Chapter 12
"How can one be well...when one suffers morally?"― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace
I was powerful. I was a predator stalking its prey. Nothing was going to stop me. I was undefeatable. I was…
I was sneaking up on an inanimate earthen jar of saké placed on top of a shelf in the empty kitchen, which sounded a lot more unimpressive than how I originally described it. And not to mention, the truth sounded far more pathetic than the fabrication.
I wanted that wonderful jar of saké because it wasn't just any old saké, it was the pricy daiginjo-shu[1]. It was the type that was so expensive that we normally couldn't afford it. The only reason we even had a jar of that stuff was because it was a gift to Otou-san from an old student.
It was so unfair. Everyone at least got a sip of that golden liquid throughout the week. Everyone except for me. Otou-san thought I was a bit young to be drinking alcohol despite the fact I had long been considered an adult, according to this era's standards. Unfortunately for me, Tsune-san decided to side with Otou-san along with Hijikata-san and Inoue-san. Heisuke had just shot me the "better luck next time" look while Souji never opposed Otou-san, even if it was for me. The only person who was slightly on my side was Sannan-san.
Sannan-san had said to Otou-san, "Shizuka-chan is an adult now so she should be able to make her own choices." But Sannan-san had also said, "But you are her chichi-ue, so you still get to decide for her."
Of course, I had been unhappy with Sannan-san's words and I ended up "forgetting" to buy the pork at the market that he coveted so much. However, that didn't end well for me. I don't know what Sannan-san did or said, but I ended up being told by Otou-san to air out the disgusting smelling kendo equipment all afternoon one day while Sannan-san watched on with a sadistic gleam in his eyes.
I nearly drove myself crazy trying to figure out what Sannan-san said to Otou-san. Let it be known that Sannan-san is not one to mess with, especially if you value your sanity.
That jar of daiginjo-shu was so close now that I could practically taste it. All I had to do now as scale the stupidly tall shelves and reach up to grab—
"Hey, Shizuka-chan! Huh? What are you doing?" someone said next to my ear, scaring me out of my skin.
I let out a shriek of surprise before toppling off the shelf, landing near the feet of speaker as I lamented my failure. Heisuke was standing behind me wearing a bewildered look on his face. He tilted his head at me before he knelt down to my level to pet my head like I was some puppy that could be consoled so easily.
I could have sworn that there was no one around. The kitchen was empty. Empty. How did I miss Heisuke? He wasn't exactly the quietest person in the world. In fact, he practically attracted unwanted attention wherever he went for being so loud.
"Shizuka-chan?" Heisuke poked the side of my head when I failed to respond to him initially as I was internally crying over the lost opportunity.
I totally wasn't salty at my failure.
"Shizuka-chan?"
"Hey, Heisuke?"
"Yeah?"
"You suck."
"Hah?! What does that have to do with anything?!"
I shot him a look. It totally had to do with everything.
Heisuke, on the other hand, looked completely unamused and let out a sigh before standing up again, leaving me sitting on the kitchen floor by myself.
"What were you even doing?" he asked as he looked to the shelf I was clinging onto earlier like a poorly equipped spider.
I didn't bother dignifying that question with an answer as I looked back longing at the saké. It felt like it was getting further and further away, to my everlasting horror.
"Hey, want to help me with something, Heisuke?" I asked as finally said something.
He was looking at me wearily. I could already tell that he didn't like the suspicious looking grin that appeared on my face. Though to be completely fair, if I were him, then I wouldn't like it either.
"Help you with what, exactly?"
"You see that jar of saké on that shelf over there? I'm too short and I can't reach it by myself." I pointed at the jar on top of the shelf. "I need you to go get it for me."
I was being completely vague about what I needed the saké for on purpose. For all he knew, I could have needed to use the saké as an antiseptic for some open wound.
"Why do you need saké? You don't look like you have a cut you need to use it on. Is someone injured…? Wait…," Heisuke said before he put two and two together. "That's the daiginjo-shu! Are you trying to sneak a drink?! You totally are! Hijikata-san and Kondou-san'll get mad!"
"They won't get mad if they don't find out," I pointed out with a cheerful helpfulness. "You can have some too."
"You can't bribe me!" Heisuke exclaimed, standing firm. "This isn't worth Hijikata-san's ire!"
