Okay, don't kill me for this chapter. I don't know what I was thinking. Allergy medication and insomnia wrote this one. If you hate it too much, I will delete it and re-write it. I've just been exhausted. So, here's a terrible chapter...
Butters: Hey. I just heard about, Krisa. I'm really sorry about what happened.
Kenny: Thanks. But, it doesn't mean anything.
Butters: What do you mean?
Kenny: She's fucking dead. Nothing anyone says can bring her back. It was my fault.
Butters: How can you blame this on yourself? She went a little crazy. Ash was talking to her on the phone, and she said Krisa was not herself. You couldn't have done anything to stop her.
Kenny: You don't understand, so don't fucking tell me that it's not my fault.
Butters: I'm sorry.
Kenny: I know, you were just trying to help. And, I'm treating you like shit. That's just how I am. You probably shouldn't talk to me. I have this habit of making people who get close to me commit suicide.
Butters: Fuck you, Kenny. Do you seriously believe that I tried to kill myself just because of you? That's the most conceited thing I've ever heard you say. There were a lot of things going on in my life at the time. My parents were a huge part of it. School was another. I had undiagnosed depression. How dare you presume that I would kill myself just for you.
Kenny: Fuck. I'm sorry.
Butters: And, how dare you use what I did as an excuse to stop living your life. Yes, I had a huge crush on you. Lots of people probably did. You were a fun guy to be around. You always had a dirty joke. You liked having fun. You weren't a negative asshole. The truth is, you're not yourself anymore. Krisa was probably frustrated about that, but I highly doubt that you drove her to suicide. She had a rough home life, you know. I'll bet that drugs weren't helping either. Then, take into account that she was most likely having a mental lapse at the time- they are even calling it a psychotic episode, and she was more than likely to hurt herself. You're just lucky she didn't hurt you. You had nothing to do with that.
Kenny: I wish I could tell you what I mean when I say it was my fault, but there's not fucking way you'd believe me.
Butters: I've seen some weird shit in my time. I'm pretty sure I can take whatever you throw at me.
Kenny: I died.
Butters: Okie dokie. Come again.
Kenny: I die all the time. Do you remember when Stan and them made you my replacement? Ever wonder where I was? I was dead. The other night, I had enough and so I killed myself, just for a little break. It always hurts like hell, but it helps me put things in perspective. I didn't mean for her to walk in on me, but she did, and that's why there was a gun in the room. She didn't own a gun, it was mine. She saw me with my brains blown out, and that's why she killed herself. It really was my fault. And, you wont believe me, because if I was you I wouldn't believe me, but it's true. It really was my fault.
Butters: I believe that you believe what you are saying. If it is real to you, then it's real.
Earlier
Elissa: What the actual fuck.
Craig: What?
Elissa: Didn't you hear?
Craig: Obviously not.
Elissa: Krisa Sladen is dead. Like, fucking deceased dead.
Craig: What happened?
Elissa: I don't know. I think she got shot. I've been trying to call Ash. I think she was there when it happened or something. But, she might have been here. I don't know.
Craig: Where did you hear this?
Elissa: Tweek was just here. He just left to pick Ash up from the hospital or police station or something.
Craig: Who else is at the house with you? Are the doors locked?
Elissa: I think so. But, there's lots of people in the house right now. Where are you? You shouldn't be out right now, there might be a shooter on the loose.
Craig: I'm in the basement.
Elissa: Oh, wow. Well, come up stairs then. If you've ever seen a horror movie you know that the basement is not the place to be.
Craig: Who all is with you? Did anyone come or go recently?
Elissa: No. Lamia and Jimmy have been here since this morning. Butters lives here, and I don't think he left the house since this afternoon. Tweek is getting Ash, like I said.
Craig: Tell everyone to go sit in Lamia's room, and then lock the door. Don't let anyone in unless it is me or Tweek and Ash.
Elissa: Okay. Now you're scaring me. But, okay.
Craig: Are you all there?
Elissa: Yeah. Thank God there's a bathroom in here. And a mini-fridge. And, lots of soda. We should be safe for a week.
