Thanks for the continued support, and the wonderful comments that I've had from several of you. Updates will be slower over the Christmas period but I'll still try to do it regularly.

Chapter Twelve

Bluebell was a town in shock, but when its citizens were threatened or hurt the people rallied together – always had, always would. So, the morning after the night before was spent clearing away what could be cleared and generally cleaning up the plantation. Lavon called his insurance company and investigators were there by the afternoon, carrying out an inspection. News about the confrontation with the arsonist had spread instantly upon the group's return, a panic ensuing when Wally came back with a wounded Tom Long, supporting him with an arm under his shoulders, as he'd had a bullet ricochet off a tree and hit him in the butt. Nevertheless he remained largely cheerful as he got back to Wade's place, pleased that he had an interesting new story to tell, and started sharing to as many people as possible. Wanda had arrived in time to see him come out of the trees, and he enjoyed himself hugely with her petting, although hearing the long wait for the next ambulance wiped the smile off his face.

Duane's final words had been recounted and repeated all over town. Everyone wanted to know what exactly Wade had done to the guy's sister, though the fact that he'd beaten Wade to a bloody pulp and set fire to his house, then blown his own brains out rather than be arrested had largely discounted the weight given to his testimony. Everyone was on Wade's side wholeheartedly as he'd obviously already been through enough, and they wanted to help do everything they could to repair his house before he came home from the hospital. After an emergency meeting, after the go-ahead from the investigators, under Lemon's leadership the Belles organised the removal of the fire-damaged furniture and did their best to clean the blackened but usable rest of the house. Strangely enough there were very few complaints – Wade was well liked in Bluebell. The only exception to all the good feeling was Bill, who took a slightly different view of the matter – he wanted to know exactly what Wade had done, if only to satisfy his professional curiosity, but also to check there weren't linked, unreported crimes. He was hugely relieved that the affair was over, feeling like he'd aged a decade in the previous fortnight, but was left with an unsettled feeling. The suspect might have been a madman – but he'd also been scarily focussed, and he'd have to have had a good reason for chasing down Wade. The way he'd spoken about resting "with her" - his sister – was the way a mother might talk about her child. A voice full of love. Bill recognised loss when he saw it. Whilst Wade Kinsella had never struck him as a criminal but Bill knew that pretty much everybody had the capacity for it if things went way down south. Best not to leave the loose thread undone. So with that in mind he made his way to Wade's room the following day at the hospital to find the rest of this truth.

Wade had woken stiff, sore and a lot less high on the meds. His physical injuries however couldn't compare to his emotional turmoil. He hoped Zoe would stop by soon so he could talk to her and see where her head was at, hoping he could convince her that they could be now together. Events had crystallised for him how he felt about her – he loved her, pure and simple. That he'd brought so much hurt to her door only made him want to make things right by being there for her, and he wanted comfort from her to help heal himself. Thoughts about the showdown with Duane were also at the forefront of his mind. Not only the brutality of their fight, the way his world had narrowed down to kill or be killed, all rational thought fled, but about the accusations he;d had levelled at him. Wade felt bad about what he'd done to Sarah, he'd never dreamed she'd spiral in such a way from them being together. The truth was he'd never given her wishes or feelings a second thought. When he'd been with her he'd only been interested in getting his own needs satisfied, and ensuring she'd orgasmed when they'd screwed he'd considered to be the extent of his obligations. But to know what had happened to her, the way it had driven her brother crazy... was enough to prick a man with only a sliver of conscience. And Wade was discovering that he had more than a sliver. What kind of man was he? He'd known that he'd hurt Zoe deeply for sleeping with that girl after the battle of the bands contest when they'd dated properly the first time, but had never stopped to consider just how much of a larger pattern it'd been since he'd been old enough to date. It was something he'd never really considered too deeply before.

Bill knocking jarred him from his thoughts, and he turned quickly hoping it was Zoe. It had been more than twenty-four hours since he'd seen her and he hoped sincerely that she'd visit him that day. His disappointment showed enough for Bill to comment, "sorry it's just me. How you feelin' today?"

Wade shrugged slightly, then hissed in pain. He kept forgetting he was injured until he moved – then instantly regretted it. "Been better." Talking was easier but it was an effort and he still sounded hoarse.

Bill sat himself next to Wade's bed in the nondescript hospital room. "I take it you were told about what happened to the man who attacked you?" Wade nodded, so Bill continued. "It was quite somethin'. Took a bit of flack at the department for goin' in with civilians and without backup, but if we'd waited he could've got away."

