Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us." – Marianne Williamson
o o o o
26 May, 2009
He assumed the chair he was sitting on had been comfortable at some point in its lifetime, but it certainly wasn't anymore. It would be surprising if any of the stuffing was still fighting for life within the faded plaid exterior and the coils stuck out against his back with no stuffing to cushion them. Shifting slightly, trying to find a more agreeable spot, but none was to be found and he wasn't a man prone to squirming.
"Good morning, Aaron. How are you doing today?"
Hotch stood and shook the hand he was offered.
"Sorry I'm late – I accidently spilt my coffee on myself and had to change into my spare shirt! Come on back and we'll get down to business."
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Spencer carefully wrote out Gideon's name at the top of the sheet of paper – he always had to be careful when he wrote to Gideon or his handwriting would get progressively worse as he wrote faster, trying to tell his mentor everything he could only really say to him.
They usually spoke over the phone, Spencer and Gideon, but all the times he tried to tell Gideon about Calliope he faltered, he always copped out. He'd been with her for nine months and he'd talked to Gideon on the phone several times since then, but he always came up with an excuse to avoid telling him. He knew it was irrational, but he couldn't help but think that telling Gideon about Calliope and the dream he'd been living in since meeting her would open everything up to possibility of having it taken away.
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Holding her breath, she dropped a particularly heinous smelling diaper in the trashcan before picking up a bottle of talcum powder. With practiced ease, J.J. replaced the diaper and scooped up Henry.
"Hey there, Big Guy. What do you wanna do today? A walk in the park? I was thinking that too! Maybe we can convince Daddy to come with us. Do you think he'd want to do that? You do? I think so too. He's pretty easy to convince."
J.J. carried Henry out of the nursery and saw Will reading the newspaper on the couch. Sitting next to him, she leaned against his side, cuddling Henry. Will slipped his arm behind her head and kissed her.
"Hey, Pretty Girl."
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Running was the usual way Derek relaxed. He'd drive over to Prince William Forest Park a few minutes out of Quantico, jog the eleven and a half miles that made up the trail surrounding the park and sweat out everything that was bothering him. He used to jog on the FBI track, but the trail was more calming, it was easier to relax out here away from the stress.
But not even running was working today. He stopped and wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt. He was familiar enough with the scenery that he figured he was roughly seven miles in and he could only go forward. He didn't like that his mind wasn't clearing the way it usually did when he ran this trail. He didn't like that he couldn't get Calliope's screams to stop echoing in his ears.
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"It's been 13 days since Hayley and Jack went into protective custody with the Marshalls. It's been hard. I usually talk to Jack every couple of days but now I can't talk to him or Haley. It's been… difficult."
"You still love your ex-wife, Aaron." The sentence was a statement, not a question as Dr. Peterson wrote on his clipboard.
"Yes. Haley was the one that wanted the divorce, because of my job. I understood, understand, but I it's not what I wanted. Foyet knows that and he's using it to his advantage."
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After pulling the cookie sheets out of the oven, she closed the door with her foot and placed the sheets on the cooling rack. She was still a bit buzzed from the night before, but she was almost completely back to normal.
Penelope couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much to drink, but last night had been exactly what the entire team had needed, herself included. A night of uncomplicated laughter and frivolity had been a more than welcome reprieve from the stress and terror George Foyet had layered over their lives.
She loved her team – they were her family. The seven of them formed a slightly dysfunctional and untraditional, but loving family that consistently protected each other from and helped each other through the horrors they saw each day. And now Foyet had targeted Hotch through Haley and Jack, but he had targeted their entire team, her family, by targeting Hotch. How were they supposed to protect each other from this?
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Focusing on the overly impractical romance novel she was reading was difficult, but not completely impossible. She'd managed to stave off a lot of the uninvited, impending thoughts while immersing herself in the fictional world of seventeenth century high society England and soaking in a bubble bath.
