All belongs to the great Stephanie, of course.

"Bella, you're being ridiculous again. I do want you forever, more than anything. But I love you too much to let you spend your soul just to get me in return." I tried to keep my voice even. It's hard for me to admit that I selfishly want her to become a vampire without giving away how much I really want it.

She rolled over and looked right into my eyes. "I told you I don't believe that." She sounded so determined. I knew she wouldn't let this go easily. "You say I'm a beautiful soul. I say you are a beautiful soul Edward." I would have thought vampires couldn't have butterflies in the stomach, but I swear I felt some when I heard her say that. "You haven't lost your soul. And what about Carlisle? I know how you respect him. You think he has no soul either? How could you think that?"

"I do. You don't understand." If only it could be true.

"Make me understand." She says simply.

"I don't think I can. You can't understand what it's like to want to kill every minute. We are killers. Evil." She opened her mouth to speak but I covered her mouth with my fingers. The touch of her lips was so distracting I almost forgot what I was saying. "We work very hard to overcome that, but inside each of us, deep down, that's what we want. To kill. Even Carlisle. I want to kill you every minute, Bella. Every minute I have to override myself. You are the most precious thing in the universe to me, and I want to kill you. If that isn't evil I don't know what is." I am so ashamed by the admission. Her eyes soften.

"But you don't. You have to fight harder than anyone else. You don't think that counts for anything?"

"I haven't killed you yet. I have killed though. I've killed a lot of people. You don't think that counts for anything?" She didn't even flinch at this. How can she be so accepting? I've never understood.

"So you believe in God and heaven and all that, but not the forgiveness part? Or do only humans get forgiveness? I know I keep bringing up Carlisle, but he's a good example. He's never killed a human, right? So what is his crime that he's lost his soul? Just because he had the misfortune to be turned into a vampire? What horrible sin did he commit in his human life to deserve that? An immortal life with no hope of salvation no matter how he conducts himself in that life? That's it? He's going to hell because he happened to be bitten? I admit I'm no religious scholar, but that doesn't make any sense, Edward." It seemed like she had more to say, but she was out of breath.

She had a point. "You make a good argument. I accept that it's possible that I'm wrong. It's possible that Carlisle still has a soul. It's possible that I have one. That isn't enough. I can't let you even risk yours."

The soft eyes were gone. She was angry now. Her voice was raised, even though she was still whispering. "I thought you weren't going to make my decisions for me Edward? Why do you think you have the right to decide what I risk and what I don't?"

I didn't want to admit this to her, but I could tell she wasn't going to let it go. I had to make her see sense. "Please don't get upset, but…I…don't know if you're old enough to make a decision about forever yet."

"Not old enough?" Instead of becoming angry, she just seemed confused.

"Yes."

"Does that mean you might agree if I still want to change in a few years?"

"Maybe." Was it a lie? I wasn't sure. I didn't think I had anything to worry about. In a few years, she'd likely decide she wants a normal human life, children. She would realize that she can't have those things with me, and send me on my way. Would I be more receptive to her wishes to be changed if she were a few years older?

"Maybe? Or yes?" She was trying to back me into a promise.

"I'm not sure." That was the truth.

"But the longer we wait, I'll just get more and more older than you."

"That doesn't matter Bella." I'd told her this so many times.

"How old do I have to be before you'd accept my decision?" She sounded so hopeful.

"Well, how old is a proper age to get married, in your opinion?"

A look of horror crossed her face. "Married? But…that's not the same." She sputtered.

"It is much the same. In fact, becoming a vampire requires a much higher level of commitment than a marital union, don't you think?"

"I guess." She went silent after this. Fear began to well up in me. She was so eager for immortality, yet the mention of marriage stops her in her tracks. "Are you saying you want to marry me?" Her voice shook.

"Of course I do Bella. I want you to be my wife. I haven't asked you because you are…still so young. I had thought perhaps I'd propose when you finished college, if you seemed ready and still wanted me." The petrified look on her face only became worse as I spoke.

"I'll always want you Edward. But…marriage…" Her face screwed up at the word like she'd eaten something awful. I couldn't believe it. She was at a loss for words. I wondered if she didn't want to get married, or if she didn't want to marry me.

"Don't you want to get married someday?" I asked. Terrified of the answer.

"I don't know. Marriage is not really on my radar." She whispered. "Would you be willing to change me if we were, you know, married?"

"Maybe." I had thought of it so many times. Bella in white, walking down the aisle to me. How proud I'd be every single day to have her on my arm. To have her pledge herself to me. Mine forever. It wouldn't be much of a forever for me though. Unless. When it came down to it, did I think I could continue to refuse her wish to be changed once she's my wife? "Yes." I whispered as I looked away from her face. Guilt threatened to consume me.

"Yes?" She was excited, but wary. "So, you were thinking about after college then?"

"Are you saying you would consider marrying me?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? Or yes?" Every muscle in my body was on lockdown.

"Do you really think you'll want to marry me someday?"

"I'd marry you tomorrow if you'd have me. I'd jump in the car right now and head for Vegas if you'd agree." I would. It was true. Though it wouldn't be right not to ask Charlie's permission. I doubt he'd give it. He didn't even know I was back. The horrified look returned to her face.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. You've given me something to think about. And some hope too, if you would consider changing me." I wondered if maybe I'd just talked myself out of a lot of arguments. Maybe she'd never become a vampire, but that would mean she would never become my wife.

"Just let me know. When and if you're ready, I already have a ring for you." I said, completely unable to contain a huge smile at the thought of my ring on her finger.

"I don't think I'm ready to even talk about that." The dent was between her eyebrows again. "Wow, you already have a ring? I really hope you didn't spend too much."

"I didn't spend a dime."