A/N: Aaaaand, here we go again, my readers! Hope you all had a great summer, because we are now up to chapter 12 of "MoneyTodd"! Also, so sorry for the delay. Anyway, sometimes I have a hard time coming up with some chapter summaries after the previous chapter is finished, but I finally got one! In this chapter, Bart and his friends will go to the Springfield Public Pool just because the weather is very hot, but something unexpected will happen. How? Well, let's find out right now!

Chapter 12

The Cream Cheese Quest

A few weeks later, about like in the beginning of June, after Lisa recovered from her stomach virus, we decided to take a swim at the Springfield Public Pool because it was scorching!

When Lisa wasn't sick, she would've coached baseball all day, all night, rain, shine, tidal wave, wind, whatever. Baseball was the only thing which she cared about (for now).

In the meantime, me, Lisa and all my friends jumped straight into the pool.

"Oh, yeah!" I exclaimed. "This is the life!"

"Hey, I forgot to put my sunscreen on!" cried Todd.

He quickly jumped out of the pool to find his sunscreen, only to be discovered by Ralph eating it.

"I just love cream cheese!" said Ralph, as he squeezed Todd's sunscreen and it poured into his mouth.

"Ralph, give me that!" Todd yelled, as he snatched his sunscreen out of Ralph's hands.

He tried to squeeze it out, but a little bit came to his palm. Then, Todd rubbed the sunscreen onto his chest.

Ralph laughed at Todd as he glared at him, looking all agitated.

"It's not funny, Ralph!" he cried, looking all agitated. "I could've gotten a sunburn by now and you should know that God created that hot sun!"

"Cream cheese is my favorite snack." replied Ralph.

"That's not cream cheese, Ralph." said Todd, as he pointed to his sunscreen which was almost empty. "That's my sunscreen and when I went to put it on, you were eating it!"

"Can I have another tube of cream cheese, please?" asked Ralph.

Todd face palm himself on his forehead and murmured, "Ay, yi, yi…"

"Hey, Todd!" called Lisa. "Are you coming back in the pool or not?"

"Yeah! It's like 90 degrees out and we're already in June!" agreed Milhouse.

"Ralph ate up my sunscreen!" explained Todd.

"Too bad, Todd." I said. "You should've thought about that before jumping in."

All of a sudden, Lisa punched me in the arm.

"Ow!" I protested, as I rubbed my arm gently. "What the hell did you do that for, you sick bastard?!"

Lisa glared at me and said sternly, "Watch your mouth, Bart. Todd will get a sunburn if he doesn't have sunscreen on."

"Oh, come on, Lis. You don't need sunscreen when it's like 90 degrees outside." I scoffed, as I stroked in the water. "Sunburns are so cool and it feels like that you're burning in Hell."

"Uh, hello? If I don't get the sunscreen put on all over my body, I'm gonna burn!" called Todd impatiently.

"I think I have some sunscreen." said Allison. "I'll share it with you."

"Yes! I'm saved!" cheered Todd happily, as he fist pumped in the air. "Thank you, Allison!"

Allison jumped out of the pool, went into her bag and took out her sunscreen.

"Well, that's our Allison." replied Janey, as she pointed her thumb to Allison.

Nelson came out of the men's bathroom and he was wearing a black swimming trunk with skeletons all over it. As he walked, he noticed three teenage girls who were lying on their stomachs, getting a sun tan.

"Oh my God, you are so frigging sexy that I believe I want to marry one of you." said Nelson dreamily.

All of the teenage girls looked at each other and giggled.

"CANNONBALL!" yelled Nelson, as he jumped into the pool, splashing the teenage girls with the pool water.

Nelson rose up from the water and pointed his finger as he teased in a sing-song voice, "Haw, haw! You're all wet!"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pool, my friends, including Lisa and I were playing and splashing each other.

"Take that, Terri!" laughed Sherri, as she splashed Terri.

"Special delivery for Sherri!" laughed Terri, as she splashed Sherri back.

"Bart, the way that you punched Shelby in the nose was unbelievable!" said Martin proudly.

"I only did that to save Flanders' life." I replied.

Then, I dove underwater just as Todd and Allison jumped back in the pool.

"Hey guys, ya wanna hear a joke?" asked Milhouse.

"I wanna hear it!" exclaimed Sherri.

"Me too!" agreed Terri.

"Ok, why doesn't a chicken wear pants?" said Milhouse.

Everyone looked at each other and then shrugged.

"You tell me." said Todd.

"Because his pecker is on his head!" answered Milhouse, as he burst out laughing. "You get it?"

Everyone laughed just as I rose up from the water.

"You're so hilarious, Milhouse!" laughed Lisa. "You should become a clown!"

"Hey, I could become Krusty Jr.!" replied Milhouse, as he wiped a tear away from his eye.

"Hey, have you ever heard of this joke before?" asked Todd.

Milhouse stopped laughing and we all gathered around to listen.

"Why couldn't Jonah trust the ocean?" he said.

"I don't know." Lisa said. "How come?"

"Because he knew there was something fishy about it!" Todd answered, as he began laughing.

This time, we didn't laugh. Instead, we just stared at him.

"What the hell was that?!" I said, looking all agitated.

Todd quickly stopped laughing and replied, "I actually got that joke from my brother, Rod. He decides to make religion a little bit fun by telling some jokes."

"Gee, I don't get it." I said, as I rolled my eyes. "I'm outta here."

I turned around and dove underwater again.

"What's his problem?" said Todd.

"Sorry, Todd. Bart's usually not into religion." said Lisa. "But, hey, you're pretty cool."

"You mean it?" exclaimed Todd, as he beamed up.

"Well, most of the times you are." Lisa replied.

"I love you!" Todd said happily, as he gave Lisa a hug.

