Hey guys, I know I been a bad bad girl. What can I say, real life has been a little disappointing lately, and big decisions way down my creative flow. Not to mention I watched the season premiere of Greys Anatomy and they killed of my MARK SLOAN! I really shipped him and Callie in any freaking relationship they had so hard. Like harder than Swan Queen shippers and that's' saying something. He he he…I'm in mourning right now, seriously. Then I watched Son's of Anarchy, if you're not watching get on Nextflix or wwhatever and watch that shit! And they killed of my beloved Opie Winston! So yeah, the creative flow has been in all black for the whole week! So I'm not making any promises on this update, I'm trying to write my way out the funk. I apologize if its crap.
What it takes
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rated M- for sexuality, violence & language
Pairings: Bo/Lauren
Chapter 12-
What have you done to me
I can't eat, I cannot sleep
And I'm not the same anymore, no, no
I don't know what to do
;Cause all of me wants all of you Now once I could turn away
Do I stand alone at the shore
From everything I feel today
But now I wanna walk through your door
It's been two full days since Bo and I have gotten back together. Well not exactly together. But since I've stopped actively trying to kill her with the force of my hate, its been better with us. I admit I'm embarrassed it took me all of two months to let the women back in. God I suck.
I find myself pacing around my living room. I stare out the boarded up window. I can't believe I threw his ass out the window! What the fuck is wrong with me! I really want a cigarette right now. I sigh and remind myself that I stopped a year ago at Isabel's insistence. Just one more thing Bo doesn't know about me. Finally I stop pacing and sit down on the couch. My daughter is with her mama and very happy about. I think I'm jealous. But not really I guess. I should never have slept with her. Shit…have some balls Lewis and call it like it is. I broke my cardinal sin. Never make love to that succubus again. SHIT! Not like I had a lot of choice.
I'm pacing again. Now I'm pulling a cigarette from my stash. I need it. It's been a year and I choke like 12 year old but it feels good letting the nicotine hit my system and calm it. It's horrible, I'm a doctor and I know what this shit does to the body. But that's the point isn't it. I'm not all human anymore, thanks to Bo and Izzy I'm damn near indestructible from outside forces. It's the internal ones that are threatening to kill me. Another thing Bo doesn't know about me. She has no idea how much I've changed. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I'm not the same. I'm afraid to let her in. Fully.
But she is in. At least she has her foot in the door and I know I can't push her out of it again.
What if she doesn't like what she finds? What if she only fell in love with doormat Lauren? I'm not going back to that for anyone! Shit. How did I come to this? I knew it would be a matter of time before I fell under her spell. Why else would I have been running for 6 and a half years. But damn how could I not. I love her. She's the mother of my adorable brat. When I think about our little girl, she's so much like Bo its crazy. Thank god she's got my sensibility. It's her only saving grace at this point, everything else is Bo.
"why don't you snap out of your inner monologue doctor and have a drink with me" Darien laughed as she stood in the door way.
Lauren startled then blushed pink on her cheeks. "Sorry" she mumbled. "How did you get in?"
"You didn't lock the door, clutz" the brunette laughed as she offered the blond a cold beer. "What's going on" she said in a sing song voice.
"I made love to Bo two days ago" Lauren said flatly
"It was that bad?" Darien smiled as she got comfortable on the couch.
" no it was good, all three times" Lauren grinned salaciously
"So then you're back together?" a wicked grin
"For all of four hours." Lauren sighed flopping down to her friend with her beer.
"Boy you two are dysfunctional" the honey skinned woman laughed as she sipped her beer.
"I mean, we're together but not together. I got cold feet. She wanted to be my girlfriend and I was like…Yea.. sure and then –"
"After the afterglow of sex you got scared" Darien finished for her, shaking her head.
"Yup" Lauren nodded her head "She doesn't know who I am and I can't take that next step if there's a chance she'd leave me" the blond put all her cards on the table.
"Damn Lauren, when are you going to get over that insecurity?"
"She's asking me all these question. Thing I don't want to get into with anyone especially her. She left me before you know." Lauren riled up indignantly.
"You left her too and took her baby and went radio silent for six years hun. I'd say you won the battle of silent treatment" her friend said dryly.
Lauren just shrugged.
"So let her in, let her see you, good and bad" Darien said leaning on her hand against the couch.