Craig: Good. I'm checking to make sure all of the doors and windows are locked. Have Tweek check the windows in Lamia's room.
Elissa: Hurry up. I'm low key having a heart attack here.
Craig: Okay, everything looks secure. Do you have the mace I gave you?
Elissa: Yeah. Why does it have to be so quiet? Why are Tweek's parents never here?
Craig: Alright, I'm at the door. I'm going to knock, so don't freak out.
Lamia: Tell me you're at home.
Lily: Yeah, why? What's happening?
Lamia: Someone just got shot.
Lily: What? Are you serious?
Lamia: Yeah, I think it was probably at that party.
Lily: Omg. I almost went to that party. Pip and I decided to stay in last minute. Who was shot?
Lamia: Kenny's girlfriend, Krisa.
Lily: Do they know who shot her?
Lamia: I don't know, it just just just happened.
Lily: Is she okay?
Lamia: No. I think she's dead.
Lily: Are you serious?
Lamia: Yes! I wonder if Kenny is okay.
Lily: Was he there too?
Lamia: I don't know. He must have been. They must have gone to the party together.
Lily: Wow. I'm going to text Red. She was there.
Lamia: Okay, I'll text Bebe, she was there too.
Lily: Did someone just get shot at the party?
Red: What are you talking about?
Lily: I heard someone was shot at the party.
Red: Not at this party.
Lily: Is Krisa or Kenny there?
Red: No. I think they left earlier.
Lily: Holy crap. Well, just a heads up, you should probably leave right now before the cops come. Someone from the party was just shot.
Red: When?
Lily: Just now I guess. Apparently, Krisa is dead.
Red: That's crazy. Yeah, I'm leaving now.
Lamia: So, is Krisa really dead?
Tweek: Yes.
Lamia: Who shot her?
Tweek: I don't know. They're questioning Ash right now.
Lamia: Why? I thought she was here, but then I heard she was there.
Tweek: She was on the phone with Krisa when it happened. Ash was at 7/11, and Krisa was somewhere else. That's all I know.
Lamia: Krisa Sladen was shot.
Bebe: What?
Lamia: She was on the phone with Ash, and then she got shot.
Bebe: But, she was here.
Lamia: Well, then she must have been shot on her way home.
Bebe: What should I do?
Lamia: Get out of that party. But, don't go alone. You and a group of friends should leave and stay at someone's house until they find the shooter. I'm going to try to find out what happened from my brother.
Bebe: Okay. Thanks.
Tweek: It sounds like it was a suicide.
Lamia: Are you sure?
Tweek: No. But, no one shot her. It was either a suicide or Krisa accidentally set off the gun and it just happened to be in her mouth at the time.
Lamia: That's terrible. Poor Kenny.
Tweek: It happened at Kenny's house.
Lamia: What? How do you know he didn't shoot her?
Tweek: No, I think he's dead too.
Lamia: What should we do about Butters?
Tweek: Just don't say anything until I get there. I'm not even sure. All I know is that no one was murdered, so you can unlock the front door now.
Lamia: Hold on.
Lily: So, do you know what happened yet?
Lamia: Yeah. My brother came home. They kept Ash overnight for questions and to make sure she wouldn't kill herself. Apparently, Ash was at the store and Krisa texted her saying that she got into a fight with Kenny, and that he left the party, so she followed him home and when he wouldn't answer her calls she went crazy and called Ash and was ranting about how Kenny has been different ever since Butters attempted suicide and he's emotionally distant and stuff, and then ended up shooting herself in front of him.
Lily: That's really messed up. That's so weird, it doesn't sound like Krisa at all. Is Kenny okay? Why did she have a gun?
Lamia: Yeah. I don't know. Kenny isn't hurt. I think they took him in for questioning too, but it's pretty obvious that he's innocent, and Ash heard the whole thing.
Lily: I feel really bad for Ash.
Lamia: Me too. My brother is going to pick her up when they release her. It must have been terrible. I think they're saying Krisa was on drugs or something.
Lily: Really? That would actually explain a lot. I didn't know she was a druggy.
