Liara had lain awake, tossing for several hours, when a loud crash drew her from whatever rest she hoped to acquire. As far as she knew she was one of only a few people on the ship. The rest of the crew of the now grounded Normandy were working off their anger in whatever way they saw fit on the Citadel; drinking, getting into fights, at the shooting range, anything to distract themselves.

They had been betrayed. The human ambassador, Udina, had smirked at Shepard with such an expression of smug glee when he told her the Normandy was grounded, that Liara was surprised that the woman had not punched his front teeth out. She was tempted to do it herself.

All of the evidence they had collected, all of the sacrifices they had made, all for nothing. They were lured back to the Citadel with a promise of assistance, then stabbed in the back by politicians too scared to take real action. Even Liara, with no tactical military experience or training, knew that a defensive plan was strategically incompetent. The Citadel was an enormous target; defendable, but against an entire Geth fleet, a Reaper, and whatever the conduit might be? What if it was a weapon? What if it allowed the Geth to attack from a direction other than the Mass Relay? The Citadel fleet, so impressive clustered around the Relay, would look woefully stretched if they had to defend the Citadel from attacks from more than one direction. In the three dimensions of space, defending a stationary target was practically impossible.

Saren, the Conduit, were single targets with a known location. They could be eliminated, and the threat stopped short. Why could the Council not see this? All evidence of Reapers aside, the immediate threat was clear and the solution obvious.

The Reapers.

She found the words of Sovereign so difficult to believe, and yet every sign, every piece of evidence she had ever uncovered, had pointed to it being truth. The Protheans had vanished, and the vast majority of evidence they were ever there was eradicated behind them, just as with so many races before them. The obvious logical step was that somebody else was facilitating the extinction, but the very idea of a race of machines powerful enough to do it, over and over for cycles beyond counting, was practically incomprehensible. In truth, she did not blame the Council for laughing in their faces at the very idea. She would have done the same not so long ago.

But now Asari, Humanity, Turians and all the rest, were next. Saren, brainwashed, wanted to return the Reapers, and the Conduit was somehow a way to do this. And Shepard's team, the only people with the will to do something about it, were stuck while others used the situation to further their own ambitions. She bitterly wondered if they deserved the imminent extinction.

Shepard had remained calm as the Council declared their foolish plan. She had remained calm as Udina spat in her face. After the loss of Ashley, the woman had been nothing but the picture of professionalism. But Liara could feel her pain. It radiated from her, poisoning the air. Losing, sacrificing, Ashley, who had been practically a sister to both of them had hurt her, and the betrayal of those she thought she could trust to back her up had twisted the knife.

Liara had tried to comfort her then, but Shepard had brushed her off.

'Go back to the Normandy, Liara, or whatever you want to do. It's over.'

The words hurt her, so she had returned to the ship, leaving Faith to whatever self-destructive method she planned to use to cope with the situation. She wished she had stayed. Her friend was hurting, and she should have been there. But now, she had no idea where the woman was, and no way of finding her.

A second crash drew her from her bed. Dressed only in her bed clothes; a small black tank top and shorts, she padded through the silent, dimly lit medical bay and into the mess to investigate the noise. A soft thud drew her attention to the lockers behind her, where she saw Shepard's had two large dents. The woman herself was slumped beneath it, looking in a bad way. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, her clothes crumpled. Not knowing what to say, Liara sat beside her without a word.

The silence dragged on for several minutes before Liara started to feel angry. It was a welcome distraction from the despair, so she took hold of the emotion, and fed it, with everything she had. All of the pain she felt, the uncertainty, the loss of her mother, the loss of Ashley, her old life destroyed, everything reared up and turned her anger into an inferno.

Shepard had led them so far, been so much to all of them, and was now acting like a child who had just been told "no"! Would she let her crew down because she was hurt like the rest of them?

'How dare you!'

The words slipped out before she could stop herself. She was so furious with the woman!

Faith's head snapped up, and she looked at her with confusion in her eyes. It only fed Liara's anger. She stood up and faced the woman on the floor.

'How dare you do this to us?' She could not stop it, all of the anger, the hurt, the love.

'Are you going to let this happen? We trusted you to lead us in this fight, and now you are giving up?'

Faith's eyes turned to steel.

'I don't need this now, Liara!'

'You have soldiers, friends and a whole Galaxy full of people relying on you, and you dare to give up because something did not go your way?'

'What am I supposed to do?' Her voice was harsh, clipped, hurt.

Good.