Dropping the book on the tile besides the tub, Emily leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She sucked in a large breath and reached for her cell phone. Flipping it open, she found the number in her contacts before holding it to her ear and waiting for the call to be answered.
"Hey, Mom. It's me – Emily."
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"Go on, Mugsy, get it. Get it, boy, get it. Good dog, Mugsy." Dave took the rabbit from the dogs' mouth and scratched him behind the ear.
"You've got yourself one helluva dog there, Dave." Ryan Cohen lowered his rifle and watched Mugsy run after the rabbit he had just hit. "You've been off your game today. I don't think I've ever seen you miss as many shots as you have today. What's eating you?"
Dave took the rabbit from Mugsy and put it in the cooler with the others. "It's this case we're working on. It's so personal; I'm not used to it. It won't leave me alone."
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"Hey Mama," Derek answered his phone as he slipped into his car. "What? Oh yeah. I was out running. I know, I know: I'm always supposed to pick up for you. I didn't hear the phone. Sorry, Mama."
"So how are you doing, Baby Boy?"
"I'm doing alright, considering everything that's going on. Spent last night out in Fredericksburg with Reid and his girlfriend, Cal. I told you about her, right?"
"Yes, you did. When'd you find Dr. Reid? Is he ok?"
"Oh yeah, Reid's fine. He'd been hiding out at Cal's house just waiting for her to come home."
"Ok, good. Now, most importantly, how's my baby?"
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He was about halfway through his letter when the vibrating of his phone made him jump and blot ink over the sentence he was working on. Sighing, he pushed the paper away and reached across the desk for the offending noisemaker. He couldn't help but laugh when he saw who was calling.
"Hello, Gideon," he answered.
"I heard about your leg. You doing ok, kid?"
"Yeah. The bullet went clean through. I'll be on crutches for several months and probably a cane for a bit, but the doctor said I'll be fine in the end. Hey, um, do you have some time? I've got some stuff to tell you."
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Hitting the pause button on the remote, Penelope pushed herself off the couch and stalked towards the door, mumbling about people who interrupt while she's watching movies. She was ready to pounce on whoever was outside but, when she opened the door, all she did was smile.
"Well, hello there, Hot Stuff."
"Hey, Angel. I'm not intruding, am I?" Derek asked as he walked into the colourful apartment.
"Nope, just watching a movie. Grab a soda and come join."
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"Are you thinking about leaving?" Ryan scowled as the jackrabbit evaded his shot.
"No. When I came back I thought this would just be a short-term gig, but now I wouldn't leave. I don't want to be retired again." Mugsy ran after the rabbit as it fell and Dave turned to Ryan. When the dog returned, Dave took the rabbit from Mugsys' mouth and tossed it in the cooler.
"I figured that would be how it worked out. Ya think we have enough?" Ryan looked in the cooler and took a sip of his beer.
"Oh yeah. Ready to head out?"
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J.J. pushed the stroller in front of them as Will told her about the movie he wanted to take her to see.
"It's the new Pixar movie. It comes out in three days. It's called Up. It's about this old man who flies his house to some wilderness place using balloons."
"You want to take me to a children's movie?"
"Don't even try and pretend you don't have every single Pixar movie ever made. I've seen the little black case with all of them hidden away."
"I'd love to go," she smiled, stopping and giving him a kiss before continuing on their walk. "And they go to Paradise Falls in South America."
"Ha! I knew you wanted to see it. I bet we can get Reid and his girl to take Henry for a couple of hours."
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"Yeah, I remember that! That was so funny. I can't believe that you have a picture of that! You have to email me a copy. Ugh, oh man, Mom, that just made my day." Giggling to herself, Emily took a sip of her glass of wine and slid a little lower in the water. "Thanks for talking to me, Mom. I really needed someone to talk to."
"I know we don't always get along, Emily, but I'm still your mother and I'm always here if you need me."
"I know, Mom. I just needed a reminder. It's been a rough couple of months."
