promises in pencil

His thumbs curl around the sides of the black and white newspaper while he studies the picture, dread settling into the pit of his stomach. Kate is going to kill him. She knows how after all – and there's no doubt she knows how to hide the body.

Huh. Who knew he was able to make jokes about that?

"Well?" Paula demands, glaring at him.

It's not a bad photo, really. There have been worse of him, especially in the midst of his early fame, before Alexis had been born. And he's fairly certain there've been worse photos of Kate in the newspaper. God, he'd had to avoid the newspapers, magazines, TV, for so long after her court case.

The moment must've taken the photographer by surprise. It's taken from across the street, a little unfocused, but he recognises the moment for what it was: their kiss outside the coffee shop, her arms around his neck, his grin sneaking its way into their embrace. He's suddenly grateful for her curls, the way they hide her face as she tilts away from the camera, caught up in him. Actually, as he reads the article, he finds that she's not named, exactly. The main focus is on him and his first public appearance since Kate's trial, with a recount of the events they had been through and – oh. They don't realise it's Kate.

Relief rushes through his veins and he almost falls off of the bed again.

"Rick," Paula says, sighing. "If you're having some sort of mid-life crisis and you're gonna start running off with pretty little blonde things, I need some warning. This will help with your book sales, you know?"

"Uh, I – uh – well, it's not really – " he stammers, because what's the right way for him to tell his agent that he's with an ex-assassin who turned his life upside down the moment she was hired to kill him?

"It's not really what?"

"She's not some – some pretty little blonde thing, Paula. She's – it's pretty serious." He admits, watching her eyebrows climb up her forehead. "You think you could control this? Make sure it's just a one-time thing?"

"I'm gonna need to release a statement, Rick," Paula tells him. "To control this damage. Jeez, was some warning really so much to ask for?"

After Kate's trial and the absolute media frenzy he had been exposed to, Castle had opted to hiding away. It didn't help that he had a lack of interest in anything but writing Nikki Heat, either – his daughter had left for college a few months into his isolation, and his mother had opened an acting studio and spent most of her time teaching. Sure, they had often dragged him out for lunch or dinner, and celebrated holidays in their traditional Castle way, but that had been the extent of his social life, bar driving Jim to Kate's hospital. He'd forgotten that the press even existed, let alone that they were still interested in him.

Besides, Kate's distracting. He hadn't thought about the paparazzi each time they visited the coffee shop, or when he took her out on a date, or when she pulled him closer and kissed him on the sidewalk. He'd been too consumed by her – Kate, with her smiles and her curls and the way she tasted against his tongue.

He smiles, a little, glancing back down to the picture printed on the page.

"I'm sorry, Paula. I'll make sure this doesn't happen again."

"You'd better," she retorts, crossing her arms. "Now, what're you gonna give me to release a statement? I need details, Rick."

"Oh, come on, Paula. Can't you just tell them that I'm in a committed relationship and leave it at that?"

His agent sighs. "I at least need a name. Something. Or a date, how long you've been together – anything. Otherwise they'll just dig for more."

"But they can't, Paula. If they find out who she is, they'll never leave us alone."

At that, Paula arches an eyebrow, smirking. "Why? She the daughter of some rich, famous philanthropist or somethin'? You gonna make her rebel with your playboy lifestyle?" She teases.

"I'm being serious."

"Alright, then tell me what's so bad about the pair of you that I have to make some half-assed statement that really isn't gonna help much."

Castle swallows nervously, setting the newspaper down beside him and gathering his nerves. He can trust Paula. Though she may be interested in milking him and his fame for money, they've known each other since the start of his career. They're friends. She'll understand. Right?

"You can't have any more information because… because… she'sKateBeckett, alright?"

Paula blinks. "What?"

"Kate Beckett," he repeats, a little slower this time, and he watches as her jaw drops. "You remember her, I assume."

"Remember her?" Paula repeats incredulously. "How could I forget?"

"You understand why it's a secret, don't you? Jeez, Paula, I haven't even told Alexis."

The woman shakes her head so intensely that a strand of her black hair falls from her perfectly styled bun. She purses her lips sourly, eyebrows pinching together to form a frown.

"I can't believe this. I didn't even know they let her out. They let crazy people back out?"

He leaps to his feet. "Hey, you watch your mouth."

"Or what, Rick? Jeez, I'm not that one you need to be afraid of," Paula argues hotly. "She's the one who was locked away for murder, for abducting you. Or did you forget that?"

