Holding On

Chapter Twelve

"Am I interrupting something?" He glanced between her and Connor. The worst part was that Sarah didn't know if he was. Could Connor had been about to kiss her or had she imagined it?

"No, I was just going." Connor said.

"Eh, Connor, this is James my…" Sarah hesitated, she didn't know what to call him anymore. He had been her Mom's boyfriend, then her stepdad and now he was the man who was divorcing her Mom. "He's Jason's Dad. James, this is Connor, a friend from my new school."

They shook hands and Connor glanced back at her and offered her a small smile before making his way back down to his car.

"It's good to see you kid." James smiled before pulling her in for a hug. She didn't hug him back.

She had loved him, grown up thinking that he loved their family, loved her.

But he was leaving, just like her own Dad had.

"Yeah, you too." She told her shoes as she followed him through the door. "What are you doing here?" She didn't care if she sounded harsh.

"I thought I'd come visit my kids, is that so bad Brainiac?" Her old nickname. The man standing in front of her had gone to all her spelling bees, and proudly displayed her good grades on the refrigerator door and she thought she could depend on him.

"How was the party?" Her Mom asked from the kitchen table when they got inside. Jason was cuddled up beside her glaring at the table.

"You're going to parties now?" James asked, wide eyed.

"You went to a party?" Jason asked, his bottom lip wobbling. Crap, part of the plan was that Sarah was supposed to leave and be back all after Jason had gone to bed. Obviously James was keeping him up.

"No it wasn't a party." Sarah started, "I went to help Connor with some homework but his Mom mentioned it was his birthday. So how about next week we go and get him a present?"

"Can I pick?"

"Of course you can." She said, making her way over to him but stopping. He was probably already overwhelmed having his Dad turn up unannounced and Sarah not there when he woke up.

"I wanna go to bed." He said. "I don't wanna hear the loud talking, can we watch cartoons instead?" He asked Sarah as he glanced at his sister.

It broke her heart. Her Mom had tried to tell him that her and James' arguments and shouting contests were only them talking loudly. But Jason never bought it. He was a smart kid.

Sarah had lost count of all the times she had sneaked into his room to comfort and distract him from the noise downstairs.

"You could have called first." She spat at James, brushing past him and following her brother who'd decided to remain safely upstairs.

"C'mon Sarah, aren't you happy to see me?"

She held back tears as she stopped in the doorway. She wished she was happy he was back.

"You never called me like you said you would." Was the only answer he got before she ran for the stairs. She found Jason hunkered on the floor, clutching Optimus Prime.

"Dad's here." He whispered, and her heart broke for the little boy who sounded so lost. "Mommy's not happy."

"It'll all be okay." She said as she sank to the ground near him, lying to him and to herself. "When we wake up there's no school and we can see what Dad thinks of Optimus, how about that?"

"Can we watch the movie again?"

"Sure thing."

"Can you tuck me in?"

"I'll always tuck you in." She followed him into his room, decorated in various cartoon figures and green everything. He had decided it was his new favourite color, this month.

He climbed into bed and she went about tucking him in enough so no monsters could get him. Read from a fairytale book and she told him she loved him. He sighed contently and rolled over and was asleep before she reached the door. He liked his routine, it always calmed him down.

Sarah, on the other hand, stayed awake until she heard the front door close. He was gone.

Her Mom appeared at her door not long after, "Sarah, sweetie, are you awake?"

"Yeah I am. Is everything okay?"

Her Mom sighed as she sat down on Sarah's bed, "He says he's sorry for not visiting sooner. He wants to reconnect with Jason. And with you."

"Really?"

"That's what he said. He's coming around on Sunday so we have a bit of time for Jason to readjust to the idea."

"That's good, he needs time."

"what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Sarah, at one time you thought of him as your Dad you know?"

Up until a few months ago. The wounds were still too fresh.

"Yeah well, I shouldn't have. Look what he did."

"A divorce is between two people Sarah, he's not all to blame."

"Yeah but you didn't take off. We're too much to handle."

She shouldn't have been listening but she had sat on the stairs while they fought that last night, it was what he said before he walked out. Sarah and Jason were too much, a burden.

"Sweetie, don't you dare think that. I think you're both very special." She said, "We'll talk more tomorrow okay?"

"Yeah, goodnight."

Sarah had a headache the next morning. She hadn't slept much and Jason was grouchy from James' surprise arrival. Her Mom was on the phone all morning with colleagues about work.

Sarah pushed her cereal around her bowl, annoyed.

Why couldn't she just enjoy the fact that she had friends and the boy that was so nice to her maybe… just maybe had tried to kiss her? Why did she have to be the calm and reliable one of her family?

