Chapter 12.

I lie. I lie all the time, up until when it's time for me and Gabriel to join the others in Idris. I don't really want to go. I know Jonathan's going to be there and he told me I have to be really careful not to out him. Everybody else thinks he's someone else. Gabriel told me to pack my things, that we would be leaving soon. I really don't want to leave. I still pack though, wishing that none of this had ever happened. That I had never met Gabriel. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be caught up in a stupid war, on my way to reunite with my evil brother and our father. I'm too caught up in my thoughts so I don't notice Gabriel coming in.

"You done?" he asks suddenly and I jump.

"You scared me." I say with an accusing look. "And almost done, yes."

"Sorry." he says but he doesn't look sorry. He looks happy. "We have to leave soon though."

"Yeah, I know." I say with a sigh.

"You okay?"

"No, I don't want to go." I say, sighing again.

"Why not?" he asks, looking curiously at me. "Idris is the most beautiful place, Alicante is amazing. It's home for people like us Ira." And that as well... I'm a real Shadowhunter now. I got my first Mark a week ago. That's why they're making me go.

"It's not my home. I don't belong there. I don't even belong here, Gabriel." I say, feeling a panic attack creeping up on me, even though I haven't had one in ages. "I shouldn't be here! I don't want to be involved in some stupid war."

"Ira... I know it's difficult right now, but it will get better. And I'm here, always."

"I know." I say, hugging him. I feel awful, lying to him, probably about to betray him.

Later...

We arrive at the Institute at the same time as he isn't really supposed to be here. Vampires can't come to Iris so I guess he's here to say good bye to Clary.

"Hey Simon." Gabriel says, shooting him a smile.

"Hey guys." he says. and opens the gate, looking like he expects it to burn him. It doesn't. We enter together, heading towards the front door when Simon turns and heads around the corner of the Institute.

"I can hear them." is all he says. He's right too. When we round the corner we can see them. A bunch of people standing together, quite far away from us. We head towards them and I'm surprised to see Magnus there, leaning against the wall, as usual in colourful clothing. He's hard to miss when he's surrounded by all-in-black Shadowhunters. I see Isabelle and her brother, Alec standing next to Max, their little brother. Their mother is there as well, talking to some white-haired woman I don't know. Her hair reminds me of Jonathan though, and I shiver. Jace stands a little bit away from the other, looking like he always does. When he sees us, he comes up and drags Simon away, without a word to me or Gabriel. Magnus is bickering with Isabelle's mother, who's complaining about it taking to long. Gabriel and I stay on the sidelines, waiting. Isabelle comes up to us, smiling.

"You're late? What were you two up to?" she asks with a smirk.

"Packing." I say, glaring at her. I don't like it when people insinuate that I have a sex life, I don't, not really. Nothing like that has happened between Gabriel and I in a long time.

"Boring." she says, rolling her eyes at me. "Anyway, I thought you would never show up. Doesn't seem like Clary will." I didn't even realise that Clary wasn't there until then, I look around and nope, she isn't here. Weird, she was actually looking forward to this.

"Why wouldn't she? And what is Simon doing here if Clary isn't coming?"

"I don't know is the answer to both those questions." Isabelle says irritably.

"Fine." I say. "Wait, what's that?" There's some sort of white mist pouring into the yard.

"I-I'm not sure" Isabelle says and within seconds the mist is all around us. Someone shrieks and then I see them. They're huge, but not demons, they look like humans, but there's something wrong with them.

"Forsaken!" I hear Alec shout and then the fighting is all around us. Gabriel drags me over to Magnus, leaves me there and runs off to help the others. I could barely see anything through the mist but I could hear the shouting. I glimpse Jace's golden locks so I know that he and Simon came back. Then Magnus grabs me and practically throws me through the Portal. The last thing I hear is Magnus shouting.

"The Portal! Go through the Portal!" and then I'm being torn at by a thousand winds again.

At the other side, I'm welcomed by a severe looking man. When I ask him who he is, he looks sourly at me and informs me that he's the Consul. A few seconds later Isabelle comes through with Max, followed by Alec and their mother. They stand with me, waiting for Jace and Gabriel. Gabriel comes through, bleeding from a shallow cut in his arm. I hurry to his side, wanting to look at the wound. That's when Jace comes through, problem is, he doesn't come alone. He's carrying Simon, who's bleeding everywhere. Everybody looks astonished, except for the Consul who looks horrified. Then it all turns black. I don't know if it's the stress, the Portal, or maybe all the blood but I pass out.

As always, I dream.

"Hello, little sister" Jonathan says with his usual smirk.

"What the hell was that?" I shout at him, knowing that he must have been the one who had us attacked.

"It wasn't my doing little sister. It was father's, as for his motives, you'll have to ask him yourself."

"And when will I be able to do that?" I ask, glaring at him. I'm so tired of this. So tired of him smirking and grinning and always being so unaffected by anything.

"Soon, little sister, soon." he says, and then he fades away.

I wake up in a bed with Gabriel sitting next to me looking worried. He doesn't know I'm awake yet so I just look at him for a while. Stare longingly at his eyes, his lips, his everything. I wish I could tell him the truth. I really do, but I can't. Not yet. I sigh and when he sees my eyes open he smiles at me. His dimples come out and I just want to kiss him so I draw him in and do so.

"Good morning." he says, laughing. I want to laugh as well, but I can't. It keeps getting caught in my throath, just like everything else. "You okay?" he asks, still smiling. I try to smile back and fail.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit shocked I guess." I say. "What was that?" I ask, remembering how little I'm supposed to know.

"Probably Valentine. I don't know why he would want to stop us from coming here though."

"What about Clary?" I ask.

"She changed her mind about coming. Simon told us."

"Is he okay? What are they going to do about him? I mean, vampires aren't supposed to be here, right?"

"Maryse is at the Gard now, explaining things." he says, looking at me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine Gabriel, you're here and we're going to be just fine." I say and I'm pretty sure that's a lie. I'm not okay, not really and Gabriel might end up being just fine, but I won't. And we definitely won't. I know that he's going to hate me when he finds out who I am, I just know it. So even though all I want right now is to tell him everything, I keep my mouth shut and smile at him.

"Of course, I love you Ira." he says and my heart takes a leap. Those three words send me high up into bliss. It doesn't last long though when I realise that he won't for long. That I don't deserve it. I don't say either of those things though. I just say:

"I love you too."

Author's note: Sorry for the short chapter guys, I'm really busy right now with school but I'll try to get another one out soon!