I'll always remember that magic moment

When I held you close to me

As we moved together, I knew forever

You're all I'll ever need

"Could I Have This Dance" Sung by Anne Murray, written by Wayland Holyfield and Bob House

Chapter Twelve

"What do you mean?"

"It's our wedding night...and we can't have one...because of me." She dropped her head and cried quietly. "I'm sorry to make such a fuss about it. I guess I didn't really think about not being able to...tonight. And I look awful, and...and…."

"Kitty, that's not your fault…" he began, but was at a loss for anything further to say. Doc had warned him that in her condition Kitty would be more emotional about things, but knowing that and knowing what to do about it were two different things. "It's just the way it has to be," he finished, feeling completely inadequate.

"But Matt, you don't understand." She sat on the bed, dabbing under eyes with her handkerchief.

"Explain it to me, then. Make me understand."

She shook her head. "You won't."

Matt picked her hairbrush up from the top of the bureau and sat next to her on the bed. She silently gave her consent and he began to brush her long red hair. If she couldn't talk to him about it, maybe their old familiar ritual would comfort her. She sighed and let her head fall back as he gently pulled the brush through her curls until there were no tangles left. "Feel better now?" he asked, putting an arm around her shoulders and trying to draw her closer. She shrugged. "I got the fireplace going, do you want to sit out there and talk for a while?"

"Sure, that sounds good," she answered quietly. He stood, and when she made no move to get up, he put on arm around her waist and the other under her knees and picked her up.

"Matt!" she gasped. "You can't keep doing that! Your leg-"

"My leg will be fine." He carried her into the other room and got her settled on the sofa, returning to the bedroom to pull the quilt off the bed and blow out the lamp. She curled up next to him, laying her head and one arm on his chest. He pulled the quilt over both of them and pulled her close in his arms, gently stroking her back with one hand. The fire snapped and made just enough light to see each other, leaving the rest of the room in shadows. Kitty was finally ready to go back to their earlier conversation.

"It's how I know you love me."

He wasn't sure what she was referring to. "Go on," he encouraged her.

"All these years, I've been 'the Marshal's woman.' No, no, I'm not complaining," she said, sensing he was about to protest. "I'm proud of that. I know you only think about the people who hurt me because of it, but it gave me some protection, too, even when you weren't around. An awful lot of men knew I was off limits and left me alone because I belonged to you. The problem was that hardly anyone ever said the opposite. Only a few people ever called you my man, and most of them were people who meant one of us harm. I guess no one ever told any of those sweet young things who came to you looking for protection that you belonged to someone already. I know you never slept with any of them, but sometimes I think you led them on a little, even if you didn't mean to, because you wouldn't say you already had a woman.

"So I could never really feel like you belonged just to me. You belonged to everybody, I guess. Sometimes it seemed like the only time you put me first was in bed. When I could get you there. Most of the time it was the only reminder I had that you love me. That's why it hurt so much and why I got so angry whenever you stood me up, even when I knew you didn't have a choice. And now that we're married and I know you belong to me, I just needed our wedding night to make it real."

"I do belong to you, Kitty. I'm sorry I made you feel that way all those years." It wasn't like she hadn't tried telling him these same things before, but he'd always given her every impression of not taking her seriously. Brushed her off with excuses like "we've never needed explanations" or "I can't have a permanent relationship." He'd always figured it was kinder to say those things than to tell her the truth about his intentions, in case someday never came. "Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to make love to you all night tonight, but we just can't. If something went wrong with the baby I'd never forgive myself." Tell me what I can do instead to make this real for you.

"Tell me what you think about the baby, Matt. How do you feel about being a father?"

"Oh, I'm starting to get used to the idea, I guess. I don't know what kind of a father I'll be. Thinking about the baby mostly makes me think about you."

"Me?"

"Sure. Whether you'll be all right; how you're going to be a wonderful mother. How happy I am that you're going to have a child of your own. Don't look so surprised. I might still have a lot to learn about women, but I'm not blind. I can tell whenever you're around a baby or a child, how much you want one." Did you think you could hide that from me? He rested his hand on her slightly rounded belly. "Kind of hard to believe a whole baby is going to fit in here."

"Matt Dillon! Thank you for reminding me how fat I'm going to get!" He was relieved to hear the laughter in her voice. He pulled her closer and turned her so she was sitting on his lap.

