My Big Fat Ninja Wedding

Chapter 12

"Dead man walking!" Sakon called out as Shikamaru strolled by.

He stopped and frowned, "Ha ha."

"I can't imagine anyone spending time with Tayuya by choice. And you're staying with her for life!" Ukon snickered.

Suigetsu leaned back against the wall of the house, "Those Nara men like being bitches, it's a family tradition."

Shikamaru smiled, "'Bitches', yeah, like your mothers . . ."

Sakon and Ukon growled as Suigetsu laughed, "Sorry man, you got balls after all." He walked over and gave Shikamaru a pat on the back, "We're just teasing. I suppose it's a bad time to warn you, right before the wedding and all."

Shikamaru smiled, "Believe me, I've considered all my options. This is the only, I hate to use the 'r' word, responsible thing to do."

"Good luck man, you'll need it!' Sakon laughed.

"And whatever you do, don't ever mention her weight!"

"I have enough experience with mom, Ino, Temari and Sakura to know how much that particular subject can hurt."

...

Nomura hadn't moved in hours, but it was clear from his expression that something was wrong.

Itachi decided to risk it, "Are you alright?"

The priest's eyes flickered open, "Something's happened, I can't hear Jashin-Sama anymore."

Itachi was not very mystically inclined, but he knew better than to voice doubts, especially since coming back from the dead himself. "How long has it been since you . . . Heard from him . . . ?"

"Four days."

"That's not very long."

"He's been talking to me every day! He sent me to avenge him, he gave me power!" His eyes widened in shock, then narrowed, "Impossible . . ."

"What?"

Nomura opened his mouth, but he couldn't speak . . .

...

"Are you sure you want to move out, Kidoumaru?" Shikato asked as his adoptive son worked to fix a loose decoration.

"Yes sir. I enjoy being with you guys, but I can't expect Sakura to live with my parents. I feel kind of . . . Funny moving in to her house, and not . . . I don't know how to put it . . ."

"But if you both leave, I'll be all alone with that woma- . . . I mean, your mother . . ."

Kidoumaru laughed, "Afraid she'll make you actually work?"

"Not all of us are blessed with limitless energy."

"True, I am pretty exceptional." Kidoumaru said cockily as he finished up his work, "That and I have ADHD." He smiled, "I really owe you guys, you took me in to your home and took care of me. I can't repay that." He hugged Shikato.

"Well, you did save Shika's life, and I can never repay you for that." Shikato smiled, "You're a good kid, even if you are a troublesome, hardworking kid who makes me look bad . . ."

...

"You scared us all half to death!" Eiji was in a state, even more so than their parents, "If you had been killed . . ."

"I'm sorry . . ." Zaku said, resisting the urge to insist that he wasn't a child and could take care of himself perfectly well alone, "But I owed it to the guy . . ."

Tomoe laid a hand on his shoulder, "It was a very noble thing to do. I'm proud of you." She kissed him on the cheek, and Kin broke out laughing,

"MOM!"

...

Tayuya tried to smooth the folds in her dress with her hands.

"It's supposed to look like that, Tayuya."

Sakura said "I'll never understand #! Women, and I am one! Why do we have to wear these frilly, sissy outfits? You can't fight in a #! Dress!"

Ino laughed, "It's society's way of punishing us for being superior. Otherwise boys would look like total losers . . ."

Tayuya laughed loudly, "Like they could look any more Stupid!"

The old woman fixed Tayuya's corsage, "You look lovely. The first time I saw you, I never imagined you'd wear feminine clothes so well . . ."

Tayuya shuddered, "And this is the last time! I'm no #! Lady, like I keep tellin' that fat . . ." She sighed, she'd been trying to control her language, but old habits, like Oto-Nin, tend to die long, slow agonizing deaths . . . "Sorry. It's hard not to cuss, ya' know."

The old woman laughed, "I know. You should hear Tsunade-Sama when she gets started! My God, a person's ears could burn off!"

Yoshino grinned at Tayuya, "You won't be too rough with my little Shika, will you?"

"That depends on how much of a fight he puts up . . ."

...

Shikamaru adjusted his tie, and looked himself over in the mirror, Not bad . . .

"You alright?" Kidoumaru asked softly.

"I feel like I'm going to throw up, curl in a corner and die."

Shikato grinned, "Yep, that's exactly how I felt when I married your mother!"

Everyone laughed, "So, Shikamaru, ready for the big night, or scared?" Kiba grinned wolfishly.

Shikamaru smirked, "Yeah, I'm ready. I practiced on your mother!"

"You son of a #!" Kiba growled.

"He certainly is," Shikato said gravely, "I know, I married her."

Kidoumaru was shocked, "DAD! How can you say that about mom?!"

"Because it's true. I do love her, but she can be mean as a snake, if you'll pardon the expression."

Kidoumaru shook his head and Kiba chuckled.

"Troublesome parents . . ." Shikamaru mumbled, as Kidoumaru looked over himself in the mirror. His specially-made tux had six sleeves, it was a bit awkward to get into/out of, but it would work.

"So, I heard you're going to have that summon of yours at your wedding, what's Sakura think about that?"

Kidoumaru turned slightly, "She doesn't mind, she loves spiders," He grinned, "Especially this spider, not that I can blame her . . ."

Chouji rolled his eyes, "I wonder if there's going to be room for guests at the wedding, what with your giant ego . . ."

Kidoumaru laughed, "I can't help it if I'm a stunning example of male beauty." He checked his hair in the mirror, "Seriously, though, Kyodaigumo is an important part of my life, she's saved my life several times, I couldn't get married without her there, she's family." He smiled, "But that's another day, today's Shika's big day . . ."

He smacked Shikamaru on the back, and the young Nara turned pale and rushed from the room, hand over mouth.

Shikato followed him into the hall, "Don't get any puke on that tux, it was expensive!"

...

To be continued...