These pasts two nights sleep has been almost foreign to her, and it was all due to Finn. Although Finn hadn't said it directly that he liked her... he has made it abundantly clear, and she knew she had to break up with Archie today, even if this whole Finn thing was all too good to be true. She didn't want to feel this way about Finn, but she could seem to stop it Things like this aren't supposed to happen to girls like me. I'm fat, mad, loud, ugly, and annoying and somehow got two of the fittest guys in Lincolnshire my pocket. It's all too much to be true. What if this is all one big joke they play on girls like me? She tried not to think about that too much, as she got up and dressed.
She knew before all else she first had to mend thing with her mum. While she was getting ready she heard her mum walk by her room passing it on the way downstairs. Eventually Rae followed, and walked down stairs into the kitchen viewing her mum alone at the kitchen table. This may be the first time where she was wishing actually wishing Karim were here.
They didn't say anything to one in other. Rae and her have done these countless times, and now it's somewhat a routine… Her and her mum fight, they both cool off, and then pretend it never happened and continued on. "Moving forward" Linda called it. She poured a bowl cereal and cautiously sat down across from her mum and the kitchen table, both eating their cereal.
"Rae, I'm sorr-" Her mum muttered braking the routine by speaking up.
"Stop, I'm sorry" Rae gulped "I just wish I could start yesterday over, and I mean it when I say I'm happy for you. Really" she finished speaking with a smile and Rae caught Linda's before she lowered her head and began eating again.
"Got any plans today?" Linda asked moving forward...
"Yah, I'm heading out now to see Archie" she swallowed, playing with her food.
"Me and Karim are heading down to the swan, we're looking at places for a reception... you can invite Archie, and all your friends if you like" Linda beamed at the thought of a reception, and it was contagious because Rae was happy that her mum was happy… everything with her dad was in the past.
"Thanks" Rae nodded "I'll let them know" she tried to hide her worry the best she could and she must have been doing a good job since her mum didn't bring it up. But the fact she was about to break up with Archie meant her ties with the gang would be severed if he didn't want to be friends. Yes she had the Chloe, and yes maybe Finn, but she wouldn't have the gang. Hanging out the six of them was the most fun she ever had, and made her feel normal. Tix and Danny where her best friends and she loved them more than anything, but having a group of friends outside the hospital saved her. There were cool people in Lincolnshire...
Rae went to Archie's house only to find he wasn't there, his mum said he was at work until 3pm, but Rae didn't want to wait she needed to do this now before she chickened out. As she made her way to the leisure center all she was could feel the stress bubbling up inside her, almost reaching max like it did last night, but somehow today she managed to keep it down, maybe it was because she was walking quickly, Kester says that helps, but Rae also new after this, she could find Finn and see what this might be, if it's more than some stupid crush. She nervously asked the guy at the front desk where Archie was and she quickly made her way to the gymnasium ignoring the sly comment the guy made about weight watchers.
She noticed Archie going into the supply closet, so she headed in the direction trying not to draw to much attention to herself. She liked Archie a lot, but they just didn't fit. People always say opposites attracted, but they were far from compatible, Archie was into History, Doctor Who, and everything else she had no interest in. She liked talking to him because they can talk for hours and she could still learn new things. However, she knows now the like she felt for him wasn't the 'big like'… With Archie she wanted to hang out and talk about nonsense like friends do, whereas the 'big like' is someone she could lay on the floor and listen to music with, wanting to show someone a favourite song and have them completely and utterly engulfed by it, someone she could poor her heart out to, and someone that made her feel above herself… surprisingly enough she realized that was Finn.
"Rae" Archie turned swiftly and falling back on the wall "What are you doing here?" He looked at her awkwardly, as she let the door to the supply closet close behind her. Rae didn't know what to do or to say, she hadn't really thought about it. She's never done this before, so when she was trying to figure out where to start from she was just coming up blank. "What?" Archie asked remaining in his awkward pose against the wall.
"This… You… Me... It's not-" She stops to ponder for a moment.
I should have thought about this. Damn it.
"Rae?"
Fuck it.
Rae leapt forward seeing the confusion in Archie's before she kissed him, she put everything she could into that kiss, she pushed herself closed to Archie closing the gap was between them. She realized this might not have been the best idea to try to make her point, but non-the less she snaps back taking a step away from him, staring him down.
"What did you feel?" Rae asked bluntly.
