Lily snorted in disbelief, asking, "why is that an accomplishment?"
"It's a great honour to do something so bad you get sent to see the headmaster," Remus said with glee.
"Right," Lily rolled her eyes.
Harry remembered them having mentioned being sent to Dumbledore's office before, and asked, "why did you guys blow up a school corridor?"
"That was an accident," Sirius said, smiling brightly. "We were trying to set up a trap for a Slytherin, and this Ravenclaw kid came in and blew the whole thing early. If we'd been allowed to set it up right, it would have just blew the Slytherin's clothes off of him."
"He was okay," Remus said quickly at the looks on both Harry and Lily's faces. "Just had to spend two days in the hospital wing because his clothes wouldn't come off. They fixed up that hole pretty fast as well."
"I'm sorry you asked Harry," Lily sighed, "I'm much happier not knowing half the things these four came up with."
Harry didn't hear his mom that time, he was too busy chuckling at their antics. James gave his wife a superior grin, like 'ha he takes after me' before reading smugly.
"You've only been to three," James scoffed, "we got sent to all of them by our third year!"
"You sound so proud," Lily snorted.
"I'm agreeing with Harry though," Remus said, "Dumbledore's is the best."
"And that would have been depressing, if I knew it wasn't true," Sirius said brightly.
"What do those do?" Harry asked.
"I've no idea," James said, smiling as he remembered some of those instruments, and having to fight back the urge to go have a poke at them when he'd been up there himself, "we didn't stay long enough to ask."
"Now that's interesting," Lily said, going a little wide eyed, "I've never known anyone to put the hat on twice."
"You think it'll reshout out a house?" Sirius asked, grinning at his own stupid question.
James read on, curious himself what the hat would say.
"Well he can see inside your head," Lily giggled at the surprised look on Harry's face. "Why's it so surprising he knows what you're thinking, two years after he could do it last time?"
Harry shrugged, even after two years in the magical world, he still wasn't used to talking hats.
"Don't worry Harry," Sirius said bracingly, as Harry did look just a tad upset the Hat still stood by this. "I was supposed to be in Slytherin too, but I never looked back. The hat may place you, but you decide how you are."
Any lingering of looking upset vanished as Harry beamed over at him, causing Lily to restrain herself from making a jab at Sirius having said something both kind and intelligent.
Remus chuckled, and said, "I'd wondered why Harry hadn't mentioned Fawks."
"What is he?" Harry asked nervously, remembering quite well the sickly bird.
"He's a phoenix," Sirius shrugged, like that explained everything.
Seeing Harry's still blank look Remus explained more about the bird's qualities. Harry nodded along happily, then said quickly, "So, the bird's not going to drop dead then? Cause he looks awful right then."
"Nah," James said, "it's just one of his burning days. He's going to be reborn just as ugly."
"You probably won't see it though," Remus added, "Phoenixes are at their most vulnerable in their infant stage. They only do it around their familiar. I've always wanted to ask Dumbledore how he got Fawk as his, since it's so stinking rare to find a phoenix, let alone get one to trust you long enough to bond with it."
"More questions to ask," Lily said with a shrug, still fully planning a visit up to the school when they were allowed to leave the house again.
"What?" All four of them yelped in shock.
"Did he really?" James asked, studying the book like he thought it was lying to him.
Harry was nodding mutely, a stunned look on his face.
"Wow, I...have nothing to say to that," Remus said, giving Harry a very inquisitive look. "Unless Dumbledore is standing behind you, and even then it's a shocker he did it with you in the room."
Harry smiled sheepishly, he had no idea why Fawk had done this, but didn't like the extra attention it would get him if it was as odd as everyone here said it was. He certainly didn't need the extra curiosity about him.
"Nope," Sirius said.
"Obviously," Remus said, rolling his eyes at him.
"My son gets to do, and see, the coolest things," James sighed, thinking this was one time he didn't have to even do anything life threatening to get to see that.
Lily nodded and said, "you did look pretty surprised just then, but then that's probably the first time you've seen anything burst into flames, even knowing it was going to happen now."
Harry nodded, thinking back to that memory still made him want to back up in shock.
James snickered at his son's description, while Remus went wide eyed with glee and envy. He had only ever heard descriptions of new-born phoenixes, Harry got to see one in person. First the dragon now this! He was eagerly hoping Harry would describe something else new soon, before he remembered the circumstances that led to him being in both of those places, and his enthusiasm disappeared all over again.
"Well he seems to be in a hurry," Lily said in surprise.
"What spooked him?" Sirius added in confusion.
"Aw," Lily cooed, "he heard what happened and came to defend you."
"I've said it before, and I will forever say it, thank you Hagrid," James said, beaming.
Remus and Sirius were smiling as well, though they were still chuckling a bit at the vivid mental image Harry had painted.
"Not that you need one," Sirius said, "but Hagrid's even giving you an alibi."
"He had one for the first two attacks as well," Remus reminded him, "the abundance of ghosts, plus you can't leave the hospital wing without Madam Pomfrey knowing. Enter it sure, but you can't leave. Honestly, if anyone sat down and thought about it for more than a second it's obvious."