Oh, but it was. And Heisuke was going to help whether he wanted to or not.
"So you're going to play it that way? Fine, have it your way," I said nonchalantly as I examined my fingernails. They were getting a bit long. Maybe I should trim them later? "I'll just go tell Souji that Heisuke's bullying me. Who knows what'll happen then."
Those words worked their magic instantly and Heisuke descended into a panic.
"Wah! You can't do that! It's not fair!" Heisuke cried, grabbing me for the insurance that I wouldn't run off while he was in the middle of trying to reason with me. "Souji will totally do something nasty to me! He already beat me up once for the sake of 'practice' because he thought I was hogging your time! Don't make him think that I'm being mean to you!"
"Oh? Then you'll help me?" I smiled gleefully. That way too easy.
"Ahh... I'm totally going to regret this, aren't I?" He sighed as he resigned to his fate. "You really play unfairly sometimes…"
"Oh come on! It'll be fun!" I tried to convince him with my cheerful response.
Heisuke looked at me jadedly through the corner of his eye. He didn't believe me at all. I had gotten him into trouble too many times already.
"Okay...," he said, heaving a heavy sigh before hesitantly turning to face our target.
As quietly as he could, he crept up to the shelf that held the treasured saké. So far so good. There was no one in sight, but just as Heisuke's fingertips lightly brushed against the bottom of the earthen saké jar, a furious sounding voice cut into the tense silence of the once clear kitchen.
"Just what are you two doing?" Hijikata-san snapped with a loud stern voice.
Without bothering to get up from my seat on the kitchen floor, I turned to wave at Hijikata-san, who apparently looked about as mad as he sounded. I blinked my eyes in faux innocence and pointed to Heisuke, who had been frozen stiff in fear.
"I tried to stop him," I sang, totally sounding unconvincing.
Heisuke turned whiter than a bleached sheet at my words. "EHHH?! DON'T LIE, SHIZUKA-CHAN!" Heisuke yelped before his hand suddenly shot up to point at me. "IT WAS HER IDEA! SHE BLACKMAILED ME!"
"I did," I admitted cheerfully, condoning myself as I did so. "But it doesn't matter that I blackmailed you. You still didn't have to help me, so you're still guilty. You're my accomplice."
If I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol, then I could at least still have some fun by getting Heisuke in trouble with me.
"HEISUKE!" Hijikata-san finally erupted, going up to Heisuke and bashed him on the head. "You know better than to listen to Shizuka when she is about to break some rules!"
Heisuke could only wince and flounder about while cradling the large bump forming on the top of his head as Hijikata-san continued to yell and scold him.
"Though to be fair, I can be very convincing," I cut in to Hijikata-san's scolding without sounding sorry at all. Hijikata-san slapped his own forehead in irritation before he plucked me off the ground by the scruff of my kimono with a single jerky motion.
"It's like you live to irritate me sometimes," Hijikata-san growled at me before he began hauling me away.
To be even more irritating, I gave Hijikata-san a thumbs up. I could see his eyebrows twitching and he totally looked like he wanted to hit me, but he restrained himself in the end. Just before he completely left the kitchen, he paused to bark back to Heisuke.
"You're coming too! Or do I have to drag you away like I have to with Shizuka?"
And with that, both Heisuke and I were tossed into an empty bedroom so we could have some time to reflect on our actions. And obviously, since I wasn't feeling one shred of guilt, the little timeout was completely ineffective. However, it wasn't the same for Heisuke. He at least looked guilty, but he wasn't reflecting either.
"'It'll be fun,' she says," Heisuke grumbled while we were supposed to be reflecting on our actions.
"But it was." I bat my eyes at him with fake innocence, causing Heisuke to start pulling on his hair with both hands in frustration.
"Gah! Just what is your definition of fun?"
"Careful, you'll go bald if you keep pulling on your hair like that."
"Shizuka-chan!" he exclaimed as he tried pulling a reasonable answer from me. I denied him.
"You know, fun." My voice sounded overly bubbly and my answer remained as unhelpful as ever.
"That totally didn't clarify anything!"
"I know," I replied without losing any of my irritating bounciness.
