A/N Double update as promised, look for Chapter 13 right after this one. I will be back tomorrow with another chapter. I hope you're all having a good weekend!
Chapter 12
I've been sitting inside the Spencermobile for the past fifteen minutes. That's about the time I arrived home, and I've been too scared to go in ever since.
I'm worried about the kind of state Ashley is in. Sure, she spent some time with my mom, but I'm not sure if that means she's willing to calmly discuss the implications of Kyla's existence and how it's affecting her.
Wow!
That was a lucid and clear thought.
I knew nothing good could come out of being sex deprived!
What?
Ok, ok, I shouldn't be thinking of my libido when there are more important matters at hand.
Sheesh!
I was only joking anyways!
Sort of.
Back to my point...
I have a feeling that Ashley's mood will be rather dark and she'll need me to be a rock of support for her.
I'm totally the woman for that job!
Yeah I am!
Because nobody gets my girl like I do.
Nobody!
It's time for team Spashley to come together like we've never come together before!
And I don't even mean that in a dirty way!
Honest!
Go Team Spashley go!
Woo!
I think that little pep talk is exactly what I had to have to get ready to face the music. Now I'm confident that, even if Ashley is in the foulest of moods, or if she breaks down in tears, or if she yells, I'll be able to handle it.
I wonder which of those three reactions she'll have.
I guess there's only one way to find out.
Boo!
Hiss!
I'm still scared!
Ok, ok, I can't be a pussy about this.
Whoa!
I just said pussy!
You know you're just stalling.
Shut up, voice, I don't need you to point out the obvious!
No need to get pissy with me, young lady!
Fuck this!
Instead of arguing with myself, I'm going to check to make sure my fiancé is ok. She's probably distraught and I'm out here acting like a jackass when I should be comforting her.
Idiot!
Relax, I know I'm not really an idiot; I'm just having a moment.
Moment's over.
Yes, voice, I know. That's why I'm in the process of walking to the front door.
Yowzers!
I'm really worried!
Perhaps I should have gotten some tissues to deal with the tears that my dear girl must be shedding.
No more stalling woman!
Fine!
This is it!
Here we go!
Ah!
I slowly open the door and I'm greeted with silence.
That's a good sign.
Right?
Wait a minute!
It's a little too quiet for my liking!
Hmmmm, after a cursory look around the main floor it doesn't appear that anything is out of place. Nothing appears to be out of order, and I don't see or hear a crying Ashley.
Those are all good things.
I suppose.
But that doesn't explain where my girl is. I know for sure she's home because this time I did notice her car in the driveway.
I take a few steps inside, after closing and locking the door, and then I feel a pair of hands grab me by the shoulders.
Oh my god!
Who just grabbed me?
Oh my god!
I don't even get a chance to scream before I feel a pair of lips, a familiar pair that is, nibble on my ear.
"I thought you'd never get home," Ashley breathes directly into my ear which in turn makes my toes curl.
Whoa!
This is not the kind of reaction I was expecting.
My head is in a tizzy so I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do now. "Uh…"
"I haven't forgotten that I owe you one and I'm a woman who always repays her debts," Ashley whispers before she nips on my earlobe again.
Oh god!
She's so fucking sexy!
Oh god!
I certainly underestimated Ashley's reaction to Kyla existence. It would seem she's handling the news very well.
Fuck yeah she is!
Ashley flips me around before slamming me against the door that I just closed.
Don't worry, I don't feel any pain!
None!
Cause all I'm feeling right now is a party in my pants.
And Ashley is the only one who's invited!
Yay!
Ashley moves in close so there's not much space between us. "And there's no time like the present to start my repayment plan."
Oh god!
I'm pretty sure my eyes rolled back in my head.
I can't properly explain how utterly sexy Ashley is this second.
No words are available in my vocabulary for me to describe how her eyes convey to me what she's not saying out loud.
Oh god!
She wants me so bad!
Well you know what, Ash? The feeling is so fucking mutual!
Oh god!
Her hands are up my top and her mouth is sucking on my neck in an instant.
Oh god!
She makes me feel incredibly good!
I'm about to hit the jackpot!
Woo hoo!
Are you crazy?
Ashley's hand circles my breast and I let out a moan so she understands how much I'm enjoying what she's doing.
I said are you crazy?
Who the fuck is that?
You know who this is!
Damn it!
I'm not listening!
You're going to listen because you cannot, for any reason, have sex with Ashley right now.
What?
You heard me, young lady!
Ashley's hand leaves my breast and heads straight for my pants.
Oh god!
Your girlfriend has just had the shock of her life, she needs you…
Oh god!
I need her more!
Spencer Carlin!
