Link peered outside and saw that, indeed, the Postbox was wriggling for him.
"Sweet! She was right! I do have mail!" Link said.
Of course I'm right. I'm the authoress.
"I've gotta have you around more often," Link nodded. "That way I can always know when I have mail."
J-just for m-mail? You make me feel sad inside…
"Hey, at least you're doing something useful," Navi huffed. "Now, Link, hurry up and get the letter so we can get on with our lives."
Link rolled his eyes, "Okay, okay…"
'Gooood eeeevening!'
"Good evening," Link smiled. "How have you been, lately?"
"Link. It's a postbox. I don't think you're supposed to have conversations with it," Navi huffed.
"There's no need to be rude," Link said.
'Letters for Link: We have 1 letter!' the Postbox said, 'Here is your letter.'
With that, the Postbox spat the letter into Link's hands.
Link smiled, "Thank you."
"…Eww…" Navi shuddered. "I still think that that's disgusting…"
Your face is disgusting. And before Navi could come up with a proper retort, the authoress narrated that Link opened the letter. For some reason, it was written in extremely large font…
'If you wish to be a true swordsman… find some Knight's Crests! And return to me!
Orca'
"…This sounds like a scam…" Link paused. "Is this even Orca's handwriting?"
"Here, let me see that," Navi huffed.
Navi grabbed the letter.
"And you, Miss Narrator!" Navi pointed to the intercom.
Yes?
"Go and make yourself useful!" Navi said. "Find out the password for the pirate ship!"
Huh? But I'm the authoress. I already know what it is—
"Shut up and just go!"
The narrator left.
"You did not!" Navi said.
The narrator left in a way that Navi found convincing.
"That's not going to work!"
Hey, do you know how hard it is to manage a story when you're not even there?
"Either that or stop talking for a while!" Navi huffed. "You're very distracting! And do you know how hard it is to keep this Link's mind on the right track?"
Actually, yes. Yes I do.
"Now just do your job properly before Link—oh crap, where is he?" Navi groaned.
He's right ther—oh wow, he is gone. Oops.
"Great, now I've got to go and find him!" Navi huffed.
Navi tossed the letter aside and flew off calling out Link's name. She finally managed to find him standing by the door of the Café.
"There you are," Navi huffed. "If the narrator hadn't made such a quick transition, I never would have found you."
"Wait, what?" Link blinked. "And hey! What happened to my letter?"
Navi shrugged, "Dunno."
"But that was my mail!"
"Whatever."
Link grumbled bitterly and kicked a conveniently placed rock.
"Besides, what are you doing here?" Navi asked.
"The pirates said that they were going to the Café to party all night," Link said. "I was hoping to get free booze."
"In a Zelda game? HA!" Navi laughed. "My Link couldn't even get free milk in the previous fic!"
"Well, I can't get in, anyway," Link sighed. "There's a sign on the door that says 'Closed all night for pirate party'."
"So?" Navi asked. "All it is is a sign on a door. Can't you just open it anyway?"
"It's locked too."
"Then why not break it down?" Navi asked. "It's the manly thing to do, isn't it?"
"Meh," Link shrugged. "Don't feel like it."
Navi's rage was but a gargle of noises.
"Nice to see that the narrator's doing her job again," Link said.
…
"Link, just ignore her," Navi said. "She'll probably shut up after a while if we do."
Lightening crackled menacingly in the background.
"See? It's working already," Navi nodded.
A bolt struck a nearby building, which effectively set it on fire.
"Wow, that was close," Navi said.
"Heh," Link chuckled. "Imagine what would have happened if it had hit the Café. It'd serve those pirate jerks right, not letting me into their party and all."
"Link!" Navi smacked Link's head. "We're not here on Windfall to party with pirates! We're here to do something productive!"
"Didn't we come here to see what the pirates were up to?" Link asked. "We've satisfied my curiosity, and I don't really care what they do after this."
"Link, we are going to get that last pearl, and that's final!" Navi huffed. "And I don't care if we have to break the door down in that pirate ship, but we are going to get those bombs to get that dang pearl! Plus, I miss having explosives."
Link blinked a couple times.
"Are we clear?" Navi asked. "Or do I have to pull a Random Owl, and repeat what I just said again?"
"Okay, okay," Link groaned. "We'll go get the bombs and get that pearl. I just don't understand why you're so insistent about it…"
Navi sighed, "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just hate it when nobody's doing anything useful."