"You did good for taking him down. Thank you," said Wade sincerely.

"No thanks necessary, just doin' my job." Bill paused, and looked at him speculatively. "You up to tellin' me what happened?"

Slowly, Wade told how he'd left George's houseboat around three a.m. and made his way back to his house. "I didn't know he was in there. He was waiting with a gun trained on me when I walked in the door. We sat down and talked for a bit." Wade coughed, then worked hard to regain his breathing.

"What did you talk about? Did he reveal his identity? Did he tell you why he did all this?" Bill asked.

Wade hesitated, tempted to leave out the details to protect his reputation, shot as it already was. But really, he knew he had to tell what he could, he at least owed Bill that much. "His name was Duane. Don't know his last name. Dated his sister in Daphne a few years ago. She worked at a bar there called HonkyTonk. Things ended badly between us and she had a...breakdown of sorts. She died of a drug overdose and he reckoned the whole thing was my fault because I'd left her." Wade finished, hoping Bill would leave it at that.

Bill was more perceptive than Wade wanted. He shook his head and adjusted himself in his chair, asking in a puzzled tone, "because you left her? You sure that all there was to it?"

Wade huffed. "No. Did the odd bit of recreational stuff back then. Seems she was a recovering addict and I didn't know that. I musta' got her hooked again," he finished uncomfortably. He peered at the officer whom he'd known for years, worried that the good-natured sheriff's opinion would be altered by what he was hearing. Bill gave him a long, level look. "So you were together for a bit, did some drugs... then what?"

Wade didn't like the repeated line of questioning, nor the determined tilt to his demeanour. "Then nothin'," he said more heatedly, sending flickers of pain down his throat. "I saw her for a fortnight. Then I left. Never saw her again."

"Never?"

"No. Duane blamed me for this, but she was alive for months after we split. Her overdose wasn't my fault" he said, more and more concerned that Bill was going to blame him, maybe even angle trouble at him.

Bill nodded slowly, believing him, reflecting that it probably wasn't Wade's fault directly that Zoe had been raped, but morally he had a rather large weight on his conscience, but he didn't voice his thoughts. He just hoped Wade took this as the wake up call it surely was and permanently change his ways with the softer sex. Zoe's well-being pretty much depended on it, long as she stayed tangled up with Wade. He'd research the girl – there would be reports, which would lead him to Duane. He was pleased to finally have a name for the face. The memory of him blowing a hole through his skull flashed through his mind for the hundredth time since it'd happened. It'd been the most exciting day of his career, but he wouldn't trade the comfort of his job in Bluebell for another like it for as long as he lived. "Okay, son, don't strain yourself. I'll chase it up. Has Lavon been in touch with you?"

Relieved, Wade nodded. "Phoned," he managed.

"Good. He told me we'll be able to get your house repaired. Good thing we responded quickly because only one wall was majorly affected. Be a while before you'll be able to live in it again though. The contractors will need to spend a few days restoring the damage."

"Lavon said I can stay with him."

Nodding, Bill stood. "Okay, that's good. At least he's got plenty of room, eh? Look everyone's behind you on this. There's a real effort goin' to get your place sorted and cleaned up. When you go home you'll get a good welcome. I'll be goin' now, Wade. Rest your voice. Thanks for telling me, and I hope you get out of here fast. Food's nothing to boast about, is it" he joked, before leaving and shutting the door behind him, much more at ease than when he'd entered it.

Wade buzzed for the nurse, hoping to get more meds since talking had aggravated the smoke damage. Whilst he waited, he reflected on the fact that the cat was now out of the bag. Bill would report the story for the local media. Everyone would know what part he'd played in bringing Duane to Bluebell, to Zoe. He wondered what their reaction would be, whether they'd still be on his side then.

-HOD-

A good night's sleep and a quiet day at home had done wonders for Zoe's peace of mind. Before leaving the hospital the previous morning she'd rearranged her appointment for that afternoon, and she was preparing to leave for the hospital. She looked forward to sharing her experiences with the counsellor, hoping it would help her clarify her thoughts, and had decided to visit Wade afterwards. She knew she had to discuss her doubts with Wade, and she wanted to see how he was doing. She'd been aware of the activity going on at his place, but hadn't wanted to visit. Lavon had warned her that press had visited the site, and to stay away. Last thing she'd want was to be interviewed on national tv.