Hey, we still on for tonight? Don't you dare say no! :))

Emily texted her and Sarah smiled for the first time in twelve hours.

"Mom, can I go to Emily's tonight?" Sarah asked, trying to get her Mom's attention from where she was writing something in her files.

"Out? Again tonight?"

"Yeah. It's just Emily, we're having a sleepover."

"I think one party is enough for a weekend don't you?" Her Mom said, back on the phone before she finished her sentence.

"You did go to a party! And you didn't invite me!" Jason shouted from the door, his eyes welling up with tears and running back up stairs.

"Sarah! Don't upset your brother like that!" Her Mom scolded, phone on her ear and following Jason.

She rested her head on the table. Her phone buzzed.

Hi Sarah, thanks for coming along last night. Hope you had fun. You didn't get in a lot of trouble, did you?

Connor. She didn't know how to respond.

She turned off her phone. It wasn't like she'd be allowed to leave the house anyway.

Sarah caught up on her studies for the rest of the day, taking care of chores and trying to keep her brother happy. She sent an apologetic text to Emily saying she wasn't allowed over and another one to Connor saying that she'd talk to him on Monday.

Then turned off her phone again, her family needed her.

She made lunch and brought her Mom's up to her office for her. Then settled Jason down by playing one of his boardgames, all the while keeping an eye on the clock, wondering if James would turn up like he said he would.

Sure enough, at four o'clock the doorbell rang. "Is that Daddy?" Jason squealed, tripping over in an attempt to get to the door. Sarah followed him and unlocked it.

"Hey you two. How's your Saturday?" He stood in the doorway with a bag in his hands.

Jason just stood by Sarah, his hands clasped together, slightly amazed that he was there.

She started walking after James attempted another awkward hug and followed his son. She closed the door and took a breath.

She joined them in the living room where James was handing a wrapped present to Jason.

"So where's your Mom?"

"She's working upstairs." Sarah said, taking a seat on the sofa.

"On a Saturday?" He asked.

"Mom's always working." Jason stated matter-of-factly as he unwrapped the present.

"Do you like it? I know you love those movies." James smiled.

It was an Optimus Prime toy.

"But I have one." Jason stated.

"You do?"

Jason nodded, "Sarah's Mary got me one."

"Sarah's Mary?" James directed the question to Sarah with a smile. She didn't even know where to begin. James had missed a lot.

"Yep. His name is Connor, he's big, helped watch me when Mom was not here, he was in Sarah's room when she wasn't supposed to have boys there." Jason said all this while going back to playing around with the board game figurines.

"In her room?"

Sarah tried to jump in but Jason got there first. "Yeah they were on her bed."

"It wasn't like that." Sarah immediately argued, her cheeks warm. She tried to tell herself that she shouldn't care what James thought of her anymore, but she did. "Connor's a friend. He helped me out when I started school."

"James. You made it." Her Mom appeared in the doorway with a tight smile on her face. "Just in time, I was about to make dinner, are you staying around for it?"

"We're having dinner here?" Jason piped up. "But we always have dinner at Molly's."

"It's our local diner." Sarah explained.

"Yeah I always have milkshakes and fries." Jason grinned.

"Is that so?" James asked. "So how are things? How's your new school?"

"It's okay." Jason said.

"What about you Sarah?"

It went against everything she had told herself since he had left, that she shouldn't ever trust him again. But there he was paying attention and wanting to know them again and she felt her resolve slipping.

"It's good, I'm taking Junior level math now."

"You are? Well it's a good thing I got you this then." He produced a present from the bag for her. She told herself that he couldn't just buy her affections but she opened it anyway.

It was a fancy student planner and a set of junior Math and English and Chem books, the classes she had taken back home. He had also included pamphlets of superior courses for the summer.

"I thought since you were here now, that you'd like to know your options, and be close to Jason." He always told her she was the best big sister his son could have and knew that she would never stray too far from him. "Your savings account is still there, wherever you go"

He had also created a savings account for her use for going to university the day she had won her first regional spelling bee. He told her she could go places, she liked to believe him.

Sarah cleared her throat, "So how are things with you?" It pained her to ask, what if he had another family? What if he had never given them another thought.

"I have actually bought an apartment here in Chicago. I applied for a transfer here in work and got it, I figured it would give me time to see you two again. I should have been in contact sooner, I swear I think about you two every day but I wanted to get everything sorted before I told you." He lowered his voice. "My leaving had nothing to do with the two of you, divorces are bitter, I'm just sorry you both got stuck in the middle."

Sarah's heart filled with the unfamiliar feeling of hope.

