Be My Bastard:

I wasn't thinking straight at all. The last two hours of my life were spent running in a circle. I was a mouse scrambling away from the inevitable trap of my long-accumulated problems. My phone buzzed on and off in my pocket as I grabbed a confused Feli and brought her back to Liza's for a sleepover.

Next thing I knew, I was walking over to Antonio's apartment. At first, he had gone to my apartment, but obviously, I wasn't there. The only thing that I had managed to text him was a cheap "I'll come to you" text.

Whether I liked it or not, I had to face him. He was the father of our child; he deserved to know what was going to happen. Uh, not that I had any clue about how to handle this pregnancy. Just thinking about it made me nauseous, and no, it had nothing to do with morning sickness. It was late in the evening at this point, the cool air doing well to clear away my headache.

I still couldn't believe that Gilbert had told Antonio, even if it was technically by accident. The pasty fuck nugget had never been able to keep secrets, no matter how hard that he tried. He had a huge-ass mouth that said whatever was on his mind. Regardless, that egotistical butthole sure as hell can be expecting an ass-whooping from me the next time that I see him.

I trudged into Antonio's apartment building with a heavy heart. I just felt so miserable, and stupid, and dependent, and a lot of other depressing things that made me hate myself all over again.

My trip upstairs went by far too quickly, and by the time that I was inserting my key into the lock, I already heard his footsteps clambering towards the door. Antonio tried to open the door from the other side, causing me to sigh and let go of the door. We would have been there all night if I hadn't.

The door swung open, revealing the nervous, angry, and scared Antonio that I had been expecting. I nearly burst into tears at the mere sight of him. He was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt that hugged his lean physique with an open buttoned collar and plaid pyjama pants. His brown curls were sticking up unevenly, looking as if he had raked his hand through it several times. The green eyes that were normally mirthful and teasing were red, puffy, and wide with uncertainty. His tanned face had a reddish-pink flush, hinting that he had been crying earlier.

Antonio wordlessly shuffled to the side, letting me walk into the apartment. I didn't bother to look him in the eyes, for I was too ashamed to. The silence in the air was awkward and uncomfortable. We seemed like strangers to one another. He towered over me, being much taller, which only added to my fear. I felt small and helpless. Although, I knew that Antonio also felt the same way. I wanted to bury myself in his strong arms, to smell the comforting scent of his cologne, to have him tuck his chin over my head and tell me that everything's okay, but none of that would happen unless I gained the courage to face him.

I shrugged off my shoes, my gaze never leaving the ground. I could hear Antonio's impatience just by his breathing alone; he was trying to calm down, but he wasn't having much luck. Numbly, I began to walk forward, Antonio slowly trailing behind me.

He was the first to break our silence.

"Lovi?" Antonio started.

I refused to turn around and look at him.

"Lovi," he repeated, this time much firmer.

I inhaled sharply. "Yeah?" I asked, feeling my chest balloon in discomfort.

"Look at me, mi cielo."

I grit my teeth, biting the inside of my cheek so hard that the pain was nearly blinding.

I turned around, slowly looking up to meet Antonio's estranged gaze.

"Is it true?" he asked. "Are you really pregnant?"

I weakly nodded my head, squeaking incoherently as I finally let go of my emotions, hot, bitter tears uncontrollably streaking down my face.

Antonio closed the distance between us, using both hands to cup my face. "How long? And why am I just hearing about this now?" he choked.

Silence.

"Lovi, answer me!"

I flinched at Antonio's raised tone.

I began to gasp for air, prompting Antonio to let go of my face and stomp away from me. He grabbed his head with both hands, swearing something foul in Spanish.

"Lovi, please don't test my patience. Do you have any idea how it feels to hear something like this from somebody else? I've been worried sick for the past few hours. Please, I need to hear you say something, anything, mi amor."

"S-seven weeks," I sniffed. "I-I've known for about a week now."

Antonio gave me a sharp look. "I thought we agreed to tell each other everything?" he hissed, biting his lip to hold back his anger. He began to tremble and shake, the same way that used to when he threw a drunken fit. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I instinctively took two steps back, feeling guilty when hurt flashed across Antonio's eyes. "I was scared," I whispered.

Antonio shook his head in disbelief. "Of what?!" he roared, throwing his hands up into the air in exasperation. "I'm not the same person I was back then if that's what you're thinking. I thought that you of all people would know that!"

The guilty expression on my face told Antonio everything that he needed to know.

"For fuck's sakes Lovina, you can trust me! I've made so many sacrifices for you and for Feli. You should be able to tell me anything, especially something as serious as this!"