"I've noticed."
"Augh!" Navi grumbled bitterly, "Just go already!"
Link rolled his eyes, and headed to the pirate ship. Which was parked right next to the cliff by the jail. Mmm… Link loved the smell of irony.
"I do?" Link blinked.
Yes. You do. Ahem. Link jumped onto the deck of the boat with relative ease. He began to explore to see if anything of interest had changed. Sadly, nothing was immediately apparent, and as a result, he lost his interest. Curious as to what was happening below deck, Link headed to the door leading there. Unfortunately, when Link hit the A button to open the door, it spoke to him instead.
"4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42!" it said.
Link raised an eyebrow, "Now that's just weird."
"Wait…" Navi paused. "I remember this… It's…it's…it's…!"
"It's what?" Link blinked.
"A RUNNING GAG!" Navi bellowed.
Navi attempted to tear down the door in her rage, but the game design wouldn't let her.
"4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! Ha ha ha, sucker. 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42!" it continued. "4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42! 4 8 15 16 23 42!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Link said. "Let's just calm down a second here, and figure out the password, okay?"
Navi kicked the door bitterly.
"Like, there has to be some reason why the numbers '4 8 15 16 23 42' keep getting repeated over and over again," Link said.
"4 8 15 16 23 42?" the door asked.
"Yes, what you said: 4 8 15 16 23 42," Link told the door.
"4 8 15 16 23 42!" the door said.
The door opened wide. Rain pattered in idly.
"Wow, I'm surprised that worked," Navi said.
Link raised both eyebrows, "I'm not going to ask."
Link stepped inside.
An empty hallway greeted him.
"Well, umm," Navi paused. "I expected that we'd find that annoying pirate guy hiding behind the door or something."
"That's kinda weird," Link said.
"Maybe the door is alive…" Navi said in a hushed whisper.
"Oh come now, Navi, do you really believe that?" Link asked.
The door chuckled behind them.
"Like that! That was just the sound of the wind and the pattering rain playing tricks on us," Link nodded.
"Uh huh," Navi rolled her eyes.
"Anyways, knowing last time, Niko is downstairs," Link said.
"If so, then how did he get down there so fast?" Navi asked.
"The pirates are ninjas. Duh," Link nodded.
"They didn't notice us in the bomb shop," Navi pointed out.
"Do not question the ninjas, Navi," Link said. "Even now…they may be watching…"
Navi had no idea whether or not Link was pulling her leg or not. Before she could determine this, Link noticed for the first time that Tetra's room was open. Unguarded. No pirate blocking the way. Unsupervised. A wicked little grin emerged on the cell shaded boy's face.
Navi blinked, "Link, what are you…"
Link strode confidently into Tetra's room.
"H-Hey!" Navi buzzed. "Have you no sense of decency?"
"Wow… Look at all these perfume bottles…" Link gasped.
Navi flew hurriedly after Link to keep the boy from doing anything stupid.
There she saw a nice cozy room, cluttered by jewels. Jewels on the bed. Jewels on the drawer. There were even some smaller jewels balanced finely on top of the picture frames. Navi tried her best to pretend the jewels weren't there, for they were quickly becoming an eyesore. She was then able to see that there were other things in the room, such as a desk, a bed, a drawer, and three pictures in picture frames. A picture of some lady, a scribbled-on map, and a picture of some guy. Navi didn't pay much attention to it.
"I'm impressed," Link nodded. "Compared to what Tetra owns, my Grandma looks like she lives a life of poverty!"
"Link, uhh, she kinda does," Navi said.
"And what's this?" Link looked over.
Link looked up and saw a portrait of a brunette hanging above Tetra's bed. Her skin was tanned and her face—hardened. She had green eyebrows.
Link scoffed, "I could have taken a better Pictograph of that in my sleep!"
"Link, that's a painting!" Navi groaned.
"Fools!" Link huffed. "Pictography is better than painting!"
Navi gave Link an unimpressed face, "Link, Pictography has only been around for the past few years, while painting have been around for centuries. Obviously, paintings are vastly—"
"Pictography is the ultimate form!" Link yelled.
Navi sighed, and realized that she wasn't going be change Link's silly little opinion any time soon. She nodded. It was better to change the topic. Navi looked around the room for something that might hold Link's interest. Unfortunately, she didn't think Link was the kind of guy that liked jewelry, and he already had forty some Joy Pendants multiplying in his spoils bag.
