AN: This chapter contains graphic adult content that is sexual in nature, if you do not wish you read this please refer to this chapter under the same story title and chapter title on "Archive Of Our Own"-another FanFiction sharing site-where you will find a link to a chapter note listed in the main summary of this chapter. That chapter note summarizes this chapter briefly without going into any graphic detail but allows you enough information to understand what occurs here so that you can skip over this one to the next chapter if desired.

Asuka felt a strange weightlessness to her body-as if she were a leaf falling from a tree-slowly and patiently. She felt her body breathing-her chest rising and falling. She felt as if there were a delay in every moment she made, as if there were a stutter in reality itself. She attempted to open her eyes-a bright white light reflecting back in them. As she came to the pain returned, first in the form of a pounding headache and then in a pulsating throbbing which flooded her body like a tidal wave. She went to reach for her head as she leaned over, groaning, and then realized which some shock that her arm didn't follow through with the movements. She looked down to her right, expecting to see her damaged arm there, but instead there was nothing. She started to panic, feeling her heart rate galloping in her chest and her breath coming faster and shallower.

'Where the hell is my arm? Where the hell is my arm? What the fuck is going on?' She repeated in her head over and over again.

Then a voice spoke, deep and clean, breaking her from her mental loop.

"Asuka? How are you feeling?"

She looked up, feeling an intense pain in the side of her face as she did so. She grit her teeth at the pain and squinted, attempting to make out the face before her in the dim white, moonlight illuminating the room.

It was Shinji.

He was sitting on a chair next to Asuka's bedside, one hand on the bed and the other in his lap. Momentarily, Asuka forgot about the fact that she was angry at him and was simply happy to see him there, but reality came crashing back as her memory returned.

"Where the fuck is my arm?" She growled.

"...It's gone Asuka. I'm sorry. We had to remove it or you would have died from your injuries-it was really badly infected. You were so sick."

Asuka's eyes widened, a look of horror on her face at the realization of what had happened.

'So that pain I felt wasn't just a bad dream then…' She thought.

She sat there, silent for a moment, afraid to even look down and see her arm missing again. She felt a hot stream of liquid drip down her face and reached up to touch it with her left hand. She stared at her fingers-the liquid was clear.

"What does my eye look like?" She said. "I can't see out of it...is there something covering it?"

"No."

Shinji's voice came, low and gentle but full of regret. He sounded like he pitied her and this made Asuka's blood boil. She grinded her teeth in her mouth nervously, the hot liquid exploding faster and more often from her face.

"Asuka-"

"Shut up!" She yelled, looking up at Shinji through her blurred vision. "You did this to me! I don't want your sympathy or your pity! I don't even want to look at myself...I wish you had let me die!"

Shinji's face fell, he looked pitiful. His lips were trembling. His mouth parted slightly and a tiny voice came out.

"I couldn't."

Asuka glared at him.

"Why? I look like some deformed monster! I would rather have died than gone on living like this! I'm right handed Shinji, did you know that?" She laughed hysterically through the sobs that strangled her. "What am I supposed to do now? Watch you and Rei be all happily ever after together while I rot alone and helpless? How am I supposed to do anything like this…no arm or eye… You never even asked me. I might as well be a vegetable! You...You're a selfish coward and I hate you!"

Asuka reached out her left arm, her whole body falling forward as she swung at Shinji.

"Asuka stop!" Shinji yelled, grabbing her wrist and holding her body back with his other hand on her right shoulder. "What are you talking about? You don't understand anything! There's nothing going on between me and Rei!"

"Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot Shinji! I saw you two together...holding hands...she offered to share a bed with you.. you didn't even deny that you were sleeping together when I brought it up! What a sick bastard you are… you'll do whatever you please to my body and then when I'm not good enough for you you'll go and stick it in her!"

Shinji looked appalled-his face frozen in shock before the realization slowly surfaced as Asuka's words sunk in.

"Asuka, Rei and I have never had sex… actually, I've never had sex with anyone…"

Shinji admitted sheepishly.

Asuka sat silent for a moment before mumbling something under her breath so quietly that Shinji had to ask her to repeat it.

"Are you hard of hearing or something? I said you're a fucking liar! You're trying to save your ass."

"Asuka-"

"I don't know what you see in that weirdo anyway-"

"Asuka…"

"She's the most boring person I've ever known!"

"Asuka! Be quiet for a minute would you? Sheesh!"

Asuka immediately grew quiet, looking at Shinji in surprise and also mild irritation.

"Why do you care so much?" Shinji asked, simply.

Asuka said nothing.

"If you hate me so much anyway why does it matter if I'm with Rei? I thought you didn't care. Unless… you're jealous of her."

Asuka jumped back to life, cringing openly at Shinji's words. She felt her cheeks and ears burning in humiliation.

