Chapter Twelve

It was the day before Christmas Eve and I knew Dimitri had left a few days ago. I'd heard him, plus he'd slipped my ticket underneath the door to my apartment.

I was heartbroken. I hadn't gone to work and had been ignoring everyone, especially Lissa who I knew would try to make me realize things that I would much prefer to ignore right now.

Sighing sadly, I curled my hand around the neck of the whiskey bottle that was settled in my lap before tipping it back only to frown upon the single droplet that met my lips.

It was all gone...

Setting it on the coffee table, I leaned back against the couch and looked around my dim apartment that was nearly pitch black from all the pulled curtains and no lights. I couldn't remember the last time I had a decent meal nor a night when I got more than four hours of sleep in a row.

That was, of course, if you didn't count when I passed out from too much alcohol. I was drinking myself into a stupor, I knew, but I was in so much pain and the alcohol always numbed, but I couldn't always escape it. It was all I could do to not rush over to Dimitri and beg for his forgiveness for screwing everything up.

I missed my best friend. I missed our dinners. Our conversations. His laugh. Hell, I missed his sarcastic comebacks to my snarky commentary. I just missed him and I was stupid to let him go.

A loud knock made me moan lowly as the banging reached my sensitive ears. It took me a second to register that the knocking was coming from my front door and I stumbled uneasily to it, intent of telling the person on the other side to fuck off.

Except it was Lissa.

She stared at me in shock. Probably from my appearance. I knew I looked horrible.

I hadn't washed my hair in God knows how many days. The lack of sleep had created dark bags underneath my eyes and all the darkness from my apartment had retracted my natural tan, making me look paler than usual. To put it simply I looked like utter hell.

"Rose ... oh my God, what happened to you?!" She cried, pushing past me and into my apartment. She stood in horror at the sight of my trashed apartment. The day Dimitri left, I had a meltdown and went on a rampage, destroying everything within reach. Plus, there were so many empty alcohol bottles laying around anybody could've mistaken me for an alcoholic which as it would seem ... that's what I've become.

"Liss, what are you doing here?" I questioned, voice scratchy from all the crying I'd been doing.

Lissa turned to me, a spark of determination lighting in her eye, "Rosemarie Hathaway, what did you do?"

"I let him get away," I muttered darkly, dropping onto the couch and wrapping into a blanket that - ironically - Dimitri had bought me a few years ago. Lissa huffed at my vagueness before stomping to my windows, I realized a moment too late what she was going to do and squinted when all my curtains were pulled aside, sunlight streaming in.

I moaned at the light hit my sensitive eyes, raising my hand to block some of the light, "God Rose ... how could you let this happen?!"

Lissa stared around my cluttered flat, disbelief and disgust clear in her gaze but I also saw the tell-tale signs of pity swirling in her green gaze which made my resolve harden.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm perfectly fine." I stubbornly set my jaw and looked ahead, glaring at the cream walls of my apartment.

She scoffed, "Yes, obviously if all the alcohol bottles are any indication." She looked around for a moment before sighing sadly, "Rose, what happened?"

"You were right ..." I muttered, "I did like him - I do. But I was so scared to lose him ... and ... and I did. Lose him, I mean. Hell, I pushed him away and now he's miles away because I was too terrified of trusting him. Of letting him love me." Tears prickled in my eyes and I sobbed, hunching into myself and willing the pain and agony to disappear.

Lissa was immediately beside me, pulling me into her arms and murmuring words of comfort that she really couldn't promise. She didn't know if it was going to be okay. She didn't know if he would understand, if he would forgive me.

Had my fear made me lose my best friend forever? Did it cause the one thing I had wanted to avoid, to actually happen? Had I lost Dimitri for good?

"I want him back, Lissa. I need him." I gasped, hand clenching the fabric of the sweater that covered my heart. Lissa stared at me, an unbelievable amount of compassion filling her pale features before she nodded determinedly.

"Then you'll get him back. Rose, you are going to Russia for Christmas." She stated, her gaze tracing my face before her nose scrunched up, "But first, go take a shower and brush your teeth. You reek - badly." I huffed dramatically but a small smile was tugging at my lips.

"You really think he'll forgive me?" I whispered, eyes tracing her face and I wondered what she saw in that moment. A pathetic woman who couldn't function without her man? Or a lonely girl who just wanted to feel loved?

"I know he will. Dimitri loves you too much not to." She whispered back, smiling softly and raking her hands through my hair, "Now go shower, I'll pack your bags and try to clean ... this up." She waved vaguely around my apartment to which I cringed.

"Thank you so much!" I smiled, embracing her tightly before releasing her and finally going to take a shower. I took forty minutes to wash my hair (twice), scrub all the oil and dirt from my skin as well as shave. When I got out, I felt so much better and could already see color returning to my face.

After brushing my teeth and hair, I walked back into my bedroom where a packed duffel bag sat, a knew outfit already sat atop it which I quickly pulled on. A pair of black skinny jeans, a long sleeved shirt, my pea-coat and a pair of leather boots.

Walking into the living room, I was stunned to see two trash lined up along a wall and most of my furniture had been rearranged once more. As I came in, Lissa finished tying up the last trash bag and she turned towards me with a satisfied smile.