Lamia: Yeah, she must have been. I think she must have been one before she met Kenny. It's weird, it's like they were both kind of messed up and when you put them together they were messed up times ten.
Lily: She seemed nice enough to me.
Lamia: She might have been. But, Kenny and Krisa were both bad influences to each other. So, someone was bound to get hurt when you put the two of them together. Like Sid Vicious and his girlfriend.
Lily: I wonder if Kenny is a suicide risk.
Lamia: Probably, if the laws of Sid are to be obeyed. And, who wouldn't be after that?
Later
Ash: The worst part is, I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Tweek: What do you mean?
Ash: I can remember everything she said, and the gun shot. But, I have this weird feeling that some part of my mind is suppressing something. Something important.
Tweek: Like what?
Ash: Like Kenny.
Tweek: Do you think he did it?
Ash: No. And, my intuition is telling me that too. But, I just feel like there was more to it than Krisa just following him home and then shooting herself in front of him. I feel like she told me something really important before she died, and now I've just completely forgotten it. It doesn't make sense that she was just randomly freaking out. Krisa wouldn't shoot herself just because she felt like Kenny wasn't opening up to her. She told me something, and it had to do with Kenny, and that was what freaked her out, and then she killed herself. I don't know. I don't feel like she was there to threaten Kenny or traumatize him by shooting herself. I feel like she went over there with good intentions but then something went wrong, she saw something, and that made her do it.
Tweek: You're confused. It was a really difficult thing to hear, and you are shaken up.
Ash: I know that it wasn't just a suicide. It doesn't make any sense.
Tweek: What then? Murder? Suicide never makes sense.
Ash: No! It feels like it was a response to something. Maybe Kenny was cheating on her? He must have done something to really upset her.
Tweek: Or, she was on drugs and really stressed out.
Ash: That's the other thing. I don't remember her being on drugs.
Tweek: Well, I doubt she'd have told you. Just, try not to think about it.
Ash: I'll try my best, but there's no guarantee I will be able to. I just want to know what I've forgotten.
Tweek: Why don't you talk to Kenny, he was there.
Ash: That's part of it. I feel like Kenny was there, yet wasn't there. Like, he didn't say anything to send her over the edge, but he didn't try to stop her either.
Tweek: I don't know. Maybe you're on to something. Just take care of yourself.
Ash: I will. I can't wait till they let me out of here.
Tweek: Me too.
Ash: This is going to sound crazy, but I need to tell you something. Will you pick up the phone, Kenny?
Kenny: Ash believes me. I don't know how she did it, but she still half-remembered.
Butters: Are you sure she wasn't just really confused?
Kenny: I'm sure she was really confused, but when I told her she said she could feel that I was telling the truth.
Butters: What is your point?
Kenny: It was my fault.
Butters: No, Kenny. It wasn't. Most people don't kill themselves when they see someone commit suicide, even when that person was close to them. She made her own call.
Kenny: So, you believe me too?
Butters: Believe it or not, you're not the only one living with a secret. I believe that you have a superpower, or whatever you call it. I really do believe that you can't die. I always have. Ever since you told me when we were kids. I've believed you. Do you want to know why?
Kenny: What? You do?
Butters: Yes. I do. I'm a freak too.
Kenny: You're not a freak. Being gay doesn't make you a freak.
Butters: You don't understand. I'm not just gay.
Kenny: What then?
Butters: Do you remember the time you all dressed me up like a girl to go spy on the girls?
Kenny: That was a long time ago. But, yeah.
Butters: You didn't just dress me up. Someone must have done something to me. I didn't just look like a girl, I was one. I was in the bathroom crying, because they said I wasn't pretty. And, I was thinking to myself "I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl." and I looked down, and I was a girl. I had a mother-fucking vagina. And, then I changed my mind. I got scared, and wished I was a boy again, and guess what happened? I had a penis again. I thought that maybe I just imagined it. But, then I tried it again, when I got home and it worked. I went whole days just as a girl or a boy when we were younger. But, then puberty hit, and I've been a boy in public ever since. I am a boy. But, if I wanted, I could be a girl.