"I love her, Paula. There's nothing more to be said about this," he mutters, pushing past her and heading for his front door.

Paula follows him angrily, heels slapping on the wooden flooring with each step.

"Just because you love her, it doesn't mean she's not dangerous, Rick," Paula argues, crossing her arms and staring him down when he turns to glare at her. "It doesn't change who she is."

"It's been years since she's lived that life. She's better now."

"Is she? Or do you just think she is?"

Growling, he turns away again, storming towards the door. How dare she? Nobody can undermine the progress that Kate has made, what they have together, how much better they're going to be than anyone thinks. Yes, she was dangerous once. But now? Now she's broken and vulnerable – yet, free. She's everything she's ever wanted to be and more than he could ever hope she would be. And he loves her.

He yanks the door open with one hand.

"Get out, Paula."

Paula stands in the doorway, hesitating.

"You sure you know what you're doin', Rick?"

Castle clenches his jaw.

"More than you do."

Paula opens her mouth, as though she wants to say something, but thinks better of it. Instead she mutters a simple "okay", and exits the loft, allowing him to slam the door behind her, anger still flaring in his veins.

But now.

Kate.

She's on the last block of her walk to the coffee shop when he dad calls her.

"Hey," she answers, weaving through the crowds on the sidewalks.

"Hi, Katie."

"What's up?"

She has the coffee shop in her sights now, and with one glance through the window she notices that Castle isn't there yet. Strange. Usually he's there before her, sitting with her coffee waiting for her and whatever cake or pastry he felt the need to feed her with that time.

"Well, I just wanted to talk to you about something you conveniently forgot to tell me about over dinner last night."

Kate pauses. There's an element of playfulness to her father's voice, and she can't figure out why.

"Uh… Okay? What did I forget to tell you then, Dad?"

She pushes the coffee shop door open and immediately takes her usual spot in the corner, beside the window. Coffee can wait, Castle will order. Whatever her dad has to say sounds much more interesting, anyway.

"That you're dating Richard Castle."

She's really glad she passed on coffee for now, otherwise she would've spat it all out.

Her jaw drops. "Excuse me?"

Jim chuckles. "Really, Katie, why didn't you tell me? You know I like the guy. And I'm glad you're getting your life back on track."

"Dad, how did you find out?" She asks. "I was gonna tell you eventually, but, I mean, we've only been dating for a couple days."

"Haven't you seen? You're front page news, Katie."

It's at that point that Castle walks through the coffee shop door, his worried eyes instantly finding hers.

"I am going to kill you," she hisses.

Castle gulps, cautiously taking the seat opposite her. He doesn't attempt to move closer or place a reassuring hand over hers. Maybe she should be worried about that, but she's too caught up in a fit of anger and mild embarrassment to care.

Meanwhile, her father laughs into the phone. "What?"

"Not you. Castle," she says, rubbing a hand across her eyes. "Listen Dad, can I call you back later? I need to talk to Castle. Or kill him. Either one."

"Of course, Katie. Should I call the police while I'm at it?" He teases, and a small part of her is amazed they can stand to laugh about this.

"That'd be a good idea, yeah," she replies, before hanging up.

For a moment, neither of them says anything. Her hands are shaking with anger as she places her cell on the table between them, and she stares at the cracks ingrained in the wood, counting down in her head so that she doesn't explode and make a scene in public. She can feel Castle's eyes on her as he holds his breath patiently.

When she raises her eyes to meet his, he finally lets out the breath he'd been holding.

"I guess you know, then."

"My father told me," she spits out. "Thanks for the warning, Castle."

He closes his eyes, sighing. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd see, I was gonna tell you now – "

"It shouldn't have ever happened in the first place," she dismisses him. "Do you have the paper on you?"

Castle pulls the paper from inside his coat and slides it across the table to her. She opens it up, heart faltering when she sees the title RICHARD CASTLE'S NEW CONQUEST? on the front page.

"It's probably just a slow news day," he assures her. "I'm sure tomorrow they'll have better things to write about."

Nevertheless, tears blur her vision slightly and her throat tightens. A conquest. Is that all she is? She was his muse once, and now what? A ghost? A living memory?

But then her eyes drop to the photo of them, and those fears melt away. No. She's no a conquest. She's not a ghost. She's not a living memory. She's more than that, and he loves her, she knows that, whether he told her a thousand times through his words or not. The man had looked so damn elated when they'd kissed on that sidewalk like they were just any other normal couple departing after getting coffee together.