"Thanks all the same," Harry said, grinning at the pair of them.
"Wow," James said, going wide eyed, "and Hagrid doesn't like the Ministry at all."
"Can you blame him, they did snap his wand," Sirius agreed.
Though they were all pretty convinced Dumbledore thought this, they still released a sigh of relief that it was verbally confirmed all the same.
"I don't care how embarrassed he was," Harry said, smiling from ear to ear, "no one had ever defended me like that. I went down to his hut a few days later, and ate everything he cooked."
"Now that's gratitude," Sirius snickered.
"Did you tell him everything?" Lily asked hopefully.
"Did you tell him anything?" James repeated at the apprehensive look on Harry's face.
"No," Harry sighed, "I was still afraid of being called crazy more than anything."
They sighed in disappointment, but knew better than to argue the point.
"Okay, I don't blame you for not wanting to tell him about that," Remus agreed.
"I am so happy I don't think that anymore," Harry sighed, giving them all very grateful looks.
"Well yeah!" Sirius agreed, "I don't want to know what can kill a ghost again!"
Remus went bug-eyed, but forced himself not to shout out. No one had ever tested that, this idea had never happened in the wizarding world before...but he wondered if he'd finally found his answer. If it was though, then that meant what was running around Harry's school wasn't just the death of muggle-borns, it would be the death of them all! He tried to shake that thought away though, forcing himself to remain in the here and now and pay attention since he still wasn't positive he was right.
"That does sound pretty bad," James agreed, "especially since you're actively not trying to avoid him"
"You mean you can't?" Sirius asked in mock disappointment, "personally I'd stand in line to see that!"
"Children, honestly," Lily muttered in disdain, hating that her son felt so awful two years in a row because of the random students in this school.
"Now here's something fun," James grinned, "what exactly were they doing?" Then he read out eagerly.
Both James and Sirius cracked grins at this, finding this only the start of a list of jokes they would have made in the same instances.
"I don't see why that's funny," Lily said disapprovingly, "people are really scared of this, and them mocking Harry doesn't do any good."
"I disagree," James scoffed, "they're showcasing just how ludicrous the idea of Harry being the person doing this is."
Sirius and Remus didn't seem to be paying attention. Remus still had a bit of a vacant look on his face, unable to completely erase what his mind was sure it had just discovered, one Sirius had noticed happened every time someone made any kind of comment about this 'monster'. Had Remus figured it out? If so, why wasn't he sharing with the others?
James didn't seem to notice his friends were only vaguely paying attention now as he continued.
Remus snorted, that snapped him out of his revere, "unless there's a vampire running around, that won't do any good."
"It's my point though," Lily said harshly, "the first years are terrified, and her own brothers are making it worse."
"They're just goofing around," Sirius shrugged, "I don't know why she's so upset about them making a joke. Unless she thinks Harry is doing it."
James scoffed and said, "please, the way she fawned over him over the summer. She'll think that of her hero when Hermione stops believing in Lockhart."
"Thanks, I think," Harry said, giving his dad an odd look, trying to decide if that was supposed to make him feel better.
"Wonder why?" Lily asked, distracting herself. It's not like she could do anything about the twin's attitude.
"He's annoyed that Harry is getting that kind of attention," James snickered. "He's already jealous enough of Harry, now he's getting the credit for something he would have loved to be doing."
"That's awful," Lily yelped, looking ill at the thought, "you think a child would really go around petrifying people?"
"I wouldn't put it past him," Sirius agreed with his friend.
Lily still didn't seem so convinced, but as none of them really believed it was Malfoy, she didn't press the subject.
"Then he must hate everyone," Remus mocked.
"Somehow I think they could have managed without you," James snorted in disgust at this kid, he clearly needed his head deflated a bit. He may have also been speaking from a bit of past experience looking back on his own thoughts and deciding someone needed to deflate his own head a bit at that age.
"What boy complains about a girl bursting into their dorm?" Sirius asked, grinning wickedly.
"I wish I had complained more," Remus muttered in disgust, "maybe I wouldn't have walked in on so many scenes."
Sirius didn't even bother to look abashed.
Lily couldn't help but tense up with nerves, still unconvinced this bright little second year could accomplish such an advanced potion. Harry was fine of course, but what if he hadn't been the first to try it and he watched one of his friends get poisoned? She felt almost as protective of Harry's friends as her own son at this point, seeing all the trouble they got into just made that maternal feeling come out.
"And a Merry Christmas to her to," Sirius said, wrinkling up his nose in disgust.
"Wow," James said, going wide eyed, "I'd forgotten about Hedwig. She honestly hasn't come to see you since the beginning of term?"
"Nope," Harry said sadly, "which is why I enjoyed that gift so much."
"Well this can't be good," James groaned, good mood gone instantly.
"If they gave you another fifty pence, you'd have a whole pound!" Sirius said brightly.*
Harry gave an amused chuckle, but he was the only one who did.
"A toothpick?" Lily choked.
"Might as well have sent you nothing!" Remus scoffed in disgust.
