CHAPTER 12

I returned to college a week after the accident. Even though I'd regained some use in my hand, I knew I wouldn't manage to write. But it was important for me to keep up with my classes regardless.

Edward was still helping me to get dressed, but he was perfunctory in his actions at best. I would sit with my bra pressed against my breasts and he would barely look at me while he fastened the clasp. It was almost as if he was being extra careful not to let his fingers touch my naked skin.

He'd been aghast to find me crying that day I'd asked him to hold me. When I'd had no explanation for my emotional state, he had comforted me, but since then there was something missing. He seemed to be withdrawing and I worried that he was reconsidering our deal.

Despite the fact that he'd agreed to let me set the pace, I couldn't help but feel he was disappointed that I didn't want to try a real date this soon.

In his efforts to avoid me, he'd stayed out late every night. By Friday I was sick of sitting in the apartment alone, so I decided to take the bus from college straight to Alice and Jasper's place.

Jasper pulled me into a tight bear hug as soon as I arrived.

"How's the arm?" He drew back, lifting it gently to look at it.

"Better." I smiled, glad of some warm human interaction. "Where's Alice?"

"In the shower," Jasper said, leading me into the living room.

"Are you guys going out?"

He shook his head, gesturing for me to sit on the sofa beside him. "She's going out with a couple of girls from work." He turned to me grinning broadly. "I'm staying in with my BFF."

I laughed for the first time in a week. "I thought she'd be spending the evening preparing for tomorrow."

He chuckled. "You obviously don't know Alice very well. Everything has been ready and organised for the barbecue since Monday. Except for the food – she bought that today. I can't even fit my beers in the fridge."

"Oh no," I mocked. "What a disaster. Warm beer... how will you survive?"

He raised his hand as if to thump my arm playfully, but when he glanced at my cast he dropped his hand. "You looking forward to tomorrow?"

"Sure," I lied.

Thankfully Jasper didn't mention Jacob. We sat in silence watching the news until Alice finally skipped down the stairs looking a vision in tight black pants and a bright red top.

"Bella!" she greeted, darting forward to sit beside me. "I'm so glad you're here. Make sure he doesn't drink all the beer, and don't let him touch any of the food in the fridge." She scowled at Jasper. "It's for tomorrow."

"Yes dear," Jasper drawled sarcastically. "It's ridiculous that the kitchen is full of food and I have to order take out for dinner."

"Chinese?" I asked hopefully.

"Sure," Jasper said, handing me the menu. "You can call them. I'll have my usual."

While I made the phone call, Jasper saw Alice off before dashing upstairs. He returned carrying a small bag, which he dropped into my lap.

"My dad asked me to give you these."

Opening the bag, I peered nervously inside. I reached in and pulled out Marjorie's cameo brooch. Tears pricked my eyes. She didn't wear it often, but every time she had I'd always remarked how lovely it was. I knew it was quite old fashioned but I loved it anyway.

"I always wanted this." I whispered.

Jasper pulled me into a tight hug. "She said it reminded her of you because you always made a big deal of it whenever she wore it. Dad thought she'd like you to have it."

There were also a couple of photographs in the bag. One was of Jasper and I with his parents when they'd taken me on a trip to Disneyworld. The other showed Marjorie and I laughing on the porch. I touched her face on each one, crying again when Jasper pressed his lips to my temple.

I tipped the last thing out of the bag. It was a small necklace made out of different coloured beads and crystals. I'd made it for her for Mother's day when I was fourteen. It meant so much to me to know that she'd kept it.

"Thank you so much, Jasper." I sobbed. "I'll call your dad tomorrow and thank him too."

We sat lost in our own private memories for a while until the doorbell chimed.

After our meal we curled up on the sofa watching TV, much like we used to do when we lived together. It felt different now. Jasper was massaging my leg distractedly, and for a reason I couldn't fathom, it bothered me.

It seemed that my experimenting with Edward had awakened something in me that had been lying dormant. Jasper's touch had lost its innocence. I didn't feel that way about Jasper, but having him touch my like that suddenly felt inappropriate, and I worried what Alice would think if she saw us.

When I slid my legs off his lap, he didn't notice until I tensed when he pulled them back again.

His brow furrowed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

His fingers stopped moving, but he didn't remove his hand from my calf. "Is this bothering you?"

"Don't you think Alice would mind?" I asked.

He frowned. "Why would she? It's just you, Bella. It's not like I'm feeling you up." He seemed mildly offended.

"I know," I said quietly. "But now that you have a girlfriend, I feel like maybe we shouldn't be so tactile anymore."

He ruminated over this for a moment before nodding. "I never really thought about it, but it's different for us. We grew up together. She knows it doesn't mean anything."

