Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used in this story. Stephenie Meyer owns them all (lucky). I am just having some fun and gathering entertainment from them.

A/N…Song for this chapter is Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen…listen here…

http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=xtMhtMc1GW8

Chapter 12

EPOV

December 25, 2008

I pressed my lips to hers. She was so beautiful. I had never seen a more ravishing looking female in all of my life. She was absolutely exquisite. I had to have her. I did not care what it took for me to get what I wanted.

After the brief joke of a 'wedding' ceremony, we stumbled back to my hotel room. We were all over each other before we even made it through the door completely. As soon as the door was shut, I had her pressed against it.

"Oh! Anthony, that feels so damn good! I want you so bad. Please make love to me."

Make love? I don't do making love sweetheart…I am going to fuck your brains out and make you scream my name until you can't speak.

"Of course baby, I'll make love to you."

Another lie.

She never stopped me though. She let me give it to her as rough as I wanted. I had basically ripped her clothes off and pushed her down to the bed. She was giggling. We were both completely blitzed. Momentarily, I felt guilty for taking advantage of such a pure and beautiful creature.

Good thing for me I was fucking selfish and I always got what I wanted. Once we were both naked, I wasted no time pushing into her. It seemed as if she was trying to tell me something, but I did not listen. She was so fucking tight. I have never felt anything like it in my life. Jesus. She felt amazing.

I noticed that she was crying. They had to be tears of joy…right? I had not felt a barrier and she never said anything about being a virgin. I kept thrusting inside of her roughly. I was thoroughly enjoying myself.

However, the tears were starting to bother me. "What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing…just happy. I love you so much Anthony."

I slowed my thrusts and looked deep into her eyes. She looked back at me. It scared the shit out of me. I felt as if she could see through me right to my soul. "I…lo…love you too."

The thing that really made me feel sick to my stomach was that…I felt like I meant it. Something about this woman was drawing me into her and I did not want it to stop. I wanted her…always.

I shook my head and started pounding her faster and harder again. I could not do this making love shit and feelings crap. This was not me. I was a heartless bastard and she would feel the full weight of that in the morning.

It was just the way things had to be and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I woke up screaming out for Bella. I looked around me and realized where I was. I was lying in my cold, crappy couch bed in Charlie's office at the tavern. My home. I was shivering and breaking out in a cold sweat.

It was the first time I had a clear memory about the night Bella and I met. I felt sick to my stomach. I ran out of the office into the men's room and started emptying the contents of my stomach.

How could I fucking do that to her?

I remembered my thoughts…those horrific horrible thoughts…the way she felt…the things that she said to me. She meant them with her whole heart and I stomped all over her. I deserved every fucking thing she did to me last night and so much more.

There had to be a way that I could fix this. I shook my head. No, I just needed to leave well enough alone. Bella hated me and that was good. I was not good for her. I needed to remember that. Those babies deserved a father that would love them and take care of them. Bella needed a husband that could love and care for her…not a selfish murdering bastard like myself.

My cell phone started ringing. I rushed back into the office to answer it. "Hello?"

"Edward Anthony! Where are you? You are supposed to be here. It is Christmas you know? Isn't it bad enough that one of my children is missing Christmas because she is away on her honeymoon? Do you really expect me to enjoy the holiday with you MIA as well?"

I sighed. There was nothing like a guilt trip from Esme Cullen. "Of course not mother, I will be right there. I just need to…clean up a bit first."

"Alright honey, that is wonderful! That means that Bella, Charlie, and Tanya will be here by the time you arrive. Just splendid, dear. I'll see you in a little while. I love you. Bye!"

She hung up the phone quickly without waiting for me to respond. Since when were those three coming to Christmas dinner?

This was just fucking fabulous.

BPOV

December 25, 2008

Today we were spending Christmas with the Cullens minus Alice and Jasper. Dad called me early this morning and asked me if I would mind him bringing Tanya. Did I really have a choice?

I guess I should be happy for my dad. But, he had a lot of chemo coming up and things were going to be hard enough. He did not need the distraction of that woman messing with his head.

I looked at myself in the mirror after my morning shower. The twins were definitely growing. The proof was in my protruding belly. I wondered what they were. Was I going to have a girl and a boy? Two little girls? Two little boys?

With things being so screwed up between Edward and me…I was praying for two girls. I did not know if I would be able to deal with any boys that would probably look just like their father. It would be a daily reminder that I was not good enough and it would tear me apart.

I slowly got ready and waited for Dad and Tanya to get here. They were picking me up since Edward had my truck.

My dad seemed pleased with the idea that Edward was going to have to drive me places. He asked me if I wanted to have Edward come and pick me up instead. I declined. I needed to clear my head after last night. I preferred to not see Edward at all, but I figured he would be at his parent's house for Christmas dinner.

The drive to the Cullen house was awkward. Tanya kept trying to talk to me. My dad was shooting me dirty looks through the review mirror as he drove because I was ignoring her. She offered me the front seat due to my pregnancy but I declined.