Deep down you know that sex with Ashley is not the most responsible or the right thing to do. You have to get her to talk to you and explain why she left, why she went to see your mom and why she is trying to distract you instead of opening up.
Double damn it!
I can't believe my mind can have a coherent thought when Ashley's fingers are teasing my bare midriff.
Oh god!
I'm being tested in a way I've never been tested before!
Ok, ok, that might be a tad dramatic but you don't understand how hard this is going to be for me. I'm giving up sex with Ashley.
Holy fuck!
I didn't think this day would ever come!
And I certainly won't be!
However, my girl needs me more than I need the sweet, sweet release only she can give me.
Dang!
I'm such a saint for doing this!
Enough about me though, it's time for me to get serious.
"Ash," I say as I try to get out of her clutches. "Ash, we have…"
I don't get to finish what I had planned in my head because Ashley decided to silence me with her lips.
Oh god!
She's such a fantastic kisser!
What was I supposed to do again?
Her tongue enters my mouth and fireworks go off in my head.
No!
No!
No!
I can't get distracted here!
Even though I want to more than you can imagine.
I somehow find the willpower to stop kissing Ashley but that doesn't deter her at all. She decides to head back to my neck and right to the spot that makes me shudder every time.
Every time!
Oh god!
She's playing dirty and it's so not the right time for that.
"Ash, stop," I say as I manage to get her away from me.
When my eyes refocus I see an out of breath Ashley glaring in my direction. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing is wrong with me," I assure her as I readjust my clothes. "The better question is what is wrong with you?"
Oh, I so didn't mean for that to sound confrontational.
I'm not really off to the best start in regards to being there for Ashley.
Hopefully she didn't notice how…
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ashley asks in a harsh tone.
Uh oh.
I guess I deserved that.
I take a deep breath to regroup. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
"Just forget it," Ashley cuts me off and then she leaves me alone in our entrance way.
I understand that she's upset but I really don't like it when someone walks away from me like she just did.
Spencer don't play that!
I find Ashley in the kitchen and in the time it took me to find her I came to the realization that this isn't about me so I'm not going to lose my cool because of my own feelings. What Ashley needs is for me to listen, console and be there for her.
I take another couple of deep breaths and then I make my approach.
"Save it Spencer!" Ashley exclaims before I have a chance to announce my arrival on the scene.
Ok.
So… things seem to be going horribly wrong.
When Ashley has her defenses up like this it's really hard for me, or anyone for that matter, to break them down. It's been awhile since I've seen her this upset and I forget how closed off she can be.
But I also know that she has this amazing capacity to be open, honest and completely vulnerable with me. It took time, patience and work on both our parts for our relationship to reach that point so I'm not going to let anyone or anything undo the foundation we've built.
We built that foundation together and we're going to get through this bump in the road together.
Now all I need to do is help Ashley reach the same conclusion.
"I know you're upset," I say as I take a seat next at the kitchen table next to Ashley. I put my hand over hers but I can't get her to look at me. "And you have every right to be." I think I hear Ashley snort but I ignore the noise and continue. "I can only imagine how shocked you are, but…"
"That's right! You can only imagine what I'm feeling," Ashley snaps and I cringe at the bitterness in her voice. "You really have no clue what this is like for me and you can't possibly grasp how much I'm hurting."
I have to be honest here.
I really thought after seeing Ashley with my mom that she'd somehow calmed down. The two of them have a really special bond and, while I am a little bothered that Ashley fled to her instead of letting me in to what she's feeling, I don't begrudge her in the slightest.
Plus, Ashley even appeared calmer when I saw her there, so I'm not quite sure what happened between there and here to cause her to get riled up again.
It's my job to find out though.
And that's exactly what I plan on doing.
I touch her cheek with the palm of my hand. "I might not understand what you're feeling, Ash, but I love you a whole lot." Her eyes soften which makes me relieved because I hate seeing them so cold. My relief doesn't last long because soon enough they're tearing up.
"Don't," Ashley whispers and I'm not sure what she means.
"Don't what?" I whisper back as I try to bring her in for a hug.
I don't get the chance though because Ashley's on her feet before I can stop her. "Just leave me alone." Her eyes have gone cold again and that makes me quite anxious. "I need to deal with this myself."
She goes to walk away a second time but this time I grab her wrist. "No." I flinch a little when she snaps her head back but I refuse to let go. "I'm not letting you shut me out. Not now and not when that's the last thing you need."
Ashley may be stubborn, but nobody, and I do mean nobody, is as stubborn as I am.
So she better prepare herself because I'm not backing down.
And if it's going to take us fighting for Ashley to realize that she isn't dealing with this without me, then so be it.
Because that's exactly what she's going to get.