Chapter 12

Episode 83, "War Takes a Holiday" follows immediately after "Sticky Wicket Newkirk" (chapter 11). Hochstetter has four Underground leaders in custody at Stalag 13. Hogan convinces Hochstetter and Klink the war has ended to get Hochstetter to release his prisoners, which he does. This is a radical revision of this episode shifting it from half-reality (they tried to rescue the Underground men and failed, as shown) to half-myth—What if we convinced Hochstetter the war was over, here's what could have happened…, but didn't.


January 1944

"You can't win 'em all, Colonel," Kinch said low, in a conciliatory tone. Colonel Hogan sat on the bottom bunk, staring into space with an expression that said he was in no mood to be comforted. Kinch could tell the colonel's mind flew at jet speeds, trying to pull a last minute scheme out of the thin cold stratosphere. But none was to be had and they both knew it.

"I know," Hogan eventually answered. "But this is a bad one to lose."

Heck, Kinch thought… no, hell. He'd thought they could win 'em all too. He'd come to believe it. They had pulled off the impossible so many times before. For gosh sake, they'd managed to plant a bug in a Luftwaffe regional headquarter! This one looked like a cinch by comparison. At least it looked like it.

Four Underground leaders… right in front of them. Right here at Stalag 13, escape-central of all of Germany… and they couldn't save them. They'd tried. Tried their darnedest. The Kommandant had allowed that admittedly weak scheme with the mattresses being changed to go forth unchallenged. It reinforced Kinch's suspicion Klink was actively cooperating, but not Hogan's—he still held to the idea Klink was being wholly manipulated. Maybe it was a personal pride thing, Kinch considered. If Klink was cooperating, then it was Hogan being manipulated. Kinch had to admit, that was a hard one to swallow. Kommandant Klink just never radiated that sort of cleverness. But the mattress scheme… could even Klink be daft enough to not see through that one?

Hochstetter had seen through it in an instant.

"Isn't this man ever locked up?!" Hochstetter had shrieked at Klink about Colonel Hogan when he discovered his Underground prisoners being carried out of the cooler by Hogan's men.

Well, now Hogan was. Locked up. And just damned lucky, Kinch reflected, it wasn't in a Gestapo cell. At least Klink stood his ground (again) on that, keeping Colonel Hogan here in Luftwaffe custody over Hochstetter's snarling threats.

The shutters over the window in the colonel's office rattled. One of Hochstetter's men checking, for the tenth time, that they were secure. Locked down as tight as it could be, Barracks Two had SS guards on every side. Others were liable to come in at any moment to count heads. Still more patrolled around the tunnel exit outside the wire. They couldn't get out that way either. It would be suicide to try a rescue of the Underground men even if they could find a way to make the attempt. Not, Kinch allowed, that he'd put it past the colonel to try, no matter the odds. Kinch suppressed his own sigh of dismay. Nope. They'd just flat-out lost this one.

"They're gonna die," Hogan said flatly. Kinch studied him. He didn't seem to be really talking to Kinch. It was more to himself. His gaze looked not at the barracks but at the memories he seldom shared. "If they're lucky it will be sooner rather than later." Hogan let out a long breath. "We should have gotten cyanide capsules to them when we had the chance. Instead I deluded myself into believing we could get them out of here right under Klink and Hochstetter's noses. I fouled it up. Bad." Hogan rubbed his eyes. "I don't know what I was thinking. Even if we had gotten them out in those mattresses, Hochstetter would have had all of us enjoying some fun-filled time in Berlin trying to explain how helping civilian prisoners of the Gestapo escape fits into the Geneva Convention's rules of prisoner conduct." Hogan paused, then added, "If he doesn't haul us off there anyhow." Letting out a short, humorless laugh, Hogan added, "Hochstetter figures he could break me in two hours."

The shutters rattled again.

Kinch saw the faint shiver run through his commanding officer. "Hey... Don't worry, sir. Klink will hold him at bay. Whether he's on our side or not, if we go down, he goes down. The Kommandant knows it."

Giving Kinch a long, unconvinced look, Hogan only said, "There should have been a way to save those guys. I should have been able to think of a way."

So much for Colonel Hogan accepting defeat, Kinch thought. "The only thing that would have saved them was the end of the war," he said.

Strangely, Hogan chuckled. "That's it. We should have ended the war." He sat up, his eyes lighting up the way they did when he was cooking up some really bizarre scheme. Kinch watched with interest. "We'd convince Klink and Hochstetter the war was over. Klink opens the gates. And Hochstetter doesn't have any reason to hold his prisoners any more, so he releases them." Hogan chuckled again.

"We could print up a fake newspaper with a headline about the war being over," Kinch said, following along with the never-could-happen scheme, "plant it on Schultz when the mail arrives…"

"It would take more than that," Hogan said. "We'd have to take over the local radio station and broadcast it on the news too. All that would satisfy Klink. He's an easy sell. But Hochstetter is too suspicious. He'd call Berlin…"

"…so Newkirk intercepts the call at our switchboard and fakes a big party in Berlin. Everyone all happy 'cause the war's over," Kinch said.

"I wouldn't buy it, of course," Hogan said, a grin spread across his face as he lost himself in the plan. "I'd accuse them of setting it up to trap us. But," he emphasized his point by waving his finger in the air, "if Hochstetter released his Underground prisoners, then I'd believe it. You know, the Gestapo would be eager to prove they aren't the evil bastards they really are…"

"…want to improve their public image…" The shutters rattled.