"You know, you really do look beautiful in this nightgown." He tilted her face toward his to kiss her, cradling the back of her head in his hand. Their lips met for a long, slow kiss, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him as tightly as she could. When he finally broke away from her gently, she felt so disappointed she wanted to cry. He rested his forehead against hers and then, reaching up, he pulled on arm free from his neck, brought her hand to his lips, and softly kissed it. He cleared his throat several times and she waited patiently for whatever he was about to say.

"Kitty, honey, listen, I'm sorry I wasn't always there to take you to all the dances and picnics and everywhere else you wanted to go. Now this might seem like I've got things backward, now that we're married with a baby on the way, but guess I've got about twenty years of courting to catch up on. I was just wondering, Miss Kitty, if you'd let me court you. How about a buggy ride tomorrow?"

She smiled up at him, tears shining in her eyes. "That sounds very romantic, Cowboy."

Kitty woke with a start to realize she had fallen asleep with her head on Matt's lap. They were still on the sofa; Matt sprawled out at one end so she could lie down. That's not going to be too comfortable for him by morning. "Matt. Matt." She patted his cheek, trying to wake him. "Let's go to bed. You'll sleep better in there."

Matt stretched and stood up, suddenly fully awake. Noticing her shivering in her silk nightgown and robe he said, "Go on back and I'll be there in a minute. I'm going to build the fire back up." She stayed on the sofa. "Go on," he repeated, already adding more wood to the fire. "It's too cold out here for you."

She pulled the quilt up around her shoulders. "It's going to be even colder in there. I'll wait for you." When he finished tending to the fire, she stood and he wrapped the quilt around her. Arms around each other, they walked back to the bedroom.

Kitty woke still in Matt's arms, her head resting on his chest. "Morning, sweetheart," he said softly next to her ear. She lifted her head, smiling, and pulled his face up to hers for a kiss.

"Well, I have to say, it's wonderful to wake up next to my husband. And that is a wonderful word."

"What word's that?" Matt asked, in between kisses.

"Husband," she answered, kissing him back.

"Well, what about 'wife'?" he teased. "What you think of that word?"

"That word is quite wonderful, too," she agreed.

"In that case, wife, how about if you go out in the kitchen and fix me some breakfast?" He grinned at her playfully.

"Oh, is that why you married me? So you'd have someone to cook for you?" She raised her brows at him.

"Oh, partly. I also needed someone to sew, and do laundry, and keep house…"

"Oooh!" She swatted his arm lightly. "Well, then, husband, since it's going to take me longer to get dressed than it will you, how about going out in the kitchen and starting some coffee for me? If being a married man hasn't made you forget how."

"I could use some coffee myself," he said, getting out of bed and reaching for his clothes. She sat up, but stayed in bed for a few minutes, mindful of the dizziness that still sometimes threatened when she stood up too quickly. By the time she got up, he was already on his way to the kitchen.

She was going through her bags, wondering if the girls had packed anything suitable for a farm wife to wear, when she heard a buggy coming up the lane. She went to the bedroom door. Matt was looking out the front window. "Does anyone know we're here?"

"It's Doc, and Festus is with him. I didn't tell anyone where we went. Finish getting dressed and I'll go out and see what they want."

Kitty closed the bedroom door, rolling her eyes. She could hear fragments of their conversation as she dressed. "...tracked ya, Matthew…" "...just got up…" "...talk to you first...she'll want to know…" "...while I feed the horses…"

"What will I want to know?" she asked the empty room. "More things he doesn't want me to do?"

She went out to the kitchen, glad to see the stove was heated and Matt had started the coffee.

She had a pan of biscuits in the oven by the time Matt came in with Doc. Why was Festus still outside?

"Doc, it's only been one day…" Her words trailed off when she saw their faces. Matt crossed the room, Doc following.

"Why don't you sit down, Kitty?" Doc said to her gently.

"Well, you're obviously not here to tell me about my husband, since he's right here next to me," she said, wrapping her arms around Matt's waist, "so I think I'll stand. What is it, Doc?" Who is it? Matt and Doc were here, and Festus was outside. Her mind searched for who was left that would cause Doc to enlist Festus to track them down and interrupt them on their honeymoon. Suddenly her legs felt weak and she clung to Matt for support.

"I think I'll take that chair after all."

A/N Many thanks to SingerMe for her wonderful suggestions when I was in desperate need of assistance in writing this chapter. Don't hold her responsible for my not being able to follow them very well. I can't write setting or description for nothin' as I'm sure everyone has noticed.