They chatted about school and Jason until dinner was ready and Sarah felt like she was having a flashback to when they were a happy family.

Jason started getting tired after dinner so James suggested he leave them be for the night. He asked if they were free the next day. He was going to take them both out so they could show him around.

Her parents were even being civil.

Sarah couldn't believe it. It was like someone had taken her dreams and made them reality.

Sure they wouldn't be like they once were, but with James back, they could be a family again, even if he did live in a different house. He could help her out with school and bring Jason to his appointments.

She slept easier that night and so did Jason apparently. They were both up early the next day.

"Is Dad coming?"

"Yeah he is, he promised remember?" She said as she poured their cereal.

"He promised to tuck me and he didn't come back for a long time." He said in a quiet voice but she brushed over it. James was trying to make amends, she would give him the benefit of the doubt.

"He'll be here, we're going to have a good day okay?"

James did arrive, five minutes early. They walked him in the direction of the bus stop.

"This is where we get the bus." Jason said.

"You guys take the bus?" Back home James had always dropped and collected them from school.

"Yeah. I like sitting next to Jay. Will is funny." Jason chatted along and Sarah beamed with happiness, she would have never expected it but moving to Chicago had been the best thing for him.

They showed him the local park, the library that Jason liked because the librarian gave him a sticker every time he read a book, and the nearest tourist centre. They were making their way home for lunch when Noah shouted hello from across the street.

"I don't like him. He hit me. He goes to school with Sarah too." Jason hid behind James' leg.

Sarah waved but kept them walking, "He's just an annoying guy from school I had to do a project with, he's a bit full on with Jason."

They made it back and had lunch without Sarah's Mom who had left a note that she had been called in for an emergency in work. James offered to go along with them to the afternoon swimming lesson Jason had and Sarah agreed.

They got home that evening, both tired but both happy. Jason demanded that James tuck him in and Sarah let them have their moment.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay until your Mom gets home?"

"No, it's fine, we do this a lot, I'm used to it." Sarah smiled, "Thanks for today."

"Okay then. Well I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight Sarah."

It had been a good day.

Sarah should have seen it coming. He turned up for breakfast the next morning.

"James, to what do we owe this honour?" Her Mom asked.

"Can we talk in private?"

She cast a glance to Sarah and Jason. "Sure thing." She led him into the living room and closed the door. Sarah clenched her spoon. That was never a good sign.

"Jason, why don't you go brush your teeth since you're finished?"

"Okay." He skipped off happily but Sarah remained stuck to her seat.

She didn't even have to strain to hear when the shouting started a minute later.

"Who do you think you are? You arrive back here after months of silence and you want what?"

"I want custody of my son Susan. Dammit whatever thing you have going on here is ridiculous."

"Our son! And you can't just come in here and start criticizing everything!"

"I can when it's impacting Jason! What the hell kind of game are you playing?"

"Excuse me?"

"Sarah having boys in her bed? Eating at a diner because you're never home to cook? Kids from school that push him around? Letting a fourteen year old girl care for my son and the house while you're out every night? I won't have you neglecting him anymore."

Sarah heard the slap next. "Don't you dare come in here pretending you're perfect. You know nothing about this family anymore."

"That's the problem Susan, neither do you." Sarah's hands were shaking and it was getting harder to breathe.

"I wanted to do this privately but you leave me no option, I have rights. And I want my son back where I can take proper care of him."

James left the room with a red cheek just as Jason came down the stairs, "I'll see you later kid, eh, see you Sarah."

She felt sick.

"What's wrong Mom?" Jason asked as Susan came out with a tear stained face.

"Nothing, don't you think you two should be getting to school?"

Sarah ran on autopilot and got their bags and out the door for school. She didn't know what to say to her mom so she didn't say anything at all.

The ride to school was quiet, the Halsteads chatted away to them but seem to realize Jason was more quiet than usual and Sarah for sure didn't want to talk back, they didn't push it.

It was when she got to her locker that her morning got worse, not that she thought that was possible.

"There you are!" Emily said as she stomped up to Sarah.

"Emily, hi, sorry about Saturday, did you have a good weekend?" She tried to act normal but her mind was screaming...What was James about to do to Jason, to her family?

"Are you serious? You blew me off again! No I didn't have a good weekend."

"Emily, I'm sorry…"

"For which time? Because you know I heard that you've been spending a lot of time with Connor so what's the deal? Why can't you hang out with me? Am I not good enough?"

"Emily, no! honestly, something happened at home and I couldn't…"

"You know what I thought we could be friends, obviously not. If you didn't want to hang out or be my friend, you should have just said so!" She shouted, before huffing and turning on the spot and walking away.