Kenny: What?
Butters: I can change my gender. I'm not joking. It's a lot lamer than your super power, but I'm stuck with it anyway.
Kenny: This isn't a fucking joke. And, being unable to die isn't fun. It hurts like fuck. There is no peace.
Butters: No, it isn't. I'm not joking.
Kenny: I'd have to see to believe.
Butters: Well, you can't see can you? You didn't want me. And, if you tell Malice about this I'll never speak to you again.
Kenny: I wont tell. But, I need to know you're not kidding.
Butters: I'm. Not. Kidding.
Kenny: Why haven't you told anyone?
Butters: Do you don't think they'd believe me, do you? If I told them that and they did believe me I'd be in a lab surrounded by scientists for the rest of my life. I like being me.
Kenny: But, wouldn't you have a better chance with guys if you were a girl? Doesn't that make you a straight girl?
Butters: Maybe. But, I wouldn't be myself as a girl. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone who couldn't know me as myself.
Kenny: But, isn't that what you're doing now? You haven't told Malice. So, it's the same shit. He doesn't know who you are.
Butters: I am Butters. I'm the same stupid kid you used to pick on in elementary school. I'm the same gay-wad who wanted to be Professor Chaos when life got too chaotic. I'm not a girl.
Kenny: But, you are. Part of you is.
Butters: You don't get it, Kenny. I didn't expect you to get it. I don't know why it still hurts to know that you will never get it.
Kenny: I want to get it. I'm fucking trying. I've been trying to get you since we met.
Butters: I'm not Marjorine. Marjorine is a girl with tits. She has a period once a month. I'm Butters. I'm gay.
Kenny: But, don't you like being able to be someone else every once in a while?
Butters: Being in another body isn't the same as being someone else. It feels wrong, but then sometimes I feel wrong like myself. It's like I'm a girl and a guy and neither one feels comfortable in their skin. It's like I'm never quite a guy, and never quite a girl. No, I don't like it at all.
Kenny: I didn't know.
Butters: I know. Just don't assume that you're the only one going through shit you can't explain.
Kenny: I'm sorry.
Butters: Don't be. All I need you to do is understand. The truth is much weirder than fiction.
Kenny: I'm sorry that I hurt you before. I was being an ass hole.
Butters: That's okay. You were in love.
Kenny: I was, wasn't I?
Butters: She wouldn't want you to blame yourself for what happened.
Kenny: I've considered dying again, just so I could explain things to her. I just want to know that she forgives me.
Butters: She would forgive you. She loved you. There's nothing she wouldn't forgive, even what you did.
Kenny: I wish I could have explained things to her. About me, and death.
Butters: I'll bet she'll understand if you tell her. Just, go visit her and tell her everything. You don't have to die to visit her.
Kenny: I don't know what I'd say.
Butters: Tell her what you told me. If she is hearing you from the grave, then she shouldn't have trouble believing. I'll bet she already knows.
Kenny: How do you apologize to someone who went to hell because of you?
Butters: How do you know she's in hell?
Kenny: Suicide. Suicide sends you to hell.
Butters: I don't know if I completely believe that.
Kenny: I don't want to believe it. I still can't believe she's gone. If I'd just locked my door, or waited or something. She'd still be alive. I had to do it with a gun. If she'd waited she would have forgotten that anything had ever happened to me the next day like everyone else. No one ever remembers. Why did she have to be there then?
Butters: I don't know. But, you can't agonize over what has already happened. You've got to try and pull yourself back up.
Kenny: The last time we spoke we were fighting. I was being selfish. She found out that I was cutting myself, and she got angry. She wanted to be there for me, but I didn't let her. And, now she's gone.
Butters: You've gotta be there for yourself. I'm here too.
Kenny: But, why? I was never there for you? I avoided you.
Butters: I know. It didn't feel good, but that's why I don't want you to have to go it alone.
Kenny: Thanks, Butters. You're a better friend than I deserve.
Bebe: Ugh. I can't stop messing with the balls in my mouth.