"Honestly at some point I do wonder why they bother," Harry agreed with a sigh, considering their hatred for his owl it was a miracle any of them had gone near her to tie that up. It was a rhetorical statement though, and he wasn't really expecting a response.
"Oh, but there's more," James grumbled, reading on tersely.
"If only," Harry grumbled, then asked with genuine curiosity, "why doesn't Hogwarts allow that?"
Sirius said miserably, "oh trust me, I've asked. It's because the teachers have to go home at some point to, they do have lives outside of school like the students. There's not a lot of staff during the summer holidays, so they can't just let the student's wander around practically unattended."
"Still," Lily said miserably, "I would personally volunteer there if it meant kids like Harry had another option besides going home to an awful life like that."
All five of them stayed silent for a moment longer, Lily determining she would put some honest inquiries into this kind of situation. She now knew of three boys who would have done a lot not to go back to a 'home'. This matter needed to be addressed!
Shaking himself James forced himself to keep reading.
"I'm sure one of the teachers went to take it back home or something," Remus said, already having thought of that.
"But Harry never mentioned where he got it from, to anyone," James reminded.
"Well it can't be too difficult to figure out?" Sirius snorted, "it's not like anyone in the school got a howler about it."
"Well I never heard anything else about it," Harry shrugged, wondering why he thought that car was going to show up again later.
"Glad I could put that question to rest," Lily giggled, "it was really keeping me up at night."
"As often as he polishes that thing, he didn't notice," Remus asked, bemused.
"Why didn't we think of that?" James exclaimed, clapping a hand to his forehead.
"Because, you actually respected me," Remus said, frowning at both of his friends who were snickering, "his brothers clearly don't."
"Way to sink a joke Moony," Sirius said, only looking a bit ashamed.
"Bet it wasn't hand knitted though," Lily snapped.
"Exactly what was your plan again?" Remus asked curiously. "Turn into some Slytherins, get him to confess to you he'd been doing these awful things, and then what? Go to Dumbledore without any proof but your word against someone you publicly don't like?"
Harry was frowning at him as he said, "well when you put it like that it sounds ridiculous."
"How did you put it?" Sirius asked.
Harry opened his mouth, then closed it again, unable to stop himself going red in the face. When his Dad didn't keep reading, he finally said, "okay, fine. We didn't really have much of a plan past getting Malfoy to confess."
"Okay," James shrugged, "so long as you admit it."
Sirius nodded, saying, "at least you recognize that."
"Also a good point," James agreed.
"And you're just hoping they'll eat something handed to them by a pair of kids who hate them?" Remus demanded.
"Why are you questioning every little thing?" Harry grumped.
"If you don't ask all the questions, you won't have all the answers," James shrugged, "and you need all the answers when doing something like this."
"I'm both intrigued you boys put so much thought into your stunts, and still annoyed by it," Lily told them pleasantly.
"Oh that's even better," Remus amended his statement, "you're hoping Crabbe and Goyle will just eat food randomly lying around."
"Bet you that works though," James said, cracking a grin, "they seem thick enough," then he read curiously.
"You think Malfoy will find it odd if she joins in on this conversation?" Lily asked, joining in with the boys now, and still annoying Harry. "Do you know if she normally hangs around those three?"
Harry just huffed, he had no answer for that.
James broke off, to look at the book in disbelief, but read loudly before anyone could say anything.
"You've got to be kidding me," Sirius said, going wide eyed. "A student randomly came back for an hour, and then left again? Where do I even begin! Why-"
"Okay," Harry cut him off, "it was dumb, I get it."
They felt a little bad about making Harry so obviously upset by their questions, but then James nudged him and said, "Well good. That means you're learning your lesson. Hopefully next time you'll think of all these things yourself."
"How many times do you expect our son to go around doing this kind of thing?" Lily demanded.
Both Harry and James flushed and ignored her.
"At least Ron acknowledges it," Sirius muttered to Remus.
"I win," James crowed happily, "next time remind me to put money on that."
"No," Sirius said at once, "I'm not losing money to you again. I hate your stupid betting."
"He's just mad because he always loses," Remus answered Harry's confused look, then began laughing quietly.
"Wish I had a camera," Harry said, grinning now, "because that was funny."
'To bad Colin isn't following you around anymore then' James thought sadly, but decided against saying that, since it seemed a bit insensitive.
"Now you're thinking ahead," Sirius approved.
"Ah," Remus began uneasily, but Lily was beaming while saying, "it's supposed to do that. Merlin, I think she actually did it right."
"Here's hoping," James smiled.
"Good," Sirius nodded, "you did think about this in some ways."
"You lot are far too okay with this," Lily scoffed.
"Well since they're already doing it," James said with amusement, "might as well praise them for what they're doing right."
"And," Remus said quickly when it looked like Lily was going to snap at him, "make sure at least Harry knows why it was wrong."
Harry just smiled at them.
Lily nodded approvingly, but still wasn't going to be satisfied until Harry drank it first without a hitch.
