ShadowSpirit: Well, at least I updated faster this time. Not too many reviews for the last one, but I guess I did deserve it. Sorry.

Since I'm off to college in two months, this will either be the last update for A WHILE or there will be many more in rapid succession. See, I'm going to vet school, so I will have NO TIME to be writing fanfiction (cries).

Sigh... Being a procrastinator sucks. I'd like to stop being one but I keep putting it off.

As one last side note, I have just found out that I'm in one of those C2 group-things. What the heck! When did that happen?

Shadow: Wow, you guys sure did trash the place.

Joey: We're out of ice packs, just to letcha know.

Kaiba: I see your updating time has improved, Shadow.

Bakura: Yes, four months certainly is an improvement from seven.

Shadow: Yes, and I even left food this time!

Kaiba: Old salad and ramen without flavoring OR a pot to boil it in doesn't exactly count as food, Shadow.

Shadow: (triumphantly) BUT Joey didn't try to eat all of it this time!

Kaiba: ...Yeah. He did. Sorry, better luck next time.

Duke: (proudly) I made MY ramen in the shower!

Shadow: ...You are so weird.

Yami Bakura: (loudly and rather slurred) Well I found the keysh to the liquor cabinet! (holds up several empty bottles as proof)

Shadow: ...We have a liquor cabinet? (mumbling) Wish I had known about it...coulda been damn useful.

Yami Marik: (whines) Yami Bakura, why didn't you share!

Marik: Well anyways... What are we doing today, Shadow? Where're we at?

Shadow: (jabs thumb over to Bakura) He's got the script book.

Bakura: (reading) Okay, well, Sir Lancelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation—

Yami Marik: Damn that gay bastard!

Pegasus: Hey, I—

Bakura—BUT they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging—

Yami-B: (dramatically) Oh it doeshn't matter whether or not the shwallow got laid, just get on with it!

Bakura: (gives him a look) I don't think that's what the term "laden" refers to. Anyways, on to the next scene, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Arthur discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a sparrow—OOH! (gets nailed by a bottle thrown by Yami-B) HEY! That hurt!

Shadow: I hope it's okay with everyone, but I skipped some stuff...all of that cartoon-y stuff. It was kinda hard to work it in. By the way, I know the Knights Who Say "Ni" is split up into like three scenes with other scenes between 'em in the movie; for the sake of my already waning sanity, I just said to hell with, grouped 'em all together, and split 'em into two halves.

Amber: ...Do you realize that what you said makes absolutely no sense?

Shadow: (shrugs) They gotta be used to it by now.

Kaiba: (reading the script) Who's playing the old man and the head knight?

Shadow: I think Yami-B would make a great old man, and you're tall, so you can be the knight.

Kaiba: ...Dammit, I just HAD to ask.

Yami-B: (responds by belching loudly and scratching his butt)

Amber: Actually, I think Yami Marik would make a better knight. Can you imagine Kaiba standing up there, proclaiming "NI!" in a high squeaky voice?

Shadow: Yeah, I thought it'd be funny. But I guess I DO have to punish Yami Marik for ruining the last scene. So okay, you're up, freak.

Kaiba: Oh goody!

Yami Marik: Wait, can't I have that punishment they had in the Castle Anthrax? Y'know...with the spanking?

Everybody: NO!

Jess: Kaiba said "goody"?

Amber: Would somebody please take the liquor away from Yami-B, he's hitting on a mannequin!

Marik: (makes a grab for it)

Yami-B: (snarls and bites Marik's hand)

Marik: OW! Holy shit, I'm bleeding!

Shadow: (grimaces)...Okay, I'm not going near him. He can go ahead and get drunk...er. I guess it will provide some nice entertainment when he puts on a lampshade and dances on the table. (offers Yami-B a lampshade)

Yami-B: (stares for a sec) Heyyy I ain't THAT wasted yet! (sways and falls over)

Scene is a little hut made out of paint-ruined pillows and couch cushions in the staff room. Yami Bakura is in his brown rags, sitting in a little pile of mud. Yami and Marik are scrunched into the entrance of the pillow-hut.

Yami clears his throat. "Well...this could prove difficult..."

Yami-B is laughing drunkenly. "Heh, hee ha ha hee hee! Hee hee hee ha ha ha..."

Yami shifts impatiently. "And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the Grail?"

"...Ha ha ha ha! Heh, hee ha ha hee! Ha hee ha! Ha ha ha ha..."

"Um... Where does he live?" Yami asks.

"...Heh heh heh heh..."

Yami asks more firmly, "Old man, where does he live?"

Yami Bakura stops laughing. "I am NOT OLD!"

Yami rolls his eyes. "Yes you are. You're the same age as me."

"I'm...thirty-seven!" Yami-B insists, taking a long drag from his bottle.

"You are not! Do you even have the right scene?"

"Fughhing swallows...Hehahah..." Yami-B slurs, holding up the script book. Yami sighs wearily.

"Just tell me where the hell the Grail is, okay!"

"...Ha a ha ha," the thief cackles. He leans in close and says dramatically, "He knowsh of a cave, a cave which no maaan has enterrrrd."

Yami leans in, paying close attention. "And the Grail. The Grail is there?"

"Well you sheee, there ish much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man hash EVER CROSSHED! Mwahahahahahah..."

"But the Grail! Where is the Grail!" Yami starts to throw his arms up, but stops suddenly. "Wait, why the hell am I trying to get directions from a drunk?"