The pain from the rape itself was starting to fade, or at least the initial shock and feelings of horror, helped in large part by Sean's death. She still had flashbacks that took her off guard, but she was growing more used to them. They didn't hold the same power as they had initially. Realising that what had happened to her wasn't her fault had released some of the feelings she'd had about wanting to change herself, and today she dressed in a pretty sundress and heels, and applied her make-up the way she normally would.

AB had offered to drive her to the hospital, and she took her friend up on the offer. For the first time in a fortnight Zoe felt comfortable in her presence, and the two of them caught up with a heart to heart. Zoe explained how she'd felt – that she was scared that AB would view her differently, either as a victim or a tramp who'd brought it on herself. The Belle in turn explained that she'd been unable to react any differently, but that was because she was so afraid and so hurt for her, not that she was somehow diminished by what had happened to her. At one point, AB had to pull of the road so they could cry it out.

Wiping her face with a tissue, Zoe changed the subject. "So what's been going on with the Lemon love triangle? What have I missed?"

AB smiled sideways at her friend, beyond happy that they'd finally talked. "Well, they've been competing for her attention, but she's been pretty much ignoring both of them since she came back. First she said she couldn't possibly consider dating since she needed a break from it all from the cruise, and that Fancies was her first priority. It was so funny. Lavon organised singers to serenade her in the town square, and George has been bugging her to let him cook her dinner, and he must've given her so many flowers that she'll be able to go into business makin' compost," she laughed. "They're both goin' slowly nuts, and she's havin' a great time making 'em sweat!"

Zoe laughed too, which AB noted sounded completely natural. "So I take it their plans are going to become bigger and bolder?"

"Well things slowed down when all this stuff with Wade happened," AB said delicately. "George and Lavon had to work together, and I think they agreed to stop campaigning for Lemon until everything had gone back to normal. Which I guess it has," she shrugged. "So I suppose you're right. Love to see what they'll come up with next."

"Are there any town events coming this week?"

AB thought, then nodded. "Yes, Dash is hosting another of his plays, An Inspector Calls. So fortunately I have not been roped in to perform," she said, her voice rising in the classic AB way.

"Dodged a bullet there," Zoe laughed. "We'll have to go. Nobody will be able to annoy us by talking and we'll be able to marvel at Dash's acting ability in peace."

Arriving at the hospital, Zoe left AB to find her appointment. Her counsellor, who introduced herself as Madeline, was an attractive older woman, with years of experience talking to sexual crimes victims and who had a friendly aura that instantly took you in and made you trust her. She explained who she was and how it all worked, and Zoe began to tell her about her attack and her subsequent meeting with Sean, how she'd felt at being so threatened. She detailed her initial feelings of shame and inadequacy, and how she'd started to work through certain aspects, which led to the connection to Wade.

"Yes, I saw it on the news," Madeline said. "So how do you feel about the fact that it was someone from your boyfriend's past that attacked you?"

"I don't know," Zoe said. "It doesn't make it Wade's fault." Her fingers twisted in her lap as she spoke.

Madeline noted the movement and said, "no. What happened to you was your attacker's fault and nobody else's, it was a choice that he made. But knowing something and feeling something are two different things. It was interesting that you immediately went to matters of blame. Are you sure you don't blame Wade, even a little? How are things with your boyfriend now?"

Later on, standing outside Wade's door, Zoe knew that she had to tell Wade the thoughts the counsellor had helped her to clarify. She knocked gently, and heard him call out. Coming in slowly, she gave him a small smile as she took in the bruises that were still livid all over his face. His face lit up as she entered, and she couldn't help but miss their earlier intimacy, the times when she'd never thought twice about being in his arms. Abruptly guilt speared her as she remembered the way Wade had been there for her when she'd told him what had happened without a second thought. No matter why he was so badly beaten, the fact remained he was, and he needed her. He owed more than she'd been giving him lately.

"Hey, you," she said softly.

"Hey yourself," he said, encouraged by the warm look on her face. Holding his hand out, she took it without hesitation, and came over to his side.

"How you feeling?" she asked, brushing her fingers down his face. He leaned in to the caress.

"Better," he said. "They upped my dosage. Said I'm doing well though and I should be outta here in a couple more days." He began to rub his fingers over her knuckles, and waited, unsure where to start.

"Wade, I'm sorry for how I treated you," she said. "None of what happened was really your fault and I over-reacted. I shouldn't have pushed you away." She looked worriedly at him waiting for his reaction, hoping he wouldn't hold it against her.

He smiled, relieved, decided to try his luck. "Nah, you shouldn't have. Think that means you owe me a kiss, doc."