'Anything! Anything other than sit here and mope like a child. You are our leader, Faith! Adapt! We need you! I need you!' Her anger, raging like fire just seconds before, was quenched with the final words, replaced by a cool certainty. She held out a hand to the woman.

'Stand, SPECTRE.' Her voice rang throughout the empty ship.

For several long seconds, Faith only gazed at the hand in front of her face. Her expression was a map of anger, hurt and confusion. Then it was replaced with the dark certainty of Commander Shepard. She took Liara's hand, and the Asari pulled the woman to her feet. She did not let go. Their eyes were inches apart. If she was any further away, she might not have heard Faith's next words, which were barely even a whisper.

'Thank you, Liara.'

She smiled then, and Liara's heart leapt as she the cracks in the mask. She was hurting, but instead of denying it she was accepting it, using it. Moving on.

'I was acting like a bit of an idiot, wasn't I?'

'No, Faith, you were acting like a person, a person who has been hurt. But you have too much responsibility to let it consume you. We all rely on you for leadership, and if that means I have to shout at you when nobody else is looking, I will do it.'

'I'm glad you're here Liara. I… don't know what I would do without you.'

Liara suddenly realised how close she was standing to the woman. She could smell her; gunmetal, leather, the arousing undertone of human sweat. She could see herself, reflected in Faith's dark eyes. She could feel the warm breath against her neck. Their bare hands were still holding each other; warm, smooth human skin against the cool, soft, gentle scaling of Asari.

Barely in control of her body, she leant in closer. Faith's eyes half closed, giving her already beautiful features a sensual edge. Liara felt her lips pucker just slightly, almost close enough to brush-

Commander?

'AH! Dammit Joker! If this is not the most important message of your life I am coming up there to throw you overboard!'

Shepard's eyes widened in surprise as Liara, flushing, realised just what she had said to her Commander's pilot.

For the fourth time, Faith Shepard tried to focus on the datapad in front of her. Tali had sent some specs on the unusual Geth units they encountered on Virmire, but her thoughts were distracted.

Joker, it turned out, did have a good reason for interrupting. Captain Anderson had managed to get in touch, and explained his completely reckless plan to get them off of the Citadel. It worked. Anderson was probably under arrest right now. Udina would be declaring Shepard and her crew traitors to the Alliance, the Council ordering their fleets to destroy the Normandy on sight. The Normandy was currently rocketing towards the Mu Relay, and Ilos. They would be there in ten hours.

But even that, was hard to focus on. While she was busy wallowing in self-pity, Liara had picked her up and dusted her off. The words were harsh, but without judgement. Ever since her home was destroyed, she had been forced to rely on herself. Her time on the Normandy, with Liara, had shown her there was another way to live.

When Liara had first accidentally seen her memories of Mindoir, she had nearly broken down at the thought of somebody else knowing, feeling, something so personal to her. She had been ready to threaten the Asari, turn her over to the Council, anything so she would not have to face another person being so close.

But Liara had apologised. Out of everything she could have done, she apologised, pledged her service to Shepard, and promised to never, should she live a thousand years or more, tell another soul of what she saw. Why was she deserving of such a good person?

During the weeks chasing Saren, Liara had always been there; a gentle presence in the face of the violence and death. They talked for hours; deep into the night when both should have been sleeping, as one helped the other recover from injuries, as they were on the shuttle down to missions.

Completely on her own accord, Faith had shared with Liara the most personal experiences of her life. Because she wanted to. The Alliance had been her family since she was sixteen years old, and yet their psychologists did not know about what she saw on Mindoir. Alliance command did not know why she had ordered the attack on Torfan when every rule and tactical analysis said she should have fallen back. She could not have called anybody in the Alliance a friend until she had begun to soften to the crew on the Normandy. Liara's influence, of course.

But then… she told Ashley to die. The woman was without a doubt the finest soldier she had ever served with. Like herself with extra muscle and more attitude. The woman should have been alongside her during N7 training, turning the tide in failed Alliance operations like Akuze. But she wasn't; judged instead by the actions of a man far greater than those deciding her future, she was patrolling back end worlds while less capable soldiers were getting themselves and others killed. And despite it all, she had kept on fighting. Right to the end. She had watched Ashley's readouts; dying from half a dozen gunshot wounds, one hand useless, she had held on to the very end. Doing the duty of an Alliance marine. On the way back to the Citadel Shepard had recommended her for a posthumous Star of Terra. The gesture was fairly meaningless compared to having her alive, but perhaps it would give her family some measure of peace.

