A/N- It's Saturday!! Thank you for all the amazing reviews; they mean so much. Oh, to clarify: Bella is not pregnant. She's just ill. As always, Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer. Please no sue. Remember that roof my kids need? Yeah, it needs replacing.

Convalescing- Chapter Twelve

Bella slept fitfully. She squirmed in the bed and whimpered a few times. She woke up around midnight and asked for more pain medication, which surprised me. I felt awful that she was in that much pain. She threw up again, and I was grateful that Alice was with me to help with Bella's human minutes. She looked miserable.

Mallory came in and gave Bella a pill for the nausea. She warned her that it might make her feel dizzy and very sleepy. The medication hit her hard soon after.

"The…room…is…spinning," she groaned. She sat up in the bed and shut her eyes. She was holding on to the bed rails. I rubbed her back. After a couple of minutes, she settled back down in the bed and tried to get comfortable.

I put my head next to hers on her pillow and hummed her lullaby. Eventually, she fell asleep.

Alice decided to go back to the hotel. She was blocking her thoughts from me. I hated it when she did that. What was she up to now?

"You're in for an interesting night, Edward," Alice said. "But it will all work out," she sighed.

I wondered what she meant by that.

I settled into the couch-bed that a nurse had made up for me a few nights ago. I still had a role to play. I tried to relax and flipped through the TV channels. There was nothing on that interested me. I turned it off and watched Bella sleep, watched her chest rise and fall…

I had to tear my eyes away from her delicate curves, sheathed in a thin pink cotton gown. I wanted to hold those curves close to me, like that night in Bella's bed…desperately. I forced the thoughts from my head. I had no right to think that away about her, especially when she was here in a hospital, sick and broken…I was no better than Mike Newton.

I was working on trying to think about something else when the sleep-talking started.

Usually when painkillers were swirling about in her system, she slept deeply and did not speak. Tonight, the restlessness was evident in her body and in her mind. She started to moan in what sounded like pain, and her head whipped from side to side on the pillow. "Stop, stop, please stop….no…Edward…"

She was having a nightmare. I flew to her bedside.

She started to thrash around the bed a little, her arms flailed out, then came close to her head defensively. "Stop, don't, please…don't do this…no, no…stop…don't touch…"

She was practically shouting now. I tried to gently shake her awake, get her away from the monster haunting her. "Bella, Bella, love, wake up, it's alright, come on, wake up. Bella!"

My hands were on her shoulders, her back was arched towards me…I slid one arm under the small of her back to try to scoop her up to hold her upright. The scent of her fear, her adrenaline, hit me like a brick wall. She was thrashing wildly now, her arms flaying about…"No…no…stop…Edward…don't…"

God, what was she dreaming that I was doing to her? "Wake up, Bella, please," I shook her. Her hands were wrapped into little fists, and she started to swing at me…she connected once, but I barely registered the sensation. She seemed half-awake now, still trying to hit me…she slapped me, pulled my hair…"Stop…no no…" I tried to restrain her hands so she wouldn't injure herself. She was hard to get a hold of, and I didn't want to hurt her. "Bella, Bella, it's me," I said as loud as I dared. Her eyes were still shut, but her face was wild. I brought my face to hers. "Shh, shh, wake up, wake up, Bella."

I kissed her cheek. Bad idea.

She brought her hands to my face and pushed with all her might, screaming, "No!" She rolled over quickly and I let her out of my embrace. "Bella?"

I watched in horror as she sat up and scrambled out of bed, forgetting about her bad leg; she pitched forward and caught herself on the reclining chair. She cried out in pain. She was awake now, holding on to the chair, and righted herself. Shaking in fear, she regarded me, out of breath and wild-eyed.

I was frozen in place. I needed to go to her, but I didn't want to frighten her further. I especially didn't want her to fall.

I didn't know what to do. I tried to soothe her.

"Bella, love, it's alright, it was just a dream. It's over now, it's over, you're safe." I started to approach her.

" D-don't touch me. Stay away from me," she said, breathless, terrified.

It felt like my dead heart broke into a thousand pieces at her rejection. She stood there shaking in the darkness, leaning on the recliner chair, looking at me with such tremendous fear…I scrambled for something to say. Anything.

"Bella, it's me, Edward. It was just a dream. I won't hurt you." I took a step toward her and she recoiled, letting out a weak scream.

Then, a column of light split into the darkness of the room.

****

"What's going on in here?!"

The male nurse took in our positions in the room as he walked in. What is he doing to her?

"Miss Swan, are you alright? Miss Swan?" She looks scared to death…what happened?

