The Captain's Wife

Chapter 12

Mike had to get off the floor. He just wasn't sure how. Brooke was still in sitting next to him but was staring into space, lost in her own thoughts. They had both stopped crying but hadn't said a word. He reached with his good hand and patted her knee before trying to stand up. It had apparently broken her train of thought and she jumped up. Mike half expected her to leave but instead she grabbed his good elbow and pulled him up to his feet. She still hadn't said a word and wouldn't look at him in the eye. He could see the pain written all over her face. Despite being in so much pain, she was still helping him. With his good hand, he touched her cheek and lifted her face up.

"Let me help you get settled. I'll go down and have Mom or Hannah bring you some lunch up."

"No, ma'am. You can help me get settled, but you are staying up here and we are settling this. No arguments."

Brooke helped him get back into bed and put the picture that Mike had laid on the bed when he stood up on the nightstand. She started to sit on the chair but he pulled her onto the bed next to him. She didn't know what else to say. It had all hurt so badly. Her mom walked in with a tray of sandwiches and fruit slices just then. She kissed Brooke on the top of the head and then kissed Mike on the cheek, and then left.

"One of us has to start talking at some point and I am done."

Mike had to let out a laugh. Brooke was stubborn and so was he. But she was right; the ball was in his court. He pushed the food tray away and grabbed her hand. He had no idea what to say.

"Brooke, I don't have a magic fix for this. I wish I did. I worded it wrong when you came in here. I knew when we talked yesterday that there was more to the story where Lucas was concerned but it helped to know that he thought I was there. Then to find out that he had cried for me, that hurt. I can understand why you didn't tell me though. It was to protect me, and I appreciate that. But don't do it again. You can hurt someone more with a lie, even a lie of omission, than you can by just telling them the truth. I know and understand that you didn't think I was prepared to hear it and maybe you weren't really prepared to tell it. But it has balled up and exploded now and I am afraid it has done unrepairable damage between you and I. That having been said, I do appreciate you trying to protect me. But you need to remember, I am the dad. It is my job to protect you not the other way around. I am not saying this to scold you, it just can't happen ever again. As far as me not needing you, that I wouldn't be affected if you had died either from the virus or last night…well that is just a load of crap. It is heartbreaking that you would even think that. I would have not thrown myself on top of you in the middle of all that gunfire. I could have easily left you lying there and joined in. Would have probably avoided getting shot that way. I don't regret doing that though. You have either been blessed or cursed with my stubbornness. Jury is still out on that. My point is, I love you. I would have been just as destroyed if you had died from that damn virus as what I am because of Lucas dying. And if you had died last night, it would have been worse because I brought those people here and failed to protect you. When they carried you out and you were acting like that, it was the hardest thing I ever did, turning my back on you. Listening to you, not reacting. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I thought they had drugged you and I know a little bit about what that drug is like. I couldn't hold you or comfort you and it was agonizing and then not to mention what you were saying hurt really badly. All that having been said, I have four things to say. Number one is I love you, I always have and I always will, Secondly, what you did last night between drinking soured milk instead of that tea, and acting so convincingly makes me immensely proud of you. I've always been proud of you, but wow, honey, that was amazing. Not to mention, Doc Rios told me it was you that insisted that you give me the transfusion that saved my life. You have no idea what that means to me. You have been here every step of the way since and I appreciate that. Thirdly, I want a do-over. If it means me leaving the Navy, then I will put in my papers tonight. I love you kids and your mom and I don't want to spend another day or night away from you guys. I have spent the last three years worrying about, grieving for, and looking for you all. Coming to this farm was a last ditch effort before I finally gave in and admitted that you all may not have survived. Instead, I found you all. And aside from the days that you kids were born and your mom and I married, it was the greatest day of my life. Despite all the pain and hurt between you and I, knowing that you were healthy and alive, even if you hated me, made me happy. Not that I liked the idea of you hating me. I hate what you went through, watching Lucas dying, but I am comforted knowing that you were there. You need to hang onto that, that you could comfort him during his final hours. It was not something your mom or Hannah could do. If I had been home, I might not have been able to. But you could and even though him crying will stay with you for the rest of your life, and I hate that, the takeaway is that you comforted him. Not him thinking I was there, it was you being there. And that means the world to me. You made his passing a little easier."

"You said there were four things?" Mike had paused for a minute and Brooke was curious. After such a long spiel it was odd that he would suddenly stop. She was surprisingly not crying, but he had teared up a couple times.

"Yea, just had to pause for a minute. Fourth is, I really, really want a hug now."

Brooke knew a hug would be difficult at best but she would do what she could, she just didn't want to hurt her dad. It was probably the most awkward hug she had ever given. His arm was bound against his chest and she didn't want to hug him around the neck for fear that she would hurt him. She ended up just putting her arms around his torso and putting her head on his good shoulder with that arm around her. She just had one thing to say.