She had relived that moment, standing on a balcony overlooking a beautiful tropical storm as she decided which of her friends would live, dozens of times. Why did she choose to save Kaidan? She had no doubt that her decision looked right on paper; the man was with the entire Salarian unit where Ashley was alone, and the practicality of guarding the bomb until it detonated, without having soldiers on the ground, was near impossible. She knew what the reports would say, but it was not the truth.

She preferred spending time with Ashley, out of the two. Kaidan was a fine man, but Ashley had a spark inside of her that gave every encounter a lasting effect. A blazing fire compared to Kaidan's deep ocean. But… she knew Kaidan was the better hope for the future. Ashley was a fine soldier, but there would always be fine soldiers. Kaidan represented something more: he was a man who represented what the Alliance should be. Strong and bold, but kind, always willing to listen without judgement. The Reapers were coming, and the Alliance would need men like him to bring the Galaxy together, rather than warriors like Ashley who could only destroy.

So she had condemned a friend, a sister, to death because she was too volatile.

What did that say about herself? Ashley had never attacked an ally because he did not want to die. Ashley had never executed an unarmed prisoner. Why should Ashley have been the one to die, when such a broken person as herself was still alive?

Why did it hurt so much?

Why did Liara, why did everybody else, still trust her to do the right thing? Liara had forced her to at least begin moving past the decision, but-

I was about to kiss Liara.

The realisation hit her like a freight train. She had buried the thought underneath the enormity of what they were currently doing, but it suddenly reared its head and dominated everything else, quashing all of her other doubts.

She had been trying not to think about her admission to the Asari during the last couple of days. She had admitted she was attracted to the woman! Liara had given her the opening; she could have lied, said she was not interested, and things would be back to normal. She could have done or said any number of things. Instead, she had told Liara that there was a connection between them, a connection beyond friendship.

There was no doubt Liara was attractive, despite her usual preference for men. She had never spent, well, any time fantasising about a woman's curves, but when she had first seen Liara bare herself after being wounded on Noveria, when she realised the Asari was naked in her bed, she had felt a deep, primal urge far beyond whatever paltry sensations a flexing bicep, a rippling back, had caused in the past. As she had leant in towards the kiss, the unusual alien scent; sweet, almost like cinnamon, had driven all coherent thought from her brain, and if Joker had not interrupted...

Was that weakness? Many soldiers said that feelings such as love were weakness.

Love?

Was that what she felt? Was it merely a physical attraction? Asari were infamous for stirring up desire in any species, any gender. Was it just that, or something more?

And what if it was more? What if she was in love with Liara? How could she subject a person she loved to her life? When any day she could be killed, captured, hunted, maimed, sent on an undercover assignment for months, or any other horrible fate? Liara had offered to stay with her once Saren was stopped, could she keep a person she loved on board the ship?

What if she had to choose between Liara and another crew member, as she had with Ashley and Kaidan? Could she make the right choice? Could she even send Liara into danger?

Could she ever trust her own judgement again?

Her cabin door opened. Liara, looking absolutely beautiful, stood in the doorway.

Liara had spent quite some time in a nervous state, pacing her lab, getting in and out of bed, dressing herself then undressing. After what seemed like hours, Doctor Chakwas had entered the little lab, disturbed by Liara's restlessness.

'Doctor Chakwas, I-'

'Go to her, Liara. That's all I have to say on the matter.'

The canny woman had left it at that, turning from the lab and leaving without even waiting for a response. Liara spent several minutes in a rather desperate attempt to make herself look more presentable; catching her breath, ensuring her crest was proud and smoothing her clothes, before strengthening her resolve and marching out of the lab.

Past Doctor Chakwas, still awake in her bed with a datapad, who had given her a non-so subtle wink.

Past the mess, the lights dim, deserted, her soft footsteps echoing gently.

She had opened Faith's door before the doubts started to overwhelm her. The human was sitting at her desk, holding a datapad which was playing through its screensaver. It must have been idle for some time. She looked up at Liara.

She froze, all of her certainty suddenly gone. Why had she come here? What was she going to say?

'Come on in, Liara. You can't dramatically barge into somebody's room and stop half way.'

She had not even rang the alert. Faith could have been asleep, or getting dressed, or,

'Oh, I am so-'

Faith was smiling. Humour. That was good. Human humour often revolved around making others feel uncomfortable. What now? Standing awkwardly in the doorway, hoping to be interrupted by Joker again, was not a viable option.