"How would you feel if she had a male friend who had a penchant for rubbing her legs?"

"Point taken."

I scooted to his side. "I still love you, though." I smiled, pecking his cheek. "That won't change. I guess I'll just have to employ a new leg rubber."

"You really are changing," he mused, regarding me with something that was not unlike suspicion. "You wouldn't have joked about that before. I guess I should be proud of you—"

"You're not proud of me?" I interrupted, a little stung by his inadvertent admission.

He looked at me sadly. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just feeling a little redundant now. I've been so used to you relying on me. I liked it." He raked his fingers through his hair. "I just feel like I'm losing you."

"You're not losing me, Jasper. I'm finding myself."

He sat back. "And you promise you're okay living with Edward?"

I felt a slight flush hit my cheeks, but fought to keep a composed expression on my face. "Yes. Edward isn't home a lot, and when he is, he's usually studying. I really don't know what your problem is with him, Jazz."

"He's a player, Bella, and I don't want him playing you." He stared at me for a moment. "From the way Alice talks about him, he must have some redeeming qualities. But I'm not sure I trust him around you, that's all."

"Why?"

"Come on Bella, I'm not blind. I can see the effect he has on girls. He's good looking, he has the lines, he can have any girl he wants, and usually does." He scoffed. "And he's not very respectful of them either."

"So you think if he sets his sights on me, I'll be powerless to resist?" The conversation was getting on my nerves now, and to be honest I didn't want to hear how good Edward was at getting girls.

"I can't stop caring about you. I just want you to be aware of these things. You're still so inexperienced when it comes to things like this."

I couldn't disagree. "I know, Jazz, but we both have to accept things are changing."

He nodded in apparent agreement and thankfully changed the subject. "It's getting late, do you want to stay over?"

"No, I'm sure Alice will have a million jobs that need doing in the morning and I'll never get a chance to go home and change. I'd rather just go home and come back in the morning."

"Okay, I'll walk you home."

~*AE*~

Even though I wasn't surprised to find the apartment empty, it was still a disappointment. Tired from my long day, I decided to take a bath. No matter how thorough I'd been washing myself with a flannel, I still felt like I was in dire need of a long soak.

While the bath filled, I rummaged around in the kitchen looking for something to cover my cast with. I settled on a plastic bag and secured it with duct tape. Pleased with my efforts, I hurried back to the bathroom where a tub full of fragrant bubbles awaited.

I undressed as quickly as I could. It was satisfying to finally have a little bit of independence back.

Keeping my cast raised, I slowly submerged myself into the blissful depths of the fragrant water. My pleasured moan reverberated off the walls as I lay against the bath pillow.

I must have dozed off because the sound of the front door closing jolted me awake. In my fright I almost let my cast fall into the water.

"Is that you, Edward?" I called.

"Who else?" His voice was muffled by the door. "What are you doing?"

"I'm in the bath."

"How did you manage that?"

"I wrapped my arm in plastic."

He chuckled. "Very resourceful. Do you need someone to wash your back?"

It sounded like he'd finally come out of his funk. The playful tone of his voice pleased me.

"Actually, I could use some help washing my hair. I–"

I almost squealed when the door opened, and he popped his head around it.

"I...um... meant when I get out of the bath," I stammered, blushing furiously and eternally grateful that the bubbles covered the entire surface of the water.

He didn't look embarrassed at all, and simply smiled. "Okay, just holler when you want me."

The suggestiveness in his voice, coupled with the mischievous glint in his eyes had me biting my lip while I pondered initiating something. When he turned to leave, it spurred me into action.

"Wait!" I called, a little too loudly and way too desperately.

His eyebrow quirked and the gleam in his eye intensified.

"Um... you can come in."

He stepped into the room fully, eyeing the makeshift waterproofing around my cast. "Good job," he praised.

It felt oddly exciting having him in here with me when I was completely naked beneath the bubbles.

The way he stared boldly at the water made me glance down to check that the bubbles were still there.

"Don't worry, you're completely covered," he said, sitting down on the toilet seat before adding suggestively, "Damn bubbles."

A small bead of sweat trickled from my forehead down into my eye, and I lifted my hand carefully to wipe it away.

"Actually," he said, focussing on my hand as it dropped back to the side of the tub. "I have something I wanted to ask you."

"Shoot."

"I have this thing I have to go to next Thursday, it's a fund raiser that Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme do every year for the children's hospice." He looked up at me and grimaced. "Good cause, lousy event. Anyway, I was wondering if you'd like to be my date?"

"Your fake date?" I enquired with a teasing smile.

"If you want to call it that."

"What kind of function is it?" I asked, ignoring his feigned affront.