"If you can help it ... never lose Dimitri again, not if the outcome is that ..." She shuttered dramatically, but I could tell she was happier at my clean and put together appearance.

"Not if I can help it." I murmured to myself, my own smile growing across my face.

Arriving back in Russia, I was bombarded with memories of my childhood up until eighteen when I'd left for college in LA. It had been when Dimitri and I had separated for the first time, since he'd decided to stay in Russia for college.

The scenery was just as breathtaking and awe-inspiring as it had been all those years ago. The colors and the architecture took my breath away just as the land did. The culture was brilliant and I grinned widely as the taxi drove through the familiar places, towards Dimitri's hometown Baia.

A small community with all it's shops and everyone who lived here knew majority of the other residents. It wasn't tiny, put it definitely wasn't overpopulated either with no more than 3,500 people living here. The familiar places that I'd grown up around during childhood brought tears to my eyes, especially the park where I first met Dimitri by the slide.

I could imagine it now, an abnormally tall boy who stood beside the small and younger version of me, as I was saved from face planting into the mud puddle at the foot of the slide.

More memories surfaced as the taxi pulled up in front of the one story house that I'd grown up in with my aunt. Although my heart ached to rush to Dimitri and confess my love for him, I was anxious to see my aunt and needed one more pep-talk before approaching the Belikov household.

Exhaling slowly, I raised my fist and knocked on the door, not really feeling it as I stepped back and waited nervously. She had no clue that I was here, nobody besides Lissa did, actually and so when her face appeared behind the oak door, I nearly cracked up from her shocked expression. Hell, shocked didn't even begin to describe it.

"R-Rose?" Her voice brought tears to my eyes. No matter how often I spoke to her on the phone, it was nothing like hearing and seeing her in person after so many years ...

"Hi Auntie," I blubbered as tears ran down my cheeks, before I thrusted myself into her embrace that nearly crushed every ounce of oxygen from my lungs but in that moment, I didn't care. There was no hug like that one filled with so much love and happiness, that made you squeeze the person that tight. It was so reassuring to know somebody loved you that much.

"Oh my God! I - I wasn't expecting you! Look at you, my God! Rose, you look amazing. So grown up! Your parents would be so proud." I could see pride shining in her own orbs and smiled weakly, her words truly touching my heart.

My parents had died in a car accident which lead to being raised by Alberta, as much as I missed them though, my Auntie had done a brilliant job of raising me, aside from my rebellious streak, she'd done all she could.

"Merry Christmas!" I whispered excitedly and giggled when she said it definitely was.

After an hour of getting re-acquainted, she finally broke me down and demanded to know why I was here. Of course, I went for the dramatic response to through her off. Well, at least I tried.

"What?" I gasped, feigning hurt, "A niece can't come visit her aunt who raised her from infancy?"

Alberta smirked, raising her eyebrows amusedly as she nursed a cup of hot chocolate, "Sure ... but not you. Especially when a specific Russian returned home not too long ago, looking completely and utterly heartbroken. Does that ring a bell?"

I averted my gaze guiltily, "He looked . . . heartbroken?"

Her eyes turned dark with sadness and she nodded, lips curling into a frown, "Yes. He put on a smile and acted tough but I could read him. I could see it in his eyes. So, so sad. What did you do, Rosemarie?"

I sneered at her tone, the one she'd used when outright accusing me of something when I was a child. But this time, I knew I deserved it because I had broken his heart. So with one more reluctant sigh, I relied all the events that had happened since Dimitri had moved in next door and sat quietly as she contemplated everything with a quizzical expression.

"Oh, Rose," she finally sighed, flashing me a exasperated smile, "I should've known you wouldn't make it easy on that boy."

"W-What?" I think my eyes nearly bugged out of my head at that response, "You - You knew?"

"Not about all of that but it was inevitable for the two of you to fall for one another. Sure you maybe be best friends and have a slight age gape ... but really Rose ... you're still a girl and he's still a boy. And in spite of everything, y'all needed each other and always have since y'all met so long ago. You are his rock as he is yours. Home for you two ... is the other person. Nobody will ever be able to replace or even have a tenth of the love that you hold for each other."

"How...?"

"I'm not blind, girl. I saw you two growing up together and I was completely aware of how close you two were. Sure, you may have been oblivious till recently but I knew it would happen one day. No matter who you would date or see, Dimitri would always rank above any other man in your life. And vice versa, no woman will ever compare to you in his eyes, Rose. He loves you too much ... so don't let him go, okay?"

"That's why I'm here," I muttered darkly, nailing digging into the fabric of my jeans.

"I know ... but why aren't you already at his house, Rose?"

I blinked in shock before smirking, "That anxious to get rid of me, huh?"

She smirked right back at me, "Actually, yes. I've got a date coming over, so scat and don't rush back." She winked at the end of her sentence and it was all I could do to not grimace but from her cackling laughter as I left, I assumed I didn't do a great job.

So I made the short trek to Dimitri's mother's house where I knew he would be without a doubt. Knocking on the door, I awaited anxiously for somebody to answer.

Yay! And she updates! Who is ready for the big showdown that will appear next chapter? I know I am! Review and tell me what you think of this chapter and what you think will happen! Just wanted to thank everyone that has stuck by me through this story and I assure you it's nearly over ... so without further adieu ... start typing into that box below!

- Hannah