Navi turned to the drawer. Tetra's underwear was probably in there. No, Navi shook her head, it was probably a bad idea to encourage Link to do that sort of thing. Navi turned to Tetra's bed. Not enough pillows for a pillow fight. Actually, pillow fights were a bad idea too, since Tetra would be able to tell that they had been snooping around her place. Navi shuddered. Something about that girl just gave Navi the creeps!
"Like, look at this, Navi!" Link huffed. "You can even see the brushstrokes! You don't see that in Pictographs, now do ya?"
Right. Distractions. Navi looked around the room frantically. Perfume bottles? No. The Drawer? Bad idea. A map? Link already has one. A picture of Link? Bah, why would he care about—wait…
Navi raised an eyebrow, "…Why does she have a picture of you on her wall?"
"The lady?" Link paused. "Oh, you mean Tetra… Wait, she what?"
Link spun around, and walked over to the other painting—stepping on a couple necklaces as he did so. He gazed up an old painting of a blonde haired man in a green tunic. He leaned back and put his hands behind his head.
"That's not me," Link said. "That's the ancient hero."
Navi blinked.
Link rolled his eyes, "You know, from legend?"
There was a pause.
"Oh, righhht, you don't know about that," Link said. "Sorry, my mistake."
"Hmmmmm…" Navi paused.
Navi looked deeply at the painting. She squinted.
"Then how come he has your belt?" Navi asked.
Link stared at the painting closely.
"Huh… I suppose he does…" Link paused.
"Well, never mind that," Navi sighed. "I probably shouldn't have brought it up. So, Link, what's the fastest way to your island from here."
"Pretty much just head South from here," Link said.
"South?" Navi asked.
Link sighed. He walked over to Tetra's map on the wall.
"Okay, so here we are, on Windfall," Link pointed to the map. "And here's my island, here."
Link pointed near the bottom of the map.
"So, if I sail the boat in a general South West West direction," Link continued, "then we should be able to get there with the fastest time."
"Oh, okay," Navi said.
Link took a closer look at the map. He stroked his chin.
Link paused, "I wonder…"
Link leaned closer to the map, and squinted.
"Link, what are you doing now?" Navi sighed.
"Well, Greatfish Isle was destroyed when we got there, right?" Link asked.
"No duh," Navi said. "What's your point?"
"My point is…" Link paused, "that the charted out map I got from the Fishman is of the island when it was ripped apart. However, Tetra's map is different. Tetra's map looks like it was charted a long time ago, and is probably older than she is. In that case…"
"We should be able to see what Greatfish Isle looked like before it was destroyed!" Navi said.
"Exactly," Link said. "Or, that's the theory, anyway… That is, if Tetra hadn't scribbled all over it already."
"Oh, right," Navi looked at the map. "What's that girl got for the Triforce, anyway?"
"Dunno," Link shrugged. "She must like forks."
Link glanced at the Greatfish Square on the map. It was hard to tell what was under it. Link pulled out his map in comparison.
"Hey! Wait a minute!" Link exclaimed. "It looks exactly the same!"
"Wait, what?"
Navi looked over Link shoulder. Sure enough, the shadowed outline of Greatfish that was showing, matched the silhouette on Link's map perfectly.
"But then this means…" Navi paused.
"That it wasn't torn apart!" Link gaped. "It looked that way to begin with!"
Navi blinked, "Erm… Link…?"
"That means that we've been lied to!" Link gasped. "Quill, everyone! They lied to us! Ganon(dorf) didn't rip the island apart! It's all a scam!"
"Link!" Navi huffed. "You're being ridiculous—"
"TETRA'S MAP HAS BLOWN MY WHOLE PERCEPTION OF REALITY!" Link screamed.
There was a long pause.
"…Okay…too much room snooping for you," Navi groaned.
"What?" Link spun around. "But I—"
Navi dragged Link outside.
Link paused for a second, "I'll never get used to that."
"I'll never get used to your smarts, either," Navi groaned. "Now, come on."
Navi began to pull the tunic-ed boy down the stairs. Link's voice made a funny sound when he bumped down each step.
"W-w-w-h-e-r-r-r-e-e-e d-d-i-i-d-d th-th-a-a-a-t-t c-c-c-o-m-m-e fr-fr-o-o-m-m?" Link jittered.
"If you hadn't looked at the map, then you never would have gotten your mind blown. So there," Navi huffed.