Yam-B leers wildly. "Seek you the Bridge of Death!" he says cutely and pokes Yami in the nose.

Yami bats him away. " I see, the Bridge of Death, which leads to the Grail?"

"Yeaaah...if you wan it to." Yami-B drains his bottle and flops over backwards, knocking over a pillow. Turns out that pillow was the foundation for the others and they all fall down. Marik sees it coming and throws himself out of the way. Yami isn't that quick.

"AGTHP!" Yami yelps as he is buried.

Yami Marik points. "Look, the Pharaoh's got a tomb!" he says with glee.

The Pharaoh pops out from the mess, rather disgruntled. His glorious hair has been smashed all to the left side. This of course causes Yami to be off-balance and he falls back into the pile with a startled cry.

Yami Marik shakes his head. "I told him he uses too much hairspray."

Mai eyes the Egyptian's gravity-defying blond hair. "You're one to talk."

From under the pillows, Yami-B begins to snore.

—INTERMISSION—

Shadow: Y'know, I think we should take a field trip and have the next scene out in some REAL woods.

Yugi: That's a wonderful idea. Yami, do you wanna hike over to the forest?

Yami: (is intensely focused on a mirror as he attempts to get his hair looking somewhat acceptable and doesn't answer)

Kaiba: (lights up and grins evilly) Oooh, hey Yami, tell me if it's not okay for me to throw your deck down the Plot Hole.

Yami Marik: (grins much like Kaiba) Hey Yami, tell me if it's not okay for me to rob your house.

Yami: (not paying attention) This one damn piece just won't stay in place...

Jess: I thought that stealing was Yami-B's job.

Yami Marik: (shrugs) He's too smashed right now; I'm covering for him.

Jess: Oh okay, good point.

Shadow: Why are we encouraging this behavior?

Jess and Yami Marik: (both shrug) Cause it's funny.

Kaiba: Muwahahahah... (drops Yami's deck down the Plot Hole)

—END INTERMISSION—

The scene now is a REAL forest. Yami Marik is standing on a rock, wearing a long black shroud and a Viking helmet. Yami trots through the woods, accompanied by Joey. The two pause in front of Yami Marik, who is standing ominously in their way.

Yami Marik pauses dramatically and then... "NI!"

Bakura, Tristan, and Duke (dressed in black and crouched in the bushes behind their leader) hop up and down excitedly. "Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!" they exclaim.

Yami cringes. "Who are you?"

Yami Marik draws himself up. "We are the Knights Who Say... 'NI!'"

"Ni!" goes Duke.

Yami gasps sarcastically. "No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'!"

"We are the same!"

"Who are they?" Joey says to Yami.

"We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Peng, and Neee-wom!" explains Yami Marik.

"Neee-wom!" exclaims Tristan.

Yami turns to Joey and says dramatically, "Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!"

"How come?" Joey asks.

"Because they—"

"Ahem!" Yami Marik interrupts. "The Knights Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice!"

Yami approaches the head knight. "Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods."

"NI!" the Egyptian proclaims.

"Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!" exclaim his three lackeys in the background.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh!" Yami and Joey wince painfully.

"Why does that hurt?" Joey groans.

Yami Marik grins smugly. "We shall say 'ni' again to you if you do not appease us."

"I never thought I'd be saying this to you of all people, but what do you want?"

"We want... (Yami Marik pauses dramatically) ...YOUR MILLENNIUM PUZZLE!"

"Whaaat?" Yami glares.

"Erm, I mean a SHRUBBERY!"

Yami nods. "That's better."

"Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!"

Yami and Joey flinch. "Ow! Agh!"

"Okay, we get it!" Yami yells. "We'll find you a shrubbery!"

"You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through these woods...alive!" Yami Marik cackles.

Yami sighs. "We will return with a shrubbery."

"You forgot to say the part about me being just and fair!" Yami Marik reminds.

"I'm not going to. You're just getting a shrubbery."

Yami Marik shrugs. "Well, get one that looks nice."

"Er... Of course," Yami says. He hides the collection of dead sticks. "A nice shrubbery."

"And make sure it's expensive."

Yami raises an eyebrow. "Don't you mean NOT too expensive?"

"NI! NI! NI!"

"Ow! Ow! OW!" cry Yami and Joey.

Yami Marik points his finger. "Now...go!"

Joey: I still wanna know why that hurt.

--In a tree in the forest--

Kaiba: Oh crap. Mokuba, go run and some more darts. I just dropped the rest.

Mokuba: You dropped them, so why don't YOU get them?

Kaiba: Because I'm older. Now listen to your Nii-sama!

Mokuba: That is so not fair!

--Back to everyone else--

Yami: So do I. Shadow?

Shadow: (shrugs) Don't look at me. I didn't orchestrate anything.

Joey: Orchestrate? That's a fancy word.

Shadow: Well, I'm a fancy person.

Marik: No you aren't. You spend all your time sleeping or drawing and your idea of dressing up is wearing a non-anime shirt. You are the least girly female I've ever met.

Shadow: Yeah, well, erm... You don't have to be girly to be fancy. And actually, I think Jess less girly than me.

Jess: Oh shut up.

Shadow: In fact, I took a quiz and I am 16 girly!

Yami: Hey wait a second, where's my deck!

Shadow: ...I got nothin'. Carry on.