Antonio exploded when he noticed that I was continuing to back away from him in fear.

I couldn't help it.

Our past would always come back to haunt me.

"Is that it?" he seethed. "Are you scared of me?"

I ignored his question. "What about me?!" I snapped. "You're not the only one who's made sacrifices in this relationship, so get off your fucking high horse. I'm the one who has to carry this…this baby!"

"I'M THE FATHER!" Antonio spat. "YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO KEEP SOMETHING LIKE THAT FROM ME!"

"AND I'M THE MOTHER!" I screamed back. "IT'S MY BODY!"

I felt my back press against the wall next to the staircase. "You're right," I sobbed, not having the strength to shout anymore. "I should have told you sooner. But, I'm only 20 years old, damn it! I have my whole life ahead of me. Weren't you the one who wanted me to go back to school? For me to make something out of myself?"

"I want all of those things for you, Lovi. But none of that can happen if you're not honest with me. Tell me why you can't even look at me now. You're still scared of me, admit it."

Once again, I refused to address his accusation.

This only made him angrier.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU!" Antonio bellowed.

"A-Antonio, p-please stop," I begged, but to no avail.

I flinched when Antonio slammed a palm against the wall that I was leaning against, trapping me in place. He must not have realized his strength; he effortlessly punched through the plaster without so much as a thought.

Antonio froze for a moment, giving me a small glimpse of the unbearably sweet man whom I was painfully in love with. He looked vulnerable and helpless. It wasn't long before he let his fear become anger again.

I began to sob even harder.

"Is this what you want?" Antonio fumed, nostrils flaring. "You want to see angry Antonio again? Well, here you fucking go!"

PUNCH!

Antonio slammed his palm into the wall again, albeit not making another hole. This happened two more times before I came to my senses, wrapping my arms around his waist and clinging to him for dear life.

Antonio tensed as I sobbed into his chest. "This isn't the Antonio that I want or love. I want the Antonio who's overbearing; the Antonio who's too sweet for his own good; the Antonio who's a clueless, goofy idiot; the Antonio who loves more than his heart can handle; the Antonio who's…the father of my child…our child…"

"I can be that man in a heartbeat." Antonio buried his nose into my hair, rubbing circles into my back. "Lo siento," he croaked, tightening his grip around me. "It's just, we promised to talk about our problems with each other. Don't you see that I'm scared and just as hurt as you are? This is something that we're supposed to deal with, together."

I couldn't bring myself to answer him.

Antonio kissed my forehead. "Lovi, please, answer me, mi amor."

I couldn't stop myself from dissociating.

Everything felt numb.

Antonio pulled away. It only took him one look for him to realize that I was having a panic attack.

He led me to the foot of the staircase, sitting me down on his lap. He gently hugged me from behind, urging for me to calm down.

"Shhhh," Antonio cooed, his voice cracking. "Everything's alright. You're safe. I'm right here. Just breathe, like this."

"In," Antonio took in a large gulp of air, "…and out," he instructed, his hand resting on my stomach. I was too out of it to tell him that the placement of his hand wasn't helping with anything.

It took several minutes before I was finally able to speak. "I can't…do…this…" I wheezed, still short of breath. "I-I'm t-too young…"

"I know, sweetheart. I know," Antonio reassured me.

"I'm s-s-scared."

"I am too, believe me. It's normal for you to feel this way."

The pent-up emotions that I had been holding in twisted and churned in my stomach, making me feel nauseous suddenly.

I stood up abruptly, cupping a hand over my mouth.

"Lovina, what's wrong?!" Antonio spluttered in confusion, but I was only focused on reaching the bathroom in time.

I slammed open the bathroom door, collapsing to my knees. I lifted the toilet bowl cover and wretched out the contents of my stomach.

Antonio came up behind me, holding my hair as I puked, trembled, and sobbed all at once.

When I was finished, Antonio gave me a glass of water to rinse my mouth with.

He sat on the bathroom floor next to me, letting my head rest on his shoulder. I snuggled against his chest, happy to have his arm wrapped around me so tightly.

Antonio lifted my shirt to rub my stomach, something that he always used to do when I had the flu. This time, however, it was different; much, much different.

For the most part we remained silent. Antonio hummed lightly under his breath to help make me feel better. When the color began to return to my face, he was the first one to speak.

"I think we both need to calm down," he sighed.

"Excuse me?"

"This is all too much to handle in one night. I think we need to take some time to think this over on our own. I'm not going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do, but, perhaps we shouldn't decide on things right away."