"…so, Hochstetter releases them and they join the prisoners drinking beer and celebrating," Hogan painted the picture of the scene with guards and prisoners having a huge party together, gates to the camp flung wide open, gallons of beer flowing.

"Where would enough beer for one thousand men come from?" Kinch questioned with a frown.

Hogan shrugged. "It's all impossible anyhow, just play along with the delusion. But, you know, there's a missing element." He grinned again. "I know… I convince Hochstetter to lend the Underground men his car to drive into town. And they'd be away. Free."

The shutters rattled. The thirteenth time. The rumble of a truck engine starting sounded clearly through the thin barracks' walls. The Underground men being moved out. Hogan's grin faded. The sound of the truck moved past the barracks, toward the gate. Gone. Gone to meet a terrible fate. Not free.

"Yeah," Kinch said softly, sadly. "That would've been a great plan."

The sound of the truck carrying the Underground men faded, leaving a long dark silence behind.

Klink tapped his pencil on his desk blotter in a nervous staccato. He dropped the pencil abruptly. Then as quickly picked it up again, resuming the tapping.

Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Colonel Hogan… I… I want you to know…" Klink glanced up. Hogan stood still before his desk, as near to attention as he ever managed, which was to say, at least he wasn't slouching insolently with his thumbs hooked in his pockets. Instead he stared stonily at Klink with an scowl likely concealing outright fear. "I want you to know I have emphasized in my reports that this incident of you attempting to help Hochstetter's prisoners to escape was nothing more than a routine, legitimate—well, criminal, but criminal in an entirely legitimate sort of way…" Klink cut himself off, pressing his lips together tightly. He was near to babbling again. "I've emphasized that I view it as an utterly routine escape attempt by prisoners of war, and ought to be treated as such. Not…" He looked up at Hogan, meeting his eyes, "…not as an act of espionage helping civilian prisoners escape from a civilian authority—the Gestapo."

"Those men were prisoners in the Luftstalag where I am senior POW officer. I didn't check their military credentials. Nor the Gestapo's claimed lack of them. It was my duty to help them escape," Hogan said flatly.

"I've made that argument on your behalf," Klink said. "Repeatedly." He sighed again and looked back down at the tapping pencil in his hand. "Hochstetter is making the opposite argument. Forcefully." Klink stilled the pencil and glanced up, letting his own worry sound in his voice. "You crossed a line, Hogan. A very serious line."

Klink fell silent, waiting for Hogan to respond. There existed no ploy or wild explanation that could cause this situation to go away. No tale Hogan could spin would satisfy everyone and quell Hochstetter. Hogan had simply and completely been caught in the act.

Mercifully, Klink allowed, it had been 'simple'. His attempt to help those four Underground prisoners escape had been one that truly could have occurred at any Stalag. Smuggled out in mattresses? Almost commonplace. And not very good. Certainly not overly elaborate. There had been no hint of tunnels or secret transmitters or an escapee processing center. There had only been men taking a big chance on a simple ploy. Oddly, though he stood a real chance of being executed as a spy over this very basic scheme, Hogan had also done measures of good for himself in demonstrating that Hochstetter's claims about Hogan's more exotic abilities were wild exaggerations. If he survived this one. Klink found himself wondering again about the truth as he thought he knew it.

Hogan spoke out of a long, glum silence. "So what happens next?"

"I am ordered to continue keeping you and your men confined to the barracks. The Luftwaffe High Command is investigating. Once they've made a decision…" Klink trailed off a moment. Clearing his throat briskly, he continued, "I'm sure you're aware the Luftwaffe resists turning over our prisoners to the Gestapo. But the Gestapo… Well, they're a law unto themselves. Above any law." Klink didn't hide his short sigh of disgust. "The Luftwaffe High Command won't turn you over to the Gestapo unless they absolutely have to… unless they're certain…" Klink cut himself off again as he took in Hogan's expression. Of course. He'd already been handed over to the Gestapo once already for extensive questioning when the Luftwaffe failed to extract any information from him themselves. Hogan would not be reassured by Klink's claims about the Luftwaffe's benign policies and protections. For that matter, the Luftwaffe might decide to try and execute Hogan themselves, without any Gestapo involvement. Gott im Himmel… if Hogan really could contact any Allied agents entrenched within the German command structure, now was certainly the time.

Clearing his throat again, Klink dropped the tapping pencil and forced himself to meet Hogan's eyes again. "I've been informed that an Abwehr officer is arriving here tomorrow. I have not been informed as to the purpose of his visit, but I suspect, obviously, that it's related to this situation."

"Abwehr?" Hogan echoed. He stared off into space thoughtfully. "Hmm… The Gestapo's archenemy. The Gestapo's just-as-evil archenemy."

"Don't say things like that, Hogan," Klink blurted. "This officer could hold your life—" he gestured emphatically toward his own chest "—and mine! in his hands."

"Who is this Abwehr officer?" Hogan asked.

Klink glanced down at his paperwork. "I've never heard of him." Shuffling through the papers, he found the notice he'd received. "Umm… a Major Hans Teppel." Imploringly, Klink looked up at Hogan. "Please, Hogan, whatever you do, don't antagonize him."

To be continued...