"Tell me what's going on. Maybe I can help."
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"Foyet is smart and he's almost always three steps ahead of us. I can't help but worry that we won't be able to catch him. I keep telling myself I can't think that way, but it's because of him that Haley and Jack are in protective custody, that I can't see them. If we can't catch him…"
"Aaron, there are a lot of 'ifs' in this world. Right now, you should focus on what you can control. You and your team are doing everything you can to find and capture Foyet." Dr. Peterson fished in his pocket and pulled out a business card, handing it to Hotch.
"Here. I think you should have this."
"Whose card is it?"
"Nobodies. It's a quote by Marianne Williamson that's helped me through a lot. 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us."
Nodding, Hotch tucked it in his wallet and thanked him.
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"That does sound stressful, Emmy. Are you sure you're safe?"
"Yeah, Foyet's not after me. It's Hotch, Hayley and Jack who are in danger. I'm scared I won't be able to help or that something I do will result in catastrophe. The fear is like… I dunno… it's paralyzing."
"Do you remember what I used to tell you when you were in grade school and you were afraid you couldn't do something?"
"It was a quote. I remember, you painted it over my desk so I could see it when I started to give up on something."
"'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.'"
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"How many times have we watched X-Men together?"
"More times than I can count," Penelope laughed, resting her feet on his lap.
"What am I? Your footstool?" Derek rolled his eyes and shoved another cookie in his mouth before rubbing the soles of her feet.
"Does this job ever get to you?"
"Sometimes. Especially now with what Foyet's doing. Lately, I've been worrying that I'm not good enough to help capture Foyet."
"Oh, Derek, you're plenty good. I don't know anyone as good as you."
"Heh, thanks, Penelope. You know, I was talking to Mama today and she told me a quote that I really like. She said, 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.' Marianne Williamson said it."
"I like that."
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"That's something my daddy used to say to me when I wanted to throw in the towel over a case. Mary something-or-other said it. I can't remember. But I think it's a pretty good quote for what you're going through with Foyet."
Giving Henry his bottle, J.J. smiled at Will. "Thanks. I needed that. I needed some reassurance that we can catch him."
"You will. You always do."
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Dave folded up the second chair and tucked it into the back of the SUV next to the cooler full of jackrabbits.
"We got everything, Ryan?"
"I think so. Hey, I've been thinking about what you said, about worrying about Foyet and what he'll do if you can't catch him."
"So have I."
"My, uh, my Uncle Morty… when I was writing my dissertation and trying to decide if I wanted to go to rabbinic school, he would send me postcards from random cities around where he lived. They always had the same message written on the back. It was a quote my Marianne Williamson and, to this day, I have a poster-sized frame with all those postcards hanging in my office to remind me."
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Spencer pocketed his phone after he hung up with his mentor and stretched. He folded up the paper and tossed it into the trash before standing up awkwardly and positioning the crutches. The crutches were getting annoying, but he couldn't move without them and his knee was sending jolts of pain up his leg if he moved it an inch.
Hobbling painfully into the living room, he couldn't help but smile when he saw Calliope sitting sideways in the club chair with her legs hanging over its arm. She had a sketchpad leaning against her legs and her face was screwed up in concentration as the pencil she held flew across the page.
"Hey, Sweetheart."
"Sec, Spencer." Calliope didn't look away from the paper, simply continued to sketch. Brenda Sellers had told Spencer once, at the New Years Eve ball when he met the old woman, that Calliope was at her most beautiful when she was painting. This wasn't quite painting, but it was very close.
He waited until she looked up at him and smiled before he moved towards her. Standing up, she put the sketchpad on the coffee table and practically skipped to where he stood, wrapping her arms around his waist. Spencer smiled and let go of one of the crutches to awkwardly hug her with his left arm.
Pulling back a bit, she tilted her head back and smiled at him. "I ordered Chinese for dinner. I hope that's ok."