"That's interesting," Sirius said, going bright eyed, "what would happen if you put different people's hair into the same cauldron?"
"Your body would try and turn into both of those people," Lily said grimly, "it is not pleasant."
"I find it fascinating you know that," James chuckled.
"Pleasant," Lily said in disgust.
"Was that not what was supposed to happen?" Harry asked in concern, misinterpreting his mother's look of disgust.
"No, it's supposed to change colours," Lily agreed, "the colour supposedly attributes to that person's personality. Example, a sick yellow makes her a bad type of person. Say the potion was a more pleasant yellow, like a daisy or something, that person would be more fun to have around. Some people have tried to do studies on it, but since no two people have the same colours, it's hard to pinpoint exactly."
Harry nodded in fascination, but then wondered why he had such a bad feeling about Hermione's potion?
"Pleasant," Sirius grumbled in disgust.
"Kind of want to make some now, just to see what colour mine would turn," James said, kind of amused now.
"Let me know how that works out," Remus muttered.
"Agreed," Lily giggled, "they don't even make those stalls big enough for the three of you honestly."
Harry nodded, glad Hermione had pointed that out since it had been a tight squeeze in there already.
Lily sighed as she said, "okay, Hermione officially has to be the smartest student, ever!"
"Kind of have to agree," Remus nodded.
"You're thinking she did the potion right without hearing about it?" Sirius asked, not disagreeing, just curious.
"Well if they all took it at the same time, and we know there couldn't have been any irreversible side effects since Harry's okay, then yes. Hermione did it right," Lily said.
"I don't know, potions isn't really that hard," James shrugged, "you just have to have the patience to follow the instructions as they're given. A first year could feasibly do a seventh year potion if they take the time to do it right."
"Oh really," Lily said scathingly, "so what's your excuse for doing so poorly in the class?" She was perhaps a little stung her husband was knocking her best subject.
Not seeming to notice this danger, James continued, "because we didn't care. Potions had little to no use to us."
Lily scowled at him, looking ready to fight back the importance and difficulty this class had, when Harry said loudly, "can we keep going? I want to hear about this."
Lily still looked a bit annoyed, but allowed James to keep going.
Lily nodded, looking relieved that this was still correct. The taste should be at least similar to what it looked like.
Sirius shuddered in disgust, deciding he wouldn't join James in his new project, but James asked, "does all Polyjuice Potion taste like that, or was it because Goyle's colour looked like overcooked cabbage."
"I thought it said Goyle's looked like a boogie?" Remus asked.
"Overcooked cabbage does look like boogies," Sirius grumbled.
Lily spoke loudly over them, and repeated the same information she had been thinking out loud, making Remus ask, "so what would an ugly yellow taste like?"
"How should I know?" Lily asked, "I told you no two look the same, same applies to the taste."
Sirius brightened at that, taking back his mental comment.
"You know what," Sirius said aloud this time, "you have fun with this one James. I'm out."
"You're no fun," James told him, pouting, "are you really telling me you wouldn't want to switch bodies for an hour? At least now we'd know what to expect."
Sirius did look a little more persuaded, but James knew he could bring this up again later, so he read.
"I was going to ask why you didn't do that closer to the Slytherin common room, to give you more time," Remus said, "but I guess now I know why."
"Wouldn't want to get caught either doing that, or falling on the ground like that," Sirius agreed.
"It was creepy," Harry said, "hearing someone else's voice instead of my own, and then Crabbe instead of Ron."
"It can be disorienting to get used to," Lily agreed.
"When have you taken it?" James demanded.
Lily smirked and said, "wouldn't you like to know?"
"Did you do it in school?" Sirius demanded.
"Of course not," Lily said, looking offended he would even ask that. "If I had, I wouldn't have been nearly as disapproving of Harry doing it."
"But we started dating in our seventh year," James said, now looking like he was about to start pouting, "so when would you have done something like this without telling me."
"Don't look so upset James," Lily rolled her eyes, "I was joking, I've never actually taken it."
James brightened up at once, even smiling now that he realized his Lily Flower had actually just pulled one over on him.
"The descriptions are my favourite part of this," Remus chuckled.
"You didn't figure out at least that before you started this!" James couldn't help but ask.
"All you'd have to do is slip on the cloak and follow any Slytherin down there," Sirius agreed, "that would have been the easiest part!"
Harry just sighed, deciding against arguing the point.
All five of them snickered in appreciation of Ron's wit this time.
"Ah, did anyone describe her voice as being high-pitched before?" Lily asked in concern.
"Well, we haven't even heard her speak yet," Sirius said, noting Harry's surprised look, so knowing that couldn't possibly be right. Then why did it work for Ron and Harry, but not Hermione?
All five of them looked genuinely concerned now. This whole plan had been Hermione's idea, for her to not be going now meant something really bad must have happened to her.
Even Lily couldn't imagine why though, since the potion had worked perfectly for two of them. Unless Hermione was some sort of half-breed, doubtful since there would have been signs of this, the potion should have worked for her as well.
"I'm sure she's okay," Harry said feeling frustrated he couldn't be more confident about this, "I knew something bad happened to her this year, but I think she's still fine..."