"Wa-wa-wa-i-i-t-t, y-y-y-y-o-u-u-u'r-r-e bl-bl-bl-a-a-m-m-m-ing-ing th-th-i-s-s a-a-ll o-o-n m-m-me n-n-o-w-w?" Link asked.
"Well, who am I supposed to blame it on? Me?" Navi asked.
Navi dropped Link, for they were now at their destination. Link looked up to see Niko staring him in the eye.
"Is this a bad time, swabbie?" Niko asked.
"Er, uhh…" Link chuckled. "No, no… Not at all. Erm…"
"Well, good!" Niko laughed. "So, you're alive, I see! All the other pirates said you got done in by that bird monster in the Forsaken Fortress, so I thought…"
"Me?" Link laughed. "Get done in by that old Seagull King? Are you crazy? Aryll would never allow that bird to—"
"Seagull…King?" Niko blinked.
Navi face palmed.
"Eh heh heh…" Link bit his lip. "It's a long story."
"4 8 15 16 23 42!" Niko hiccupped. "Ahem. Anyways…"
"So you were the door guard!" Link said. "Ha. Told you the pirates were ninjas."
Niko hid his katana behind his back.
"Well, you see, after you left, I went back to being the bottom rung on the ladder…which is why I'm stuck here while everyone else is in town having fun and eating and stuff..." Niko explained.
"Don't you find it kind of mean that they left you behind while they decided to drink the night away?" Link asked.
"Bah. Don't worry about it, swabbie," Niko waved his hand. "I do lookout duty a lot."
Link cocked his head, "But I thought that one other guy who doesn't speak was the…"
"Never mind that, swabbie," Niko beamed. "But... I guess being so worshiped by my swabbie ought to cheer me up!"
"Ah ha! So you are upset!" Navi let out.
"Erm… Now, about your next test!" Niko chuckled.
"A test?" Navi buzzed. "Another test? Oh come on, now, can't you just give us the bombs so we can get out of here?"
"I wonder if its sunrise yet?" Link paused.
"Nuh uh uh!" Niko waved his hand back and forth. "Before you can get approval from your great and mighty superior, me, you must first go through this!"
Niko pointed to the empty room behind him. Those strange platforms from the previous test were gone, and in their stead was an empty floor. Well, empty except for the copious amounts of crates stacked neatly there. From the ceiling hung more lanterns than ever, and some of them even moved on the spot. And the doorway by the opposing wall had a huge steel door in front of it. While Link was distracted, Niko swiped his belt buckle.
"This one is harder than the last!" Niko smiled. "You can see when there are lanterns hanging throughout the room, right? Well, last time when you pressed the switch, platforms rose up for you to jump onto, right? Yeah, well, this time there aren't any! Which means you have to jump from one rope to the next rope!"
Link paused, "How did you guys uninstall the platforms without leaving any trace of them behind?"
"Um…er…" Niko bit his lip.
Navi buzzed, "Link, stop pointing out the illogical aspects of this world!"
"Sheesh," Link said, "Sometimes I feel like my whole life is in a videogame…"
"EH-HEH-AHEM!" Niko coughed.
"Sorry."
"And that's not all!" Niko continued, "This time, I've put a gate on this door, too! The switch opens the gate, but it'll close if you don't get here before time runs out. Run out of time, and you'll have to try it again, little swabbie!"
"Again, what is the purpose of this exercise?" Link rolled his eyes.
"Be thankful that his directions actually make some sense this time," Navi sighed.
"The switch that opens the gate is in the same place as before, so go step on it! If you get all the way to this side before time runs out, I'll give you the bombs we got in town!" Niko boasted. "Yeah, you heard me! Give it your best shot, swabbie!"
"That's it. You're bored," Link groaned. "You're just bored. That's the reason you're putting me through these stupid exercises—you have nothing to do with your life!"
"Link, where'd your belt buckle go?" Navi blinked.
"Huh? Huh?" Link yelled.
"Swabbie, that's besides the point," Niko bit his lip.
"You know what?" Link groaned. "I'm going to beat this test without going on all the ropes, just to prove that you are not my superior!"
Fun Fact: You can complete this task within jumping on all the ropes. However, the only rope you're allowed to miss is the last one.
"Yeah, yeah," Niko yawned. "Sure thing, Swabbie. Just hurry it up, will you? Heh heh heh… Though has gotta be good…"
Niko pulled out some popcorn and began eating some.
"Where'd you get the popcorn?" Navi asked.