She talked to me about fun topics and stayed away from the subject of Edward and the pregnancy like she should have. She did everything right. I was still not giving her a chance. I know at the wedding I had given him the impression that I would be giving her a chance.

I was in a horrible mood today so I had definitely changed my mind about that one. I knew I was being a bitch but at that moment, I did not care.

When we arrived at the Cullen's, I got out of the car and slammed the door. I stomped my way up to the porch like a spoiled child. I was going through enough right now…was it too much to want my dad all to myself?

Edward was already there when we entered the house. I had not even noticed my truck in the driveway when we arrived, due to my anger at my father.

If I was being honest with myself, I was not even really angry with my dad. Well, not just my dad anyway. I was angry with Edward and myself as well. Edward really played me for a fool and I let him. Never again would I let a man pull the wool over my eyes…and that included my father.

Esme and Carlisle were so sweet to me. Esme was lovingly doting on me. She kept patting my tiny bump and insisting on talking to her future grandchildren. Edward just sat on the couch and looked as if I had kicked his puppy.

It was probably making him sick that his parents actually wanted to be around his wife and children that he clearly hated so much.

I could not stand the looks he was giving me any longer so I went into the kitchen to help Esme and Rose finish dinner.

When we sat down to dinner, Emmett stood up and started clinging his glass with a fork. "I have an announcement to make."

All eyes were on him as he helped Rose up from her chair to stand beside him.

"Last night, I asked this amazing woman to marry me and she said YES!"

Rose was blushing which was something that she never did. Carlisle and Esme were cheering and congratulating them. Edward just stared at them like they were crazy. My father stood and pulled Emmett into a hug. He really adored Emmett.

I was just…hurting. I felt the tears coming and I didn't want to ruin Christmas dinner for everyone. I really hated these pregnancy hormones. "That's great you guys. Congratulations," I said as I stood from the table and ran to the nearest bathroom.

The closest bathroom was right around the corner from the dining room. I could hear everyone talking but could not understand what they were saying. I was sitting on the toilet with the lid closed, crying my eyes out severely. It was as if the floodgates had opened from my eye sockets. I could not stop crying.

I heard a knock on the bathroom door. "Bella, are you alright?" It was Rose.

"I'm fine."

"Open the door please…you are so far from fine."

I opened the door, pulled her into the bathroom with me, and shut it again. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tightly.

"I am so sorry Bella. It was very insensitive for us to announce it like that. I did not mean to rub it in your face. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. I am very happy for you. You're my sister and I love you. Em will make a wonderful…husband…and an amazing…father."

I was so very sad. My heart was breaking. I would never have what she had. I had a husband who wanted nothing to do with my children or me. I was going to be raising twins…alone.

"Thank you, Bella. I love you too sweetie. You're my girl. You know that right?"

I nodded and hugged her closer to me.

I pulled away a bit. "Rose…I just want to…go home. Christmas sucks this year. I miss Jasper."

"I know. At least they will be back for the New Year's Eve party."

"Ugh, don't remind me about that stupid party!"

She wrapped her arm around me and said, "Come on…I'll take you home. Emmett can get a ride with Edward. We will spend our Christmas curled up under blankets, watching chick flicks, and eating Ben & Jerry's until we are in a sugary coma. Just like old times."

"Are you sure? Don't you want to spend your Christmas with your fiancé and the rest of the family?"

"You are my family, Bells. If you aren't going to be here for Christmas….then I don't want to be either."

I hugged her again. "Thank you Rose! You are the best sister a girl could ask for."

"Damn straight! Now, clean off your face, and at least come say goodbye to everyone."

I nodded. She exited the bathroom while I cleaned myself up quickly. She really was the best. I would make it through this night because of her.

EPOV

December 25, 2008

It was breaking my heart to watch my mother and father fawn all over Bella and her babies. Mom was patting her belly and talking to them. A part of me longed to do that with her…but I pushed that part far…far…away from me.

Bella had not spoken one word to me. Then, when Emmett made his engagement announcement…I could see the hurt in Bella's eyes. She was happy for her sister…but she was heartbroken at our situation. It did not take a genius to figure out that was her reason for bolting from the dinner table.

Rose went after her while everyone else at the table glared at me quite hatefully. Even Tanya. What the hell did I ever do to her?

"You are such a fucking moron!" Tanya spat at me.

"Excuse me?" I asked her in shock.

"I agree!" My mom yelled.

"MOM!" I said to her incredulously.

"What? It's true Edward. I love you but you are just plain stupid!"

After a few minutes, Rose came back to the table. She was glaring at me now also. "Bella and I are leaving. We're going to go home and have some girl time. Em, can you get a ride home with Edward?"

"Of course, babe. Is she alright?"

Rose turned her cold blue eyes on me and said, "She will be."