Heisuke hung his head in defeat at my statement and grew too defeated to even say anything to me anymore. All he did was mumble under his breath while drawing invisible pictures on the tatami mat. Everything grew calm and boring again until Souji cracked the door open slightly and stuck his head in.
"What did you do this time, Shizuka?" Souji asked as he praised me in his own way by lifting a singular brow at me. "Hijikata-san is in a mood."
"How do you know it wasn't Heisuke's fault?" I pointed to Heisuke, who didn't bother paying any attention to me as he kept drawing circles on the floor.
"Because the two of you are stuck together in the room repenting," Souji pointed out, "and you're always the one to get Heisuke in trouble, not the other way around. So what did you do?"
"She tried to sneak the daiginjo-shu out from under Hijikata-san's nose and she blamed it on me," Heisuke finally said something as he shot me the stink eye, "Shizuka-chan, you owe me something for getting me into trouble so many times just for the sake of fun. Some anmitsu[2] would be nice."
"How about some later tonight?"
Heisuke instantly brightened up. There was even some drool accumulating in his mouth.
"It better be a lot!"
"Of course. Would it be otherwise?" Souji said. His eyes had lit up too. "She has to make enough for everyone. I want at least two servings."
And then the happy atmosphere that appeared so briefly was shattered horribly.
"Somebody! Anybody! Please help me! Please!"
It was a man's teary wail originating from streets in front of the dojo. It sounded desperate. It sounded broken.
The three of us exchanged looks before bolting for the front door. We weren't the only ones with the same idea. Everyone in the dojo had emerged to see what the ruckus was, along with many of the people living on the same street.
We were greeted by a gruesome sight. A young woman, possibly around my age, dangled from a middle-aged man's arms. Her kimono was torn and missing below her knees, and what did remain was so badly tattered that it wasn't enough to keep her from being presented indecently.
The young woman was bruised and battered. The right side of her face was an angry red color mixed in with bold shades of purple and black. Her neck wasn't any better. If anything, the bruise on her neck looked so much worse because it was in the shape of a hand. Other than the bruises, her skin looked shredded. I could immediately tell that she had been pushed to the ground and she had scrapped herself raw in the struggle, but it really just looked like someone tried to grate her skin.
Then there was the broken bone protruding from her lower left leg, just right above her ankle. With the way the bone was broken, any doctor in this era would recommend amputation. It wasn't because it was irreparable, but just simply because they didn't have the knowledge to fix such a break.
But despite how horrifying all of those injuries were, nothing was as terrifying as the sight that laid between her exposed thighs. Just at first sight, most would be horrified at the amount of blood dripping from between her inner thighs but it wasn't the blood that ought to have frightened people. It was the other fluids mixing with the blood as it dripped onto the street. Semen and vaginal fluid.
She had been raped.
"This is terrible," I heard our next door neighbor's wife, Katsumi-san, whispered to her sister-in-law, Ume-san, while looking visibly sick. "Do you think she was raped by that serial rapist that has been going around Edo?"
"She had to be," Ume-san whispered back before gagging. "Oh, I think I'm going to be sick. Do you ever think the authorities will ever catch the man responsible?"
"I hope they do," Katsumi-san answered before steering Ume-san back into their home. "I don't feel safe going to the market because of all these rapes I've been hearing about."
Like those two women, the people who had come out of their houses to investigate the commotion began retreating back into their houses, leaving the poor man to plead and beg to their turned backs.
"Please, someone, help! My daughter! Please! She's all I have left!"
It wasn't like they didn't want to help the poor man and his daughter. They couldn't. The injuries on this young woman were severe. Even the famed doctors that resided in Edo wouldn't be able to guarantee the victim's survival after treatment.
Most people could only offer the man here was their pity and, perhaps, their sympathy.
But I wasn't like "most" people. I was a trauma surgeon in my past life. Traumatic injuries were my specialty. And while I lacked the modern tools, I didn't lack the knowledge needed. If I were to operate on this woman, it wouldn't even be the first time I worked on a rape victim.
"Bring her inside the dojo," I suddenly spoke up, testing my mettle and causing everyone in my make-shift family to freeze. "I can help her."
I couldn't just leave this woman to suffer, not when I had the ability to make a difference.
"What do you think you're doing?" Hijikata-san demanded, grabbing my arm, as soon the shock wore off. "I know you're skilled at treating injuries, but this is too far out of your league. What do you think you can do?"
