Chapter 12: These Dreams
Buffy opens her eyes. It's really bright. She balls her fists onto her eyes, trying to get them to adjust. She blinks. Everything comes into focus. She's in a beautiful park. There's a picnic. Checkered blanket under a perfect shade tree…
"Check it out… It's just like old times!" Faith steps up behind her. She wraps her arm around Buffy's shoulders, leading her into the scene. She sits, cross-legged on the blanket, and starts tearing into the picnic basket, pulling out an enormous amount of delicious looking food. "Oh, did you want anything?"
"Is there cake?" Buffy sits across from the other girl, grinning affectionately. "I like cake."
"Problem is, there's the whole, 'have your cake and eat it too' thing." Faith stuffs her face, while rooting through the food.
"Y'know? I never got that. I always thought it should be 'eat your cake and have…'" Buffy's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a rooster crowing from afar. "It's not morning…"
"Doesn't matter. Looks like rain." Faith stands up, and looks up into the clear blue sky. Not a cloud in sight. "Definitely, big storm coming."
Buffy frowns. "Will that ruin it all?" She looks as though she's going to cry.
"It's already ruined." Faith looks down at all the food. It's rotted and covered in squirming maggots and worms.
Suddenly, it's dark as night. Storm clouds are thick and heavy in the sky. The wind whips up, burning their skin like fire, and rain bursts from the sky.
"Can we save anything?" Buffy looks through the disgusting moldy fare, hoping to find something that might have been spared. Faith grabs her hand and lifts her up.
"Maybe we can save everything." Faith pushes a wet strand of blonde hair from Buffy's face. She leans in, still holding her hand.
A burst of white shoots through the sky, blinding the girls, hitting the tree. A crack of thunder shakes the heavens, and the hills below.
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"Gaaaah!"
Buffy sits upright in the bed, heart pounding. She inhales and exhales, trying to slow her heart to a normal person pace. She quickly checks that she hasn't disturbed her sister. Nope. Dawn's still snoring peacefully.
She thinks carefully about the dream, knowing that she'll have to tell Giles about it when he arrives in the morning. Which is now. She looks out to see the sun shining high in the clear blue. Nope, it's past now. Giles is already here.
With a groan, she flops back on the bed, closing her eyes.
"I am so done with the cryptic!"
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"Gaaaah!"
Faith awakes with a jolt, opening her eyes. Bad idea. The sunshine hits her face, making her pupils contract way too fast. Squinting, she reaches for her jeans, pulls them on. Slips her smokes from her back pocket, walking slowly to the window. She sits on the sill, feet up. Lights up and takes a long drag.
She stares out the window, trying to piece together as much of the dream as she remembers. Giles will wanna know. Even if it didn't make any sense. Even if it was mostly stupid.
She finishes her smoke, and lets it fall. She watches it this time as it flies downward, although it's more fun at night when you can see the red spark as it lands. She roots through her drawer for a shirt, and slips it on over her tank. Training will take the edge off. Then she'll go see Giles.
"This blows." She walks out, letting the door slam behind her.
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Buffy rolls over in the bed. Dawn's gone. She stretches her arms out and over her head, sitting up. It's nice to sleep in a real bed. Hostels aren't so much with the comfort. She swings her legs over the edge, and bends to root through her bag. She's gotta have some clean clothes left. Her eyes flicker over the room. She sees a pile of soft clean clothes folded on the chair by the window. They're hers. Nice.
"Dawn, I will never taunt you again." She smiles and walks over to the chair, shedding her worn khakis and sweatshirt onto the floor. "Well. Not today." Casts off her underclothes, kicking them toward her backpack. She'll pick them up later. Right now she's desperate to pull something new over her skin.
She slips into the bra and panties, and slides her long thin legs into a pair of dark, low slung jeans. Pulls the silky top over her head and down over her torso. Gasps as a waft of fabric softener smell hits her senses. Lets herself enjoy the moment. She's missed the smell of clean.
