Author's note:
Very unlike the other chapters, this one starts almost immediately after the last one finished, time wise.
The building I describe below does not exist in Dartmouth, so, creative liberties were taken on that one, and hopefully you'll like it as a backdrop.
I hope you enjoy it, especially after last chapter's dark feel.
I 'd given up on staying in the room, realizing I needed some air, if I wanted any chance of clearing my mind before Alice woke up; so, I left to walk around campus.
The grey morning was just as grim as the previous night, but you could see some students jogging or strolling, enjoying their Sunday.
Nothing changed in the world, even when you felt different. It was strange events and days like these that reminded you of how everything kept going forward, not waiting for you to catch up. You were either a part of that flow or lying broken at its side.
Alice had endangered herself, first of all. Twisted minds are known to prey on the defenseless, and hanging around clubs, under the influence of alcohol or any other drug, is the equivalent of a big bright bull's-eye on your forehead.
She tried to escape her reality somehow. But couldn't she see that the issues were still there? Only worsened by the way in which she chose - not - to deal with them?
In some ways, I was glad she crashed the car in the parking lot. She wasn't fit to drive, and I didn't even want to think about what could have happened if she'd made it to the open road.
My thoughts went in circles, and I realized that I'd have to be careful when dealing with these issues.
My phone came alive inside my pocket, and I retrieved it quickly. Edward.
"Hello?", I answered, longing to hear his voice. I willed it to snap me away from my present mood.
"Good morning, Bella. Is everything alright? I got a missed call from last night; I just woke up and saw it…"
Oh, yes. When I couldn't find my keys the day before, and it dawned on me exactly whose car Alice had crashed in, his name was the first on my mind. But, since he didn't pick up, I ended up rising Jasper from bed.
"Everything's ok, it was just… There was an incident with Alice", I sighed, purposely using the word «incident» instead of «accident». "I'm just walking around campus… Want to join me?"
He deserved better than having to walk around with a mopping girl, but I still wish he'd come. I hadn't been in a good mood since Wednesday; this situation had just been the ridiculously thick icing on the cake.
"I'll be in front of the Botanical Studies Building in a few minutes"
I thanked him and hanged up; at least he sounded cheery. That made one of us.
I made my way to the meeting point, strangely calmer but still in my own emotional pit.
"You took your time"
I snapped my head back up, and instead of the cracks in the pavement I saw Edward; he was wearing a heavy great coat over a green shirt with dark pants and my favorite smile. And even in the darkest pit, I had to breathe in deeply – so I'd at least have an excuse to be staring at him and not talking.
"I'm sorry, I meant to get here sooner; I've got a lot on my mind", I answered, truthfully.
He frowned then, and turned to make his way around the building slowly, waiting for me to catch up. Confused as to where we were going, I followed; I'd probably follow him to wherever he'd want to go.
Still not saying a word, he led me to a massive greenhouse's entrance, humming softly.
"After you", he waved, after opening the feeble lock.
"I don't think we're supposed to be here…", I tried, taking a look inside. There were rows after rows of exotic looking plants, some of them hanging from the ceiling.
"It's ok, really. They support the Medical College, after all; this is where they conduct studies about genetics and some therapies too. We'd be… researching"
He smirked at the last word, and I found myself smiling a little too. I stepped in, wishing we wouldn't get caught, and made my way before him while taking my jacket off; it must have been several degrees warmer than outside. I noticed the little path narrowed before we moved over to a new section – the flowers – but nothing could have prepared me for it.
The little elliptical adjacency had clear glass walls from top to bottom, orchids perched up on the shelves that lined them, partially blocking the view of the surrounding woods.
Every single one of the delicate plants more entrancing than the next, I walked around noticing the rich colors – ranging from pure white to deep purple – and the enticing shapes. It took a while for me to be able to take my eyes off them.
In the middle of the room were just two benches, back to back, just like the ones all around campus; only these two seemed in much better shape. Edward was sitting on the one I faced, looking up at me, asking me silently to sit beside him.
"What happened last night?" he asked, as I came to sit close.
Sighing, I told him exactly what happened – since the moment I got on the phone with Jasper, frantically asking him for help, to the moment I'd laid Alice in bed, omitting only the nature of her state. That wasn't my story to tell, after all.
He seemed shocked for a little while, then shook his head and brought his hand up slowly, tracing my jaw and making me shiver ever so slightly.
I almost closed my eyes – and by beat up body would have welcomed it – but willed them to stay open. There was nothing in the world – not even the amazing scenery all around us – I'd ever want to look at as much as him.
Mesmerized, I reveled in his soft light touch, looking into his green eyes, seeing nothing but worry and some unnamed emotion swimming in them. Nothing but warmth that seeped into me, shocking my body alive, willing me to come closer still.
So I leaned into him, resting my head on his broad shoulder. His scent became overwhelming, and I swallowed in my effort to keep myself in check.