"Okay," I grumbled.

Antonio pecked my cheek before standing up and offering me a hand.

We left the bathroom holding hands, only to separate as I bent over to put on my shoes. I could feel the intense stare of his smouldering green eyes resting on the back of my neck.

I felt my face flush with warmth as I straightened my posture, returning the gaze of someone who loved me very dearly. Antonio was the first person in my life to ever cherish me in such a way; he would always hold a special part in my heart. And now I was leaving him, something that I had always been good at.

"I called a cab for you," Antonio whispered shyly, his cheeks also adopting a pinkish hue.

I rolled my eyes, tilting up my chin. "I'm capable of walking, you know. It's not that far."

Antonio glared at me, quickly putting an end to my protests.

"Oh fine," I mumbled, intuitively sticking up an index finger to interrupt him mid-sentence. "And no, you're not walking me down. You've embarrassed me enough doing that, don't you think?"

Antonio rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a shaky chuckle. "All right," he relented. "But don't think that I won't be looking out my window to see if you actually get into the cab."

"Bastard."

"At least I'm not stubborn."

"Oh please," I scoffed. "You're just as stubborn and prideful as I am. Your chronic happiness just disguises it."

Antonio bent down to peck my lips gently. "I'm only ever happy with you. I hope you know that."

"Of course I do, moron," I growled.

"I love you," Antonio murmured, rubbing his nose against mine.

"I love you too," I sighed.

"Get some sleep and take your time. There's no rush. Although, knowing my handsome looks, you'll probably get lonely pretty fast, eheh."

"Ay!" Antonio cried out when I gave his head a good, albeit playful, whack.

"Asshole," I muttered in Italian, storming out of the apartment and into the outside hallway.

"What was that~?"

"Just fuck off and go masturbate or something!" I snapped.

My blush worsened.

"Si, Queen Lovina," Antonio hummed, closing his door with a smile wide enough for me to stick my entire fist into his mouth. Even when he was beyond nervous, he always left room for a cheap joke.

I clenched my jaw, contemplating whether or not to kick down his door, only to use said door to smash his smug face with.

Fuck, was he ever infuriating.

…

You know, I probably shouldn't be doing this, considering that I had just had a massive fight and make-up with Antonio, was running on an empty stomach, and the hormones in my body were at an all-time high…

But fuck it.

I wanted my revenge, and nothing was going to stop me from getting it.

It was midnight when I arrived at Gilbert's apartment. With trembling hands, I used the key that he had given me ages ago to fling open his front door; this was the first time that I had ever willingly visited his apartment on my own. By the time that I was done with him, he'll be wishing that he had never given me the key in the first place.

The two-story apartment was completely dark save for the master bedroom upstairs. Ludwig must have been fast asleep, which gave me full leeway to pound that pasty fuck-potato into a pile of soggy starch mush.

I growled under my breath, rolling up my sleeves in preparation for the beating that I was about to unleash. I scoffed in disdain as I flicked on the light switch in the front room; the place was a complete mess without having me there to clean up after the Beilschmidt brothers.

The sink was piled to the top with dishes; there were mismatching socks of all kinds stinking up the joint, one was even hanging off the window sill; there were several empty frozen food boxes overflowing from the garbage bin and spilling on to the kitchen floor; the floor needed to be swept and mopped; the living room carpet needed to be vacuumed; the Xbox wasn't unplugged, and the chord was laying out for people to trip over; the walls had finger prints on them, both small and asshole-sized; sweaters were hung up over the living room chairs…

And I just had just suffered from a mini-aneurism.

It took me a moment to compose myself again. I somehow managed to get myself moving again, stiffly twitching up the staircase. "One-two, I'm coming for you," I growled. "Three-four, better lock your door. Five-six, better run real quick. Seven-eight, oops too late! Nine-ten, soon you'll be choking on my fist; a-fucking-men…heh…"

I began to laugh uncontrollably, deaf to the sounds of pleasure echoing above me.

"Oh! Maple! Gilbert, right there! Yes! Yes!"

"Ungh! Ja, Birdie! Ja! Ja! Ja! This feels awesome!"

I stood before Gilbert's closed bedroom door, furiously pounding my fists against it. "GILBERT FRITZ BEILSCHMIDT, YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS OUT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"

I heard gasps on the other side of the door.

Looks like I had come at a bad time.

An evil smile crept onto my face.

Oops~!

"I'm kinda busy right now!" Gilbert scoffed. "Please leave a message, and I'll get right back to you; never!"