Rolling her eyes, Zoe leaned down and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, before his hands came up and pulled her into a hug. She settled onto the bed beside him, and they stayed there for a few minutes, their hands running slowly over each other's sides. "I've missed that," Wade breathed finally.

"Tell me what happened with Sean," Zoe asked him. Looking down into her eyes, he again debated telling her the truth. He felt sure that the forgiveness she was displaying would be pulled away when she learned what he'd done, and he so enjoyed the feel of her in his arms. However, he knew she'd only learn the truth from someone else, and in the meantime it would be like waiting for the axe over his head to fall.

"George and Lavon tried to get me to stay away, but after what he did to you at Lavon's place I couldn't just leave it anymore. I went to my house and he was there waiting for me," he said, watching as concern and disapproval became more apparent on Zoe's face with every word he spoke.

"I recognised him from a few years ago at last. His name wasn't Sean, it was Duane. I dated his sister, Sarah." He told her Sarah's story, word for word the way Duane had told him.

Zoe was trying to absorb the fact that Wade had lived like that – she didn't know he'd ever even done drugs. It sounded so horrible and tawdry. She didn't know how to feel about her, whether to pity her for her weakness, the way she'd been used by Wade when she'd been obsessed with him. She decided though that she couldn't blame Wade for the choices Sarah had made. By the sounds of it that had been a process that had only been sparked by Wade, he asserted unknowingly, but depended more on Sarah's weakness in the face of addiction. "So you left her months before she..." she trailed off, unable to say the words, wanting to make absolutely sure that Wade hadn't had anything more to do with Sarah becoming a prostitute. The only thing Wade was clearly guilty of was being a user of more than just drugs.

"Yes, Zoe. I admit that what I did was wrong, but I was a different person back then. I would never touch cocaine now, it was just a phase I went through." He was beyond relieved that Zoe hadn't moved away.

"What made you do it in the first place?" she asked.

"A few years ago I went through a bad patch. Earl was drivin' me crazy, all I had was my job as bartender and I was starting to realise that I'd never leave Bluebell or achieve anything with my life."

"Hey," Zoe interrupted. "That was never true," she said indignantly.

He smiled wryly. "Thanks for that, but back then that's how I felt. Just after Thanksgiving Jess came back, and we got into a huge fight. He was rubbing it in how good his life was, how well-travelled he was, how much he got paid, how he loved his job. I went out of Bluebell that night and ended up going with a girl with a habit. She gave me a few lines, and I enjoyed it, so I started doing it now and then. When I finally decided I had to get out of Bluebell for a while at least, I took my habit with me. When I was in Daphne it was the worst it got, going through a gram every day, but I eventually got bored of it. I came back to Bluebell satisfied that drugs weren't the answer and I've never touched them since." He coughed a little to clear his throat, but the pain wasn't too bad.

"That was quite a habit you had at one point. You sure you've never been tempted to do it again?" Zoe wanted to be sure.

His hands moved to her back as he held her against his body. "No. I don't regret it at all. I'm different now, not just a bartender. I've got the Rammer Jammer and if I'd wanted to I could'a franchised it. I'm happy I stayed in Bluebell. Knew I wouldn't have been happy in Atlanta."

Zoe looked him in the eye. "I'm glad you stayed."

Wade kissed her again, knowing he had to ask. "So how do you feel about everything now?"

Zoe sighed, but still didn't pull away. "I've been to my counsellor appointment and I've talked through a lot of it with her, so I think I can finally answer you. I've been so confused, Wade. I have been blaming you since he cornered me outside Lavon's and told me that it was you he was really after. What I'm really unsure about is the way you treat women. Sarah was clearly in love with you, but that didn't matter to you. We broke up because you cheated, and you slept with that woman in the Rammer Jammer to hurt me only a few weeks ago. I'm scared that that's the only way you know how to deal with your feelings," she finished, her body growing more tense as she fought her urge to move away.

Wade's body language mirrored hers as the conversation grew heavier. "I guess I can understand that. All I can say is that I've never fully realised how much a part of me it is, but I do now. Now I can stop myself before I do anything stupid because I'll understand where the feelings are coming from."

Zoe stopped fighting, and sat up, relieved to have a little distance. "But this only proves that this is a deep issue for you, Wade. What if you can't control it?" She considered what she knew of behaviour addictions, and was inclined to think that Wade's treatment of women fell into that category.

Wade spoke more urgently in an effort to stem her concerns. "Then I'll get help, from a therapist," he said. "Whatever you need. I want to try again, Zoe."