My eyes flashed as I jerked my arm out of his grasp, stunning him into a brief silence.
"More than nothing," I hissed. I felt angry. It was a quiet rage, the type that bubbled up slowly but burned with increasing intensity. "I know what to do and I will not allow that woman to die knowing that I could have done something."
"And then what?!" Hijikata-san snapped back. His closed his eyes in pain as anger faded. "What will you do if you accidently kill her?" he ended up whispering.
"Then there is no loss. Look at her. She has nothing left. If no one tries, she will die regardless and if I fail to save her, then she will die knowing that there was at least someone that didn't give up on her."
Otou-san then placed a firm hand on Hijikata-san's tense shoulder when neither of us refused to back down. Hijikata-san turned to Otou-san, about to say something but the expression Otou-san was wearing made Hijikata-san's words die in his mouth.
"What she said is true, Toshi," Otou-san said. His voice was so warm and calm despite the situation. "If that young woman does not receive any form of treatment now she will die. Put your faith in Shizuka. I trust her and know she can save that young woman's life and you should too."
"There will be nothing for us to lose anyways if the treatment fails," Sannan-san added to Otou-san's statement. "The young woman is already on death's doorstep anyways, but it would have been better to try then to have done nothing at all."
Hijikata-san looked utterly defeated before looked to me with an expression of concern. "Alright…," he finally consented.
Without wasting anymore time, we ushered the man and his daughter inside and down the hallway to the unused room Hijikata-san had thrown me and Heisuke in earlier to reflect.
"We'll be using this room," I stated as soon as I snapped the door open. "Someone bring me a large tub of hot, boiled water while someone else find several jars of alcohol to clean and sanitize that table. I'll be operating on her on that table and it needs to be disinfected. I don't want her to develop a preventable infection from an infected operating site."
Souji ran off to fetch the alcohol I needed without hesitation while Heisuke followed Souji to the kitchen so he could boil the water that I needed.
"Then I'll need someone to run to the market to buy some mint," I ordered next. "I need the mint for the natural menthol[3] it possesses to use as a local anesthetic and someone find me some thread, preferably silk, and a needle."
Otou-san nodded before he left for the market to purchase the large quantities of mint required while Tsune-san went to go fetch the silk threads and needle from her sewing supplies in a nearby room. Just as Tsune-san left the room. Souji returned to the room and began disinfecting the table and the surrounding area.
"Since we don't have any scalpels, someone find me some small knives and bandages." Sannan-san went off to fulfill that request.
"Souji, are you done with the table?"
"Yeah." Souji stepped back from the table.
"Place your daughter on the table," I turned to tell the man before I addressed Hijikata-san. "Hijikata-san, can you go find an apron for me? Preferably one that has been recently washed. The cleaner the better in this case."
Hijikata-san nodded mutely before he left the room to go fetch the clean article.
"Sir, I'll need you to back away from your daughter so I can properly examine her." I turned my attention back to the man and his daughter.
The man quickly followed my instructions, even though it was clear that he wanted to stay close to her. As soon as the young woman was on the table, I began my careful examination. I wouldn't be allowed to miss anything if the young woman was going to live. However, that was easier said than done. With the inability to order a CT scan[4] , an ultrasound, or an x-ray, it would be fairly easy to miss a potentially fatal wound that needed immediate attention. It was also difficult to monitor her vitals at the same time without many of the machines I had to work with in the future. To help myself focus on the task, I began listing my findings out loud.
"Right side of the face is severely bruised. The neck shows signs of strangulation; there are also a superficial cuts covering the skin as a result from struggling. The broken bone in her left leg, just superior to her ankle, is a compound fracture. Since the bone is protruding from the skin, extra care must be given to make sure the bone doesn't develop a deep bone infection. She also appears to have a few fractured ribs, most likely three. The three fractured ribs are most likely true ribs number five and six on her right side and false rib number nine on her left side."
"Patient also has a large bruise forming on her left lower quadrant[5] of her abdomen. There is also some significant swelling in the right upper quadrant[6] of the abdomen. There is more than likely some internal bleeding and the blood needs to be drained to reduce the pressure on her organs. The source of the internal bleeding will also need to be repaired by the looks of the amount swelling there is. Based on the location of the swelling, the source of the internal bleeding is most likely the spleen."