Elissa: You have balls... in your mouth. Great time to be texting. I'm sure Vinnie is thrilled.
Bebe: Not those balls! Idiot. I mean those two little ball things under your tongue.
Elissa: You are so weird.
Bebe: You're so lucky you're pregnant.
Elissa: You're insane.
Bebe: No, really. Craig is always taking care of you. It's really kind of sickeningly sweet to see. It's like he can't bear to leave you. I wish Vinnie would pay that sort of attention to me.
Elissa: Have you considered that maybe he's just hovering around me because he feels bad for getting me knocked up? Maybe he feels some responsibility for this?
Bebe: No. You're wrong. He definitely loves you.
Elissa: Getting pregnant will not make Vinnie love you more.
Bebe: He'd have to love the baby at least. Then, we'd get married and raise the baby together.
Elissa: That's the most bat-shit insane thing I've ever heard you say. And, that is saying a lot considering some of the things you've said.
Bebe: Don't worry. I wont copy you. I'm just a little envious is all.
Elissa: Copy me? Do you think being pregnant is a fashion statement? If you really think that, you should never reproduce.
Bebe: Oh, whatever. Hormones are obviously making you difficult to talk to.
Elissa: No comment on that one. I've got to go anyway. I'm having a check up at the OBI.
Bebe: Later.
From April May's Diary
I had an interesting conversation with Elissa at the doctor's office today. She was going in for a check up on the baby. I was going in because I'll never be able to have children. Ana has messed up my body so much I've become infertile. That's what they think, anyway. My hair comes out in clumps. It's eighty degrees and I'm wearing a winter jacket. My body is ruined. But, I'm still too big for my taste. I can fit a had around my thigh now. I remember when all I wanted was to fit a hand around my forearm. My stomach rejects food, and I'm constantly monitored for weight loss. I can experience organ failure at any time. My brain moves around in a loop. I think only about becoming thin. And, then I have vague regrets. I told Elissa that I envied her for being able to have a child at all. That's something I'll never experience. And, she told me that I wasn't the first person to tell her that today, but I was the only one she took seriously. We talked for a long time about regrets. She's always been a kind person. Not like the others, who I know are always talking about me behind my back. If I come back as an angel when I die, I'll always guard Elissa and her baby. She's a strong person, but I can tell that even she feels afraid and lost. So many of us do. I hope that Craig wont abandon her after the baby is born. If he does I'll have to haunt him. It's really sad, what happened to Krisa. She seemed like a nice girl. I think she must have been troubled for a long time. I wonder if I'll see her when I die. I wonder if Kyle will miss me when I die. I kind of doubt it. If he missed me when I was gone, he'd would have called me since I got into the hospital. I can't blame him. It's not his fault he fell in love with another person. I forgive Gabby for taking him from me. Elissa said she isn't afraid of missing the baby when it's gone now. She said it isn't really hers, and it doesn't feel like hers. She said she's just babysitting for the baby's real parents. I think that's a sweet sentiment in a sad way. I think we became friends today. It makes me wish we'd know each other before now. It would have been nice to have time to know her. But, I don't regret dying. I think I'll leave Elissa a note and some flowers. I'll tell her that I wish her well, and that I'll be watching over her with kind eyes even though we barely knew each other. I feel like our souls touched. I haven't felt a connection like that in such a long time. It meant a lot to me. I wish her well.
Lamia: April May is dead.
Lily: What? Really? What's with everyone dying?
Lamia: I don't know. It's not a huge surprise.
Lily: That's it. No morbid anorexic joke?
Lamia: Not this time. I guess you have to be really sick at least once to understand that other people can't help being sick.
Lily: Wow. You must have hit your head harder than I thought.
Lamia: I know right? But, seriously, I just didn't understand her before. She was probably struggling, and I thought she was just trying to get attention.
Lily: Two deaths in one month. That's just crazy.
Lamia: Well, you know what they say. Deaths happen in threes.
Lily: I hope not!
Lamia: Yeah, me too. I feel like death wanted me to be the first of the three but then missed me, and is just biding his time until he has another go at me.