"What do you mean?" he looked at her like she had six heads.
"What I mean is, that was a kiss, but I felt nothing." She said honestly wincing a little about how harsh she was probably coming off. "I think we should break up" She studied his blank unreadable expression wait for something.
"Okay" he mumbled as he brought his hand to his forehand, and his eye's widened staring into space, looking like he was contemplating something in his head.
"But I want to stay friends, and I mean that. I know it's cliche, because in the movies they always say lets stay friends, but their only saying that to be nice... but I really, really mean it and you and the gang me so much to me and I can't imagine losing all of you." She stressed finishing her rant, waiting.
"I wouldn't have it any other way" Archie said almost instant throwing his hands in the air.
"So no hard feeling than? We good just like that" she was alittle surprised
"Just like that" He smiled, and Rae started laughing.
"What?"
"I thought this would be much harder, but I guess breaking up ain't that hard to do" she sat down on the mats that where stacked up on by the wall.
"Only when there's apart of you to lose in the process" He followed sitting next to her.
"You are apart of me," She said and she meant it. He was apart of her life now and to lose him would hurt her in ways she couldn't imagine "Who else would teach me every conspiracy theory there is about Arthur and the fall of Camelot" she smirked teasing him.
"Well, I was actually reading something"
"Don't" she stopped him laughing. "What were you looking at anyhow?" Rae asked as she motioned to stand up and walk over to the wall.
"Rae stop-" Archie urged pulling her back only made her more curious.
She gave him a funny look and broke away from his arm and peered threw the hole that Archie was looking threw when she busted in. Rae felt this twinge in her gut, and she bit her lip as she turned to face him. "Is this because of me?" she asked on the verge of tears. "Did I do this to you?"
"No Rae" Archie said with much strain in his voice, as he jumped up blocking her so she wouldn't run away.
"You're gay?" she spoke, but her voice was almost not there.
"Yes. No. Well I don't know." He looked at her confused, and she felt her heart drop, and face burn with a betrayal.
"What do you mean you don't bloody know you're peeping on naked men Archie that makes it pretty clear" She yelled, and Archie hushed her to keep it down, but she ignored him "Is that why you dated me, because you thought I was desperate to be your beard, Oh my god, did I remind you of a guy, I know I'm ugly… and big... and boys don't like that type of thing"
"Rae no." He yelled franticly with just as much force which took her by surprise "I just thought if I got a girlfriend the feelings would go away" He sat back down barring his face in his hands. The door looked so good to her right now, but as she looked at him, and she was able to registered how scared he was. She felt like shit for her reaction just now, yes she was hurt by the thought a guy was only pretending to like her that way, but in a way she was pretending to like him... so she'd feel normal. That's all anyone wants.
"You asked if we could stay friends, and this all changed when you figured out I might be gay." He looked up at her, and she sat down next to him, knowing it would cowardly for her to leave him.
"Don't say that. Nothing has changed" she assured even though this confused her, she could not imagine what this was like for Archie.
"I just thought-" he cleared his throat "Rae you're funny, smart and beautiful" Rae scoffed at his words "It's true, you're Finn and Chop approved" she looked up at him and he eyed down with a small smile on his face to her breasts which made her blush thinking about Finn thinking about them "Rae you're everything I would want but there just something missing ya know" he considered.
"A penis" Rae glanced up at him, and the moment they made eye contact they mood instantly changed and they both broke out into uncontrollable laughter, and she nudged him resting her head on his shoulder.
"Why are you hiding it, just tell people" she encouraged trying to sound supportive, as much as she could be that the guy she just broke up with turned out to be gay.
"While I'm still in college, are you kinding. That's just asking for it. People here don't like things that are different do they" he signed resting his head on hers
"When people find out you're different they tend to treat ya different, try to fix ya, put you down, and I don't want them to treat me like I'm something fragile"
"No they don't." she mumbled agreeing, as she remembered back to her session with Kester when he wanted her to tell people about her illness.
..."People can surprise you."
"Your secret safe with me," she promised lifting her head looking at him straight in the eye.
"Thanks"
"And you have me if you ever need to talk about it" she lifted her hands to his to straighten his glasses.
"Knowing your there is all I need" He smiled, with almost and instant relief of stress.
"I'm there" She smiled laying her head back on his shoulder. Maybe Kester was right and I only need to tell one person.