Her eyes scan the article, picking out words like blonde, millionaire and first public appearance. Okay. So this is kind of a big deal, she supposes. But, his first public appearance since her trial? No way. She doesn't believe that for a second. They may not have spoken about it, and maybe she's avoiding that conversation for now, but there must have been other women between the time she was put away and the time they met again. He's only human. She wouldn't hold it against him. Not much.

Taking a deep breath, she drops the paper back onto the table between them. Her cheeks flush.

"I can't believe my dad's seen a picture of us making out."

Castle cringes, playing along with her humour despite the worry in his eyes. "Should I hide while he grabs his shotgun?"

She chuckles, reaching across to take his hand, rubbing soothing circles onto the back with her thumb.

"Castle… This can't happen again. My name isn't here, but what happens if it is the next time? There's no way I can do that to you, to your family."

Something like surprise flickers over Castle's features.

"Me? You're scared about what this will do to me?"

"Of course I am. What else would I be worried about?"

Castle frowns. "Your safety. If they find out who you are… Kate, a lot of people still hate you. You have a lot of enemies – families of… of victims. You could be in danger."

Kate shrugs. "Consequences of my actions, Castle. They don't concern me. The only thing I care about is you."

She says it offhandedly, but it takes his breath away, forcing tears to his eyes. Kate looks down uncomfortably, but she squeezes his hand just a little in hers.

He has no idea what to say in return, so he remains speechless.

"We need to be more careful, Castle."

"The press will stay away."

"What makes you think that? Castle, if they even catch a whiff of who I am – "

"Paula, my agent, harassed me about it this morning. I told her to release a statement on our behalf."

Kate raises her eyebrows at him. "What'd you say? Confirm that I am a conquest?"

"Kate, please, we both know you're more than that," he replies, watching the soft blush spread across her cheeks. "I told Paula to release that I'm in a committed relationship, and to leave us the Hell alone. Though I'm sure she'll put that last part far more eloquently."

Kate's hand freezes in his, her smile dropping from her lips and blush draining from her face as he speaks. He frowns at her, concerned, as her chest begins to rise and fall rapidly, her frozen hand thawing and beginning to shiver. She yanks it away from his grip and she falls back into her chair, staring at him with wide, betrayed eyes. His heart pounds furiously in his chest, wondering what he possibly could've done wrong to have provoked this reaction.

"Kate?"

She presses her trembling hand against her chest.

"You did what?" she asks, low and betrayed.

"I… Released a statement. What's wrong?"

Kate shakes her head, tears gathering in her eyes as her breath hitches again. It aches to see her hurting, but when he reaches for her, she simply jerks back again.

"A committed relationship?"

Castle tilts his head to the side. "Yes. What's wrong with that?"

"I – I thought you…"

"Kate?"

"I can't believe you'd do this to me," she whispers. "I thought you understood."

"Kate, please, what am I missing here?"

"You told me you understood. About taking it slow."

Taking it –

Oh.

Oh.

He must look like such an ass.

"Kate, listen, you know how I feel about you, about us. I know you want to take it slowly and you're afraid, but – "

"There is no but, Castle," she hisses, standing from her chair. "That's all there was. Slow."

He stands too, when she grabs her bag and begins to storm out of the coffee shop. Onlookers watch with raised eyebrows as he trips from his own chair to follow her, narrowly missing knocking a stranger's cup of coffee over in his haste. Kate is oblivious to it all, passing through the door and out onto the street. He gathers himself, mutters a quick apology to the stranger glaring at him, and runs after her.

"Kate! Wait!"

She whirls on the sidewalk to face him. He expects anger, and yelling, but he's met with tears.

"Leave me alone, Castle."

Stopping in front of her, he reaches for her hand again, but she steps away. He wishes he could reverse back to yesterday, to kissing on the sidewalk, to smiles and happiness and hope. He would handle this situation differently, with sensitivity, instead of blundering his way through with a loud heart powered with too much hope.

"Kate, please, let me explain – "

"Castle," she's shaking her head, cheeks flushing from her outburst of tears brimming in her eyes. "Please."

"Kate – "

"I need to be alone right now, okay?" She says, hailing a taxi. "Just – just leave me alone, Castle."

He catches her wrist as she slides in to the back seat, all these important words on his tongue, but when she looks at him and he sees the hurt and betrayal he's put there, the words have no meaning. So he lets her go and watches the sigh of relief she emits, before closing the door and driving away, leaving him alone as she always does.

TBC