Lily: Don't say that.
Lamia: Yeah. You know, Kenny's probably the one death wants. I mean, it's kind of a miracle he didn't get shot. And if it isn't Kenny it'll be Elissa since she's pregnant and loads of things can go wrong there.
Lily: You're going to jinx us all.
Lamia: I feel really bad about all the things we used to say about her.
Lily: We? You mean you!
Lamia: Whatever. I just feel bad.
Lily: At least she's not suffering anymore.
Lamia: That's a positive I guess.
Kyle: I can't believe April May is dead too.
Gabby: You can't really be surprised. I mean, she looked like death for weeks.
Kyle: I guess that's the third death to complete the death cycle.
Gabby: Who else died besides Krisa and April May?
Kyle: No one. Wow, I could have sworn someone else died. That's so weird.
Gabby: You need some sleep.
Kyle: We all do.
Tweek: This is happening.
Ash: What is happening?
Tweek: I'm giving Jimmy "the interview".
Ash: What interview?
Tweek: You know, the one that dads give guys to make sure they are good enough to be dating their daughters.
Ash: Lamia's not your daughter.
Tweek: Well, my dad isn't going to do it. He's never home to do it.
Ash: You've got a point there. Seriously, at what point did your parents realize that there were half a dozen teenagers living in their house?
Tweek: I don't know if they've even noticed yet.
Ash: Wow. That's really something.
Tweek: How are you holding up?
Ash: Better than I was. I'm still trying to pretend everything is okay.
Tweek: Don't pretend. Everything is going to be okay. I'm here for you.
Ash: I know. It's hard to explain, it's like you had to be there to understand what I'm going through.
Tweek: Well, isn't Kenny there for that.
Ash: Not really.
Tweek: But, wasn't he there?
Ash: Yes, of course. But, his memory suppressed everything.
Tweek: Hmm. Is that it?
Ash: Yes.
Tweek: By the way, is Butters with Malice anymore?
Ash: I think so, why?
Tweek: He's been spending a lot of time with Kenny is all. I guess it sort of makes sense since they both have been touched by suicide or whatever... but no, actually it really doesn't make any sense to me.
Ash: Oh, that's something else.
Tweek: Like what?
Ash: Nothing, really.
Tweek: Are you hiding something?
Ash: Nope.
Tweek: Whatever.
Akiko: Guess big news!
Kuran: What's the news?
Akiko: I go out on a date with Eric Cartman!
Kuran: Good for you! I know you really like him. I'm sure he must really like you too. You're so cute.
Akiko: Thank you for compliment me! Yes. I like him very much. But, you are my big brother, so I not forget you too.
Kuran: Thanks, little sister. So, what happened?
Akiko: He taked me to see V-D-O about Japanese and German lovers in War World 2.
Kuran: Was he nice to you?
Akiko: Yes, yes! Very gentleman! He hug me when I cry. It was very sad V-D-O.
Kuran: By V-D-O, do you mean Video?
Akiko: Oh, I thought it was same thing! It makes same sound as video when you say v-d-o.
Kuran: Haha. I never thought of it that way.
Akiko: You're welcome!
Kuran: So, tell me more.
Akiko: We talk for long time about war. Then we have disagreement.
Kuran: About what?
Akiko: War. We agree on many thing, but not on war. But, is not important. After that he show me a funny thing on internet.
Kuran: What was it?
Akiko: "Engrish" website. Very funny. Even though my English not so good I can understand.
Kuran: What was funny about it?
Akiko: Chinese character "Gan 4" mean many different things but it is always translate into "fuck" by mistake on computer translate.
Kuran: That's hilarious. Give me an example.
Akiko: "Dry food" is translate to "fuck food". So, in Chinese supermarket the sign say "Fuck Food".
Kuran: That's great!
Akiko: Lol. I know! I was laugh so hard I can't breathe.
Kuran: I'm glad you had a good time.
Akiko: Thank you. :3
Bebe: If I had a baby too, then our babies could be best friends.
Elissa: No. They couldn't. I'm putting the baby up for adoption, remember.