"Ha! As if! Jealous of the wonderbitch... Over you? Get over yourself already!"

"Asuka, why do you deny the truth? Did you just think I forgot about the other night? Why did you come into my room…?"

Asuka huffed, looking away. She lied through her teeth.

"Because I was bored!"

"So…'I want you to fuck me' is just something you say to anyone when you're bored then?"

Asuka was shaking, her jaw taut and her hand clenched into a tight fist. She was starting to scramble for excuses. As she opened her mouth to respond the front door to the apartroom creaked and opened. Rei stepped inside with another plastic bag on her arm. Shinji and Asuka immediately distanced themselves, looking away quickly. They were both flushed bright red.

Shinji stood up after a moment and walked over to Rei, helping her unload the bag.

He looked over at Asuka through narrowed eyes for a brief moment. He felt his jaw clenching as he looked at her, a burning sensation boiling in his chest, his nose burning.

For once he actually allowed himself to be angry at her. She was being defiant and lying to his face and to herself. There was something she was trying to cover up and it pissed Shinji off to no end that after all they had been through together, no matter how much he tried to keep his calm and simply talk to her, she still had her walls up.

Asuka, on the other hand, was sitting on the bed staring down at the remainder of her arm, which was wrapped in gauze and tied in a plastic bag. She was blistering with hatred at the fact that Rei and Shinji had made such a drastic decision without so much as asking her first. She was actually afraid to find out how bad her eye looked. She couldn't see anything out of it except for when she looked into very bright lights, only then could she see the faint ghost of a shadowy outline. Her battle with the Eva series had left her body badly mangled even after the rebirth following Instrumentality. A part of Asuka loathed the fact that she could have possibly saved her arm if the proper care and supplies had been available to her.

'And what's gotten into Shinji, thinking he has the right to talk to me like that?'

She frowned. A small voice in the back of her head taunted her, reminding her of how much she enjoyed fooling around with him the other night. She bit her bottom lip.

'He doesn't deserve me...but why do I still feel this way? I'm just like Misato…a sex fiend.'

She stared up at Shinji and Rei standing together at the counter, sorting through the supplies. Shinji, feeling Asuka staring at him looked up and made eye contact with her. He was surprised by the look on her face. He was expecting to catch her glaring at him and then quickly look away, snarling under her breath, but instead she held a very intense, hungry look. He felt the blood rushing to his face and between his legs at the sight. Even with her hair a matted mess and her wounded eye and arm, she still had some wild animalistic attraction to her that Shinji found difficult to explain. He looked away, gritting his teeth, trying not to give in, knowing full well that it would lead him nowhere.

'What is she thinking about?' Shinji wondered.

After a moment Asuka spoke, pulling the covers off of herself and standing up.

"I'm going to take a bath," she announced.

She started for the door, turning the knob and letting the door fly open into the dark hallway. She looked over her shoulder at Shinji.

"Well, are you coming?"

Asuka was finding it to be quite difficult to wash herself with only her left hand. Attempting to untangle her hair by herself was frustrating even with a brush. She growled angrily as she struggled with a knot at the back of her head and eventually screamed, chucking the brush onto the pebbled ground surrounding the pond. She stared at it, fuming and shivered as a gust of wind blew past her. It was almost growing too cold outside to comfortably bathe.

After a few moments in complete stillness, hearing nothing but the sound of her own breathing and the water dripping slowly off of her body, she heard a soft, low voice humming to the right of her. She leaned her head in the direction of the sound. It was gentle and calm-much too low to be Rei's voice. Asuka waded through the water slowly attempting to follow the sound without being detected. She crouched down low in the water, huddling right up next to a bush, feeling it's long roots graze the undersides of her feet. She peeked through a small opening in the bush and tried to steady her breathing. She could feel her heart jumping in her chest and her face prickling as blood filled her cheeks. She bit her bottom lip and scanned the area through the branches.

Shinji stood before her, in full nudity, wading slowly through the water.

His body was long and slim, his muscles lean but surprisingly more defined than Asuka remembered. His skin was a warm beige with a hint of gold. His brown hair was wet-but spiked out as if he had run his hands through it. She followed the contours of his back as the moonlight hit it. His spine was bony and his shoulder blades prominent. Right above his ass, in the curve of his hips were two small dimples. The tops of his buttcheeks reflected light, his silhouette showing off the curvature in them, which was more exaggerated than most men. Asuka did remember observing in plugsuit that Shinji had quite a curvy body for a young man, more typical of a very thin lady. This would have been a point of ridicule for her had she not thought raising attention to the fact that she'd stared at Shinji's ass coming back to bite her. He turned around then, slowly, still humming and ran his hands through his hair, water trickling down his back. He threw his head back and let out a long sigh as he did this, closing his eyes. Asuka felt herself growing hot and uncomfortable as she watched. She started to become nervous that she'd get caught and moved away quickly from the sight mentally slapping herself as she paced around the pond.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed her brush, still laying face up on the stone shore right before the water. Slowly she made her way over to it and picked it up, staring at it, turning it over in her hand, lost in thought.