Niko shrugged, "I stole it from the narrator."
I was wondering where that bag went…
"Link, hurry up and get those bombs!" Navi groaned. "The pirates are probably on their way back from the party by now!"
"Fine, fine…" Link groaned.
Five minutes later…
"What?" Niko gasped. "You gotta be... You did it already?"
Link nodded.
"You're..." Niko gasped. "You're incredible!"
"Bwahahaha!" Link cackled. "Who's superior now sucker?"
"Link, you beat a game of his own design," Navi said. "I don't think its wise to let something like this get to your head."
"This isn't good..." Niko muttered to himself. "I never even passed this test... How could he do it so quickly...? And make it look so easy? And if I give this to him, everybody will know for sure... Oh, I'll be so busted..."
"Navi, you're just jealous~!" Link smirked.
"Ugh! Stop acting like my Link!" Navi groaned. "It reminds me of him!"
"Sorry," Link rolled his eyes.
"Uh...okay!" Niko piped up. "You're the best swabbie of all time! So... I guess I'll just give you the bombs!"
"Sweet!" Link exclaimed.
"And I guess you can have this back too…" Niko blushed.
"Hey!"
Niko handed the belt buckle back to Link. DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got his belt buckle back! He really needs to get more observant about these things… Link hurriedly put the buckle back on his dangling belt.
"Now, go on!" Niko exclaimed. "Take 'em! Just don't tell anyone, okay? I'm serious! Really serious! Okay? Okay?"
"Okay, okay!" Link said. "I get it!"
Link opened the chest and—DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Bombs! Hooray, for encouraging underage handling of deadly explosives! Link turned his back, and began to head out the door.
"Thanks for the bombs!" Link smiled. "But now we really must be going—"
A familiar glow rippled out of Link's pocket. Link pulled out the glowing speck of rock.
"That's mighty courageous of you..." Tetra's voice came forth, "trying to steal treasure from pirates."
"Crikey!" Niko jumped in the air. "We've been caught!"
"Settle down, Niko," Tetra sounded like she sighed. "Anyways, Link, I suppose I should be shocked... but I'm more amazed that you managed to survive after being tossed out of that tower..."
Link grinned, "It's 'cause I'm just that manly."
"From the looks of things (considering that your stealing bombs instead of going back to living a peaceful life), I have to guess you haven't saved your sister yet, huh?" Tetra's voice asked.
"Eh heh heh… Yeaaahhh… I'm working on it," Link sighed. "Slowly."
"You don't give things much thought, do you?" Tetra's voice groaned. "You just rush in, never thinking how badly things could go for you."
"Actually, Navi's been telling me that—" Link began.
"Like just now..." the stone said. "The only reason you got what you did was because we left a simple-minded little rat like Niko behind to look after things. No one else would have parted with our treasure so easily. I assure you!"
"That's okay," Link smiled. "I could have just beaten them at arm wrestling. Besides…what were you thinking in leaving a simple-minded little rat like Niko to guard your bombs?"
"I'm still behind ya, swabbie," Niko said.
"Quiet, Niko," Link hushed.
"And just how do you intend to use those bombs, anyway?" the stone asked. "Don't tell me you're going after Jabun's treasure, too..."
"What's it to you?" Link asked.
"IT'S MINE! THAT'S WHAT!" the speck yelled. "Even though it's not as shiny as my…"
Link could have sworn he heard Tetra say Triumph Forks.
"Ahem. Anyways, right now, Jabun is hiding in a cave at the back of the island you were born on," Tetra's voice explained. "But the entrance is blocked by a giant stone doorway. You can't get in without breaking down the door."
"I already knew that," Link said.
The stone sounded confused, "What? How?"
Link looked around frantically, "Erm, uh… Quill, the postman from the third chapter told me. Yeah, that's it!"
"Uh huh…" the stone didn't sound convinced. "As I was saying, we're going to relax in town and eat our fill of whatever this town has to offer, but we'll be leaving for Outset first thing in the morning. If you manage to find Jabun tonight, then I guess you win. For now."
"Oh, it's still evening?" Link asked. "I could have sworn it was morning."
"But if you take too long, we'll come sailing right by you tomorrow morning. And believe me, you didn't get ALL of our bombs," Tetra's stone threatened. "You'd better be quick, kid!"
"Okie dokie," Link shrugged.