"I can't"
"Why not"
"You know why not"
"Because you're afraid, because no matter how bad ass you've become deep down you're still the human slave afraid to take chances, of pushing your boundaries. You'd rather keep Bo just outside your reach were you can pick her up when feel like it" Darien said quietly. "I love you Lauren" she confessed bluntly.
"Don't" Lauren whispered.
"No we are going to have this conversation. You need to hear it. I love you and I love your adorable daughter. I could've really loved you and maybe you could've loved me back. But we both know you have control issues."
"Darien"
"Lauren I'm not complaining, it come in handy in bed my love but lets be honest. You won't trust anyone enough to take care of you" she said sadly.
"I trust you" Lauren protested weakly
"As much as you can" a soft reply. "It comes to two options. You either let go of her in your heart and your mind or you let her in completely in your heart and mind. We both know how it went with option one. Maybe you should just try and option B" Darien smiled softly as she rose and headed to the door. "I just want you to be happy"
"I know" Lauren said softly.
"I love you Lauren" the beauty said as she headed out the door. Lauren's words wafted after her as she closed the door but she heard them anyway.
"I love you too"
Bo
"Can we go now" Izzy protested from the back seat her feet kicking the passenger side seat. "I wanna leave now"
Hale turned in his seat quickly leaning over the headrest. "You wanted to come squirt so stop kicking my damn seat and stop asking a million questions. Zip it" He said curtly.
Isabel frowned pursing her lips. "Mamaaaa I'm bored! I wanna go get McDonalds. "She said totally ignoring the Siren.
"Bo! You're offspring is annoying the hell out of me. So could you please answer her" Hale pushed the brunette lightly on the shoulder. Bo's head snapped up with a sigh. She turned in her seat to look back at a pouting Isabel. A bad mood lightened instantly as she took her twin. Lifting up her dark shades she smiled at the little girl who sat with her arms crossed over her chest her hair pulled back into a pony at the base of her neck. She wore matching Ray bans that Kenzi hustled off a mark last week for she and Bo swearing they looked to cute.
"What's the matter mama?" Bo said calling the little girl her new nickname. In the time she'd been living with her daughter, she learned the little girl had a definite maternal nature that could only be Lauren.
"What are we waiting for, we've been here forever" she moaned.
"We've been here for an hour" Hale grumbled.
"That is forever for a kid!" Izzy argued back.
Bo laughed reaching over to tweak her nose. "Why don't you and Hale go over to that deli and get a nice healthy sandwich" Bo offered.
"Hahahah ya right, Why I have to take her, she's your kid" Hale mumbled.
"Hale get your ass out the car and take the kid to eat. Or would you like to hear her mouth when she really gets tired and hungry" Bo asked with an lifted eyebrow.
"Yah, ok. Let's go Isabel. My treat" Hale smiled quickly as he hopped out the truck and opened the door for her. Bo called after her. "Hold Hale's hand while you cross the street hunny"
"Ok mama" the little girl said sweetly. Bo watched as Hale bent down and buttoned up her denim jacket. The little girl gave him a hug around his neck and sweet freckled smile while he shook his head and rolled his eyes with a little smile. They crossed the street and disappeared into the shop
Bo's smile faded as she leaned back in the seat her mind traveling back two days ago back in Lauren's apartment.
~~My mamma told me there'd be days like this
And man she wasn't foolin'
'Cause I just can't believe the way you kiss
You opened up your mouth with baited breath
You said you'd never leave me.
You love me, you hate me, I tried to take the loss
You're cryin' me a river but I got to get across~~
Lauren panted hard as Bo kissed her way up the blonds lithe body, sweat on her brow, her face beaming as she leaned down and let her lover taste herself on her lips.
"Mmm, now that was good" Bo grinned as she pulled the breathless blond into her body. "Do you feel ok" she asked
"Yes" Lauren chuckled. "You sure you're not the one with the medical degree?" she teased.
"I just worry about you, about this sickness" Bo said concerned. She could feel the blond stiffen.
"I'll be fine Bo" Lauren said simply
"You weren't fine when I found you" Bo said shot back as she held her close.
"Bo"
"No, Lauren you were dying and I want to know why. I want know why Evony is trying to kill our daughter. I wanna know how you can tell Dyson to throw himself out the window and he does it without a second glance" Bo sat up in the bed looking down at the blond who placed her arm over her brow and sighed.
"Can we not do this now" Lauren pleaded. "Please"
Bo didn't like it. She didn't want any more secrets or barriers between them. Not when she was working so hard to get past them and into the blonds heart. She bit down her apprehension and settled back down into the bed pulling Lauren into her arms.