'I shouldn't do this,' she thought. 'It'll give him something to hold over me… and something to gloat about, I'm sure.'

Her fist tightened around the brush and then she started wading towards Shinji's side of the pond. She took a deep breath trying to steady her nerves and appear in control and collected, before stepping out in full view of Shinji. Asuka was bare-naked, the water only covering her right before her groin. She watched as Shinji's expression turned to one of shock and then embarrassment. His hands darted down to his crotch as if to cover something. His face turned blood red.

"A-Asuka! What the hell? I'm naked over here you know!"

Asuka smirked, her hand on her hip, still grasping the brush. She pushed her breasts out in the movement, exaggerating her curves. She held the brush out towards him.

"Well, since you all took it upon yourselves to cut off my arm without asking I think it's also your responsibility to wash me and brush my hair! Or are you just going to prove to me how selfish and cowardly you are?"

Shinji stood there for a moment with his brows furrowed, still covering himself, as he stared at Asuka. Asuka felt herself beginning to grow nervous at his hesitation but tried to bury it. After a moment Shinji nodded and looked away, giving Asuka her cue to come closer.

Asuka handed Shinji the brush and turned around. She felt both of his hands go up into her hair, one threading through the underside and the other held the brush on top. Asuka winced as Shinji struggled with the knot at the back of her head.

"Ow! Fucker! Don't yank it!"

"Sorry… I can't get it out."

Asuka made an irritated face and rolled her eyes, crossing her arm over her chest. Eventually, Shinji got the knot out and began brushing the rest of her hair, which generally slid through the brush like silk. Asuka felt her shoulders relaxing and closed her eyes briefly. After a while, he stopped brushing and asked if Asuka still wanted him to wash her, to which she responded in a sassy, degrading manner.

"What do you think?"

Shinji looked around confused for a moment.

"Do you have any soap or anything to wash with?"

"I can only carry so many things at one time Shinji. I wasn't about to put a soap bar in my mouth."

"So what am I supposed to wash you with?"

"Figure it out, idiot. Must I spell everything out for you all the time?"

Shinji paused for a moment seeming to be debating with himself before walking away and then coming back with something in his hand. Asuka heard a plastic tube squirting a thick liquid out and heard him rubbing his hands together vigorously.

She jumped at the feeling of the cold goop on his hands being slapped onto her back. He rubbed in small circles across her shoulder blades and down her spine, creating a thick lather over her skin. She felt his hands shaking slightly on her back and felt him avoiding her hip area. She smirked and backed up into him then, pressing her backside into his hips. She heard him gasp and felt something hard poking her. She felt the blood fill her face and bit her lip, wiggling her hips under him.

"A-Asuka...what are you…?"

"What, were you just going to avoid my hips and ass? Are you scared or something? Man up and finish what you started."

She heard Shinji begin to respond but then bite his tongue.

Behind her, Shinji was struggling to keep his composure. His face was red with embarrassment and his heart was pounding in his ears. He knew Asuka must have felt his arousal when she backed up into him. Why was she teasing him like this? She always acted like she hated him except for when she wanted something from him.

Shinji tried to stare over Asuka's shoulder, attempting to distract himself as his hands slid down Asuka's hips. She had a tiny waist that gave way into a full, toned bottom. He released a breath he didn't realize he was holding, feeling himself getting light headed. His hands slipped down to her ass and he shivered involuntarily. He thought he heard Asuka moan, but it was so quiet he assumed he imagined it. He moved down under the curve of her buttcheeks and her hips moved under him, her back arching into his touch, pushing her ass closer to his body. He felt her shake under him and let out another soft moan. Shinji's eyes widened. He suddenly became incredibly aware of how close he was to her forbidden area. He felt himself clamming up.

Asuka pressed her whole body into him then, closing the space between them.

He pushed back into her and heard an unexpected moan escape his own lips.

He let his hands move down in between her inner thighs, creating small circular motions as he rubbed the area there but being careful to avoid going any higher. Asuka mumbled something incomprehensible. When he didn't respond, she spoke again, louder.

"Wash the soap off of your hands Shinji…" she murmured.

He did as he was told. Unsure as to what she wanted he put his hand right back where it was, on her leg. She sighed, a wide smirk on her face, as she pushed her head back into his chest, lifting herself onto her toes. The movement caused Shinji's fingers to lightly graze the outside of Asuka's womanhood. He felt a thick, hot moisture drip onto his fingers and gasped jerking away immediately, swallowing hard.

"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it!" He choked, his voice squeaking.