Zoe looked at him, and the worry etched into his face melted her a little. "You'd really do that?" When he nodded, she said, "good. Because I was starting to feel like just another woman on a very long list who've been hurt by you." He winced. "Sex does seem to be your knee-jerk reaction for situations you can't handle, and it doesn't matter where you get it. But I can't do that again. I need to know that if we're together it'll be for good, and you won't ruin everything by sleeping with some bimbo every time things get difficult."

Wade sat forward too, encouraged but still careful with his words. "After everything that's happened Zoe I would never hurt you that way again, I promise you. I'll do anything you need to prove it."

"But I don't know if you can prove it, Wade. And I'm not sure I can just simply trust you again," she said sadly.

"But you do want to be with me?" he clarified.

Zoe turned back to face him, a victory in itself. "Yes, I do. Whenever I think about telling someone about the day I've had, or what the latest going-on in Bluebell are, I want to tell you. I've never felt for anyone what I've felt for you."

"Neither have I, Zoe. Not even close."

"What about Vivian?" She'd always wanted to know how she'd compared to her cousin.

"I only went out with her because you were with Joel, Zoe. Yeah I cared for her but I would never have looked twice if it hadn't been for him."

"Did you love her?"

Wade looked at her levelly, realising this was something they'd have to discuss. "Yes, I did, Zoe." She stood up, moving over to the window as she processed her hurt. She didn't know why it hurt so much to hear when she'd known the answer already.

"Did you love Joel?" he said, voicing his own insecurity.

A long pause. "Yes," Zoe admitted. "But it was never on the same planet as when we were together. I was so scared that you'd hurt me again I just buried myself into my relationship with him because I knew he was safe. Well, I thought he was."

"Then you know how it was with Vivian. You found Joel for the wrong reasons, but after a while grew to love him. That's the way it was for me."

Zoe moved over a few steps, saying "I remember how devastated you were when she left."

Wade scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "Yeah, I'm sorry for being such a dick to you about all that. But that was nothing compared to how I was when you didn't come back from New York and I had that email telling me you were going to be staying there permanently." There was still a faint note of accusal in his voice he couldn't keep away.

Throwing her hands up, Zoe made a loud noise of frustration. "Maybe this is stupid then! There are so many things stopping us from being together."

"That's not what you were saying a few weeks ago when you were begging me to give us another chance, Zoe. If you want something badly enough, you fight for it. Are you gonna fight for us?" he challenged her.

She looked at him. "What about sex, Wade? I'm not ready to go there yet and you need it. What if you get bored of waiting and go somewhere else?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, doc, but I'm kinda out'a commission for a while. I imagine that you'll be ready to have sex before I am," he joked.

Zoe's hands found her hips. "I'm serious! You'll be fine within a week but it could be months before I'm ready."

Despite promising himself that he'd be as supportive as she needed, he blanched. "Months?" he asked, a slight strain noticeable in his voice.

Her mouth settling into a grim line, "yes, months. Clearly you won't be able to wait that long."

Wade worked hard to straighten out his expression. "I will wait for you, Zoe, no matter how long it takes. I'll do whatever I have to do."

"Now it sounds like a sentence you have to complete. I can't be with you knowing that I can't give you what you need, and I don't want to be pressured into anything. It'll drive me crazy."

Not really knowing the answer to make her feel better, but trying to view the situation logically, he made a suggestion. "Then.. why don't we have a trial period? We can be together without the pressures of dating, as much or as little time as we want. We can agree to have no sex, but also that we won't go with anyone else. And I'll see someone about my... problem. Then after the trial period is up, and you've had the time you need, we can get back together fully." He looked at her hopefully.

"That still doesn't solve the problem of where you'll get laid," Zoe said, although his suggestion did hold some appeal.

"I'm not a sex addict Zoe, I can handle it," he said with a little heat. "I've got a new perspective now, and got my hand and access to the internet. I'll get by. I need to prove to you I can wait." When she still hesitated, he added, "please. Give me the chance."

Zoe mulled it over, then took his hand again. "We can try," she said. "I like the idea of the trial. We'll give it three months, then see where we are then."

Smiling, he savoured his victory. "We can make it, believe it. We can do anything when we want it enough. All of our past, our exes, none of it matters if we don't let it." When she smiled and nodded, he added. "Then we should celebrate. And to start with that definitely calls for another kiss," he said, tugging her back down.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please review telling me what you thought. Thanks for reading :)