It wasn't like Lucy had forgotten Natsu.
Or any of the male members of Fairy Tail for that matter. In fact she thought about them quite often. On her better days she would even miss them. Their loud and rambunctious ways were well meaning, and she knew that. But she couldn't stop her all consuming fear of the male gender. And she had most definitely tried. But just thinking about being in the same room as them for too long sent her heart rate skyrocketing and she had to fight to keep from whirling into a panic attack, leaving her weary and guilty.
She almost wished some days that she could just hang out with Natsu and Gray and the rest of the Fairy Tail men, even as exhausting as they sometimes were, simply because she missed their antics. They used to never fail to make get laugh. Especially one in particular.
But she couldn't. Every time she was just completely consumed with fear.
She really hated herself.
And she knew that she shouldn't, but she couldn't help it. She wanted everything to just stop. She was just so fucking tired. It wasn't like she got any sleep. There hadn't been any progress with the sleeping pill, and it was exhausting pretending like you were ok, and always, always smiling…
Lucy was sitting at the pool as usual with the Fairy Tail girls. They were all doing there own thing currently. Juvia was lazily floating on the pool on one of those inflatable chair things, enjoying the blue sky. Levy was laying on her stomach, pouring over an ancient text she had read before. Cana was at the poolside bar, enjoying her drink and chatting up Mira, who was behind the bar. Erza sat next to Lucy working on her suntan.
Lucy was also reading, and enjoying the sunshine. After watching it come up this morning, she had a weird new appreciation for it. There was something refreshing about watching the sun from the very beginning crawl across the sky.
And yet as much as she was enjoying the sunshine, she found she was counting down the hours till it was gone again. She couldn't explain it, but for the first time in a long time she was excited about something. And that excited her.
It was more refreshing than any pool could ever be.
She didn't want to admit this but Lucy was looking forward to seeing Fire again. Lucy didn't even know them, and normally that would scare her, but...
As incredulous as it sounded Fire felt safe to her.
I know I know it's short but I wanted to post something. Don't worry there is a far more detailed chap coming. It's been rough for me lately so this was actually a lot. But he is a little update of what's going on in Lucy's head. See you guys next chapter!