Blame it on the Eggnog

By

James Doyle

Christmas break drew near, and the Martin boys could hardly wait to accompany London back to Boston, especially since they'd been invited to the small Christmas Eve gathering she'd arranged in her suite. Woody also relished the thought, having been invited to stay with the Martins. After initially refusing, Cody eventually prevailed upon London to let Bailey stay with her.

The chopper lifted off the helipad of the S.S. Tipton, sailing off the coast of North Carolina, and headed north toward Boston, where it would land in a few hours upon the roof of the Tipton hotel.

Back at the Tipton, Esteban Ramirez, the acting General Manager, took a call in his office.

"Ah, Mr. Moseby," greeted Esteban. "So nice to hear from you."

"Yes, yes," replied Moseby, quickly dispensing with the pleasantries. "Is everything ready for London's arrival?"

"Yes, Mr. Moseby," Esteban reported enthusiastically. "Her suite is ready, and all of the arrangements have been made for her Christmas party."

"Very good," approved Moseby. "Just one more thing."

"Anything, Mr. Moseby," replied Esteban.

"You don't have to restate my name in every sentence," admonished Moseby.

"Sorry, Mr..." began Esteban. "Er, I'm sorry. Now what was it?"

"I'm trusting London to host this event with a minimum of supervision," instructed Moseby. "However, under no circumstances is there to be any alcohol at the event. Ban it from the entire floor if you have to!"

"Very good," replied Esteban. "I will see to it that this party is high and dry."

"See that you do," said Moseby. "Good evening, Esteban."

"Good evening, sir," concluded Esteban, hanging up the phone.

A short time later, the chopper arrived with the five teens. As soon they unloaded, the staff quickly ushered them inside so the chopper could vacate the pad and make way for the second chopper, carrying London's luggage.

"Traveling light, I see," snarked Bailey.

London sighed. "Yeah, daddy says we have to cut back on fuel in this economy."

Woody and the twins proceeded down to the 23rd floor, where their mother greeted them with a hug.

"So good to see you," said Carey Martin as she hugged her boys.

"Hi, Mrs. Martin," greeted Woody, holding his arms out for a hug. Feeling the generosity of the Christmas spirit, Carey granted his request for a hug.

"Um, Woody," protested Carey after the hug had lasted far longer than she'd have liked. "You can let go now."

"Oh," said Woody, an air of disappointment in his voice. "Sorry."

More than a little creeped-out that Woody had the hots for their mother, the boys quietly followed them into the suite.

Meanwhile, Bailey watched as a valet lovingly hung up her dresses in the closet of London's guest room.

"This is incredible!" marveled Bailey. "I feel like a princess."

London grinned. "Isn't my life grand?"

Bailey sighed. "After seeing what you left behind, I guess I understand why life aboard the Tipton has been so hard on you."

London scoffed. "Don't patronize me, farm-girl!"

"Excuse me?" objected Bailey. "I was just trying to be a good friend."

"Do I look like I need your pity?" huffed London.

"That wasn't my intention at all," defended Bailey.

"Whatever," dismissed London. "Just keep to yourself, and we'll get through this break."

"If that's the way you want it," conceded Bailey.

Meanwhile, Zack and Woody sneaked in through the service entrance carrying a plain paper bag, with Arwin in tow...that is, what appeared to be Arwin.

"Dude, I can't believe that worked," marveled Woody.

"Ah," grunted Arwinstein.

"Keep it down, both of you!" ordered Zack. "You'll blow our cover."

The three of them proceeded down to the sub-basement, where Zack finished cleaning the foundation makeup off of Arwinstein just as Arwin returned.

"What are you boys doing down here?" asked Arwin.

"Um...we found your driver's license, and we wanted to give it back to you," Woody said sheepishly as he handed the Arwin his "borrowed" ID, prompting a roll of the eyes from Zack.

"Oh, thank heavens!" exclaimed Arwin, putting the card back in his wallet. "I've been looking all over for it!"

"Yeah," added Zack, "And Woody really wanted to meet Arwinstein."

Arwin smiled. "Yes, it was nice of Esteban to let him come over for the holidays. Mr. Moseby never would've allowed that."

"There's a lot of things Moseby won't let us do," added Woody, at which Zack signaled him to zip it.

"Shouldn't you boys be getting ready for the big party?" noted Arwin.

"Absolutely," replied Zack, making his exit and dragging Woody with him.

"Have a good time," wished Arwin, calling out as the boys left.

Zack and Cody had just finished getting into their tuxedos when their heard a knock on the door. The pushed past each other to answer the door, and Cody won the race, rewarded by a view of Bailey looking positively stunning in her poinsettia-red dress. Not to be disappointed, Zack also got a good look at his old friend Max, looking uncharacteristically feminine in her dark green evening gown.