"So tell me about our daughter. I wanna know everything" Bo breathed into Lauren's hair as they cuddled in the bed.
The blond smiled into the brunette's shoulder and leaned back so they could be lying face to face. "She's the best kid ever" Lauren gushed her face lit up.
"Yeah" Bo sighed happily. "She's perfect Lauren. You did good"
Lauren blushed a bit before a guilty look shone in her eyes. "It wasn't all me Bo, there's so much of you in her sometimes it scares me" she laughed dryly.
"You think so, because she has your big brain and OCD qualities" Bo teased kissing her lightly on the lips before Lauren gave her a push back.
"I do not have OCD" she pouted with a smile.
"Tell me about her, what was it like being pregnant. how was the labor" Bo asked concerned watching Lauren's eyes darken.
"It was hard" She said shortly."I mean it was really hard like 18 hours of freaking labor." She chuckled. "I'm am all done"
"Really" Bo sat up with a smirk.
"Oh yes, absolutely" Lauren dug in. "But she was a good baby so it made up for the hours of cursing your existence" She smiled.
Bo kissed her softly. "I wish I were there to hold your hand and let you cuss me out" she said sadly.
"I wish you were there too" Lauren admitted. "I almost called you so many times. I almost called when I went into labor"
"Damn Lauren" Bo sighed shaking her head. No matter how hard they tried that pink elephant would always be between them.
"I know, I know" Lauren said turning on her back
"You should've let me be there with you, with both of you." Bo frowned trying to keep the anger out of her voice and failing.
"Yea I know but I did what I thought was best" Lauren said stubbornly
"That doesn't make it ok" Bo snapped as she got out of the bed. "Damnit Lauren" she swore as she grabbed her underwear.
Lauren stewed in her anger and regret. But what the hell did the succubus expect her say. "I know it was petty! Alright, but I'm not perfect Bo, better you learn that now" she said stubbornly.
Bo turned to look at her blond, disregarding that she was only in her underwear bottoms. "I never asked you to be. I'm NOT asking you too."
"Really" Lauren said throwing the covers off her body. "Because I think you think I'm not allowed to fuck up" she said angrily brushing her blond hair back behind her ear.
"What I THINK is you should just ask me what I'm thinking" Bo said standing up and grabbing her tee shirt and pulling it over her head, disregarding her bra. "Damn Lauren, its one step forward and two steps back"
"What did you expect a white picket fence and family vacations in the span of an hour!" the blond roared.
"NO!" Bo yelled back stalking over to the blond who was yanking her shirt on and buttoning it up. "I expect you to tell me the FUCKING truth!" Bo said as she grabbed the blond by the arms and shook her.
Lauren pulled out of her grasp, walking over to the window and crossing her arms over her chest.
A long beat of a few minutes passed as both women stood in a stalemate.
"Lauren say something" Bo said softer now as she walked behind the blond, she stood inches away before gently placing her hands on Lauren's shoulders and rubbing lightly. "I just want to know what you've been through."
"Why" the blond said her voice still hard. "It won't make a difference now"
"Everything makes a difference now" Bo said fiercely as she turned the blond around and looked into her conflicted eyes. The brunette saw the resignation and gave up. She leaned forward her lips brushing against Laurens. She bit then sucked the blonds' lower lip into her mouth resulting in a low moan from the doctor.
Lauren's hands went instantly into dark hair, long tresses wrapping and tangling between her fingers and she pulled the brunette deeper into the kiss. Bo moaned her body responding, her tongue pressing deeper into Lauren's mouth. They broke apart highly aroused, eyes dark with lust, breaths panting against each other's lips.
"I'm going to give you some space" Bo said breathlessly. Lauren's eyes were wide and fearful. "I'm not leaving" Bo said reading her mind as she pressed a soft kiss against the blonds' lips. "I just don't want us to say something to fuck this up, so I'm gonna go home and see our daughter"
"We should see her together" Lauren croaked out, her arousal had not dissipated what so ever.
"Are you sure we're up to that" Bo asked. "This will be our first joint parenting endeavor" she smirked.
"Yes" Lauren smiled weakly. "Look, She's gonna be worried about you and me and well, yes. Just give me a few hours ok."
"Sure, there's something I need to take care of anyway. How about I call Kenzi and tell her to keep the kid entertained and we will get her in few hours" Bo said stepping back away from the blond as the desire to throw her on the bed and fuck some sense her began to over ride her senses.
