12. Foul omens; Death! Death and suffering! I have seen it with my own eyes and can vouch it is coming to touch you, both of you, either of you, but probably both of you, within your lifetimes or possibly sooner. Ensure you stray not into darkness, for your chance of survival will be greatly reduced or possibly increased, though the design of my tea leaves is quite clear that you will face… something.
—Errant in—... (Unfortunately, this portion of the submission was torn, illegible and covered in mashed carrots. —TDP)
LV: Good gods, woman, who released you from the Janus Thickey Ward? You had one job. The thestral is dead. Stop beating it.
IU: (The Prophet regrets to inform its devoted readers that due to unforeseen circumstances, regular correspondent Itachi Uchiha is unavailable for comment this week. In his place, please welcome, Rock Lee. —TDP)
RL: YOUR WARNING COMES AT A FORTUITOUS TIME IN MY YOUTH. I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT, FEAR NOT MY NUTTY FAIR FRUITCAKE, I WILL PRESERVE PEACE, LOVE, JUSTICE, AND THE YOUTHFUL WAY WITH MY BURSTING EMOTIONS AND RELENTLESS URGES TO OVERCOME ANY SUCH DARKNESS THAT MAY DARE TREAD UPON THE SACRED SUNNY SOIL OF THE SPOILS OF SPLENDOR THAT OUR GRACIOUS LIVES BESTOW UPON US. JOIN ME, NOW, IN A CELEBRATORY MARATHON TO COUNT OUR BLESSINGS FOR THIS WONDROUS CHALLENGE! I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU WHEN I SWIM ACROSS THE CHANNEL IN MID-WINTER TO OFFER YOU MY SINCEREST THANKS AND GUIDANCE, AND PROTECTION, SHOULD YOU NEED IT. PEACE, GREAT BLOSSOM OF IGNORANCE AND FOREBODING, I BID YOU PEACE AND YOUTHFUL, SPRY LOVE!