Author's Note: I'm so sorry it took forever to update! Life hit me pretty hard this last week and with all the voting in The Brave polls, I couldn't get myself back here. Thanks for your patience and once again thanks for all your kind reviews. Enjoy!
Jaz sat curled up in the corner of the couch drinking coffee from her favorite mug. Her legs were tucked up with her mug resting on her knees. She curled her fingers around the mug, sapping up the heat it was radiating. She was tired, and her head was still bugging her but she was enjoying the quiet of the room.
She knew she'd have an hour or two before the team woke up and their daily routine started. It had only been three days since her team confronted her, but she was already needing space. It was daunting having every eye in the room on you at all times. Every action was scrutinized, and she felt like she was a zoo animal on display, poked and prodded, and questions flying at her every minute.
The lingering effects of her concussion had made everything worse. Her thoughts were jumbled, and she often couldn't give the answers she knew she should be giving. It was much harder to hold up a façade when you couldn't remember what it should look like. She knew emotions were showing on her face that normally wouldn't be there, but she was too worn out to care.
Jaz started to wonder if she was a bomb that exploded inside their little world. She could see the hurt and concern etched on every single one of her guy's faces. Oh, they tried to hide it, but their poker faces were even worse than hers. It made her hate herself even more. She was their protector and she was the one that just reeked new chaos into their lives.
She didn't know how she ended up where she was. She'd been mulling that over for the past three days. One day she was fine and the next day here she was, a disaster zone. Giving up the control of her food and her exercise regime had been harder than she thought. All she could think about was how she'd be getting weaker and slower. It was hard to fight that battle in her mind. Logically this shouldn't be a big deal but somehow the logical part of her brain was being overridden and it terrified her. This wasn't a simple fix and that scared her even more.
Jaz was relishing in the reprieve from her overbearing team. Yes, she was tired, but this quietness was soothing to her soul. She knew Amir would come bounding in the room first to prepare some sort of meal that he'd watch her eat. The stomach pains would come shortly after and she'd pretend everything was alright. She hated the look of pity and concern that riddled their faces these days. She wasn't a wounded animal, she was Jaz, strong and capable.
When the pain became unbearable she'd go take a nap hoping sleep would provide a little relief. After her nap it would start all over again, but she'd also be faced with Top trying to get her to talk and McG breathing down her neck. Preach seemed to be the only one to give her space, but even he would slip into his sage wisdom and encouragement routine.
Jaz thought she had about another hour to herself when she felt a presence enter the room. She didn't need to turn around to know it was Top. The way he moved, commanded the room, she always felt it before she saw him. This time though, she just wished he'd go away. Couldn't they give her some damn peace and quiet for once. She wasn't doing anything, just sitting there, drinking coffee. She didn't want to acknowledge his presence, so she steadfastly ignored him.
"Morning Jaz."
His voice was met with stone cold silence. She refused to walk into whatever trap he was setting so she just stared into her mug wishing he'd go away. Instead, he walked into her view and sat down on the coach next to her.
"You're up early."
She shot him a sideways look. Couldn't he tell she didn't want to talk.
"I could say the same to you." She bit back sarcastically.
"Come on Jaz, we haven't talked. Not really talked." He sighed.
Jaz took another sip of her coffee and stared at the wall in front of her. She could feel the anger boiling up inside her. Her team was micromanaging her life and while she didn't have much of a choice at the moment, she just wanted a little time to sort things out herself. How was she supposed to do that if she never had time to think?
"Jaz."
Dalton's voice brought her out of her revere and back into the space. She didn't know what to say to him, what to say to any of them. Jaz snapped her head to look at him. Her chocolate brown eyes piercing him. She could tell she caught him off guard. He just sat there looking back at her, trying to read her mind.
Jaz scoffed as she saw him staring her down. She couldn't read her own mind so how did he think he'd be able to do it.
"Jaz talk to me." Dalton pleaded as he searched her eyes, hoping she'd reveal something to him, anything.
Jaz continued to stare back, clenching her jaw. Her world was spinning around in chaos and she was trying to grasp at any sense of normalcy and hadn't found a single straw. She didn't have it in her to give Top what he wanted, she knew he was looking for reassurance or an explanation, but she couldn't provide either. She was tired and trying to sort through all the thoughts in her head.
"Jaz" He said again more firmly. He was hoping by pushing a little that a crack in her armor would show and she'd let down her wall a bit. Instead he was met with fury and he saw her eyes light up in anger.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jaz stood up in a jolt. Moving in front of Top within a millisecond. Her jaw was set, and she clutched the mug in her hand a little too tightly.
"Seriously Top!" Her voice was loud but steady.
"If I had something to say to you, don't you think I'd say it by now? I just wanted a few moments to myself this morning. Just a little peace and quiet. But no, you couldn't help but want to prod your way in. You all have been on top of me for the last three days. I can't even breathe without one of you noticing."
Jaz took a deep breath. She could see the creases forming on Dalton's face as he tried to process her words and prepare a response, but she wasn't finished with him yet.
"I have zero space to myself and it's stifling. I need to process my own thoughts but how can I do that if you don't give me time to think? I'm not a fragile china doll that is going to break if dropped. All of you have been walking on egg shells around me and I just want to scream." Her voice started to rise.
"I don't have answers for you. I've been doing every little thing you've asked me to do. I have nothing left to give. I haven't put up a fight with any of your rules and regulations. It's like I'm a fucking dog, listening to your every command about every single action in my life. God forbid I want to have a moment to myself. No, you must come and poke at me and dissect me. I'm a human being, and I just need a couple moments to myself every once in a while." By this point Jaz was yelling at him.
She didn't see the rest of the team come into the room to check on the commotion. They stood in the background, watching her release her anger on Top.
"Do you think it's possible to leave me alone for once? Maybe even let me get some fresh air by myself? I won't walk myself to death." She added angerly, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Jaz" Dalton attempted to interject.
"Yeah, yeah, I can't even fucking take a walk. Trapped. I'm a fucking trapped animal. I just need to not see your face for a while. I need to be alone. This is not a request. This is me telling you how it is going to be. Give me my space. I'll come find you if I have something to say." She finished and turned to storm out of the quonset hut when she caught the three men standing there staring at her.
"Don't even." She stated sharply.
Jaz quickly walked past them and slammed the door shut as she left them in stunned silence.
Dalton moved to follow her and try to talk her of the ledge.
"Let her be." The strong, steady voice of Preach caught him off guard.
"Give her some space." He added.
Dalton stared at the door debating whether or not to listen to Preach's advice. He sighed and resigned to the fact that nothing good would come from him chasing after her. He turned and looked at the men in front of him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think we would wake you." He spoke apologetically.
"Don't be. That's the most emotion we've seen out of her in three days. At least she's allowing herself to feel something." Preach reassured.
"We could give her a bit more space, she is following all of our orders and I've been impressed with the gains she's made in just a couple days." McG added.
"It might also get her to open up a bit more, if we show her that we trust her." Amir chimed in.
Dalton nodded in agreement. They all made good points, but he was afraid that if Jaz didn't start opening up, they weren't going to get anywhere with her.
"How long do we give her?" Dalton asked still concerned.
"She'll come back when she's cooled off. We're her family, we're her home." Preach responded.
The men decided to busy themselves until Jaz returned. They were all very much awake now, so they might as well get a start on the day. Dalton moved to his desk to work on paperwork, while McG and Preach decided to spar for a bit. Amir wanted to try a new dish out on the team, so he headed to his favorite place, the kitchen, while he processed the morning interactions.
