Chapter Eleven – You Can Choose
Sam opened his eyes. Fire no longer existed around him. There were trees. And a small stream passing by his bare feet. His ears could clearly pick up the sounds of water droplets hitting leaves and hitting the ground; he heard birds chirping and not only could he see the sun shining, it was as if he could actually hear the sun. The rays were gentle against his face. The moment was telling him to "Be happy" and to "Enjoy it." Sam looked around, seeing himself alone, and moved through the pasture of perfect green grass and small yellow and white flowers. There was no indication of where he really was. No sign. No distinct land features. He could see mountains in the distance. If he didn't know better – which he did – he could view this place as the classical viewpoint of Switzerland in The Sound of Music. He wouldn't run around singing – that would be lame in Dean's eyes.
Dean. He could not be found. Yet the fear didn't explode within him like he thought. There was concern. But a small amount of it. He was at peace…
"Oh god…" Sam thought aloud. "I'm dead."
"Hardly," a voice laughed behind him.
He turned, recognizing the laugh immediately. Sam wanted to laugh, cry, and run to the old woman. He wanted to hug her and beg her to forgive him. He wanted to say "It was my fault" and "I'm sorry." The woman saw this, held her arms opened to him, and Sam took only a step forward to bend down and hug her. She wore a white sweater and jeans. She was barefoot too – blades of the perfect grass were sticking out in between her toes.
Jaclyn Forrester didn't have as many wrinkles. Even though Sam thought of her as "the old woman" in his head – the woman he was seeing was somewhere in her forties.
She was beautiful – brown hair and a large smile. Her grip was tight around Sam and when they let each other go, Sam sighed happily and shook his head in disbelief.
"You're not dead, Sam," Grammy laughed.
"What's happening?" he asked gently. He kept breathing deeply – he was afraid if he stopped breathing, he would be gone from this place…
Grammy smiled, touching his face, and whispered, "It seemed like you needed a break."
They began to walk. Sam felt the smooth earth beneath him. It was humming to him.
The two came further down to a hill – there were now bright purple flowers every where. The trees stood as tall as buildings. The sun wasn't as bright – but there was a clear blue sky in place of that light.
"What is this?" Sam whispered. He knew there wouldn't be an exact answer on "Where is this"…
She stuck her hands into her pack pockets and laughed as she stared around.
"This is either limbo for you – or my Heaven…" Grammy explained, adding a laugh, "or you're just having a mental delusion."
Sam looked around. It was like being part of a painting. "I don't understand-"
"It doesn't matter," she laughed again. "Knowing where you are isn't important. It's who you are…" She looked up at the tall man before her. Grammy grinned and said, "You're Sam Winchester."
"I know that."
"Of course you do…" Grammy sighed. She turned to look at the mountains before them. They were a few miles ahead, but Sam thought he could take a step forward, and they'd be there. The woman said, "You're Sam Winchester." She shook her head. "And knowing that will get you through this."
"How?" he inquired seriously. His peaceful thoughts went back to it all…The Demon…the war…Dean…Dad…Mom…Jess…
She said, "People can't do anything with their lives – truly – until they know who they are." Grammy explained, "If a doctor has doubts about his capabilities…you don't want him operating on you…if a pregnant woman is unsure about becoming a mother…if a man's not sure if he should tell the woman he loves the truth…" She shook her head sadly. "Not knowing who you are…can lead to negative consequences." Grammy reached up and touched his shoulder gently.
"But I know who I am…" Sam protested gently.
"You may think you do…" Grammy understood completely well. "But…you have doubts about what you can do. You're afraid of going to one side, when you know you truly belong on the other side. Doubts like that create restless spirits, don't you agree?"
"Yes."
"Sam…" Grammy whispered. "Despite this being a mirage…or if it's really me that you're seeing…why here?" She looked around, motioning to the trees and flowers and blue sky. "You're here…either you created it…or you were meant to be here to learn something." Grammy shook her head. "Where do you want to be right now…?"
He was unsure of how to answer. Nothing made sense. He wanted to see Dean. Was he okay? Was he hurt…
The image changed. The ideal painting they had been standing in merged with a new picture.
The old house…
Sam and Grammy stood in the living room.
A younger John and Mary Winchester were cleaning up after dinner. Sam watched his mother, in jeans and a white blouse, standing by the sink. John maneuvered around the table, carrying two cups to her, and helped her dunk them into the soapy water.