She checks herself out in the full length mirror. Not bad. The clothes fit her pretty well. Bit loose. She's thinner, if that's possible. She might need a belt. The blouse is a muted dark green, like washed out emeralds. She runs her fingers through her hair, smoothing out the tangles from her fitful sleep. It's white blonde now, from the months she spent in the hot sun. But she'd had to cut some of the darker colour off, so it's a bit shorter. Still, it runs down her back, slipping over her shoulders and nestling into her not-so-ample cleavage. Buffy frowns. Pushes her breasts up. Sighs. Lets them settle back down. They're smaller too.
There's a tentative knock on the door.
"S'ok, Dawn, I'm dressed…" Buffy turns to the door, expecting her sister to come barreling in.
"Buffy?" The door opens, and in slips…
"Willow! Oh, Will!" Buffy's running to the door, and she scoops Willow up in her arms, swinging her around. "I missed you so much!"
"And that's what I'll tell the doctors when they admit me to the E.R.!" But Willow is laughing, and returning the embrace with all of her non-slayer might.
Eventually, Buffy puts her friend down, and they sit on the edge of Dawn's bed. There's so much to say, but neither seem to be able to do much more than stare, and smile, and look away. Look at their hands. Buffy feels tears welling, and digs her nails into her hand to stop them.
"I don't…" Buffy starts.
"Did you…" Willow blurts.
"I'm sorry, you go." Buffy wants to hear her friend babble. It's comforting. She can't remember when things were so quiet between them.
"So, um. Did you know that Kenn and I broke up?" It's not what she wanted to say, but best start with the easier stuff.
"Yeah, Dawn told me. But you always get back together… eventually. You want to right?" Buffy doesn't know if Willow knows.
"It's complicated. But yeah, I think so." Willow sighs. "If she'll have me. She was so hurt when I left."
"Why did you?" Buffy starts. "Leave, I mean."
"I was exhausted. And I needed to go. The whole thing… the spell… drained me. And there was stuff… I felt… Why did you?" Willow breathes. "Leave, I mean."
"I needed to." Buffy smiles at her friend and then lowers her head. "I was a coward."
Willow puts her hand over Buffy's. "Everybody gets scared. But…"
"What I did… And then she showed me… I saw..."
"I saw it too. It went through me. It was so strong. I can't believe we never saw it before." Willow lifts Buffy's chin. "What are you going to do about it?"
"What can I do? What can I say? Hey, sorry about the whole pain and torture thing. Sorry I took every nightmare and bad memory and made it real." Buffy runs her hair through her hands, getting up from the bed and starting to pace. "Sorry you let me back into your life and I thanked you for it by…" She's going to make herself say it. She forces it through clenched teeth. "Raping you and leaving you to die. So wanna go get a drink sometime? It's unforgivable. I'm unforgivable."
"You're not unforgivable. You two… you've been through a lot of badness. And you got over it. Both of you. And it wasn't you…"
"It WAS me! All of it was ME. I wasn't possessed. I wasn't out of my body. I was THERE. And I… wanted…" Buffy look is pleading.
Willow looks at Buffy. For a moment, it looks like Willow might cry. But then her features set hard. Resolve face.
"Buffy. Sit." Buffy sits on the bed. Willow takes her hand gently.
"I'm gonna say some stuff here. You're not gonna like it. But you're gonna listen to me now." Willow squeezes her hand, to soften what's coming.
"Buffy. I love you. And I get you. What you're doing right now? Not helping. You're feeling guilty and… you should. You can be selfish, and sometimes you don't see things or pay attention. Like right now. You're so busy beating yourself up, but about the wrong stuff. It's still all about you. What you did. Your guilt. Your pain."
Buffy opens her mouth to protest. But a look from Willow stops her. She shuts up.
"You know, she agreed to the spell before she even knew what it was about. Before she'd even healed. Even when I told her what she'd have to do, she didn't hesitate. She may not have wanted to help, but she needed to. She let you in, again. To save you, Buffy. And then you left. Even knowing everything, you left. What do you think that did to her?"