The speck of rock paused, "And…um…could I ask you to let me pet the pearl for a couple hours? Like, I mean, after you're done with it, I mean… And if you do win. Which I doubt you will…"
"I…uh…suppose?" Link blinked.
"Oh, thank you sooo sooo much!" the stone sounded happy beyond belief. "Why, I could just kiss you right now—"
"Huh? Miss?" another voice came from the stone. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Erm, uh…" Tetra's voice gulped. "Nothing…"
Link raised an eyebrow at the speck of stone.
"Are you sure?" the voice sounded like Gonzo. "It looks like you were talking to that hunk of rock again…"
"N-No! I don't know what you're talking about!" Tetra's voice protested, then muttered: "I knew I should have made this thing smaller…"
"If you say so, Miss…" Gonzo's voice paused.
"Hey, Nudge!" Senza's voice sounded farther away. "Is it just me, or does this night seem longer than usual?"
"Hey, Miss? Are you going to finish your Zora Coffee?" Mako's voice said. "The Lady at the till said she charges refills, and my cup has been empty for a while now, so…"
"Yes," Tetra's voice said defiantly. "Yes I am going to finish this coffee."
Loud slurping sounds were heard over the gossip speck.
"Is there a way to get this thing to stop making those noises?" Link asked.
Link rattled the speck around in its flimsily tied ropes. Eventually, it turned off, somehow.
"Well, I guess we'd better get going…" Link shrugged.
"Alright then, swabbie!" Niko smiled. "See you later!"
"You too!" Link smiled. "See ya! Navi, let's go back to Outset, at long last!"
Silence greeted him.
"Navi! Come on!" Link blinked. "…Navi? Navi!"
Link turned around to see Niko trying to shove Navi in a bottle. Navi bit his finger.
"Ouch!" Niko flinched.
Link tapped his foot, "Niko…"
"Eh heh heh…" Niko chuckled.
Niko handed Navi to Link. Link headed out of the ship before Niko could steal anything else.
Link walked out the door, jumped off the ship and into the water. He swam to shore. Navi followed all in a tussle.
"The nerve of that guy!" Navi huffed.
"Pirate," Link corrected.
"Who does he think he is?" Navi asked. "Why I oughta—"
"Well, it's not like he actually got you in a bottle, anyways," Link sighed. "And besides, we won't be seeing him again for a while, not with the pirates wanting to take revenge for the bombs and all."
"Oh, alright," Navi groaned. "I'll let it go. Just this once. But if he tries to stuff me in a bottle again, then it's no more Miss Nice Fairy."
Navi cracked her knuckles.
Link bit his lip, "Uh-huh."
There was a pause. Link wrung out his hat.
"So…umm…" Link paused. "Now what?"
"Well, I want to head to Outset," Navi grinned. "Little Miss Pirate hoarder challenged us to a race, and I think we should take her on! And beat her royally, of course."
Link rolled his eyes, "You and your competitive side… I've got an idea. We could go back and see if the Café door's unlocked again."
"Link, stop procrastinating!" Navi huffed.
"Well, got any better suggestions?" Link rolled his eyes.
"Whoop Tetra's butt?"
"Besides that," Link groaned.
Maybe, I could be reinserted into the chapter again?
"No," Navi glared at the intercom. "There is no way in Din's Lair we are doing that."
But come on! It's Totally Tradition I can't just—Link noticed the postbox wriggling by the docks.
"See!" Navi huffed. "See how confusing that is?"
Well, that's the consequences of losing the bolded and bracketed format.
"That was annoying too!" Navi huffed.
Hey! Don't diss the prequels! A lot more people have favourited Totally Messed than this fic!
Link gasped, "Is this true?"
Yes. Yes it is.
Navi let out an irritated cry, "Why can't you use quotation marks like everyone else?"
Alright, then, I will!"
"Link rolled his eyes," "Thank you."
"That's even more confusing!" "Navi yelled."
"Hey, you wanted me to use quotation marks."
"Forgot what I said!" Navi yelled. "Just get out of this chapter already!"
Nyeh nyeh nyaaah… Your face should get out of this chapter.
"And stop it with all the 'your face' jokes!" Navi hissed.
Navi found that she was talking to a wall.
"I am not!" she protested, but what she said was not true.
"Navi isn't facing a wall," Link joining in on the lying session.
"Oh, bah. Whatever," Navi finally gave in. "No matter what we say or do, she's just going to try and insult me anyway. Let's go."
"Hold on," Link said. "I want to grab my mail first."