Oh, he was really asking for it.

The bastard knew exactly why I was here.

I pulled out my greatest weapon: my hand. "I'm going to count to ten. If you're not out here before the time I finish counting, you can consider yourself a dead man-child."

"Lovina, now's really not a good tim-"

"ONE!"

"Okay, okay! Christ! Just give me a min-"

"TWO!"

This trick always used to work back when we had lived together.

"THREE!"

Gilbert was out by the count of five, his face flushed from exertion. He was only wearing a pair of superman boxers to protect himself from my wrath.

The bastard didn't stand a chance.

I grabbed him by the hem of his boxers and flung him against the wall, using one arm to place pressure against his windpipe.

"Lovina, let me explain!" he wheezed, his crimson eyes wide with fear.

"Alright," I hissed. "Explain."

Gilbert gave me a sheepish look, shrinking in on himself despite being several inches taller than me. "It kinda just…slipped out! Oi! You really need to cut those nails of yours!"

"Why cut them, if they can be used to rip your sorry ass throat out?!" I snarled.

Ludwig poked his head out of his bedroom door, his blue eyes lidded with fatigue. "Bruder?" he mumbled. "Why are you getting beat up by miss Lovina again? What did you do this time?"

A flash of red tassels and blonde curls scurried through the upstairs hallway.

"Maddie?!" I spluttered, turning to see the Canadian escort a confused Ludwig back into his bedroom. She was wearing a red bathrobe to cover up her otherwise naked body.

"You're just dreaming, honey," Maddie cooed in her characteristically soft voice. "Come, let's put you back to bed."

I turned back to Gilbert, tightening the pressure against his scrawny windpipe. "Oh! My! God! Are you two fucking?!"

"What's it to you?" Gilbert snorted, and like the pervert he was, a smug grin spread onto his face.

"What's it to me?!" I screeched. "What's it to you to tell Antonio that I'm pregnant, you hypocritical piece of shit!"

"I TOLD YOU THAT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Gilbert roared.

"ACCIDENT OR NOT, I'M ABOUT TO MASH YOUR BALLS INTO PIECES AND CALL IT ASSHOLE PIE!"

"What the heck does that even mean?!"

Maddie cleared her throat, having exited Ludwig's bedroom. "Ahem, but can someone please explain to me what's going on?" she tutted, placing both hands on her hips.

Gilbert and I erupted into a fit of anger, loudly speaking over the other.

"HE-!"

"SHE-!"

"ASSHOLE-!"

"LUNATIC-!"

"POTATO-!"

"MEIN BALLS-!"

"OVEN-!"

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Let's try this again. Lovina, you go first."

"HE TOLD ANTONIO THAT I WAS PREGNANT BEFORE I DID!"

Maddie gasped, taking a small moment to collect herself. "Well, in that case. Let me join you."

SLAP!

Gilbert's head flung to left as Maddie's hand cracked against his right cheek.

SLAP!

Gilbert's head flung to the right as my hand cracked against his left cheek.

I pulled away, extending my hand for Maddie to take.

Gilbert slumped to the floor, head buried in between his knees.

"I think that I just found my new best friend," I mused.

Maddie smirked and took my hand. "That makes two of us, eh?"

…

VRRRROOOOOOOOM!

Gilbert sighed. "Lovina, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm cleaning your apartment, you damn dirty man-potato. Now move, this grime isn't going to suck up itself."

"Maddie?"

Maddie poked her head out from beneath the kitchen sink. "I'm with Lovina on this one. No wonder you keep the lights so dim in here. This is honestly disgusting!"

…

Two days later…

It was an early Saturday morning. I was done thinking. I wanted to see Antonio. Heck, I wanted to take control of my life again. I was tired of being dependent and helpless. Liza had been nice enough to take care of Feli these past few days, but it was finally time for me to own up to my mistakes and to move on with whatever Antonio and I decided to do.

Don't ask me why, but I had found myself aimlessly walking around the park that I always took Feli to on the weekends. The park was empty and comforting. The only thing that would make it better was if Antonio were here to enjoy it with me.

On a whim, I pulled out my phone before I could even think about what I was doing.

Antonio picked up on the first ring, the bastard.

I began to pace back and forth.

There was no going back now.

"Hey…do you think that you could meet me at the park?"

"Yes, now!"

"Yes, I got enough sleep!"

"No, I didn't take my vitamins!"

"Because I don't own any fucking vitamins!"

"Fine, I'll put vitamins on the grocery list!"

"Would you just fucking get here already?!"

To be continued…