"Good idea" Lauren nodded awkwardly, feeling the sexual tension in her lover and herself spike.
"Yea? Thanks. I uh, I hope you think about what I was saying. It's not going to work if we don't start opening up with each other Lauren" Bo sighed before kissing her gently once more and turning on her heel.
Lauren watched her go and stalked into the bathroom where she stepped into the shower and turned on the cold water.
~Present ~
Bo sat in her car stewing over the situation with her "might be" girlfriend. To say that Lauren was closed off was an understatement. The brunette wanted more than anything to make good for whatever hurt she had caused her girlfriend. She wanted to protect her and keep her safe but Lauren seemed hell bent on proving that she could protect herself and didn't need Bo. Maybe that was what was bugging her, the fact that she didn't know if Lauren wanted her back for her or for sex.
The succubus laughed dryly, how ironic was that? Years ago if there was one thing she knew about the blond it was that she wanted her for the person she was inside. Now she wasn't so sure, not that the brunette blamed her. Not after all that had happened between them, maybe Lauren had seen what was inside and knew without a fact there was nothing there. Maybe that was why she wouldn't confide in her. Bo sighed heavily as her phone rang.
"Yea" Bo said softly.
"hi babe"
"Lauren" Bo whispered.
"yea I just ..I was missing you" the blond admitted softly.
"You were? Are you feeling sick? Did you need" Bo trailed off.
"No! no nothing like that" Lauren said quickly. "Bo, I missed you, not for sex, I just miss you"
"You do" it was a whisper.
A sigh..."I love you Bo, I've always loved you for the woman you are, did you forget that" Lauren asked
"Things are so different with us and I just didn't want to assume you felt the same way" Bo said pushing her sunshades up on her head. "I don't know what to think" Bo admitted. "I don't what to do with you"
Lauren laughed in the phone. "Now you know how I felt"
"Not funny doc"
"I'm sorry, I just. I was hoping if you were done taking our daughter on illegal stakeouts, maybe we could have a family dinner and movie night at the crack shack" Lauren said hopefully
"Yea?" Bo perked up
"Yes, I'll cook of course" Lauren put in quickly
Bo could feel Lauren smiling through the phone. "Of course, Kenzi and Izzy can pick the movie"
"Bo"
"Yea"
"I love you"
"Good, I'd hate to be in this all alone" Bo whispered.
"Just get home " Lauren ordered.
"Yes ma'am" Bo hung up the phone, her face bright. Maybe things would work out if she could just be patient and not push too hard. She sighed hopefully.
The Dal
Trick wiped at the bar until the wood shone brightly. He looked up when he heard the door open and close, his face grim.
"I know" Dyson growled apologetically as he gingerly sat down at the bar.
"I gave you one job" Trick said lowly.
"I know" Dyson said rubbing his head. His face was bruised and his body healing from the broken bones.
"You gave me your word. I told you explicitly to be careful around my great granddaughter."
"Look I didn't mean for anything to happen. Lauren was practically baiting me!"
"And somehow, Kenzi ends up here with my little gran crying her eyes, Bo nearly bleeding to death thanks to you and Lauren nearly killing you" he surmised.
"And yet I still managed to get Evony to divulge how she plans on getting Isabel" he said reaching for a bottle of scotch.
"That's the only reason you're still alive Dyson" Trick warned.
"Really?" Dyson said skeptically.
Trick sighed. "You are my most trusted friend, so you get a pass this time. But don't let it happen again" he said
Dyson nodded.
"How the hell did it happened" Trick said tiredly
"I only went over to tell Lauren what you and the Ash had come up with to smoke out Lauren. I don't know what happened after that. We got together and all hell broke loose. "Dyson admitted.
"And she and Bo still don't know" Trick asked.
"no, not yet. The Ash thinks it'll make their reactions more realistic. So no, he wants to keep it under wraps" Dyson sipped his scotch.
"Then I guess this will be the last time you should be seen here" Trick said
"Yes, and the Ash has publicly demoted me so that everyone knows I'm on his shit list" Dyson said pushing from his spot.
"Good, we don't want that bitch having any second thoughts" Trick sighed.
"Ok, I should be off. I'm sorry about Bo and the little girl. I should've never let it happen. But know this, Lauren's not right. What she could do. She knows more about why Evony is so desperate to get at her. Find out everything Trick while you still can" he warned and then turned to leave.
Trick rubbed his chin, yes, he had a lot to think on tonight.
Tbc…..