"It's quite formal: Black tie, five course dinner, dancing... that kind of thing."

"It sounds lovely. Of course I'll come." I was initially excited by the thought of attending such a function, but then I frowned. "I don't have anything to wear."

He laughed. "You can call Alice, she and Jasper are going too. I'm sure she'd love to help you with that."

We sat in silence for a few moments. Trying to picture what the event would be like, I closed my eyes and imagined a grand room with chandeliers and big round white tables adorned with crystal glasses and silverware. I'd never been to anything like that before, but I knew already that I really wanted to go. "Thanks for asking me."

"My pleasure." His voice was husky and when I opened my eyes he was staring intently at my face. "Do you need me to wash your hair?"

"Yes." My heart started to beat a little faster.

He stood up. "You'll have to sit up," he murmured as he grabbed the shampoo. "I can get you a towel to wrap around yourself."

I felt like I was standing on a threshold. Remembering that he'd already had his mouth on my breasts, I decided it wasn't too big a step to let him see them too. I swallowed hard, keeping eye contact with him while I started to rise.

I had hoped to gracefully rise out of the water, but with only one good arm, I lacked the strength and fumbled in my efforts to pull myself up. My hand slipped on slick surface and I fell back into the water.

He knelt quickly and plunged his hand into the water. Never taking his eyes from mine, he slid his arm around my back to support me as I sat up. I felt the bubbles sliding down my breasts as I emerged from the water.

"You're trembling," he murmured, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Am I?"

We stayed staring at each other for what felt like a long time. Eventually he spoke. "You have to ask me."

I knew instantly what he meant.

I worried my lip between my teeth while I summoned up the courage. There wasn't an ounce of impatience in his tender gaze.

"Look at me," I whispered.

When his eyes slid slowly downwards, I had to fight the urge to cover myself. He exhaled slowly. "You're beautiful, Bella."

Now I could feel myself trembling. The hand that had been supporting me, traced a lazy pattern on my naked back. After only a few seconds, he looked up into my eyes again.

"I'm going to wash your hair now, but I can't promise I won't get the shampoo everywhere. I may get a little distracted."

I shivered when he poured some shampoo onto my hair and began to lather it. My eyes drifted closed, while I enjoyed the sensation of his fingers working gently on my scalp.

All too soon his fingers were replaced by the water as he rinsed the shampoo from my hair.

"Would you mind washing it again?" I asked, opening one eye to catch him gazing down at my breasts. I blushed.

"Sure," he muttered distractedly.

Suddenly, the water from the showerhead sprayed onto my face and into my mouth.

"Sorry!" he gasped, when I started to cough.

He joined in when I started laughing and assured him I was okay.

He dropped the showerhead into the water and massaged some more shampoo into my hair. I could feel the spray of water from the nozzle prickling my skin beneath the water. He plunged his hand in to retrieve it and I inhaled deeply when his fingers grazed my naked thigh.

He said nothing while he rinsed my hair, and even with closed eyes, I could tell he was still stealing glances at by body. It felt liberating. His reaction to that first look had empowered me, and for the first time in my life I felt attractive.

"Conditioner?" His voice was almost a groan.

"No."

I didn't want to waste any more time. I wanted to get out of the bath so I could kiss him. I wasn't quite ready to step out in all my naked glory, but I needn't have worried because Edward brought me a towel.

He held it out to me, spread wide so that I could step into his embrace.

"My eyes are closed," he assured me when I hesitated.

He waited patiently while I carefully climbed out of the bath. I sighed in pleasure when he wrapped the warm towel around me. His lips briefly swept across my forehead.

"I'm going to leave you to do what you have to do," he said. "I'll be in my room... if you want to join me."

His voice was so gentle and reverent that I felt a strong burst of appreciation that this beautiful sexy man was being so kind and patient with me. After he left, I dried myself off quickly before struggling into my pyjamas and wrapping my hair in the towel. I couldn't wait to get to his room.

The door was ajar. I half expected the room to be dark but as I shyly stepped inside, I noticed that he had turned on his bedside lamp. He was sitting on the bed, back to the headboard and legs stretched out in front of him. He smiled affectionately at me, patting the space beside him.

The libido I never knew I had suddenly revved into life, firing on all cylinders, while I tried hard not to leap across the room into his arms. Somehow, I managed to walk towards him at a respectable pace.

I lay down beside him.

"You smell gorgeous," he murmured, burying his face in my neck.

I moaned at the feel of his lips on the pulse point at the base of my neck. "You've been so distant these last few days," I whispered.

"Have I?"

"You know you have."

"Sorry." His lips swept upwards, brushing mine lightly.