Bella couldn't speak, or didn't want to. She was still trembling in fear. It killed me to watch her suffer like that. What was she thinking? She looked at the tall, brawny nurse, unsure, and opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

"She was having a nightmare, and I startled her awake," I tried to explain.

He looked at me. Bullshit. Whatever.

He spoke softly to Bella. "Let's get you back to bed, sweetie." He put his arm under hers, and snaked a hand around her waist, and helped her hobble over to the bed. She sat down, and he held her leg while she pulled herself into the bed. She pushed herself up in the bed with her good leg. Her nightgown slid up her thigh, exposing her soft skin, and it didn't escape the nurse's notice. Or mine. The nurse took his time arranging the blankets around her.

It was torture to watch him handle Bella and call her sweetie. His thoughts became sexual in nature when he saw her shapely leg. To his credit, he immediately began to think about his wife at home. He was lucky he did, because I was about to rip his head off.

He took Bella's vitals and noticed her heart rate was through the roof. "You really need to relax." She said nothing.

He turned to me, squinty-eyed. "You need to leave. Now."

I stood my ground. I didn't trust him alone with her. "I'm supposed to stay with her."

"Do I need to call security?"

Bring it. I was more than ready. But I looked at Bella, at her shaking shape, and thought better.

I approached her bed. I took her hand in mine and stroked her cheek. She flinched, and she didn't look at me.

I needed to see her eyes. I needed to know, to see, that she wanted me, that she wasn't afraid of me. I tipped her chin up. "I'll go, so you can rest." She nodded, her eyes sad, sparkling with tears.

"I love you."

Again, she only nodded, and it pain it caused was smothering. Why wouldn't she say anything? I wanted to hold her, soothe her, help her, but I was being kicked out, and she didn't seem to want me, either.

I left her room, bewildered, worried, the ice of her rejection throbbing in my chest.

****

I made my way downstairs and collapsed onto a couch in the deserted lobby. I heard the frame crack from the force. I didn't care.

I monitored the nurse. He asked Bella if I had hurt her in any way, and she shook her head no. He asked if she was sure, and she said yes firmly. I was glad to hear it. For a minute, I was scared that she was rendered mute from shock. He left her then, and went to get Mallory.

"Mal, I don't like that boyfriend of hers. He's creepy, and it looks like he tried to attack her. I kicked him out and I don't want him back. I swear, I'll kick his ass myself."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Brad, that's ridiculous. He's a nice guy- he wouldn't hurt her. You watch too much of that stupid wrestling." She knocked on Bella's door and let herself in.

"Hey, Bella. What's going on? Are you feeling bad?"

Bella's voice was small, and it had an uncharacteristic edge of anger in it. "I had the worst nightmare in my life. I think it was that medicine. I don't want it anymore."

"Are you still sick to your stomach?"

"No."

"Need anything?"

"Sleep." She closed her eyes.

"Do you want me to stay with you a little bit?" You look so scared.

"I really just want to be by myself, if that's ok," she mumbled.

"Sure. Hit the button if you need me."

"Thanks." Her voice was lifeless.

Mallory turned to leave the room, and when she reached to close the door, she took one last look at Bella. Her head was in her hands, and she was sobbing quietly. I couldn't stand it.

I left the hospital, into the cool night.

****

I found myself running again. I considered that as I flew over the ground, taking long strides. I loved to run; it was soothing; it was a way to escape. No one could catch me, and I could truly be alone in my head.

And there, alone in my head, I could truly think. I thought about what just happened in Bella's hospital room. She had had a horrible nightmare, and she had cried out my name. I wondered what had happened in her dream that could get her so upset that she could barely speak, and couldn't even look at me. It was over, she was safe… didn't she realize that?

All I knew was that she didn't want me there. The nurse kicked me out of the room and she didn't stop him. She didn't look at me. She told me to stay away, and that had hurt me beyond measure. I needed to talk to Alice. I turned back toward town, and sprinted toward the hotel.

****

Alice opened her door before I reached it. "Calm down, Edward."

"Easier said than done, Alice."

"I know, but it's going to be okay. I see it."

I sat down on the bed. I didn't know what was happening. She didn't want me, and the pain rocked the very core of my body. Then, I slowly started to understand.

This is what I had wanted. What I knew would happen eventually. But things had been going so well, and I was unprepared for it.

It was time for me to leave her in peace.

"No, Edward. Don't go anywhere," Alice said flatly. "I think she just needs some time to herself to work through some things."

I could only imagine what she had been dreaming about. I think about those same things, myself. If they torment me, what must they do to her? The guilt reared its ugly head and bit down on me, consuming me.