"As long as you don't make fun of me for using a fork," he grinned, leaning down and kissing her, dropping the left crutch in the process. He cursed as Calliope steadied him and helped him over to the couch before picking up the fallen crutch.
"You keep wincing really badly. Do you want some aspirin? No Tylenol 3, I know, just some regular Advil or Ibuprofen. It's time for you to take the anti-inflammatory anyways."
"Actually, that'd be really good, Thanks." He downed the pills she gave him when she returned and closed his eyes, leaning his head back. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she sat down and leaned against him. "Love you," he murmured, kissing her temple.
"Mmmm, I love you too."
Neither one of them said anything or moved until the doorbell rang and Calliope got up to retrieve and pay for the Chinese take out. She put the bag on the table, but didn't open it. Instead, she returned to the couch and cuddled against him again.
"You know you're safe, right?"
"What?" Calliope looked up at him again, confusion plain on her face.
"Everything that's going on with Foyet. You're safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He tucked a lock of lime green hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. "I'll always protect you."
"I know, String Bean. I know." Pulling his head down to hers, she kissed him, smiling. "So protective, Dr. Reid."
"I can't let anything happen to you. I won't. Foyet will never lay a hand on you."
"Spencer, nothing's going to happen to me. You and the team will find him, get Haley and Jack out of custody, and Foyet will go away forever."
"I hope you're right."
Kissing him again, she grinned, "I'm always right."
"Of course," he teased. "Can I see what you're working on?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure." Calliope picked up the sketchpad, but held it close to her chest. "No making fun."
"Why would I make fun?"
"Promise!"
"Ok, ok. Promise."
Calliope handed him the sketchpad and Spencer fell silent as he took in the drawing. Biting her bottom lip, she watched his face, trying to gauge his reaction, but couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"You don't like it?"
"No, I love it. It's amazing."
"You don't have to protect my feelings, Spencer."
"I'm not." Spencer continued looking at the faces of his friends, their smiles captured on the paper. "Rossi, Morgan, García, J.J., Hotch, Emily, and me…" he traced his finger over the faces as he named each one off.
"I wanted to capture last night. You all laugh together so infrequently." Calliope leaned back against his side and let her eyes flutter closed when he started to absentmindedly run his fingers through her curls.
"'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.'" Spencer traced the letters. The words started above the seven sketched busts and the last sentence continued underneath. She couldn't possibly have known that Gideon had said those exact words to him less than an hour ago. "Where'd you get that quote?"
"My mom used to keep journals of quotes and fables she liked. This was in one. I saw it this morning and I liked it. And, thus, that sketch was born. I want to paint it later, but I need to buy a canvas and some new paints. I'm out of blue and white."
"Maybe we can go get them tomorrow."
"That'd be nice, but I don't want you to stress your leg. C'mon. My stomach's growling. Let's eat." She helped him off the couch and got him steady on his crutches before heading into the kitchen and opening the bag of steaming food. "Maybe we can play a game of Scrabble. I haven't whooped your butt in a while."
"That's because I won the last three games we played, Sweetheart."
"I refuse to admit defeat, Dr. Reid! Plus, that last game was by one measly, freaking, stupid point…"
A/N:
Ok, so I'm intensely sorry that this update took so long. It was a combination of being busy and just having a difficult time writing this chapter. I knew what I wanted it to be, but I tend to have trouble writing Rossi, Emily and J.J. (except when she's with Reid) and I don't know why. =/
Anywho, I really, really hope you like it!
There's a new Mystery Muse Short called "307th New Years Eve Ball" up. It's about Calliope taking Spencer to Dahlia for New Years to meet her friends and family and chaos ensues. I do love my chaos. Reading it will definitely add to the story, much like Christmas Embers, but not reading it won't detract from Mystery Muse.
Thanks so much for reading and please tell me what you think, good or bad, because reviews make Thalia oh so happy. =)
Love, Thalia