Do something, Liara!

She took a breath and entered the cabin, sitting on the bed across from Faith. Their knees were practically touching. She could feel the ghost of the contact, sending shivers up her legs.

Faith said nothing. She was just looking at Liara, an unreadable expression in her eyes.

'I was thinking about our conversation. When I… told you how I feel about us.'

You are a grown woman, not a child, start sounding like it!

'I know that we are flying into the unknown, yet again, but this has a feeling of… finality… about it.'

Faith looked at the pad she was holding, seemingly surprised it had sent itself to sleep. Liara deftly plucked it from her hand and set it on the desk. She would not let the woman avoid this. She could not let her.

'This story will end tomorrow, one way or the other.'

She took a deep breath. This was it.

'Should we live, I do not wish my memories of this night to be those of regret.'

Shepard's mouth opened, clearly without her brain involved in the decision. A reflex response from years of training. Liara would not let the conversation be distracted.

'Please Faith, I am not one of your soldiers. I do not need reassurance or a morale boost. I know what we are facing, and how dangerous it will be.'

It really was terrifying. They were flying towards a dead world, occupied by Saren and his Geth, containing a Prothean artefact of unknown power and function. Even if they were successful, the Council would not welcome them back as anything other than traitors. And yet, there was nowhere she would rather be.

'Whether we live or die tomorrow, I cannot bear do so without knowing.

'You told me that you felt an attraction to me. That what we have is more than friendship. I wish… I need to know if that is the truth. If you still feel that way.'

Whether it was a lingering whisper from their melding, a deep empathy between friends or simple guessing, Liara knew what was going through Faith's mind. The fear, of opening herself. The shame, when she had let slip that she felt the two were more than friends. The doubts, at how close they were to kissing not a day before.

Liara stayed silent. This was now the other's choice, her step to take. She could not force it any further. Faith needed to come to her now.

Faith looked to the floor. Her voice was choked with a nameless emotion, a rush of everything she had opened herself up to, everything she had buried since she was a child.

'Liara, what I said… I shouldn't have. I'm a soldier, a SPECTRE, I can't afford the cost of what you want.'

No! She knows that is not all there is to life, she must know that!

'What about what you want?'

'What I want doesn't matter. I gave up that right when I put on my uniform, when I stood before the Council and the whole Galaxy and swore to protect them.'

Please, Goddess, don't let her do this to herself!

'You are not a machine, Faith! You cannot continue to pretend that pushing back your emotions actually makes them go away!'

'I can and I will, Liara! Dammit! Don't you think I just want to say "no" for once? To tell those who ask for my life that they cannot have it, that it's mine for the living?'

It is yours!

'I can't do that, Liara. What I do, what I need to do and what I will always need to do is too important. If I start living for myself, people start dying.'

She still blames herself; for Mindoir, for her sisters, for Ashley, for everybody who dies because she can't save them! Oh Faith…

'The life of everybody in the Galaxy is not your responsibility! Would it be so wrong, for one night, to just let go? To let somebody else share the burden?'

'I can't do that Liara. I won't. You are too good to be pulled along by somebody like me for whatever passes for the rest of my life, when every day you could lose it all. You're too good to have your one night, then be told it can't be forever.'

She finally looked up, and Liara saw tears streaming down her face. Her next words were a whisper.

'I'm sorry, Liara. I can't give you what you ask.'

Liara's heart shattered.

She had hoped, wished, that Faith would become a different person for her. That she would be able to lay down her burdens, share them with somebody who would accept her as she was. But she could not. Doctor Chakwas had told Liara that for Faith, for Commander Shepard, duty would always come first. Could a person such as that, a hero such as that, ever allow another to share their pain? To share the doubts, the bad times, the nightmares with another? To, as she would see it, inflict her life on another person?

Liara stood up, tears in her eyes. She took one of Faith's hands, and gently pulled the woman to her feet. They embraced. Liara felt her mind spinning with the contact, with the scent of the human. She held on, and poured every ounce of strength she could into the woman. She did not know how long they stood. Seconds could have passed, or hours.

Eventually, she pulled away. Faith had made her choice. Liara whispered,

'I am sorry'

She meant it. As the stars burned, she meant it. Sorry not for any action she regretted, but sorry for the burden Faith had taken upon herself. Sorry for the life they could not have together. Sorry for the eternity of reasons that they could not be.

With a final gesture, she brushed a tear from the cheek of the woman she loved.

She left.

A/N: I am so sorry. I really, really am.