James gave him as reassuring a smile as he could muster, saying, "well I know first-hand Pomfrey can fix almost anything that goes wrong in that school. So, whatever odd side effect happened, she can fix it."
"Can't imagine what the problem is though," Remus sighed.
"Would the potion work on Muggles?" Sirius suddenly burst out loudly, his mind pushing around for something else to change the subject. "I know Hermione's not one obviously, I'm just curious."
"No one's ever tested it," Lily said, Sirius' idea seemed to have worked as she seemed distracted at once by this idea. "Obviously they would have to consent to the idea, which would entail they knew about magic. However, I would think not, since very many things that affect wizards don't affect Muggles in the same way. Hum, I do wonder..." she trailed off.
James smiled indulgently at her, then mouthed 'thank you' at Sirius for giving her yet another project she would probably like to start now. Sirius gave him a half mocking bow as a 'you're welcome'.
Remus gave a bursting laugh of appreciation.
The three boys smiled weakly, but until they knew what was wrong with Hermione they couldn't find too much humour in that.
"Good eye for detail," James approved.
Sirius sighed. Did Harry have any idea how much area there was in the dungeons below? And the Slytherin common room was behind a blank, obscure wall. If they didn't know where it was, there was a very good chance they'd never find it.
"Ouch," all five of them winced, another spot of bad luck.
"I'm not sure how well that could have passed anyways," James sighed, "you're second years, halfway through term. Any first year can find the way to their common room before the first month's up."
"I don't think even they're that thick," Sirius agreed.
Sirius opened his mouth, thought about it, then closed it again and said, "nah, too easy. Plus we've already been over this."
"Ge, thanks," Harry muttered.
"Wow, I really hope you didn't do all that for nothing," Remus winced.
"Percy?" They all asked in confusion. "What would he be doing down there?" James added.
"Maybe Prefect Percy isn't all that perfect?" Remus suggested.
Harry just shrugged, he had a vague feeling he knew the answer, but he had no real feelings towards the matter.
"Well he's not wrong," Lily winced, hating the idea of this horrid monster going anywhere near Harry, even if he was the one who kept hearing it. At least his father's status wouldn't make her boy a target. Then she felt guilty for thinking like this, since every other muggle born in the school was a target. She sighed, comforting herself that at least this monster's effects weren't permanent, and that Mandrake potion should be done before the end of the year.
"I think we should start calling him pompous Percy," James snorted.
"Is he really that delusional?" Remus asked, raising a brow in disbelief.
Harry nodded, wondering why the longer these books went on, the madder he got at Percy. Was it possible his behaviour got worse as he grew up?
"And last time I'm sure," Harry muttered.
"Which probably means it's dumb," Remus surmised.
"No one does," James agreed, "but yours is hardly any better."
"It was a nice thought though," Lily said.
"I would hope not," Sirius frowned, "if the teachers can't, I'd hardly think he could. He's what, a sixth year? He also puts plenty of respect into positions. No, Percy's up to something else."
"And he has been since the summer," Remus reminded them.
They all puzzled for a moment, but shrugged when they realized they were stumped. They just didn't know enough about Percy, and Harry certainly didn't go out of his way to spend time with him, so they most likely wouldn't figure it out at all.
"Well that's original," Lily muttered in disdain.
"It's usually something along those lines though," James huffed.
Lily went bug eyed as she looked at the three boys and snapped, "why would you know that? I never even knew that."
"Really?" Remus asked in surprise, "I would have thought you'd at least know where the Slytherin common room is."
"No," she said, now frowning at all of them, "I don't know where any of them are, except my own of course."
"For shame Lil's," Sirius said, shaking his head from side to side.
"We know where all of them are," James said, puffing his chest out with pride, "and we've a pretty good idea how to get into them as well. The Slytherin's have a password system, like ours, but it's not as random. It's more to do with their stereotypes, why I've no idea, but since I'm sure Snape sets it up same as McGonagall. That just says more about him than anything, Slughorn to for that matter. The Hufflepuff's are down by the kitchen, and you've got to do a series of taps on these barrels. That's harder to figure out, since it changes as often as ours does. The Ravenclaws are hardest of all, they do a riddle every stinking time a new person comes up."
"Remus was the only one who could ever figure those out," Sirius smirked.
Lily just kind of sat there, looking astounded at the lot of them. She couldn't decide if she was impressed they knew all of that, or annoyed since the houses weren't supposed to know about the other houses dorms. Finally, she went with impressed, since there was no good in nagging them about that now; so she asked, "What are they like then? And how did you get in without being caught by someone else from that house?"
Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but James cut him off saying, "tell us what the other founders supposedly did to the school, and we'll tell you."
Lily studied them for a moment, before saying, "think we should pick this up later then. We're getting off track, and I want to see what Malfoy has to say about all of this."
James gave her a knowing smile, but continued on all the same.
Harry however was disappointed his mum wouldn't play his dad's game. He really wanted to know both of those answers, since he himself felt like he should know them anyways!