Ralph was staring at the lifeguard and he saw her put her sunscreen on her arms.

"Whoa, that must be cream cheese." said Ralph. "I must have it!"

Ralph swam to the edge of the pool and got out. Then, he walked over to the diving board at the deep end which was at the same end of the pool where the lifeguard post was.

"Hey, Ralph!" I called. "Where the hell are you going?"

"I'm going to get some cream cheese from the lifeguard!" called Ralph.

We looked at each other in confusion. What on earth was Ralph thinking?! First, Todd tried to go over the fence to get the baseball back when Fergus was behind there and now this?!

"Ralph doesn't know what he's doing." Terri whispered into Sherri's ear.

"Awkward…" Sherri replied in agreement.

"Ralph, get back here!" whispered Lisa loudly, as she waved her arms up and down as they splashed into the water.

But he seemed to ignore us as he climbed up the steps of the diving board.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Allison curiously.

"What's he doing?" I said curiously.

"A whole month of summer like this in the first week of June." said Milhouse. "I think he finally snapped."

"I don't know. But that's the deep end, and Ralph can't swim." added Martin seriously.

Oh, crap. I thought.

Ralph inched onto the diving board and inched to the end of the board. Then, he turned to the lifeguard and waved at her. The lifeguard noticed Ralph and waved back out of being polite.

I think I want to marry her just because she has cream cheese. thought Ralph, as he grinned. Well, here goes nothing.

Then, he took a deep breath and jumped into the deep end.

"RALPH!" we all shouted, as we quickly swam out of the pool.

Ralph rose up from the water as he splashed wildly in the pool.

"Help, somebody!" screamed Ralph. "The water is burning my eyes and I can't see a thing!"

Then, Ralph began to drown down into the bottom of the pool floor.

The lifeguard saw us running onto the sidewalk and onto the side of the deep end where Ralph jumped from. Without another thought, she went off the post and dived into the pool after the now-drowning boy.

"Help! Somebody please help him!" shouted Milhouse.

"We got a sinker!" yelled Lisa.

"Ralph!" I screamed.

We looked at the water to see where Ralph was. Just as he was about to become a goner, we saw the lifeguard pull Ralph up to the surface.

Oh, thank the Lord he's okay. I thought, as I exhaled in relief.

Then, we saw a male lifeguard running towards the female lifeguard and he told us to stay back and we did. Then, they laid him down to the ground on his back.

"Ralph, are you okay?!" exclaimed Janey.

"Say something! Anything!" wailed Milhouse.

"Oh-no, when did the Springfield Public Pool become so violent and scary?!" whimpered Todd. "I never want to come back here again!"

"Oh, get a grip, Todd!" I said, looking all agitated. "You're supposed to be having fun in the pool!"

"I don't like this kind of fun! It's scary!" Todd cried.

The female lifeguard began doing CPR on Ralph.

"Come on, Ralph." begged Lisa nervously.

"Please don't leave us." Sherri begged nervously, as she squeezed Terri's hand.

"Come on, Ralph." said Terri nervously. "Come on."

"Come on, breathe, would ya?" Martin begged.

"Wake up, you bastard!" shouted Nelson.

"Come on, Ralph! You can do it!" I shouted worriedly. "Pull through, man!"

"You can make it, Ralph!" shouted Janey anxiously.

"Don't quit, Ralph! Just hang in there!" yelled Todd anxiously.

"Oh my God, he looks pretty crappy." Nelson said nervously.

"Ralph, come on!" begged Milhouse. "We need you!"

"Well, what I have to say about Ralph is that he looks like a dead fish." I said, as I cracked up.

On the seventh breath the female lifeguard gave him, Ralph opened an eye and grinned at us for a second, confusing us.

"What?" we said curiously.

Then, Ralph closed his eye and his grin disappeared. The female lifeguard returned her lips to Ralph's and the next thing she knew, she felt Ralph grab her by the back of her head as she was giving him another breath and kissed her long and hard.

"Little pervert!" she screamed, pulling away from him.

"Ay caramba!" I exclaimed.

Todd had his jaw dropped and said surprisingly, "Oh my frigging God."

The female lifeguard grabbed Ralph by the arm and began dragging him to the exit as we all ran behind him.

"You, young man, are suspended from the Springfield Public Pool until further notice! So, stay out!" yelled the female lifeguard angrily.

As soon as she went back to work, we were furious at Ralph as we stared at him, but he was laughing.

"That wasn't very funny, Ralph!" shouted Lisa angrily. "You had us worried sick!"

"Yeah, you could've drowned by now!" agreed Todd angrily.

"What the hell were you thinking, man?!" I barked angrily.

"I got her good!" laughed Ralph. "I've always wanted to kiss someone's lips!"

Janey, Allison and Lisa stared at each other, half-worried, half-confused.

"Ralph, we were very worried about you and we thought you were gonna die!" shouted Martin seriously. "Also, you broke the pool rules!"

"Gee, the public pool has rules now?" said Ralph, as he scratched his head. "I thought only schools have rules."

"There are rules everywhere and you have to follow them no matter what." said Todd seriously.

"I could've had the lifeguard's cream cheese by now." replied Ralph, avoiding the topic.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I thought in annoyance, as I put my hand on my forehead and shook my head.

"You're such an idiot, Ralph." said Janey, looking all agitated.

Then, we turned around and walked back to the pool, leaving Ralph all alone.

A/N: Holy sugar honey iced tea, Ralph! I cannot believe you faked your drowning just so you could eat the lifeguard's sunscreen! What is wrong with you?! Oh! Sorry about that! This finishes chapter 12 and I hope you liked it and please, oh, just please review! I want a lot of reviews right now! Be sure to stay tuned for chapter 13 and Happy Patriot Day! T.T.F.N.: Ta-ta for now!