"Can I say one thing?"

"Sure."

"I really, really, really…love you!"

She had looked up at him and he bent down and kissed her on the forehead. Before the virus, anytime she and Mike were saying bye or either time one of them signed off on an email they would say, "I really, really, really…love you." They didn't pull apart and before either of them realized they had both fell asleep. She still had her arms around his torso and had turned to where she was facing him and he had his chin resting on the top of her head and his good arm around her.

Christine had peeked into the room to check on them. She had heard both of their voices raised a couple times, but hoped that they had worked through everything. She didn't like that they hadn't ate the sandwiches and Mike had gone to sleep before taking any pain medication but it was still a beautiful scene. She pulled a blanket out of the closet and put it over the two of them, kissing them both before she left with the food tray. Adam had been a bit upset that he couldn't take his nap in with Mike but Christine finally told him that there would be plenty of opportunities to do that and that Brooke needed some time with Daddy. The two year old seemed to understand that.

Mike had a very high threshold for pain but he woke up in almost agony. Brooke was still sleeping on his shoulder and he didn't want to disturb her. A blanket was tucked around both of them, telling him someone; probably Christine had checked on them. Brooke finally roused and looked up at him, registering immediately that he was in pain. She jumped out of bed and headed out of the room to get her mom or Doc Rios. She had just hollered from the top of the stairs and went back in not wanting to leave her dad. She had sat back down next to him and was holding his hand when Christine, Tom and Doc Rios came in. Brooke didn't want to but she left her dad's side so Rios could check his vitals and give him some pain medication. Tom was helping to reposition Mike and Christine had pulled Brooke into a huge hug.

"You and your dad get things talked out?"

"I think so. I think we are in a little better place. It just took a lot of hurt to get us there."

"I love you, sissy. So does your dad. I hurt your dad really badly when he called and I told him about Lucas, and he has still forgiven me, and we are both doing better. Sometimes the ones that we love the most, we hurt the worst. But the important thing is that we still continue to love them and they can love us back. I think that is where you and your dad are. Now, right don't you go give him a kiss and then go downstairs and get something to eat? I doubt he will want anything, he'll probably be going to sleep before too long, and I would kind of like to spend some time with him before he does, okay?"

"Okay, I love you too."

They pulled apart and Brooke gave Mike a kiss and left after exchanging "I love you's." Tom and Rios also left once Mike was settled, leaving Mike and Christine alone. She had gotten on the bed with him and gave him a kiss. He was pretty woozy and was fading pretty fast.

"You doing better, since you and Brooke talked? It was getting pretty loud up here. She and you are both a little too much alike."

"Yeah, I might have gotten a bit sterner than necessary with her but I think I got through. It really hurt when I found out that Lucas had cried for me. I can't change it now though. But I can fix it with Brooke and be a better dad to her, Hannah and Adam. They deserve that and I think Lucas would want me to do that. It might mean me leaving the Navy and becoming a cop again. We could get by financially but I would need something to keep my head busy, not saying you all wouldn't. I want to be home with you all. I can't deploy again. All that being said, it would only be if you wanted me here?"

Christine could only nod at him. She wrapped both arms around his neck and pulled him in for a deep and long kiss. It could have gotten a little heated but he was still in intense pain and Adam had run in. Brooke had come in after him, knowing that their mom wanted some time with their dad but neither of them cared that much. Christine picked Adam up and put him on the bed next to Mike, in hopes that the little boy would settle down for his long overdue nap. Brooke had bent down and gave Mike another kiss and left. It was good to her being so openly affectionate where Mike was concerned.

"I luf you, Daddy. I sorry you have an ouchie. Can I tiss it and make it better?"

"I love you too, buddy and it's okay. If you want to give me a kiss on the cheek that might help and then try to get to sleep."

Adam reached up and gave Mike a big kiss on the cheek and settled on Mike's good shoulder. He was sound asleep within just a couple minutes. Christine put the blanket over the top of the two of them and gave Mike another kiss. Before she left, he told her when he woke up; he wanted to spend a little time with Hannah. He didn't want her to feel neglected. Hannah loved having so many people around, cooking massive meals but her only concern was that her dad was eating. She had been really disappointed when Christine had brought the untouched lunch tray down. One of the ways that Hannah showed people that she loved and cared about them was to feed them and if they didn't eat, she thought she had failed. Mike didn't want that.

After Christine left, Mike concentrated on the little boy sleeping on his chest. A few days before he didn't even know that he existed, but he had fallen in love with him quickly. He still had the puffy baby cheeks that all of their kids had had. Initially he had thought Adam looked so much like Lucas, but he actually was a blend of both he and Christine. Her eyes and lashes, his facial structure, and the light brown hair all their kids shared. He had fallen asleep much the same way that Brooke had, facing him, looking up towards him. Mike cradled him with his one good arm and fell asleep.