Lily couldn't help but listen eagerly now. Despite how often she had got Sev to describe the common room to her, she would love to hear Harry's account of it.
"Please tell me you go into the dormitories," Remus said, going wide eyed with remembered glee. "That's the best part!"
"Why?" Lily asked suspiciously.
"Cause the walls are glass," Sirius nodded in agreement with Remus, "and you can see straight into the Lake. We only went into one of them, but I can't imagine why all of them wouldn't be like that."
"Almost, almost," James stressed, "rivals our view of the Quidditch pitch. It's pretty cool to see the mermaids just go swimming past you."
Harry shook his head as he sighed and said, "no, we only stay in their common room."
Lily couldn't help but feel a little envious now, suddenly wishing she really had taken a chance at some point and gone into the Slytherin common room.
"Sounds dark," Lily said in surprise.
"They like it like that," Sirius shrugged.
"Personally, I can see the pros of that, as opposed to the tower," Remus smiled.
"So we were right," James sighed, "it isn't going to be funny at all."
"Uh-oh," all five of them said at once. It had been long enough that if Ron hadn't come across this on his own yet, they had been really hoping he wouldn't be tied into this. Now James read with trepidation.
"Ouch," Lily winced in sympathy.
"Damn," Sirius let out a low, throaty whistle, "poor guy."
James huffed a bit as he kept going, not at all pleased someone like Arthur got into trouble. Yes, he shouldn't have broken the law in the first place, but it wasn't him that got caught either, it was the kids. If the boys hadn't taken the car, Arthur might have gotten away with it all together. Then he realized he couldn't hardly be mad at Harry and Ron, what they did was stupid but ignorant in their actions so they were hardly to blame either. Recognizing he couldn't do anything for it though, he continued.
"He's a governor," James spluttered in disgust.
"Well that explains how he knew those test scores," Remus grumbled.
"Oh this is just brilliant," Sirius snarled, "Death Eaters making decisions about children's school life. Whatever respect I had for the Ministry before is gone now."
"Ge, thanks Sirius," Lily said, frowning at him.
"You know being an Auror is technically working for the Ministry to," James pointed out.
Sirius rolled his eyes at the pair of them, saying, "okay, so not everyone in there is evil, but a Malfoy getting a job there still feels like an awful omen to life."
"I'm going to agree with Sirius on this one," Remus nodded.
The parents exchanged a look before nodding their agreement as well. Still disgruntled at this revelation, James read.
"He doesn't even have that kind of power," Lily snapped. "Arthur being the Head of a Department, only the Minister could fire him. Doing something like that is hardly worth being sacked over."
Harry was sinking lower and lower in his seat, still feeling guilty like this whole fiasco was his fault. James tried his best to comfort both of them, saying, "I'm sure he won't be. Just the Prophet stirring up trouble as usual."
All five of them growled in real anger at that now. Where did Malfoy get off deciding that! Taking a deep breath, James now felt a twisting pain in his gut as he forced himself to pay attention to the words.
"A very real threat I'm sure," Remus grimly smiled.
"Here I thought his sense of humour wasn't even this awful," Sirius hissed, "who would find that funny!"
"He really is as awful as his father," James agreed.
"What, like a decent human?" Lily snapped.
The four of them cracked grins at that, happy Ron had an excuse like that on hand, and it was believable enough if the implications of how much Crabbe and Goyle ate were anything to go by. It really wouldn't be good for anyone if the boys were discovered doing this.
"Now that's surprising," Lily said, quirking a brow.
"You can keep anything hushed up with a bit of money," Sirius laughed.
Lily frowned at him, she didn't find this funny one bit, but she also knew by now that Sirius simply deflected bad things with bad humour.
"Doubtful," James muttered, having absolute faith no one could remove Dumbledore.
Remus was red in the face with anger by this point. Dumbledore was the reason he had been allowed to go school, how dare this child say anyone shouldn't have that right!
Sirius balled up his fists in fury as he growled, "and I wish he wouldn't let your kind in!"
"You do know that means us," James pointed out sadly.
"I meant the way he's acting you git," Sirius huffed.
"What, should we start giving them personality tests before they can attend now?" Lily asked, a smile twitching across her face now.
Remus burst out laughing, causing Sirius to mumble something about being ganged up on, but they all felt a little better at the random messing around.
Harry bit at his lip, a question popping into his mind, and before he could decide to brush it away his dad caught sight and said, "come on Harry, what was that?"
Harry meant to deny it, his eyes flickering almost shamefully to Remus, but when he caught sight as well he gave him an easy smile and said, "go on, I can promise I've heard it before, and I know you don't mean it."
Still unable to untense his shoulders, he uneasily voiced, "well, you said that everyone who's born magical is automatically let in."
"Right," Remus egged him on when Harry still looked like he wanted to waver off.
"Well, you also mentioned before that Dumbledore was the only Headmaster who would let you come to school, but I mean, how could any headmaster stop you?" Harry finished in a rush. He hated saying anything like that about Remus, but they'd asked for it.