Bebe: Why? You don't have to do that.
Elissa: It's already been arranged.
Bebe: Can't you tell them you change your mind? It IS your baby.
Elissa: It's not my baby. I'm not ready to have kids.
Bebe: But, what if we were both raising babies? Then it would be like team work.
Elissa: No. I'm not dropping out of school to raise a baby.
Bebe: I'm sure Craig wouldn't mind.
Elissa: I'm not talking about this with you. Don't get pregnant. It isn't fun.
Bebe: What if I already did get pregnant.
Elissa: Then, you're fucking insane. It's not fun. And, I'm still giving the baby to a family that can take care of it and wants it.
Bebe: That's it then? You just don't want the baby?
Elissa: No, I don't.
Bebe: Then, why didn't you have an abortion.
Elissa: I'm Catholic. It wasn't in the cards.
Bebe: Okay, but if it was in the cards would you have gotten an abortion?
Elissa: I don't know. Why are you asking me these things?
Bebe: I missed my period.
Elissa: Holy shit. Tell me you didn't do this on purpose.
Bebe: I don't see why this is such a bad thing. Now, Vinnie will have to marry me.
Elissa: Oh my god, Bebe. Why?
Bebe: Maybe I wanted a baby? I'm ready for one.
Elissa: No, you're not. I don't care what you think, you're not ready for a baby.
Bebe: I am so ready! I need a baby. I could give a baby lots of love, and the baby will love me back. Only babies can love you unconditionally.
Elissa: Puppies love you unconditionally! Babies are shit-machines that have to be fed all the time! What the fuck Bebe?
Bebe: I don't want a puppy, I want a baby.
Elissa: You NEED to get psychiatric help. You're fucking psycho. This wont bring Vinnie closer to you. You're trying to trap him into something serious and long term. If you cared about him, you wouldn't have done this.
Bebe: If you tell him I will fucking kill you.
Elissa: Why would I tell him? I'm just saying, you're a fucking deranged psychopath.
Bebe: Fuck you. Quit acting so high and mighty. You're pregnant too.
Elissa: But, that was an accident! I didn't do it to force anyone to marry me.
Bebe: You're such a conceited bitch.
Elissa: Oh my god. You're not joking. I suggest that you talk to an adult. This is big. This is the stupidest thing you've ever done.
Bebe: Shut your cunt face!
Elissa: Okay. Goodbye. Have a nice life.
Malice: I'll understand if you want to go out with Kenny now.
Butters: What gave you that silly idea?
Malice: Well, the girl who was keeping you apart is gone. Forever. You could date him now.
Butters: I don't want to date him now. I'm with you.
Malice: I know. But, you were in love with him. I don't want to get in the way of love if you still have feelings for him.
Butters: So, what? You're just going to back down? If Kenny likes me then you just want me to up and forget about you?
Malice: No, I'd hope that we could remain friends. I just don't want to have to compete with him for you, because he'll win.
Butters: What competition?
Malice: Never mind.
Butters: Come one, Mal.
Malice: I just don't want you to feel trapped in our relationship.
Butters: I don't. If I felt trapped I'd tell you so.
Malice: Promise?
Butters: Yes, of course I promise. You really think I'd leave you like that?
Malice: I just wanted to give you some options.
Butters: Kenny is an old friend. You are my boyfriend. Those are very different things.
Malice: Okay. I'm glad to hear it.
Brian: It's terrible what happened to those girls.
Red: Yeah, I know.
Brian: I'm so glad ma petite poupée is safe.
Red: Lol. That means doll or something right? I can't get over how much that sounds like "poopee". What was the other funny one?
Brian: Ma biche. Sounds to you like "my bitch".
Red: Yeah, that's my favourite.
Brian: Are we going to reschedule the camping trip?
Red: I don't see why we should. Things have been so crazy, I think the best thing to do is just pretend everything is normal and get on with our lives.
Brian: And, it doesn't disturb you at all that two people just died... in a horror movie that's exactly the way things would pan out. Two seemingly unrelated deaths that will turn out to be murders, but by then we'll already be in the mountains, far away from any help, just ripe for the picking.