Bella came back into the dining room then and said, "I'm sorry everyone. I am just not feeling well. Rose is going to take me home and stay with me. Merry Christmas everyone," she said quietly as she waved her hand at us and turned to walk out the front door.

"Poor dear," I heard my mother mutter.

Rose said her goodbyes to everyone and left. I then got a very long lecture from everyone at the table on being a man and accepting responsibilities. When would they realize I was not a good person?

EPOV

New Year's Eve

Jasper and Alice returned home from their Jamaican honeymoon last night. Thank god this was the last day of 2008. I was ready for the New Year. Bring on the ladies.

That plan was thwarted when I showed up to my parents' house for the New Year's Eve party Alice had been planning. Bella looked fucking spectacular and I could not take my eyes off her.

I did not want any other man looking at or touching her. She was mine. Wait…no she wasn't. Why did I think that way?

Bella had not been in to work at the tavern since before Christmas. One night, I asked Charlie why and he said that she was feeling under the weather. Emmett showed up that same night and told me that I was a total asshole because she was missing work due to the fact that she was at home, trying to mend her broken heart.

Well, that made me feel like shit. Stress was not good for her or ou…the babies. Maybe she could have some fun tonight.

It was about ten minutes until midnight when Alice asked me to go down to the closet and get her coat for her. I thought it was an odd request. But she was my baby sister and I would do anything for her.

When I opened the closet door, Alice pushed me from behind, shut the door, and locked it. There was no light in there so I started feeling my way around and touched something firm but soft…and round. I squeezed and then I heard a familiar voice, "Hey! Watch it pervert!"

"Bella, what are you doing in here?"

"Edward? I came to do a favor for your darling sister. What are you doing in here?"

"Same," I said lamely.

We had been tricked…again by our families.

Bruce Springsteen's Secret Garden was playing outside the closet. It was very tight quarters in there. We were very quiet and her smell was overpowering me. I listened to the words of the song.

Before either of us knew what was happening, I had pulled her to me and we were slow dancing in the closet. I was rubbing my nose up and down, along her neck. She was letting me.

This song was really beautiful. I pulled her closer to me…if that was even possible…she was already pretty close.

The song was turned off as it reached the end and we heard everyone counting down to 2009.

10…

9…

We leaned in closer to one another.

8…

7…

Bella was biting her bottom lip while I was licking mine. Were we going to share a New Year's kiss?

6…

5…

I wanted to kiss her so badly. Did she want it just as bad?

4…

3…

The look on her face told me she did. I was going to do it…kiss her.

2…

1…

Happy New Year!

"Happy New Year Bella," I said as I crashed my lips to hers.

At first, she did not kiss me back, but after only seconds of hesitation, I was entangled in the most passionate kiss of my existence…even more so than Christmas Eve when we had sex.

I pressed her up against the coats that were hanging in the closet. They were too soft to hold our weight so we both tumbled to the ground. "Oh shit, Bella are you alright? The babies?"

"I'm fine, Edward. I did not fall hard. Now, shut up and keep kissing me."

She pushed her lips back onto mine. Yes ma'am.

Her tongue prodded its way into my mouth and fought with mine for dominance. I was going to win this one.

I started letting my hands roam all over her amazing body. I stopped when I reached her stomach. I let my hand linger there…longer than I should have.

We stopped kissing. She held my hand there. I had no desire to pull it away from her. I started rubbing her stomach gently…soothingly.

The door was opened quickly and loudly. "Oh my god. I knew it would happen!" Alice yelled.

When the light was let into the closet, I could see the look of longing on Bella's face and the tears streaming down her face. She kept my hand placed on her stomach.

"Feel them Edward…feel our babies. Please let us into your heart," she begged me.

I pulled my hand away from her stomach and said, "I'm sorry…I just can't."

I ran from the closet as fast as I could like the fucking coward that I was. That was so intense that I just could not handle it.

I did not go far though. I wanted to hear what was being said after my departure. I had to make sure Bella was alright.

"Bella, are you okay?" I heard my sister ask her as she was helping Bella out of the closet.

"NO! I am most certainly NOT okay Alice! What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I'm sorry…I just thought that I if I got you two alone…and played the Jerry McGuire song that…"

Bella interrupted her.

"That what Alice? That we would fall into each other's arms with a little 'you had me at hello' bullshit? Guess what Alice? This is NOT A MOVIE! This is my damn life you guys keep playing with! Stop trying to force us together! Stop trying to trick us and come up with ways to get us to spend time alone with each other. It…is…never…going…to work! He does not want us! All you guys are doing is continuing to break my heart over and over again.

I cannot keep setting myself up for heartache with him. It is killing me! I just want to crawl into a hole and die and I can't because I have two babies to think about and to take care of…on my own! You guys have no idea what I am going through and your meddling is just making things worse…so just stop!"

With that, she stormed out of the house. I heard the rumble of her monster of a truck and I remembered I had left the keys on the stand by the front door. Shit, how was I going to get home?

More importantly…how was I going to fix things with her?