I am SO sorry. This was a really hard chapter for me to write. Hopefully, that will be the last of the torment that I heap upon Mike. As of next chapter, let the comfort begin.
Hollowgirl15. I hope this is everything you wanted.
Also, everyone who reads this, thank you. I hope that you all continue to enjoy it.
It took much longer than Mike was willing to admit for him to be able to clear his vision enough to get a good look around the garden he was in. The brick walls were just tall enough to block his view, and covered in soft moss and thick ivy. Curved metal posts, holding delicate looking glass lanterns, illuminated the are just enough for Mike to see the soft looking grass and various colored flowers. The round shape of the lanterns allowed more light to filter over the area. If he had been in a better mood, he would have found it rather pretty. As it stood, Mike hated the entire place.
He started walking not really trying to find his way, but aimlessly wandering, his mind too full to really process where he was going. All he could think about were the words that his gran had told him. What did he want? That was easy. Mike wanted to take care of his grandmother. But she told him not to think about her. So the question became, what did he want for himself? That was harder. Mike hadn't thought about himself in a very long time. It was always someone else, Trevor at first, then Gran after she got sick and needed his help. Jenny, whenever she was having problems with Trevor. It was what Mike was used to.
Now though, the person that meant more to him than breathing had asked him to decide what he wanted. Mike honestly didn't know. Every time something popped into his head revolved around someone else, his gran and Harvey mostly, since Trevor was gone and Jenny too busy building her own life without him. Once, a long time ago, Mike had wanted a friend. The end result of that was bad enough for Mike not to want that anymore. Not that long ago, Mike had wanted to be a lawyer, but due to the result of his first wish, that had been a bust as well. Mike decided then and there that he didn't want to want anything.
The sigh he released was swallowed by the stillness of the garden. His life was a huge mess, despite all of Harvey's efforts to fix it. Harvey. Mike paused, staring sightlessly at one of the lanterns, thinking about his boss. Harvey wouldn't have a problem answering that question. Harvey always knew exactly what he wanted, and then did whatever he had to do to get it. He was nothing like Mike, who agonized over every decision, worried that whatever he was going to do would result in another mistake.
Mike shook his head, he was getting nowhere thinking in circles like this. He sighed, tearing his eyes away from the lantern, blinking rapidly, wondering if there was something wrong with his eyes. He reached up with his right hand, rubbing his eyes vigorously, but it didn't help. He could still see images, moving around, transparent against the gloom of the garden.
Gran stood, abet shakily, in front of an open grave, her face a sold mask. Donna stood next to her, hand placed supportively over her shoulders. Harvey and Jessica, along with a few people at the firm, Rachel being one, were surrounding her. Mumbled words from a figure at the head of the grave site were the only thing that broke the somber silence of the small group. As the words tapered off, there was a moment of complete stillness before Gran eased out of Donna's hold, dropping a small yellow flower in the grave.
"Good bye, Michael... At least now, you are at peace..." The old woman straightened a bit, one hand clenched on her shawl and the other gripping her cane.
Donna waited until the woman turned away, which happened sooner than the redhead expected. "Bye, Mike... I'll look after her." She sniffed, once, before trailing after the older woman.
Jessica was next, looking at the lone flower somberly. "It's a shame, Mr. Ross. You had such potential..." She shook her head, turning sharply, her duty done and scowled at nothing in particular. Pausing by Harvey, who's face was as blank as Gran's, "You should have told me, Harvey. Then maybe we could have done right by the kid. He could have been real." The managing partner continued on her way, stopping to collect a teary Rachel.
Harvey's blank face remained until only he and the presiding priest remained. Then it softened a bit, his eyes fixed on the uncovered hole. "Sorry, kid... If you had just told me..." The words grew fainter as Harvey backed away from the grave. "then maybe you'd still be alive..."
Mike stood completely still as the image faded, leaving behind the apparent serenity of the garden. "Even in my death, I'm letting people down..." The words were soft, sorrowful. Then Mike glared at nothing. "It's not real. It's not! If I died..." He bit off the rest of the words, stopping them from being said. He remembered reading something once, an old book on ancient beliefs of other cultures. There was one that stood out among all the rest. It was an old Japanese belief called "Kotodama" the spirit of words. That belief is whatever words you say with intent become real. So Mike refused to say the thought that was running rampant through his mind. Just in case.