"You ladies are looking very festive this evening," complimented Cody.

"I can see why you're into this guy," commented Max. "He's a charmer."

"Yeah, he gets it from me," added Zack. "Glad you could join us, Max."

"When I heard you boys were back in town, I knew it was a party I couldn't miss," replied Max.

"Well, then we'd best not keep our public waiting," said Zack, leading Max off to the 25th floor.

"I'm glad you're not letting London scare you off," commented Cody after his brother and Max had left.

"Trust me, what London really needs is for someone to stand up to her," explained Bailey.

"All right," approved Cody. "Then let's take a stand together."

Even though London had kept the guest list fairly small, she still managed to throw a memorable Christmas party, complete with Connect 3 performing old Christmas standards.

"Wow, eggnog!" marveled Bailey as she and Cody walked past one of the refreshment tables. "My grandma used to make the best eggnog. Of course, I could only handle one glass of it."

"Trust me, you could draw the whole bowl of this stuff," noted Cody. "Moseby insisted on a dry event, so it's the crappy non-alcoholic kind."

"Ah, feathers!" pouted Bailey. "I'll probably have some later, anyway."

Little did they know, Zack stood ready to remedy the situation. Woody stood guard (mainly by obscuring Zack from half the room's view) as Zack produced a 1-liter bottle from inside his jacket.

Ron Rico 151-Proof, thought Zack to himself as he opened the bottle. This should liven up the party. With that, Zack proceeded to pour the entire bottle into the eggnog bowl. He panicked for a moment when his mother helped herself first.

"Esteban," called Carey after taking a drink. Zack began sweating bullets.

"Yes, Carey?" answered Esteban.

"This is the best eggnog I've ever tasted!" declared Carey, pouring him a glass. "Here, try some."

Esteban took a drink. «¡Díos mío!» exclaimed Esteban. "That is good!"

Word got around about the extra special eggnog, and before long, the staff brought in a fresh bowl. Zack signaled to Woody, who produced a second bottle of Ron Rico from inside his jacket.

"Didn't think we were gonna need this," muttered Zack as he poured in the second bottle.

Among those partaking of the eggnog was Bailey Pickett. For some reason, she seemed to be the only person who understood what made this eggnog so special. Nonetheless, the way it burned going down made her think of her grandmother. For this reason, she helped herself to at least three glasses. Eventually, she forgot all about her squabble with London, and felt decidedly mellow about the whole evening.

"Bailey!" called Cody, who'd been looking throughout London's cavernous suite for his girlfriend. "Oh, thank goodness I found you! I only took a sip of that eggnog. I think Zack spiked it."

"No shit, Sherlock!" slurred Bailey, placing a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder.

"Oh gosh!" exclaimed Cody. "I'm too late. You're inebriated."

"Why don't you have a glass," suggested Bailey. "Maybe you won't feel the need to use all them fifty-cent words."

"Bailey!" called London.

"Would you excuse me?" requested Bailey as she stumbled her way over to London.

"Mom!" called Cody to his mother, whom he found waltzing haphazardly about the floor with Esteban."

"Oh, hello dear," greeted Carey. "Did you know Esteban is an incredible dancer?"

Cody was well aware of this, as Esteban's dancing had once won a cash prize that he used to finance his sister's quinceñera. However, Esteban's dancing in his current state could hardly be described as graceful. Seeing that neither of them would be any help, he went off in search of some other responsible adult.

"I've got a pick to bone with you!" said London as Bailey took a seat beside her on the couch.

"Ah, lighten up," replied Bailey, patting London on the knee. "It's Christmas!"

"No," slurred London, who'd obviously sampled the eggnog herself. "You listen to me. I don't like you."

"Clearly," said Bailey. "Honestly, I don't get it."

"It's not fair," pouted London as she started to cry, her low tolerance for alcohol demolishing any control she had over her emotions. "You've got a gorgeous hot body that you didn't spend a nickel on. And you look fabulous in off-the-rack outfits! Why can't I be beautiful like you?"

"What?" exclaimed Bailey. "That's ridiculous! You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"

"I'd be better be! I spend a fortune to look this good!"

"Nonsense!" argued Bailey, who for some reason felt compelled to play with London's long black tresses. "Your hair, your eyes, your skin tone. You didn't pay anything for those. They're all you."

"Aw, that's so sweet," gushed London. "Would a pretty girl like you like to dance with a pretty girl like me?"

"I'd be delighted," said Bailey, who took London's hand and helped her stumble to her feet. The two roommates took to the dance floor and pranced about. They took turns leading, laughing as they bumped into other couples who were similarly tipsy.

"You really should dump Cody," urged London as she drew Bailey closer.

"This again?" replied Bailey. "What's this about? Do you want him for yourself?"

"Not him," said London.

"I don't get it."