What could I say? That my walls were crumbling? Not really.
What walls?
I just kept studying his profile, the pronounced angle of his jaw and his full lips, while he looked ahead, seemingly disturbed; but somehow, I knew it wasn't due to the contact.
"I'm an idiot. I should have had my phone on… I'm so sorry, Bella"
In my slightly dazed and comfortable beyond belief state, I smiled a little at his apology.
"And why exactly is this your fault? You were sleeping, it's perfectly understandable. And I called Jasper out of impulse more than anything… My first reaction was to ask for help, but I suppose I could just have called a cab", I reasoned. "I'm the only one who needed to go up there, after all"
Edward sighed next to me, leaning a bit more closely and letting his fingers trace fiery paths on the back of my hand, back and forth.
"You shouldn't have to be that. That's what I'm sorry about; no one should have to stomach all of that. I know you can do it, I'm not questioning it, but I can't keep but wondering… You're the caretaker; who takes care of you?"
He locked eyes with me again, and I restrained myself from pointing out that Jasper had helped; I didn't want to inflate his guilt any further.
I'd been that girl all my life. I'd taken care of my mother, then Charlie, then Alice.
"It's what I do", I responded, not a shred of smugness in my voice. It positively sucked sometimes – like last night – but it also felt nice to know you were the one to get that call in the wee hours of the night. Most days. "Thanks for showing me this", I managed to breathe out, changing the topic to accompany my mood. "It's beautiful and quiet, just what I needed at the moment. You're amazing in every way"
I hadn't actually planned on saying that much – even if I did want to let him know how much I enjoyed his company. But, apparently, that was the light praise my burnt mind could come up with at the moment.
Being in his presence, it surely seemed as a severe understatement.
Of course, there were little details that I could now store away to remember; like the ever-so-light birthmark behind his left ear, or the gentle crease between his brows.
His mouth stretched in a smile – just for me – and I felt a little embarrassed; after all, this was surely something he was used to hear.
"Yesterday, I waited in the pool for a while… but you didn't come. And you not-so-subtly avoided me the two days before that, so I just figured…"
He trailed off suggestively, and I winced. I did have a good excuse for being that upset, specifically after Wednesday – but I really didn't want to let him know. So, I decided not to say anything.
"I'm so sorry. I was just positive you'd get it, you more than deserved it…", he stated, enthusiastically, but I cut him off.
"It's fine, really. I'm over it. I'm sorry I avoided you; I guess I just needed some time to deal with it. This was just a straw in the haystack of opportunity, right?"
I asked him, trying to put the matter to rest. There was only one thing I needed to know.
"As long as you don't avoid me anymore… I mean, of course we won't be working, but we could maybe study together, if you'd like or even just…"
I knew from experience how articulated Edward truly was, and seeing him react in such a way was endearing.
"Let's do that", I agreed, taking my time in tracing the prominent veins of the back of his hand, now lying still over mine.
I didn't know how long we stayed there, just talking about anything and everything – never breaking apart from each other.
And I found that he was right; that morning, when I sat, feeling helpless, I truly had the weight of it all on my shoulders. His presence was the most benefic influence in my world, and feeling that, somehow, he enjoyed mine too, was an incredible boost to my ego. Even if I was sitting there after three hours of sleep, a hellish week and a seriously troubled roommate waiting for me.
I realized there was a part of me that was never taken into account. Because, even if I was the independent woman I always pushed myself to be, I still needed to be taken care of, from time to time.
I might not send out a cry for help in such a violent way as my best friend; but maybe I'd have to come to terms with the fact that there were moments I couldn't be that superwoman. There were moments when a broad shoulder was all I needed.
Around lunch hours, I realized I should be getting back; I didn't want Alice to wake up to an empty room, and it was probably for the best if I brought her food.
Feeling me becoming tense once again on the way back, Edward made plans with me for coffee the day after, before class, and I thanked whatever source of Nature created him. Anything would be much more bearable with something like that to look forward to.
I opened my room door, but the sight I came across was different than the expected.
Alice was sitting up in her bed, her hair all tousled and no makeup on – while Jasper sat at the desk chair, talking lowly with her.
"Bella", Alice chirped, not as much energy as usually.
"I thought I'd stop by to check on you girls…", Jasper justified, looking as if he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"It's fine, I'm glad you came; you're always welcome", I answered, feeling quite at peace with the world. "How about we order some pizza? I'm not really in the mood to go out today"
Alice agreed vividly, and Jasper nodded, stealing worried glances at my best friend. I made sure the order suited everyone and sat back with a pillow in hand, talking casually with the both of them.
Yes, there were issues. And they would be dealt with – I'd make sure of that – but we were all shaken up and in need of just a simple, static-free afternoon. Just happy bantering and silly stories about high school.
Or maybe it was just the fact that I now believed everything would turn out alright, one way or the other.
It could be that the source of my energy was a bronze-haired man. One with whom I'd experienced the warmth of green.