It took nearly three hours before Donna was able to convince Gran to go back to her nursing home, and that was only because Harvey, and Rachel when she arrived, had agreed with her. During that time, Harvey understood the depth of Mike's devotion to the woman. She was charming but obviously sharp enough to call anyone out. Harvey respected that, and secretly feared for the world now that she and Donna had met. Very little could stop his secretary, and with Gran, nothing could stop the two of them.
Truthfully, the visit was exactly what they all needed. Donna and Rachel had been surprised at how familiar Gran was with them and their habits, even knowing how Donna took her coffee and that Rachel liked posies. Harvey had been downright shocked to know that Mike had told his grandmother so much about them. He would never have guess that they were that important to him. Knowing that, and apparently having Gran's approval, based on her parting words, 'You bring Michael to me as soon as you two have figured everything out.' took all the thoughts and feelings he had been fighting with and made them a fact. Something that would happen, even if Harvey had to move buildings to get it done.
Afterward, though was more sobering. Rachel was full of information and very little of it was good. Jessica had apparently taken matters into her own hands and after making several calls to very discreet acquaintances of hers, all lawyers, she decided on her own plan of action. Taking into account the advice from those men, Jessica started the basic paperwork that will allow Pearson-Hardman to terminate Kyle due to endangerment of a co-worker. Since everyone that signs onto the firm signs a confidentially clause, and a contract, Jessica had to be very careful not to break those terms otherwise, Kyle would have free reign to blab to anyone he liked about the things he knew about their cases. Rachel explained that while Jessica hadn't fired Kyle yet, the paperwork was already filled out and waiting for Mike's signature.
Normally, this would have cheered Harvey considerably, but then Rachel dropped the bomb that Donna hadn't the time to tell Harvey.
"And since Louis is involved, Jessica has to investigate that." Rachel finished, unaware that Harvey had no idea what she was talking about.
"Louis? Louis had a hand in this?" Harvey practically hissed the words at the paralegal as he waved a hand toward Mike.
Donna winced, and Rachel paled. "I.. Kind of?" Her tone was meek, like nothing anyone had heard before. "He gave Kyle some random advice about making sure his work wasn't overshadowed by Mike's, and that Kyle needed to outmaneuver him. From what I overheard and what Louis admitted to Jessica that was all he said. Nothing about going this far."
Harvey's look was beyond murderous, and Donna was quick to intervene. "Calm down, Harvey. When I leave here, I'll find out. I promise." Knowing instantly that her words fell on deaf ears, Donna reached over and shook Harvey slightly. "Hey! I'll handle it, you take care of Mike."
"I will. But, I will have a very long talk with Louis over this." Where Donna's words were an order, Harvey's were a promise.
Rachel shivered. "Jessica told me to tell you that there will be a meeting after Mike is better to discuss it. But.. I heard the conversation, Harvey. I really don't think Louis knew." It was plain that Rachel didn't like defending Louis, which made Harvey relax slightly. "Fine, I'll deal with him then." The tone was softer now, most probably due to the close proximity of Mike rather than any good feelings toward Louis.
Mike was still firmly convinced that there was something wrong with his eyes. He kept seeing things that weren't really there. Flashes of people he knew and how happy they were. Normally, that wouldn't bother Mike, as he liked knowing the people he cared about were happy, but he knew based on what he saw that they were happy because he wasn't there. It hurt far more than it should, seeing things that made you think others would be better if you weren't around. It made Mike really think about the question his gran had asked him. 'Are you happy with the way your life is?'
Mike considered himself a fairly rational person. He knew the things he had done wrong and what their result was. But, Mike was also a fairly lonely person, spending far more time alone than most people could stand. He had preferred it as a child, enjoying the comfort that books brought him, but now, missing his oldest friend and left with people that didn't seem to care, only made the lonely feeling grow.
Thoughts continued to circle around his mind as he wandered the garden, trying his best to ignore the images would occasionally appear. By the time Mike was near the exit, looking up at the massive iron gate, he was assaulted by words. No amount of covering his ears could keep them away, but he tried anyway, just wanting to escape.
"It's not that big a deal, Mike, don't be such a wuss. You know I'm always there for you." Trevor's voice was the loudest and the most insistent. "Nothing is going to happen. You're too careful."
Mike shook his head. He remembered that. Once, in college, Trevor wanted him to take all his savings and go to Atlantic City to gamble a bit over a weekend. Mike hadn't wanted to, having a test on Monday. As usual, Trevor had gotten his way and ended up spending everything Mike had on blackjack.