"You could do so much better than him," declared London.

"London, are you saying..."

"Look," interrupted London, pointing their joined hands at the ceiling above them. "Mistletoe."

Before Bailey could object, London crashed her lips into hers. The sensation of London's warm, soft kiss cut through the alcohol-induced numbness, allowing her to enjoy the full sensation. Not entirely sure of what she was doing, Bailey nonetheless opened her lips and allowed London to explore with her tongue.

It turned out to be, bar none, the best kiss she'd ever experienced. A kiss from a girl, something she'd never even considered accepting. She'd never before thought it possibly for a kiss to be both tender and aggressive. As she had on the dance floor, she seized her turn to take the lead, sucking the air out of the heiress' lungs, causing London to moan gently into her mouth.

The kiss couldn't possibly have lasted more than about ninety seconds, but it seemed to have gone on forever. They drew apart, both of them feeling light-headed, and they collapsed onto the couch.

The next morning, Zack and Woody sat in front of the computer, editing all of the video footage they'd shot.

"We are gonna be in so much trouble for this," noted Woody, more proud than worried.

"Why do you think we're doing this while mom's nursing a hangover?" replied Zack.

"Speaking of which, did you see her and Esteban out on the dance floor?"

"Dude, I'm looking at it right now," said Zack. "Man, I didn't know they had such chemistry."

"Well, they were three sheets to the wind."

"Yeah, but I don't think we can blame all of it on the eggnog."

Suddenly, the footage of London and Bailey moving beneath the mistletoe came up.

"What is that?" asked Woody.

"Um, nothing," denied Zack, quickly fast-forwarding past it.

Meanwhile, London attempted to nurse her hangover, finding that the bright light seemed to leak through her slumber mask.

"London, are you okay?" asked Bailey as she walked in.

"Do I look okay?" croaked London, not moving.

"Here, drink this," offered Bailey.

"What is it?" asked London as she sat up and took the mug.

"It's an old family remedy," explained Bailey.

Willing to try anything, London drank it down. Within about an hour, she still had a hangover, but found it quite bearable.

"Thanks," said London. "I really needed that."

"London, we need to talk about last night," exhorted Bailey.

"Oh," said London. "I'm really sorry. It was the eggnog."

"No," argued Bailey. "All that did was bring out the fact that you're attracted to me." Bailey paused for a moment. "And I'm attracted to you."

London sighed. "I guess there's no denying it."

"London," asked Bailey. "Are you gay?"

"No," London replied quickly. "At least, I don't think I am."

"Me neither," agreed Bailey.

"I mean, most of the time I'm into guys," elaborated London. "But every so often, I meet a girl I like."

Bailey thought back through the friends who had come to visit London. One in particular stuck out in her mind.

"You were into Maddie, weren't you?" deduced Bailey.

"I still am," admitted London.

"Look, London," said Bailey, getting back to the main point. "I love Cody, and I'm really hoping our relationship can survive this."

"I know," replied London. "I don't really want you to dump him for me. But it does make me wonder how we're going to handle this when we get back to the ship."

Bailey sighed. "One day at a time, I suppose."

Later that day, Bailey stopped by the Martin suite, and served Carey a mug of her family hangover remedy, which revived her enough to ground Zack for the rest of Christmas break. She also forced Zack to call Moseby and take full responsibility for the incident so as to absolve Esteban.

The next day, Cody spiffied himself up in preparation for a Boxing Day double-date with Bailey, Esteban, and Carey.

"I can't believe you're leaving me here all by myself," whined Zack.

"Dude, I didn't do anything," defended Cody. "Why should I suffer for your prank?"

"You're right," granted Zack. "It's just, we always used to get into these sorts of things together."

"Those were some good times," admitted Cody. "But this time you went too far."

"Oh, come on!" argued Zack. "Everybody knew that eggnog was spiked. Nobody really wanted a dry party. I provided them a way to let loose and be able to tell Moseby with impunity that they had nothing to do with it. Deep down, they're all thanking me."

"Maybe," granted Cody. "Anyway, you've got Woody to keep you company. And somehow, I don't think being grounded is gonna stop you."

"Never did before," admitted Zack, before changing the subject. "I can't believe you let Bailey off so easily."

Cody shrugged. "Considering how many times I've screwed up, I owe her won."

"Point taken," agreed Zack, who then tossed his brother a small box. "Merry Christmas, bro."

Cody smiled and embraced his brother. "Merry Christmas, Cody."

After they'd returned to the ship, Cody played the mini DVD that Zack had given him for Christmas: The only remaining copy of the footage of Bailey and London making out.

Cody grinned devilishly. "Merry Christmas, indeed."

The End

Yes, it would've been easier to steal liquor from the hotel's supply than manipulating Arwinstein into buying it...easier, but not as funny. Thanks for reading!