"Gah!" Navi let out. "You're impossible."
Link walked over to the postbox.
'Gooood eeeevening!' the postbox said.
"Good evening to you too," Link smiled. "How was your day?"
'Gooooood!' the postbox smiled. 'What about you?'
"It was alright," Link shrugged. "I spent the majority of the time sailing, but besides that—"
"Link, stop conversing with the postbox!" Navi groaned.
"How rude!" Link huffed. "Don't you converse with the postbox every time you get the mail?"
"No! I don't!" Navi let out. "Now hurry up and get your mail before I—"
"There, there, little postbox," Link patted the postbox on the head. "You're just misunderstood."
The postbox sniffled, 'L-letters for Link: We have 1 letter… H-he-ere is your letter… Boo hoo hoo hoo!'
The postbox spat the letter into Link's hands. It began to cry again. Link gave it a tissue. As the postbox blew its nose, Link opened the letter.
'Notice from Beedle's Shop Ship!
It's time for our semi-annual Big Chance Extraveganza! We have a new product that has burst into the scene: Bombs! We're having an extra-special sale on this choice item for a limited time only! You'll know where to find us by checking the enclosed Beedle Shop Ship Chart! Visit a Beedle Shop Ship near you today! (Offer not available in all regions.) Don't miss this HUGE opportunity!
Beedle'
DUH DUH DUH NUUUUUUHHHH! Link got Beedle's Chart! Now he can find Beedle's ship shop wherever he goes! …Now, the more important question is: Who is Beedle exactly?
"Augh!" Link groaned. "If only I had gotten this notice before I went to see Niko. Then I could have just bought the bombs honestly, and would have nothing to do with the pirate ship!"
There was a pause.
"Are you finished yet?" Navi huffed.
"Yes, yes, I'm ready to go," Link sighed. "I'm sorry, little Postbox. But I have to leave you now."
Link gave the Postbox one last pat on the back before leaving. As he walked away, he heard the postbox erupt into a wail of tears.
'So many Love Letters…!' it let out. 'SO MANY LETTERS! Can't Garrickson just accept the fact that she JUST DOESN'T LOVE HIM?'
Link walked over to the boat. Ivan's snoring was cut short when he flew out of the mouth of the boat.
"Well done!" Ivan said. "Our preparations are complete."
"And, of course, no day would be complete without another O.N.A. session out of Ivan," Link rolled his eyes.
Ivan stroked his chin, "If what the girl says is true, the pirates won't be leaving until morning. You must meet with Jabun and get the pearl from him before they arrive. Let us delay no longer, Link!"
"You done yet?" Link asked.
"Huh?" Ivan yawned. "Whuuu?"
Ivan began to drift sleepily downward.
"I'm going to assume that's a yes," Link sighed. "Navi, put him in."
"Since when do I take orders from you?" Navi hissed.
"Just do it," Link said.
Navi picked Ivan up, and stuffed him in the red boat's mouth. With that, Navi flew into Link's hat, and Link set sail.
Cherry-sama: Another chapter finished!
Toon Link: Wait… I didn't even finish getting the pearl in this chapter! What is going on?
Cherry-sama: This chapter was getting too long.
Toon Link: What? But then—
Cherry-sama: Don't worry. You'll get the pearl in chapter 8.5…
Toon Link: 8.5?
Navi: You love splitting up your chapters, don't you?
Cherry-sama: Oh, be quiet!
(silence)
Cherry-sama: Soooo… We've met the entire cast of characters finally.
Navi: We've known the main cast of characters for a while already.
Cherry-sama: Okay, fine. We finally found out Quill's backstory, and now he counts as a regular character now. There? Happy?
Quill: What?
Aryll: The treasonous postman!
Quill: Ack! (runs away)
Cherry-sama: So, tell me, guys… Who's your favourite character so far?
Link: Who's on the list of options?
Cherry-sama: Well, obviously not you, since you're just a backstage stuntman.
Link: Ohhh… (kicks rock)
Cherry-sama: …Okay, okay. Fine. I'll let you on the list.
Link: Hooray!
Aryll: Seagulls! (chases Quill)
Quill: Ahh! (runs away)
Toon Link: Aryll!
Cherry-sama: So, once again, readers, who's your favourite character? It'll be interesting to find out which one is the most popular.
Navi: Pshh. That's a no brainer.
Ivan: Me!
Cherry-sama: Anyways, see you all next chapter!