Remus sighed as he looked pityingly at Harry, but he knew he'd always prefer him to look upset at the question rather than fearful, so he answered with as much dignity as he could muster, "it's illegal for me to be around children. It's technically illegal for me to even be here," he finished with a guilty look towards the stairs, "but when Dumbledore set it up for me, I'm sure he and all the teachers never mentioned it to the Ministry-"
"Just like no one's going to talk about you being here like that," Sirius finished with a terrifying look on his face. He would happily curse anyone into oblivion if they said otherwise about Remus going wherever he wanted to.
Harry nodded in understanding, that was all the answer he needed.
All five of them were furious by this point. The kid was a bit of an annoyance, but Malfoy's mocking was beyond uncalled for.
"I would think so," James spat, "or it's just not funny!"
"What do you call them Harry?" Lily asked, "Malfoy's cronies. That's accurate enough, since they probably don't have a mind of their own."
The boys snickered a bit at that.
James read with gritted teeth, making the rest of the sentence almost unrecognizable.
"How many times can he say that before Dad really does curse him?" Harry asked his mom quietly.
"I won't let him curse a child," Lily sighed, looking rather upset at this fact more than anything, "but in answer, not much more."
The present Marauders were all talking in hushed, quiet voices, and the other two really didn't want to know what they were talking about; knowing full well it wasn't anything good. Once James seemed to have vented enough he read on a little more intelligibly.
Remus let out a dissatisfied huff, which his friends immediately noticed.
"What was that?" Sirius asked, "I thought we all agreed much earlier it wasn't possible a second year to be doing this."
Remus hesitated for a moment before finally admitting to the others what he thought was really going on. "The only creature who could possibly be able to petrify people like this, I thought, was a Gorgon...but what if it's something else. Something that no one has ever tested, because it's just so bloody dangerous no one has ever even seen one in hundreds of years."
"Quit beating around the bush Moony," Sirius grumbled, not exactly the patient one.
Remus sucked in a deep breath before finally saying, "it's something only Harry might be able to hear, at least it would explain why no one around could hear it as well. It's something only Slytherin could control, the snake tongue! I think the monster creeping around is a Basilisk."
There was a very long pause after this before Lily asked weakly, "but, those things kill by looking, why hasn't anyone died?"
"I, well I am guessing here, but I think it's because no one has looked it in the eye yet." He began, still looking hesitant, but then he continued explaining all of the circumstances and no one corrected him, but simply sat there in another long drawn out moment of silence. No one had even recovered yet to give their opinion on if they believed him or not before Harry said, "that's it!"
Remus smiled over at him, pleased he had worked this out, but then hesitated again and said, "my only problem is, who could be pulling these stunts off, aside from you. Parselmouths aren't very common, but it wouldn't have surprised me if perhaps Malfoy had been doing this all along, simply hiding his ability, but now it's obvious he's not..." he trailed off in frustration.
"Plus," James agreed, "no offense Moony, but really none of the teachers at the school thought of this either?"
"Um, thanks," he muttered.
"And how is something like that even getting around?" Sirius demanded. "Surely that snake's not exactly subtle."
"That," Remus shrugged, "I've no idea."
"Well, at least as far as James' concern, it is a bit far-fetched. I agree with Remus because I can't even think of anything else," Lily shrugged.
"Thanks, I think," Remus snorted.
Harry was kneading his brow, but looked a little less miserable as he admitted he had no answer. Malfoy's answer, while not unsurprising, was still disappointing. Harry however smiled again almost at once, saying that at least they were on the right track.
Sirius gave a surprised snort of mirth at that description.
"I'd be astounded if he did," Remus frowned, "since I can't think of anyone."
"That sounded almost pig-headed," James told him with a smile.
Remus just grinned and shrugged.
"Fifty years," Sirius said, going cross eyed as he imagined that far back, "well that doesn't help at all. Why wouldn't we have heard of it though? It wasn't so long ago that we shouldn't have heard of this."
"Maybe it got hushed up as well?" Lily suggested. "If this same thing happened fifty years ago, and they were all simply woken up in the same way, but nothing further happened..." she trailed off in frustration at the unlikeliness of this.
Remus was shaking his head fast, saying, "this exact set of circumstances, happening fifty years previously? I'm still blasted how no one's died yet. Thankful, but still."
Still confused but pleased that they had found out something from this little misadventure, James hoped Harry would get out of there quickly now. The hour must be almost up, and they had learned everything they could from Malfoy. Plus, being around the kid just kind of pissed him off.
Lily didn't look happy that she had been at least semi right about that, but James didn't pause again.
"Do what?" All five of them said in surprise, their shock for once bypassing the outrage at the use of that word.
"Now there's no way that could be kept quiet," Remus said, "surely someone would have looked into a student dying at school?"
They all exchanged very uneasy looks, not exactly reassured that something like a murder was hidden in the Hogwarts school history.
"Who the bloody hell hopes someone dies!" James said quietly, he seemed beyond rage at this point.
No one had an answer for him. At James question, they had all thought of a certain three Dursleys, who they may not have batted an eye if they died. However, the main difference there was that they were abusive people! Hermione hadn't done a thing wrong to anyone, let alone Malfoy. For a child to wish another kid dead like that was pretty dang awful.