John kissed the side of Mary's forehead.
Sam felt tears dripping down his face, along his chin, and onto the neckline of his shirt. It was strange seeing his father like this. Yes, there had been dreams…but Sam could almost reach out and touch them…
John whispered something into Mary's ear, she laughed, and threw some soap at him. Laughing, John kissed his wife again and went into the living room. Sam followed close behind while Grammy swiftly stepped forward.
In the living room sat a young four-year-old Dean. He was in blue bottoms and a gray shirt. Sitting cross-legged on the couch, Dean pretended he could read the book Great Expectations. The novel was heavy in his lap, so he had a pillow placed beneath the book. Beside the couch was a small cradle.
Newborn Sammy…
Little Dean continued to read aloud. His story was about a prince who could slay dragons.
The image faded away again…but nothing new sprung to life.
Grammy was still there – slightly – but the world was turning white around Sam. He felt flashes of bright light all around him.
"Grammy?" Sam called, turning around, seeing the woman slowly behind to fade away.
"It's important to know Sam…" Grammy reminded, "of who you are…and what you can do…"
"I'm afraid of what I can do!" he called. His feet were glued to a floor that did not exist. He was disappearing from existence…Grammy was hard to see…
"It's not what you can do…" Grammy chuckled. Her laugh echoed around him. "It's what you will do…"
"SAM! SAM!" a voice called in a distance. Sam saw no one else. His eyes were still on Grammy.
"Power isn't good or bad…black and white…" Grammy called, her face was the last thing Sam could see. "It's how you use it. It's your decision…what you will do…"
"SAM!" the invisible voice came again. "SAM! CAN YOU HEAR ME!"
"Grammy!" Sam cried out, holding his hand out to her. But Grammy was miles away…
"You decide who you are Psychic Boy!" her voice still remained. "You can choose!"
His head felt like it was spinning. His chest hurt. Eyes grew foggy and Sam felt a wave of air crash through his mouth and nostrils. There was so much air, he was choking…
O.O.O.O.O.
Sam rolled onto his side. He felt his cheek graze against grass and dirt. Strands of his hair covered his eyes as he gasped desperately for air.
Dean, kneeling down to his brother's side, a bright red wound on his head, kept his hand on Sam's shoulder.
"SAM!" Dean cried, sighing happily, patting Sam on the back. "Welcome back…" He waited for Sam to gain breath once again.
Rolling onto his back again, Sam blinked several times, feeling the sun on his face. He looked desperately around, glad to see Dean, but obvious confused about where he was.
"It's okay man…" Dean soothed. He looked behind him, seeing the fire being controlled by the fire department.
Off to the side, Perry and Coy embraced one another, holding Aurora in between them, watching, relieved, as Sam was now back to life.
O.O.O.O.O.
"The department has not issued a clear statement on the cause of the fire," a woman said, holding a microphone close to her lips. The news was on – Sam and Dean – showered and bandaged up – sat on the edges of their beds. Dean had a large red bump on his forehead – caused by the falling down the stairs. Sam was told he had inhaled a lot of smoke, but would be fine.
The woman on the news explained, "Both residents of the home are unsure as well of how the fire started. Mr. Coy Hinson was in his kitchen, preparing dinner, when he suddenly passed out…Mrs. Perry Hinson, with a young infant, was trapped in a living room engulfed in flames." She shook her head and said happily, "We're happy to confirm that two unidentified men bravely entered the home and rescued the family."
Sam reached for the remote and turned the television off. He took a weak breath, looking over at Dean, who was rubbing the large bump on his head.
"Dude, you look like a unicorn…" Sam half-grinned.
Dean turned sideways and glared at Sam. "Yeah well you look like…" Dean studied Sam for a moment and finished lamely, "A dumbass."
Sam laughed weakly. He coughed a bit and rose to his feet.
The ocean-inspired hotel room felt like paradise. Being caught in one of the most dangerous fires they had faced – thus far – had been another strong realization that they were not unbreakable.
"You know it was stupid to go back in that house," Dean reminded, rubbing a sore shoulder.
Sam nodded. "I know…" He shook his head. "I thought Duane would be there…"
"Yeah, that son-of-a-bitch was there alright…" Dean mumbled. "He just left before we got there."
"I don't get it…he basically led us there…but a no-show?" Sam questioned. He turned to Dean seriously and said, "I shot at the Demon, Dean…" Dean nodded in agreement. "It wasn't Duane…it was him…"
"Maybe he just wants to psyche you out," Dean offered. "He's playing games."