Asuka made an irritated growling sound in the back of her throat and grabbed Shinji's hand yanking it back under her. He jumped at her unexpected reaction and forcefulness. He panted-his body was tingling all over with a radiating heat. He pressed his burning cheeks into Asuka's shoulder. His mind was spinning-he felt like he was being possessed-but it felt so good he let it happen anyway, pushing the possible repercussions to the back of his mind.

Daringly, he let his fingers trail along the lips of Asuka's womanhood again. She gasped, grabbing Shinji's wrist tightly for support, which was hugging the curve of her hip.

The feeling from the other night returned-the intoxication he'd felt-the wild, aggressive beast that clawed at his body threatening to rip free. He leaned over the curve in Asuka's neck and began milking it with kisses, his fingers still dancing with the delicate skin in between Asuka's legs. Asuka let out several strangled moans at the feeling. She seemed to be struggling to hold herself back, not wanting to allow Shinji control over her. Impulsively, he sucked the soft skin on Asuka's neck and received a loud, erotic cry from her in response.

"Dammit…" She gasped through her clenched jaw.

Asuka could feel herself becoming weak, her knees buckling under the powerful waves of pleasure that wracked her body. Her mind was becoming a confusing mess between hot and cold. She was clenching her jaw together so tightly now that it was becoming painful. She felt her fist tighten around Shinji's wrist. She was struggling to stay in control of the situation. She didn't want him to start assuming the dominant role-after all, she was using him for her pleasure not the other way around. She was holding her breath in an attempt to hold in her moans and keep her panting quiet and shallow. She didn't want to let him know how much this was affecting her.

Suddenly she felt a deep heat burn into her stomach as Shinji's finger slipped inside her. What she felt was indescribably more intense than when she had done it to herself, alone. She tightened her legs around his hand and gasped loudly at the feeling. A part of her was cursing angrily at Shinji for assuming that he could violate her like that without her permission but another part of her was screaming in euphoria at the sensation.

Her body was craving this-the affection, the extreme pleasure it brought her, the fullness it gave her-it was like a drug. Shinji's finger slid deeper, triggering a spot in Asuka that made her body feel like pudding. He made small circles around the area, applying pressure. Asuka felt her insides rising towards something-a pleasure that grew with intensity for every moment of Shinji's finger. She was vaguely aware that Shinji's hips were thrusting against the skin of her backside and that she was panting heavily, aloud now.

Then, without warning, something exploded inside of her-a feeling so intense and wonderful that it was almost painful. She cried out, unable to stop herself, her body arching automatically while her head was thrown back against Shinji's body. She heard him gasp and cry out loudly in her ears seconds after she did.

They both stood still in the water moments afterwards, regaining their composure.

As Asuka gradually crashed from her orgasmic high reality came crashing back to her. Anxiety welled up inside of her, dread seeping into her lower abdomen like a poison. She felt violated and humalitated. She had never orgasmed in front of anyone before and certainly hadn't anticipated the first person experiencing it being the very person that had caused it in that moment. The very person that caused her so much pain all the time. It felt like she'd been burned and had something precious stolen from her.

'I have to get away,' She panicked.

As Shinji came to, having made a mess all over Asuka's right buttcheek and thigh, he also became aware of how still and uncomfortably quiet Asuka was under him. He felt a looming sense of guilt wash over him.

'Why is she so quiet? Did I do something wrong? I shouldn't have let myself get so carried away…'

Then, Shinji heard Rei's voice in the distance, calling his name. Asuka must have heard it too for she ripped herself away from Shinji with such aggressiveness that it shocked him.

"Asuka?"

She didn't respond, picking up her pace as Shinji continued to call out her name. It almost felt like she was running away from him.

'Did I hurt her?' Shinji wondered, concerned with Asuka's sudden coldness.

He stood frozen in the middle of the pond, his toes buried into the sandy ground below.

Then, he was jerked out of his trance by the sound of Rei's voice calling his name again, now much louder as she drew nearer to him.

He stumbled out of the water and onto the shore, quickly pulling his pants and shirt over his still-wet body. He ran his wet hands over his face, breathing into his palms, trying to conceal any evidence of what had just occurred. He tried to block it out of his mind, preparing to speak to Rei. He heard soft footsteps pad across the ground behind him.

He turned around to face her.

She was standing before him, holding something at her side. She raised her hand to him, lifting the object into view.

"Shinji...I found-"

Shinji felt his eyes widen. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Held firmly in Rei's small hand, was a very familiar red jacket with orange and black bands on the shoulders, the fabric stained with blood. He felt a knot tightening in his throat at the sight.

'How?'

Thoughtlessly, a name escaped his lips then in the form of a breathless whisper as he stared, captivated by the weight of what he was seeing.

"Misato…"

(To Be Continued...)