"Where were you tonight?" I managed to ask, despite the distraction of his wonderful kisses.

"Library." His voice was muffled against my skin. "You?"

"Jasper's."

He rose up, gazing into my eyes. "Are we done talking?" He smiled, and I nodded just as his lips captured mine again.

He kissed me long and hard while one hand pulled the towel from my hair, and threw it across the room. Without breaking the kiss, he slipped his fingers into my hair, smoothing it away from my face.

Lifting onto his elbows, he looked down at me with a suddenly serious expression. "I'm trusting you to tell me if you need to stop." He paused for a beat to ensure I understood. I dipped my head slightly to indicate I did. I marvelled at the beauty of his sculpted chest when he slowly pulled his shirt over his head.

With deft movements that brought a moan of delight to my lips, he began to undo the buttons on my top. He kissed his way down my neck, scraping his teeth across my collar bone while he undid the last button.

Desire rippled through me when he pulled my top open and lifted his eyes to mine. "Is this okay?" His face was a mask of pure passion.

"Yes," I confirmed, my chest heaving.

He looked down at my breasts. "God Bella, you have great tits," he groaned.

Rather than repelling me, the crudeness in his choice of word inflamed me more.

The warmth of his hands sent ripples of pleasure across my skin when he cupped both breasts.

"Oh God!" I exclaimed, overwhelmed by the sensation of his touch.

His thumbs brushed my nipples, sending an electric current thrumming through my whole body. The ache between my legs throbbed like it had a pulse of its own.

Waves of pure desire rolled through me. His breath was warm on my cool skin, his kisses feeling like pure shots of bliss everywhere they touched. He moved lower, trailing his lips and tongue between my breasts. I wanted him to kiss them so badly, and afraid that he would stop, I encouraged him.

"Kiss me, please," I pleaded, arching my back.

"Where?"

His question was soft and encouraging.

"My breasts," I managed to say just before his delicious tongue reached out and flicked my aching flesh.

He plumped my breast with his hand before sucking my nipple deep into his mouth. I balled my fists, causing my sore wrist to throb, but it wasn't enough to detract from the intense pleasure he was giving me.

I reached up to grab his hair, pulling him to me while he sucked harder. His soft moan sent exquisite vibrations across my nipple. I deliberately pressed my thigh into his erection, and with another groan, he flexed his hips and ground it harder against me. My breath caught in my throat.

His head snapped up.

"Don't stop," I demanded, and he seemed only too happy to oblige when he immediately covered my other breast with his hot mouth.

I watched as his tongue swirled around my nipple and then his mouth closed completely over it. His cheeks hollowed, and the pulling sensation seemed to go all the way to the apex of my thighs.

Succumbing to the sensations washing through me, my head dropped backwards onto the pillow. He released my nipple and claimed my mouth with his warm wet lips. I moaned loudly when his chest hair brushed my nipples. I'd never known such intense feelings.

His hips were still undulating, pressing his erection hard against my thigh. It was almost instinctive when I opened my legs. I wanted him to cover me completely, to press against the ache between my legs, but it also scared me and I lost my nerve.

Sucking in a deep, calming breath, I splayed my hand across his chest pushing against it a little. He dragged his mouth away instantly, dropping his forehead onto mine. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his ragged breathing seemed to match my own.

Eventually his eyes popped open. "Good," he said approvingly, and kissed my forehead.

I pulled my top closed while I sat up and leaned against the headboard. We sat side by side and when I realised we were both panting a little, I started to laugh. He turned to face me and the laughter died in my throat when my eyes fell to his broad chest. I ran my fingers through the fine sprinkling of hair that covered it. "You're beautiful too," I told him.

He chuckled. "Men don't like to be called beautiful, Bella."

I grinned at him. "You're sexy as hell?" I amended.

Unexpectedly his expression became tender, and he reached out to cup my cheek. "You are amazing." He pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply.

After a few more kisses, I rested my head on his chest.

"Does it always hurt?" I asked quietly.

"Does what always hurt?"

I felt shy, but I needed to know. "When you kiss me and touch me, I get this ache..." I hesitated. "Mostly between my legs."

He kissed the top of my head. "That's arousal, Bella. It's not actually pain, more like an itch that you need to scratch."

I nodded, agreeing that his description was better than mine.

"Does it go away eventually?"

"There are ways to get rid of it," he said, sounding lightly amused. "But it's getting late."

Lying beside him was so comfortable, I didn't want to leave. I lay curled against him, enjoying the masculine scent of him. His fingers traced lazy circles on my back. I noticed his other hand was clenched into a fist.

In the morning I was utterly miserable when I awoke alone and in my own bed. My misery was further compounded when I remembered that it was the day of Alice's barbecue.