Sam turned his back, looking out the window. The beach was in the distance.
Dean looked at Sam for a moment and asked, "What is it?" He wanted to stand, but felt too tired to do so. "What's wrong?"
"You promised me to you would kill me if I turned evil…" Sam said plainly. His hands were on his hips now as he watched the sky turn darker. "I just have to stay strong…and nothing bad will happen…"
The twenty-seven-year-old raised his eyebrows strangely. "Dude, what're you talkin' about?"
Sam turned around, trying to smile, and said, "I can choose."
O.O.O.O.O.
Amy came back to the apartment to find it empty. Although she loved and adored Isabella's company, she was glad – at least – to just have the place to herself.
She could have gone to her computer directly and check to see if Michael had sent anything, but instead she wanted to go out to the balcony.
And she did.
Her feet walked across the balcony, to the railing, and she watched her town prepare for nightfall.
It was cold out, and she loved it that way. Amy always liked the cold. It was better than being hot, in her opinion. And the freezing weather in Illinois was her favorite type of atmosphere. Whether there was snow or not, she loved the icy wind and the stiffness in the air.
She leaned across the railing, leaning on her elbows, and thought of Dean and Sam.
Michael took a deep breath and said, "The reason…for…us ending…" He gave her a not-so-comforting look. "You did it to protect me…and I understand…and you need to understand…that…what's happening with Dean…" He stared at her sadly. "Dean's doing the same thing you did."
Amy shook her head.
"Dean's doing the same thing you did."
If there was truth in that statement, Amy pleaded with God that it would never happen…
She had loved Michael. It wasn't hard to admit. He had been perfect for her. When they had been together, they could make friends with each other's clique easily. Their families adored them. And of course, he loved her; but Michael would always beat her at that game – he could love her more than she could ever love him. Amy had loved him enough to break his heart and to end things. Michael had wanted to get involved.
The same way I wanted to get involved…
She shook her head again.
What if Dean was doing the same thing she had done? Was he pushing her away…was their relationship on a brief hiatus…maybe the guys would return in a month or two, vacation a bit, take a break…and things would be okay…
I choose to be a part of this…Amy thought sadly. I have more to do with this than Michael does…
But Michael's getting himself involved…and I can't stop it…
But I did stop our relationship…
Her fear was no longer based on the romantic relationship she had with Dean. Although her feelings for him had been trapped inside long enough…she wanted to let it all out…she wanted to tell him how she felt…how she had always felt…
But their friendship was in danger. And with Sam's. Amy loved Sam like a brother…and she was losing him too…
I may never see them again…she forced herself to realize. Both Dean and Sam were trying to protect her…the way she had wanted to protect Michael…
"I choose this…" Amy whispered aloud; spoken words were her contract. She was a part of their world.
O.O.O.O.O.
A/N: So "BUABS" was a GREAT episode. Sam was uber-scary as possessed-Sam. Dean protecting Sam and trying to cover for him was heart wrenching. When the scene came when possessed-Sam came to Bobby's door…I was literally yelling: "HA! Bobby SOOO knows you're POSSESSED! YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED!"…so yes. And my favorite part was when Sam was back to normal and Dean punched him. It was one of those out-loud "HaHa" moments.
I hope you're all enjoying and I can't stress enough how IMPORTANT your REVIEWS/COMMENTS are.
PLEASE, REVIEW/COMMENT…they are essential to a writer's viewpoint on their story…and it helps them write better (and update faster).
Thanks again for all of your reviews – you're all amazing!...
IheartPadalecki: Glad you're enjoying! Keep reading and keep leaving me your kick-ass comments!
Lilly B.: Michael was always meant to come back…he does have a bigger purpose in the series than I let on in the first part. Thanks for the comment!
Ghostwriter: As always, thanks for the comments and keep reading!
PadFootCc: I liked your excitement about Michael. Thanks again and keep reading!
Spuffyshipper: As always, thanks for reading and for the comments!
EmSyd: I'm glad you're reading all the stories and thanks for all of your comments!
LilCrueLangel: Thanks for reading! And I hope you're enjoying!
Heavenstar3: I'm glad you're taking an interest on the status of Dean and Amy's relationship – and what's going on with her abilities. Keep reading! And keep leaving your awesome comments!
(Here: Lets make a goal! Fifteen reviews/comments for this one chapter!)