"But oh so sweet," Sirius sighed. "Honestly, you could just punch him and run for it, and no one would have any idea what happened! You wouldn't even get in trouble for it!"
Lily opened then closed her mouth before shaking her head in disbelief, but since she knew full well Harry wouldn't allow his friend to do that, at least she hoped, she said nothing.
"Still can't believe I've never heard of that," Sirius shrugged.
"Well since you're clearly on your way there," James grinned, throwing a look at Lily, "you can ask him while you're there."
"That's not funny James," Lily snapped, "and I wasn't joking!"
"What, you going to turn me in?" Sirius smirked, now right in with his friend on picking on Lily for her earlier exclamation.
Lily narrowed her eyes dangerously at him before muttering something under her breath. Remus was the only one who wasn't exactly reassured that Lily hadn't answered, but since the other boys just started laughing he chose to say nothing.
James rolled his eyes, now knowing Malfoy's sense of humour was as bad as it got, as if he needed confirmation.
James didn't break off again, but he was mentally wondering what the odds were that he would get two chapters where Malfoy constantly said that word!
"Wish they had bloody arrested him while they were at it," Sirius huffed.
"Hope it wasn't too difficult for you," James said, still more amused than anything by Harry.
"And there Ron goes," Remus said, tossing his hands in the air in frustration, "cutting people off when I'd have liked to hear the end of that sentence!"
"Yeah, which drawing-room?" Sirius agreed. "As big as that stupid mansion is, I'd have liked more details."
Harry shrugged, knowing there was nothing more they could do for it now. He also had a very firm feeling that they told Mr. Weasley about this, and hoped that this would help redeem him at the Ministry a bit.
"Time's up," Lily said, going slightly paler as she realized Harry must not be looking at his watch anymore.
"I don't know Lily," Sirius mocked, "are you sure Ron just doesn't blush so much his whole body turns red."
"You two are both awful," Remus cut in before anyone could respond, giving James a chance to keep reading.
Remus verbally praised Harry for that, saying, "it was good of you to set that up before."
Harry smiled at him, deciding against mentioning they'd hardly done that on purpose.
James suddenly burst out laughing as he said, "just picturing someone watching that as they went by, it would have been a sight."
Sirius grinned as well, unable to deny that, though severally hoping no one had seen that, as it would make it all the harder for Harry and Ron to be 'innocent' of whatever Malfoy might have seen that night.
"Well that was polite," Lily grinned, despite her disapproval of Harry's actions, she couldn't deny she was rather impressed with the way he acted during all of this as well.
"Agreed," Sirius nodded, "we do know more now than we did before."
James got an uneasy look on his face as he said, "ah, is that really the best idea? Why does Ron know this information? Does Ron really want his dad to go after the Malfoys like that, without some more solid proof?"
At Harry's rather hurt look, James quickly said, "obviously I know he's telling the truth, I'm just saying it might not be the best idea in the world."
Lily smiled approvingly at him, pleased James actually did think things through every once in awhile. Harry however had no real answer for him and just shrugged, never having checked what Ron told his dad about this.
"Not good," Lily frowned, "very not good."
"Why wouldn't Hermione be okay now?" Harry demanded.
They exchanged uneasy looks, not really being able to think of an answer to that.
"I'll back up that not good," Sirius agreed grimly.
"I don't think she ever turned into Millicent," Lily sighed, "I'm just not sure what she did turn into."
"Clearly nothing good," Remus muttered.
"Fur?" Remus asked in concern.
"Oh, did she somehow get hold of an animal's hair?" Lily yelped in shock.
"Yes," Harry said in excitement, which faded at once when he realized he had no idea how or why. Bloody hell, Hermione was about to explain it in just a second and his stupid memories still wouldn't show him?! Still, he asked his mom, "err, that's what would happen right?"
"Just about," Lily agreed sadly, "some people have tried using the Polyjuice Potion for temporary animal transformation, instead of doing it properly by becoming Animagi, and the end results is they get stuck halfway between an animal and a person."
"But it's reversible right?" Sirius asked in concern, thankful none of them had ever thought of that tactic.
"Yes," Lily nodded, "there are a few potions and spells you would have to take to help reverse the process, but it's slow going. It will take a while before she's back to normal."
Harry relaxed, sure that if this was the bad thing he remembered about Hermione this year, this didn't seem all bad since it would wear off by the end of school...right? This was the bad thing that happened to her, wasn't it?
"I do feel bad for her," Remus winced, "after all, this was her idea. Yet she was the one who got these awful problems."
"Guess we finally found the one way to cheer Myrtle up," Sirius added, ignoring Remus shooting him an irritated look for that.
"This is exactly why to," James nodded.
"There's the plus side," Sirius cried happily as he took the book from James, "having a tail is quite the experience."
*Yes, two fifty pence pieces actually do equal a pound in British money, I had to double check that fact before I said that since I don't know British currency that well, so just in case anybody else was wondering...there you go.