"The blood coming from her vagina suggests that the walls have been badly torn during the assault and will also need to be repaired."
Just as I finished listing the possible injuries, Sannan-san returned. I addressed him without taking my eyes off the young woman. "Sannan-san, since you don't look like you are squeamish around the operating table, I will need your assistance during the operation. I'll need everyone else to leave the room to prevent contamination before I start operating."
After I had kicked everyone that wasn't assisting me in the operation, Sannan-san and I started the long procedure of repairing the young woman's torn up body. The operation lasted nearly the entire day and by the time I emerged from the room with Sannan-san, the sun had already set hours ago. Everyone was sitting against the wall right outside the room. They must have been too anxious to eat or to do anything else but wait right outside the room.
"How is she? How is my daughter?" the father cried as he ran up to me. He didn't even appear tired because of how concerned he was for his daughter.
"I've done all I could," I answered as I removed the apron. It needed to be washed and preferably soon because of the blood covering the front of it. "Whether your daughter survives is now up to her, but I think she has a good chance. If she wakes up within the next twelve hours, then her chances of surviving will increase. I'll need you to monitor her for the next couple of hours and if she wakes up while you're watching her then I'll need you to come and get me, okay?"
The man nodded franticly as he tried to peer around me so he could see his daughter. Figuring that I wasn't going to be able to get him to focus on anything else right now, I gave him the go ahead to enter the room.
"You can go see her now," I said the magical words he had been waiting to hear.
When the man heard those words, he quickly dashed around me and Sannan-san and rushed into the room to go hold his daughter's hand and to sit at her side. I, on the other hand, had no more energy left and tossed the apron somewhere on the floor before I walked over to where Souji was sitting against the opposite wall and tiredly slumped down next to him.
"How can some people be so terrible?" I asked Souji in an exhausted whisper as soon I curled up to him.
I didn't really expect an answer though. I always wondered this after every operation in my past life where I received a patient that had been injured through another person's malicious intent. It was something I just couldn't wrap my mind around and it always bothered me. I believed in the good in people. It would be just too painful to believe that people were evil by nature.
"How can someone look another person in the eye and see the fear and pain but still continue to hurt them? It's horrible."
Souji wrapped one arm around me and pulled me close so I could press myself into his side for the needed comfort. I tucked my face in the crook of his neck to seek as much physical contact as possible.
"I don't know," was all Souji said as he gently rested his chin on top of my head while he rubbed my back in soothing circles.
[1] A subclass of ginjo-shu below, brewed with very highly polished rice and even more precise and labor intensive methods. The pinnacle of the brewers' art. Generally light, complex and quite fragrant.
[2] Anmitsu (あんみつ) is a Japanese dessert that has been popular for many decades.
It is made of small cubes of agar jelly, a white translucent jelly made from red algae. The agar is dissolved with water (or fruit juice such as apple juice) to make the jelly. It is served in a bowl with sweet azuki bean paste or anko, boiled peas, often gyūhi and a variety of fruits such as peach slices, mikan, pieces of pineapples, and cherries. The anmitsu usually comes with a small pot of sweet black syrup, or mitsu which one pours onto the jelly before eating. Anmitsu is usually eaten with a spoon and fork.
[3] Menthol is an organic compound made synthetically or obtained from corn mint, peppermint or other mint oils. It is a waxy, crystalline substance, clear or white in color, which is solid at room temperature and melts slightly above. The main form of menthol occurring in nature is (−)-menthol, which is assigned the (1R, 2S, 5R) configuration. Menthol has local anesthetic and counterirritant qualities, and it is widely used to relieve minor throat irritation. Menthol also acts as a weak kappa opioid receptor agonist.
[4] X-ray computed tomography (X-ray CT) is a technology that uses computer-processed X-rays to produce tomographic images (virtual 'slices') of specific areas of a scanned object, allowing the user to see inside the object without cutting.
[5] The left lower quadrant (LLQ) of the human abdomen is the area left of the midline and below the umbilicus. The LLQ includes the left iliac fossa and half of the left flank region.
[6] The right upper quadrant (RUQ) extends from the median plane to the right of the patient, and from the umbilical plane to the right ribcage.