I admit, I'm getting really tired of writing this story. I never planned for it to go on this long, and I need to take a break and come up with some new ideas, one of which hopefully being a proper ending.

But one the bright side, here's a new update~!

Breakdown

Where was that damn flea? Shizuo growled under his breath as he stalked around Ikebukuro, keeping his eyes peeled and his fists clenched. He had been looking for over an hour when, on a whim, he decided to go to Izaya's old house in Shinjuku.

Shizuo didn't bother to knock; he just broke the door down. This was partially because he didn't think Izaya would be there, but more because it was a tradition.

He had taken only a few steps into the house when he caught sight of something red on the carpeting. Shizuo crouched down and pushed his sunglasses onto his forehead so he could get a better look. After a moment, he cursed and straightened up. It was fresh blood.

"Izaya?"

Shizuo walked deeper into the apartment. When he came to the living room, he found someone lying on the floor. He'd recognize that furred coat anywhere.

"Izaya!"

Shizuo ran over, but Izaya had already opened his eyes when he yelled and propped himself up on his elbows. He looked completely fine, but there was blood all over skin, dying the fur on the ends of his sleeves, and, though it was harder to tell, soaking his black shirt.

"Oh, hey, Shizu-chan," Izaya yawned. "What's up?"

Shizuo was still staring at the blood. Izaya noticed and laughed.

"Relax, Shizu-chan. This isn't my blood."

Not his...? "Then who's blood is it, flea?"

Izaya shrugged and got easily to his feet, rubbing the back of his neck. "Man, I shouldn't've taken a nap on the floor; I forgot how hard it is," he said casually. "Ah well, it seemed like a good idea at the time..."

Shizuo grabbed the front of Izaya's shirt, instantly staining his own hands crimson. "Who's blood is it?"

"No one who'll be missed." Izaya still stubbornly refused to answer directly, and it was pissing Shizuo off. He gave Izaya a rough shake, but Izaya just pressed his lips together and gave him that look. It was his 'Go-ahead-and-beat-the-shit-out-of-me-I'm-not-telling,' look.

So Shizuo let go and scowled at his bloody hands. He couldn't wipe them on his pants; that would ruin the bartender uniform he'd gotten from Kasuka. Izaya smirked a knowing smirk, and again, Shizuo had to resist the urge to hit him.

"Let's go," Shizuo said gruffly.

"Go?" Izaya repeated. "Wherever to, Shizu-chan?"

"Back to Shinra's."

Izaya grinned and twirled on the spot. "Great! I wonder if they have any fatty tuna left? I'm starving!"

Before Shizuo could say anything, Izaya had skipped out the door. Shizuo gritted his teeth and followed him, but he couldn't make himself be angry. After dealing with a depressed and shattered Izaya, he was actually a little relieved to have the old one back.

But something was still wrong.

Shizuo ignored Izaya's meaningless chatter as they walked down the road. Izaya was acting as annoying as usual, but it was like he was just pretending the last few weeks hadn't happened, rather than he had actually recovered from them. Not to mention that all that blood couldn't be a good sign.

Suddenly, Shizuo stopped. Izaya went on a little ways, then glanced over his shoulder and turned to walk backwards.

"Hurry up, Shizu-chan~!" Izaya whined. "Fatty tuna!"

"You killed the guy that raped you, didn't you?"

Shizuo knew he was right when Izaya stumbled to an abrupt stop. Izaya's face went blank for a moment, then he hooked on a fake smile. "Maybe. What does it matter?"

"It matters!" Shizuo spat. "You killed someone!"

Izaya shrugged. "So? Last I checked, you've killed a few people yourself."

"Not on purpose! Dammit, Izaya...you are seriously fucked in the head!"

"All thanks to you, Shizu-chan," Izaya reminded him.

Shizuo flinched. Would he never live this down? "Yeah, I messed up," he muttered. "But I came back, didn't I?"

In an instant, every bit of the old Izaya vanished, and the Izaya that took its place was not the broken shell from the hotel room. This Izaya was something Shizuo saw every time he looked in the mirror: A monster.

It didn't last long, though. Izaya closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. In the time it took to blink, he was back to his usual careless grin.

"I have a question for you, Shizu-chan: If someone tosses away a lit cigarette, and it ends up burning down a house, killing everyone inside, is it still their fault? Sure, they didn't mean to do it; they even called the police to put the fire out, but is it enough to lift the blame from their shoulders? Does that bring back the people who died? Will it make everything better?" Izaya waved a hand. "Of course not; it's still their fault."

"Izaya–"

"People who make mistakes that they can never take back always try to justify them," Izaya went on, ignoring the interruption. "They say to themselves 'I didn't think it would turn out this way,' and derive false comfort from the thought that they did everything they could when it became clear the guilt and pain would jeopardize their own future happiness. Eventually, they convince themselves that they deserve forgiveness." Izaya paused, his grin widening as he stared straight into Shizuo's shocked eyes. "That's what you want, isn't it, Shizu-chan? For me to forgive you?"

Shizuo looked at Izaya for a long time. Izaya was completely right; so much so that it was scary. And it was no use trying to deny it. Shizuo nodded slowly. Yes, he wanted Izaya to forgive him.

Izaya's eyes narrowed and his grin vanished. Before him was a crossroad, and he knew that how he chose to respond would change everything. He had dangled the possibility of forgiveness in front of Shizuo like bait on a hook, and Shizuo had dared to bite. With the smallest bit of effort, he could throw the last few weeks back in Shizuo's face, deny that the man had saved his life three times now, and return things to how they should be. Or, with just as little effort, he could take the other path and accept the consequences, whatever they may be.

As Izaya mulled over the options, Shizuo held his breath. He knew what was coming next. Now, Izaya would reveal it to be the cruel trick that it was, then he would throw his head back and laugh spitefully, chiding him for being stupid enough to fall for it. Shizuo braced himself.

"I forgive you."

Shizuo was sure he'd heard wrong. He searched Izaya's face for any sign that he was being fooled, but there was only sincerity and...something else.

"You...?"

"I forgive you," Izaya repeated firmly. He gave Shizuo a sour look. "Now can we go already? I want fatty tuna~!"

Shizuo just stared. Izaya rolled his eyes and sighed, then he walked over and grabbed Shizuo's arm, pulling him down the road.

"I...I don't understand," Shizuo stammered. "Why?" He had never even apologized for what he did out loud, even though he'd thought it a hundred times over, so what had possessed Izaya to forgive him. It was definitely out of the flea's character to let go of leverage like that so easily.

Izaya, seeing Shizuo's confusion, almost said the words that were on the tip of his tongue. It would be so easy to say them; to lift that weight on his heart. But there had been enough progress for one day. He glanced back at Shizuo balefully.

"Shizu-chan," he said, frowning. "I don't think you understand how sad I will be if all the fatty tuna is gone. There may even be tears. So, with that in mind, stop asking questions and move faster."

Shizuo let out a surprised laugh and complied, and soon he and Izaya were racing through the streets of Ikebukuro. Watching Izaya run away from him, Shizuo smiled at the familiar scene, but then he realized that Izaya wasn't running away, and he wasn't chasing. Shizuo looked down at his hand, which was clasped tightly with Izaya's.

This is...