"Oh, God." Buffy chokes it out. "I just couldn't… didn't want her to see me. I thought…"
"I know. You thought that she'd be OK if you weren't around to remind her. You thought she'd be better off." Willow moves her hand from Buffy's, reaching over to rub the girl's back. Small comforts. "That's guilt talking. Stupidness, and guilt. And if you saw what I saw, you know that."
"I saw. I saw her. It was… themostbeautifulthingI'veeverseen." Buffy says it quickly. Squeezing it out against her better judgment.
"I felt that from you. And from her." Willow doesn't know how much more Buffy can take. "I know, y'know."
Buffy looks at her, eyebrows raised.
"I know. What your heart wanted. What it asked. And I know how she answered." Willow tries to keep her eyes steady, keep the accusatory tone out of her voice. "How could you walk away from that?"
"I… I…" Buffy tries to speak. Willow gets up to go.
"I don't need to know the answer. But you do. And so does she."
And Willow leaves. Leaves Buffy to think. Leaves to find Kennedy. They have a lot to talk about.
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"Look, the syntax in this translation is wrong! Way wrong." Dawn pokes her finger down on the open pages. The desk shakes with the force. "If we had the last copy of the Oraculum, you'd see I'm right."
"Dawn, I understand that this is trying for you… And another Oraculum would only provide another translation. I'm afraid I don't see…" Giles is worried about his protégée. He leans back on the desk, staring out at all the research materials cluttering his desk.
"Right. You don't see. You don't see me, anyway. Right here, you know. Full on Watcher! And I'm really, really good at it." She rushes over to the computer. Clicks to the browser, pulls up a page from EBay. "Look! It's right there. Doesn't even know what he's got. Thinks it's some religious thing." She turns the screen for Giles to see.
"Good heavens." Giles stares down at the screen. Peering at it through his glasses. "The Satyasatvan AgranirUpaNa. Ancient scrolls, in Sanskrit and Avestan… Is it authentic? It had better be, with the price…"
"I looked at some of the pictures he provided. It's authentic. It's the Slayer Prophecies. A much older copy. Maybe the first copy…" Dawn looks at him triumphantly. "We need to have this. Express shipping is overnight!"
"Of course… Excellent work, Dawn. I'm sorry I ever… And when did you learn Avestan?" Giles looks at her with new eyes as she clicks 'Buy it Now', and enters the Council credit card number from memory.
"I told you. I'm really, really good." Dawn is comfortable with gloating. Gloating is good.
There's a knock, and they look up to see Faith leaning on the doorframe. "Hey. Don't wanna interrupt the nerd-fest, but I got some juicy new nightmares to share."
Giles motions for her to come in, and she takes a seat on the windowsill.
"So, spill it. What you got for us nerds?" Dawn asks with a wry smile.
As Faith relates the events of her slayer dream, both Giles and Dawn write down the details. When she's finished, they compare notes. Faith fidgets in her seat.
Finally Giles speaks.
"Could you repeat the part about the rooster?"
"Like I said, Buffy was talking about cake. We heard a rooster. She said 'It's not morning.'" Faith rolls her eyes. "That sounds really dumb. It was dumb."
"Actually, I think it's quite a valuable piece of the puzzle. And you both heard the call, the crowing?" Giles is flipping excitedly through his private collection.
"Yes, Giles. We both heard the damned bird." Faith gets up. "If that's all. I'm gonna go… away."
"Yes, yes… Quite…" Giles is lost in his books.
"Actually Faith. I have a question." Dawn looks a bit scared.
Faith nods.
"Uhm. At the end of your dream. You said 'maybe we can save everything'… what exactly was happening when you said that?"
"I think I fixed her hair. It was all straggly in the rain. I was holding her hand still. And I think I was leaning in to… unh..." Faith looks at the stone floor. The rug.
"But the big boom stopped you, right?" Dawn writes everything down. "Thanks Faith. It really could be important."
"You know me. All about the sharing." Faith deadpans, before walking out the door.