Red: This isn't a horror movie. And, if it was a horror movie, Token and Bebe would be dead. The hot blonde chick and the one black guy always go first.
Brian: Touché. I have taught you well young Padawan.
Red: You are such a nerd.
Brian: And, you love it.
Red: You know I do.
Kenny: I have an idea.
Butters: What's your idea?
Kenny: You come over to my place as a girl, dressed as a girl, in make-up etcetera. Then, no one will know that we're hanging out.
Butters: Why do we have to be all secretive about hanging out now?
Kenny: You said it yourself your boyfriend was all getting butt hurt about it.
Butters: That's not exactly what I said... I don't know about this. Meeting in secret feels a lot like cheating.
Kenny: Please. I need you here now.
Butters: What's the big hurry?
Kenny: I just need not to be alone right now.
Butters: Okay. I'll be there in just a second.
Ash: If you had to pick one guy to do, who would it be?
Tweek: What kind of question is that?
Ash: I dunno. I'm just curious. If I had to do a girl it would be an un-pregnant Elissa.
Tweek: That's... nice to know.
Ash: You're welcome for another masturbatory fantasy.
Tweek: I'm not going to get off to images of Craig's girlfriend in any way shape or form.
Ash: You are such a prude. I can't believe you wouldn't enjoy seeing me do it with a girl. Nude with a girl. Girls touching. So, who would it be? Pick a guy, any guy.
Tweek: Craig, I guess? Maybe Butters?
Ash: Okay, this is happening. As soon as Elissa pops out that baby we are having a foursome.
Tweek: That's a terrible idea.
Ash: Why? Wouldn't you like access to some live action lesbo action? Think about it... girl's naked... touching.
Tweek: That would be okay, only if it wasn't Elissa, and I didn't have to see Craig naked.
Ash: Come on, it won't be that bad.
Tweek: Not a chance.
Ash: You are suuuch a booore. I can't believe you don't want to see two girls with their legs entangled, their lips locked in a passionate kiss.
Tweek: Gaaaah. Now I have to be barista with a boner.
Ash: Can I relieve you?
Tweek: Of what? My duty or the other thing?
Ash: Both? Meet me out back.
Tweek: That is so unsanitary.
Ash: Okay... well, if you don't want my help, I guess you can take care of it yourself.
Tweek: Just give me five minutes.
Ash: I knew you'd come around. ;)
Tweek: You are nothing but trouble.
Elissa: Pregnant sex is so much more appealing in porn.
Ash: Gross. You had pregnant sex?
Elissa: Well, we tried. It's a lot more complicated than I'd anticipated.
Ash: Eeew. Does Craig get off on pregnant women?
Elissa: Nope. Thank god. I'm not planning on doing this "Pregnant" thing again, any time soon.
Ash: That's good to hear!
Elissa: Speaking of getting off. How did Tweek take your suggestion?
Ash: Refused it, as anticipated.
Elissa: Same with Craig. They need to loosen up. We should get them drunk, and then ask them.
Ash: That's brilliant. Who says no to any kind of sex when drunk?
Elissa: Not them!
Craig: Did Ash just ask you to do a foursome?
Tweek: Ugh. Yes. How did you know?
Craig: Elissa just asked me the same thing. I think they're trying to get us to have sex with each other.
Tweek: Oh god! What is wrong with them?
Craig: They're girls.
Tweek: I thought guys were supposed to be the ones with sick sexual perversions that the girlfriends were supposed to tolerate... not the other way around.
Craig: Well, they're not going to let up. We might as well get it over with and enjoy the lesbo action.
Tweek: You're not seriously suggesting that we agree to this.
Craig: Elissa has been begging me for weeks.
Tweek: Ash has been bugging me about it too, now that I think of it.
Craig: Then, let's just get it over with.
Tweek: Gaaah! But, what if they want us to do it again?
Craig: We say no. Say we've already tried it once, and we aren't in to it.
Tweek: Do you think that will work?
Craig: It has to.
Tweek: Okay then.