back I pretended to be under more deeply, I… I let my head flop and left my eyes unfocussed. I didn't fight back when he came closer and started touching me. He had to untie my legs and ankles in order to…" she flinched and felt a burning in her chest as acid rose from her stomach. It took her a second to make herself go on. "When he untied them…" it was so hard to carry on. It was the most difficult thing she'd ever done but she knew she had no choice. "When he untied my legs I kicked him as hard as I could… got him in the face or the neck, I-I'm not sure, but… I know it was hard enough to stop him for a moment., He tried to tie me up again but I was going crazy and he…" she swallowed and pulled herself as tall as she could, "He was too scared of getting hurt again so he left me half-untied and turned up the gas and air. He told me… it had been a year since he…" she trailed away. Fuck, she didn't want to finish that sentence.

"DCI Drake?"

She swallowed.

"It had been a year since he'd had sex," she whispered, "and he seemed to think that entitled him to," she flinched, "to force me. He used my nickname. The one only my fiancé uses. And then he left in a furious state. By the time he came back the stuff… the gas and air… had started to really affect me. I stood no chance of fighting back. So I closed my eyes as tightly as I could." She breathed in deeply. "I didn't want the image of… his face… engrained on my memory forever." She swallowed. "I was gagged again. I couldn't scream. He started saying things to me, telling me I was the one who couldn't stay away from him. I-I remember bits… He got angry about my tattoo."

"Tattoo?"

"I have a small circle with Gene's initial and he got angry about that. Claimed I was 'branded'. My gag fell down but he didn't care by now. He was ripping down my trousers and…" she found she could hardly breathe. "That's when he forced himself… into me."

"I understand this is difficult but can you please be more specific?" the lawyer asked her.

Alex's heart burned with pain and she wasn't sure how she didn't die on the spot as she tried to say the words. They wouldn't come out. They were the hardest thing to say. She recalled the moment he took what she would never have willingly given him. Whose name had she screamed? Instinctively it had been Kim's. She didn't know why, she just knew that Kim would be there to save her and she was. Now Kim was the one with gas and air, tainted water and that stare stealing from her what Keats wanted and she couldn't even ask for help. Suddenly Alex knew this was about far more than taking the title and his freedom from Keats. It was about setting Kim free too.

She opened her eyes and turned directly to him, her stare as hard as nails and as angry as a lion, and she looked him right in the eye as she said,

"He raped me in the basement. Jim Keats forced me to have sex while I was tied to the furniture and couldn't move. And he's done it before; to me, to others." She swallowed but her stare did not waiver. "But I won't let it happen again. Not to anyone."

For the first time in the whole trial a look of anxiety crossed Keats's face. He had never seen Alex with that fire in her eyes before. Suddenly it felt like his walls were not the only thing aflame. Alex's determination scared him like nothing on earth and, Evan or no Evan, Alex's testimony was going to be pretty damn impossible to counteract.