Dearest Fan Writers,
I say, I most certainly enjoy your literary works on our lives. I am not all entirely certain as to why my colleagues, not at least my demon half, are complaining and making a fuss about them. I find them very fascinating. Not at least the fictions about my Cenobite friend and the lovely Kirsty. Wink wink. And me and Joanne Summerskill? Oh, well this old Captain is blushing. She is very beautiful. You flatter me very much so. Please do keep up the good work, people. I am very impressed.
Greatly appreciating your work,
Captain Elliot Spencer :)
(Yeah, you all woulda thought until Elliot here finds out just who's coming to dinner as Evelyn Spencer's boyfriend...)
Dear Channard,
How very dare you! You vile, ghastly piece of filth! It is bad enough you thought you could take over the Gash, and dare to exterminate us, but now you dare to woo and court my little sister! This is outrageous! She is only 16, and you dare to take her innocence from her! I should take your head for this! Just you wait till I get my hands on you. No more Mr Nice Captain!
Fuming,
Elliot Spencer (disgruntled big brother)
Dear Elly-Poo,
For God's sake (or whatever the name may be of that gargantous diamond creature you work for currently) I am not sixteen years old anymore! That might've been in your account the last time you had seen me before you pursued that little box of yours, but I am a grown woman now! I am independent and smart enough to make my decisions, and this one has been settled. I sincerely am madly in love for *sighs dreamily* Phillip. :3
Not A Child Anymore,
Evelyn Spencer
Dear Evelyn,
You are dead to us.
Sincerely,
The Gash
Dear Channard,
SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE? ! YOU HAVE NOW MADE ME BELOVED SISTER, EVY-POO, AN OUTCAST ENTIRELY BY MY OWN FRIENDS! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR THE LEAST OF MANY THINGS!
Even More Enraged,
Elliot Spencer
Dear Elliot,
It's not my fault! She is the one who has gone puppy eyes for me!
Swearing on my Innocence to this Situation,
Channard
Dear Phillip,
You- you don't love me anymore? *starts to cry all over the letter*
Heart Broken,
Formerly Your Sweetest Eve-Pie :'(
Dear Channard,
I am going to break your heart. Literally. |:(
Searching You Down,
Elliot Spencer