****

Alice went to the hospital in the morning without me. I hung back at the hotel, miserable. I had spent the rest of the night sitting on the bed in Alice's hotel room. I didn't talk. Carlisle had called, and Esme, but I didn't want to talk to them. I had nothing to say. My thoughts made no sense, my feelings were stripped raw. Alice convinced me to stay in Phoenix. She would spend the day with Bella, and sort things out.

I monitored Bella through Alice.

When Alice arrived at Bella's room bright and early, there was an occupational therapist there, helping Bella get dressed for the day. Alice frowned at the choice of outfit. I'll fix that.

Bella had dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was a glorious mess. She combed at it distractedly with her fingers. The therapist said shat she did pretty good, and that it was time go downstairs for physical therapy. Bella was staring straight ahead, and shocked me by saying, "No. I'll go this afternoon. I don't feel up to it right now." Alice stared at her, eyebrows raised.

The therapist sighed. "Okay. I'll let them know downstairs. Feel better, Bella," she called out as she left.

Alice appraised Bella and apparently didn't like what she saw. She smartly didn't mention it. She sat down on Bella's bed next to her, and draped an arm around her shoulders.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Where's Edward?" she asked instead of answering. I sat up straight at the sound of my name.

"At the hotel."

"Why?" Her voice sounded low, like she already knew the answer.

Alice hesitated. I hope I get this right. "Well, after last night, he…thought you needed some space. You seemed very upset at him."

Bella closed her eyes. Her posture was tense and her voice sounded far away. "I had a horrible dream. It felt so real…and I woke up, and he was practically on top of me, and he kissed me…and he was cold like James, and…I freaked out. It was too much. I needed him to... get away from me." She shuddered, and her lip started to tremble.

"Bella. What was your dream about?" Alice asked gently.

Silence.

"You can tell me…you can tell me anything, Bella."

"I can't. I know he's listening in."

"Nope, he's too far away," Alice lied smoothly. "Tell me."

She hesitated, and then I saw tears sliding down her cheeks. She sniffed, and then took a deep breath. I could tell she didn't want to talk about it.

"I was at the dance studio with James and he…did other things to me…" She gulped, " Edward didn't come, he didn't come…" She covered her face with her hands.

The pain of her dream, and the visuals it conjured, almost dropped me to the floor.

She was crying harder now, and Alice wrapped her in an embrace, rocking her gently.

She asked the question that was burning my mind, my tongue. "Bella. Did James hurt you…like that?" Did I miss something in that tape? Or maybe he didn't film it?

"No." Thank God, thank God, thank God…

Alice sighed in relief, and smoothed Bella's damp hair away from her face.

"It was just a dream…a horrible one, for sure, but not real. James is dead. He will never hurt you again." She paused. "No wonder you wouldn't let Edward near you last night."

"He scared me to death. I know he didn't mean to, but…"

"Edward would never hurt you, Bella. He loves you more than you can possibly imagine," Alice interrupted. "He wants to see you…"

"No!" she shouted. "No. I can't. I feel ... no. Not now. Please," she pleaded.

She didn't want to see me? The weight of her words bore down on my chest, devastating me.

Alice continued to hold her and stroke her hair. "Shhh. It's okay."

I think she doesn't want you to see her this upset.

I wasn't so sure about that. To me, it felt like the fear she should have had all along- the self preservation she seemed to lack- was finally surfacing. It was like her subconscious mind, through her dream, was finally telling her what she needed to know- that I wasn't right for her. I could see how this would progress. I was sure that her fear most likely wouldn't relent. I had frightened her terribly, and I had a distinct feeling that things would not be the same between us.

I stared numbly at the floor. All I wanted to do, right now, was hold her close. But she didn't want me for that now. I had promised myself when she first woke up that I would try with everything I had to be the best thing for her. What was the best thing for her now? To go back to Forks? I could leave Alice with her. She would take good care of Bella.

The pain of this decision was excruciating, and if left me feeling empty, like my spirit was dead. I knew deep down in the fiber of my being that it was the right thing to do. I should've done it long ago.

I will leave, and let her live out her life without my interference. It would be hell on earth to be without her, but the pain was worth it. I would say goodbye to my family, and then move on to Denali, or somewhere else far away, so I could not hurt her anymore. She may know that I would never hurt her myself, but I remind her of someone who did. I didn't think our parting would happen because of a nightmare, but it didn't matter. I would…not debate her feelings.

But, I would not go without seeing her one last time.

Tonight, I will try for one last look, one last touch, and then I will leave for home.

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A/N- Thanks for reading everyone. It may take a little while for the next chapter- I need to get it just right. Please take a minute to review!