"You're the responsible one. Can't you explain that it's a bad idea. I know Trevor will listen to you. Talk him out of it Mike. Please, can't you fix it?" Mike could easily picture Jenny's earnest eyes, pleading with him to stop Trevor's latest scheme. He had tried, he really had but it had blown up in his face. "I trusted you to take care of him..." Those words had been delivered in a hateful tone. Even jenny expected him to fix everything.
"Why? Michael, why did you do it? I thought you were doing so well..." Gran's voice cut Mike to the quick. The disappointed tone always made him feel that he had failed her somehow. Nothing had every hurt Mike as much as when she said those words in that tone after he was kicked out of college. To him, still smarting from the latest Trevor disaster, it had sounded like his Gran had finally given up on him.
"Don't you understand, none of that matters now. All you have to do is keep your head down and do your job. Blend in with the other nameless idiots down there and no one will be any wiser." Harvey this time. Again, one of those times when Mike was convinced that someone would figure out that he wasn't a real lawyer. It was one of the few times Mike had managed to hide how bad the words had hurt. He remembered that he had made a smart remark and left the office, pretending that nothing was wrong. Harvey hadn't known that Mike didn't want to fade away, he wanted to be known for something other than being a screw up.
"You can't keep getting into trouble like this, Mike. One of these days, Harvey isn't going to bail you out of trouble. You have to think. Geez, sometimes I wonder if you even use that magic brain of yours." Donna. Donna, who was only nice to him if it meant irritating Louis or when Mike bribed her with chocolate. That one, at least, was more of a warning. Even if it was to make sure not to cause Harvey more work.
"It's just a little favor, God! Why are you always so pessimistic? Don't you trust me after all this time? Everything has been fine so far. It's just one test. You'll make more than enough to pay what you have to and still help me out." Trevor again. Mike wished with all his soul that he could just ignore that memory.
Blindly, Mike clenched his hands tighter over his ears and bolted for the gate to the garden. He couldn't listen any longer. He just wanted to go home. He wanted to forget, to honestly be able to forget something, just once.
Donna was gone, taking Rachel with her. Harvey was both thankful and regretful. He was glad that Rachel had visited, Mike needed to know how many people were on his side, but he regretted that Donna had refused to leave. She insisted on walking Rachel to her car but had scoffed when Harvey suggested she go home herself.
"If you think for a minute that I'm leaving, then you have another thing coming. I know you, you'll spend the whole night thinking too much and all that stress is bad for you."
Harvey swore then and there that he was getting Donna a raise and a nice vacation. He would even be willing to put of with that phone that he was sure she had an unholy pact with. Well, maybe he would take one at the same time. He liked that idea. He could look after Mike's recovery better if he wasn't running to the office. Idly, he settled back in the lone chair, thinking of exactly what type of bribe Jessica would need to give them both a vacation at the same time. Getting Mike time off wouldn't be a problem, not with the recent development of Louis' involvement.
Harvey was halfway through scowling when Mike made a noise. Harvey honestly couldn't tell you what the noise was, but he was out of the chair and standing next to the kid before he realized he was moving. "Mike? Hey, kid, can you hear me?"
There was a very long pause, and Harvey was sure he didn't even breathe until Mike's eyes opened, blinking blearily up at the hazy form of his boss.
"..Harvey." Mike's voice was faint and scratchy, but it was quite possibly one of the best things Harvey had ever heard.
"Hey, kid. You with us now?" Rationally, he knew that he needed to call for the doctor, but he wanted to make sure that the kid was awake for good this time.
"Where..was I?" Mike's eyes were still slightly unfocused, but seemed to be clearing up. He tore his eyes away from Harvey, unable to look at his boss for very long. "Why are you here?" He didn't really understand what had happened, but everything aside it was very out of character for Harvey to be there waiting for him.
Harvey frowned. "Don't you remember? You were hit by a car." It was unheard of for Mike to forget anything, so worry had Harvey pressing the call button even if he didn't really want to.
The sound that Mike made was closer to a exhale than a real sigh. "I know..." Mike turned his head, staring up at the ceiling, his voice soft and sad. "Harvey?"
The lawyer moved slightly closer, so he could hear better. "What is it?" He noticed movement out of the corner of his eye and glanced over, seeing Donna hovering in the doorway, before turning all his attention back to Mike.
There was a small commotion at the door, as a nurse and Dr. Johnson appeared, immediately starting to shoo Harvey and Donna from the room. Harvey ignored the command, leaning close to hear Mike.
"Would it have been better if I had just died in that accident?"