That's what Sarah did. She made people want to leave her.

Before she knew it a crowd was looking at her, like she was some strange animal in the zoo and she felt tears sting her eyes.

Nothing she did was ever good enough, everyone always left.

"Sarah, are you okay?" Connor had appeared at her side with a concerned looking Will.

"No." She shook her head. "James wants to take Jason away, now Emily thinks I'm horrible and…" She trailed off as she made a run for the nearest bathroom.

She'd began to cry by but then forced herself to get it together. There was nothing she could do now.

Connor was outside waiting for her, "Is there anything I can do?"

"No. Thanks. I…" She didn't even know where to begin.

"I'm here for you, you know that right? I'm your friend, you won't be able to get rid of me, that easily." He offered her a smile and she smiled back. "C'mon, I'll walk you to class." They walked close enough that their arms bumped but all she wanted to do was reach over and hold his hand.

The doorbell rang and Sarah's Mom looked up. "Are you expecting someone?"

Sarah shook her head and went to answer the door. She found Emily outside.

"Hi." She said.

"Emily." Sarah crossed her arms across her body.

"I wanted to say I'm really sorry about how I acted today."

"Okay."

Emily took a breath. "You don't have to hear me out, but I'd like it if you did."

After the day she had had, Sarah didn't even care about anything anymore, "Sure, go ahead."

Emily scuffed her shoe against the ground. "Jay told me about Jason's dad. He said he's back, Jason told him so on the ride home."

"So?" Sarah was afraid of the answer.

"I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions and wouldn't believe you."

"Thanks."

"I haven't been a very good friend. I guess I just wanted to say that I get it, if you ever want to talk about it."

"About what?"

"Not having the quintessential perfect family." Emily sighed, "I'm actually adopted, by Ethan's parents. I've been through the foster system and believe me, I've seen my share of broken families."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I didn't want to make this into my own sob story, but I just want to let you know I won't be yelling at you in hallways anymore, I'm really sorry Sarah."

"It's okay."

"Is there any chance we can still be friends?" She tried with a small smile.

"I don't think I'll have much free time from now on." Sarah admitted, "but if I do, I'll call you first."

Emily smiled broadly, "That's all I ask, plus you are not getting off on telling me about you and Connor.."

If only everything in life was as simple as people turning up at your door and saying sorry and meaning it.

James did come back that afternoon to talk to Susan, they didn't yell this time but Sarah felt as if this had been her fault a bit. Jason had seen her and Connor in her room. She should have known better than to have him up there.

"Are you doing okay? Connor had texted her. He'd told her they could meet up at Molly's and talk if she needed to.

Sarah said no. Her head was pounding and her heart was too. Because of James, Jason and even Connor.

She hadn't even had time to process their almost kiss from the other night. Had it been real though? If James hadn't appeared, would he really have kissed her?

No. Connor would never like her like that. She was his friend, girls like Sarah didn't get Connor Rhodes.

Ava on the other hand did. Sarah was proven of that the next day in Math class, she'd sat beside Connor and far from Nina and Doris and asked him if he had anything planned for Halloween.

Sarah hadn't been eavesdropping, she just happened to hear a bit of their conversation.

Halloween. Sarah couldn't believe she'd been at Gaffney for almost 3 months.

The Reese family didn't really go big on Halloween. Jason wasn't allowed to eat that much sugar and he didn't like the idea of anything scary, plus when she was younger, her mother would barely take her.

Mona did though, her former nanny. She'd done everything with Sarah her mother hadn't. But by the time they left Michigan she was married and about to have a baby, she couldn't just drop everything and move away.

That didn't mean Sarah had forgiven her though.

She moved on autopilot for the rest of the day, getting to the bus behind Emily and Jay and Jason.

"Sarah?" James appeared behind her. "Hey kiddo."

Jay and Emily looked at each other. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I could drive you guys home." Jason remained on the bus until he spotted his dad, then he got off it, Will Halstead trailing after him.

"This is my dad." Jason told Will, Emily and Jay.

"Hi." Jay and Emily mused. Will didn't answer.

"Hey, I want to thank you for being so nice to these two…" James smiled. "So what do you say? I'd like to check out that Molly's place you seem to like so much."

James touched Jason's shoulder and he winced. Will didn't back down. "It's okay Will."

"Are you sure?" He leaned a little closer to her so James wouldn't hear him.

"Yeah, I promise, I'll see you all later?"

She walked away, behind Jason and James, leaving her friends to wonder if she'd be okay.

Honestly, Sarah wondered that too.

A little family drama for Sarah! Btw, we're loving all your thoughts on the story... keep them coming and we'll see each other next Wednesday :)